Re: On Kaden's Passing
- wow Anne, I don't know what to say ... I am so very touched by that
gesture, please tell your friends what wonderful people they are to
think on someone they don't even know .. I sit here crying reading
your message ..
thank you so much..
- Dear Sheallyn
I feel for you at this terible time. I can understand how you feel
about the washing of Kadens clothes. My son trent passed away at 5
years old 3 years ago and I still haven't washed his shirt he passed
away in. I just wanted to have the smell there for as long as I
I remember 3 years ago how raw the pain is. Sometimes I felt that my
heart was being ripped apart. I can tell you that 3 years on my pain
is still there , not so raw, and not so incapacitating.
It is my other son zacs 8th birthday today and he too suffers MTM. I
look back on video footage of when he was 4 and Trent was still with
us and even though they spent a lot of time in hospitals he was a
funny happy querky little boy. Since Trents passing that has gone he
is so hardened and sad. I see all the kids in his class who are
carefree and I wish that zac didn't have the pain. But then we
wouldn't have had Trent ,this I couldn't even contemplate.
I know that I must seeem sad and not happy to him. I try so hard for
him to not feel the pain so much but it is impossible . It is there .
It will be Trents birthday on the 18th he would have turned 9 years
old. I get so sad just thinking about what he would have been into
now it seems like an eternety since he was here. Most of my terribly
sad times come around his birthday and his anniversary. They are not
all the time like in the early days.
I guess in the early days I spent a long time reliving the events of
the night Trent passed and wondering if only I did this.. I tore
myself up for a long time. Now I look at Trents passing as something
that was destined to happen at that time. I too would not give up
haivng trent for 5 years as he was such an amazing little person.
Please don't put too much pressure on yourself. Take it slowly do
what feels right for you. I wish you all the best.
P.S. I too hated it when people compared losing a grand father as the
same thing as our loss. SOmetimes I just wanted to yell at them and
say it is not the same. My son didn't get a chance to grow up and
live his life. Some people just don't understand.
All the best wishes and love
--- In Myotubular_Myopathy@yahoogroups.com, "Sheallyn"
> Thank you Janice for your words .. It will be two weeks tomorrow
> since Kaden passed and I am finding this so hard to deal with ..
> People keep saying things to me like "when my grandmother passed"
> etc etc .. I don't want to seem selfish or uncaring but I have lost
> friends, grandparents, cousins as well and I have to say .. none of
> those passings even come close to comparing to what I am feeling
> right now ..
> Every night that I go to sleep I find my mind reversing to the
> morning that he passed away, how I held him as he died and how hard
> it was to watch the funeral home take him from me .. Don't get me
> wrong, I wouldn't have changed how he passed for anything .. It was
> peaceful and calm and I truly hope he knows I was holding him.
> I'm just having a hard time dealing with the fact that I won't see
> him again in this lifetime. I find myself going for the phone to
> call the unit to check on him.. I keep picking up his favourite
> blankie just to smell his sweet baby smell. Last night I was
> some clothes of Kaden's and as I am standing there in front of theall
> machine it dawns on me that the minute I put these clothes in, his
> smell is gone forever .. Of course, I lost it and began to bawl my
> eyes out...
> I truly hope that he is happy wherever he is and that he is not
> feeling the sadness that I am feeling now .. But it's the little
> things that hurt so much right now. Kaden was only 2 months away
> from his 2nd birthday, in the last 6 months he learned to sit up
> by himself, was speaking in sentences and had overcome so manyother
> obstacles that everyone said he would never do .. In those ways Iand
> feel so bad for him ... He worked so hard to get to those stages
> you could see just how proud he was as I would tell him "GoodJob"!!
> and he would smile and clap his hands ... looking around to make
> sure everyone saw what he just accomplished ..
> I miss my son so much ... :(