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Re: On Kaden's Passing

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  • Sheallyn
    wow Anne, I don t know what to say ... I am so very touched by that gesture, please tell your friends what wonderful people they are to think on someone they
    Message 1 of 11 , Feb 29, 2008
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      wow Anne, I don't know what to say ... I am so very touched by that
      gesture, please tell your friends what wonderful people they are to
      think on someone they don't even know .. I sit here crying reading
      your message ..


      thank you so much..
    • SIMONE
      Dear Sheallyn I feel for you at this terible time. I can understand how you feel about the washing of Kadens clothes. My son trent passed away at 5 years old
      Message 2 of 11 , Mar 5, 2008
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        Dear Sheallyn

        I feel for you at this terible time. I can understand how you feel
        about the washing of Kadens clothes. My son trent passed away at 5
        years old 3 years ago and I still haven't washed his shirt he passed
        away in. I just wanted to have the smell there for as long as I
        could.
        I remember 3 years ago how raw the pain is. Sometimes I felt that my
        heart was being ripped apart. I can tell you that 3 years on my pain
        is still there , not so raw, and not so incapacitating.
        It is my other son zacs 8th birthday today and he too suffers MTM. I
        look back on video footage of when he was 4 and Trent was still with
        us and even though they spent a lot of time in hospitals he was a
        funny happy querky little boy. Since Trents passing that has gone he
        is so hardened and sad. I see all the kids in his class who are
        carefree and I wish that zac didn't have the pain. But then we
        wouldn't have had Trent ,this I couldn't even contemplate.
        I know that I must seeem sad and not happy to him. I try so hard for
        him to not feel the pain so much but it is impossible . It is there .
        It will be Trents birthday on the 18th he would have turned 9 years
        old. I get so sad just thinking about what he would have been into
        now it seems like an eternety since he was here. Most of my terribly
        sad times come around his birthday and his anniversary. They are not
        all the time like in the early days.

        I guess in the early days I spent a long time reliving the events of
        the night Trent passed and wondering if only I did this.. I tore
        myself up for a long time. Now I look at Trents passing as something
        that was destined to happen at that time. I too would not give up
        haivng trent for 5 years as he was such an amazing little person.

        Please don't put too much pressure on yourself. Take it slowly do
        what feels right for you. I wish you all the best.
        P.S. I too hated it when people compared losing a grand father as the
        same thing as our loss. SOmetimes I just wanted to yell at them and
        say it is not the same. My son didn't get a chance to grow up and
        live his life. Some people just don't understand.
        All the best wishes and love
        Simone
        Australia

        --- In Myotubular_Myopathy@yahoogroups.com, "Sheallyn"
        <sheallyn73@...> wrote:
        >
        > Thank you Janice for your words .. It will be two weeks tomorrow
        > since Kaden passed and I am finding this so hard to deal with ..
        > People keep saying things to me like "when my grandmother passed"
        > etc etc .. I don't want to seem selfish or uncaring but I have lost
        > friends, grandparents, cousins as well and I have to say .. none of
        > those passings even come close to comparing to what I am feeling
        > right now ..
        >
        > Every night that I go to sleep I find my mind reversing to the
        > morning that he passed away, how I held him as he died and how hard
        > it was to watch the funeral home take him from me .. Don't get me
        > wrong, I wouldn't have changed how he passed for anything .. It was
        > peaceful and calm and I truly hope he knows I was holding him.
        >
        > I'm just having a hard time dealing with the fact that I won't see
        > him again in this lifetime. I find myself going for the phone to
        > call the unit to check on him.. I keep picking up his favourite
        > blankie just to smell his sweet baby smell. Last night I was
        washing
        > some clothes of Kaden's and as I am standing there in front of the
        > machine it dawns on me that the minute I put these clothes in, his
        > smell is gone forever .. Of course, I lost it and began to bawl my
        > eyes out...
        >
        > I truly hope that he is happy wherever he is and that he is not
        > feeling the sadness that I am feeling now .. But it's the little
        > things that hurt so much right now. Kaden was only 2 months away
        > from his 2nd birthday, in the last 6 months he learned to sit up
        all
        > by himself, was speaking in sentences and had overcome so many
        other
        > obstacles that everyone said he would never do .. In those ways I
        > feel so bad for him ... He worked so hard to get to those stages
        and
        > you could see just how proud he was as I would tell him "Good
        Job"!!
        > and he would smile and clap his hands ... looking around to make
        > sure everyone saw what he just accomplished ..
        >
        > I miss my son so much ... :(
        >
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