Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.

Woman Led Prayers: Muslim humourist pins Mullas who can't get Sex off their Mind

Expand Messages
  • Tarek Fatah
    Friends, Siamack Baniameri is an Iranian American humourist. Amazon.com describes him working for a plasma television manufacturer as a plasma donor. Prior to
    Message 1 of 1 , Mar 27, 2005
    • 0 Attachment
      Friends,

      Siamack Baniameri is an Iranian American humourist. Amazon.com
      describes him working for a plasma television manufacturer as a
      plasma donor. Prior to that, it says Baniameri worked at a sperm
      bank as a sperm donor. He was subsequently terminated after numerous
      complaints from customers about the low quality of the sperm. Many
      of the infants were returned for a refund.

      Baniameri, a militant nudist Buddhist, has devoted his entire life
      to organizing support groups for men with hideous circumcisions. He
      also heads a nonprofit organization called, "Middle Eastern men for
      better body hair removal products." Baniameri has traveled the world
      looking for the answer to the most fundamental question asked by
      every man: where the heck is the remote control?

      In this article for MuslimWakeUp!, Baniameri reflects on the uproar
      against women leading prayers and wonders whether "one day women can
      have several husbands too. Reversal of fortune is entertaining --
      don't you think? Maybe we'll see the day when women with their Gucci
      purses and Prada shoes walk in front and we follow them two steps
      behind covered in thick dark sheets, pushing strollers and gasping
      for air. Imagine me and the sheikh and a couple of other fellows
      being some woman's bitches."

      Read on!

      Tarek Fatah
      -----------------

      March 26, 2005

      A Woman Leads Prayers? What's Left of Muslim Men's Dignity?

      By Siamack Baniameri
      MuslimWakeUp!
      http://www.muslimwakeup.com/main/archives/2005/03/a_woman_leads_p.php
      #more

      On Friday March 18, 2005, something interesting happened. Amina
      Wadud, a professor of Islamic studies at Virginia Commonwealth
      University, led an Islamic prayer service before a congregation of
      100 Muslim men and women at Synod House at the Cathedral of St. John
      the Divine in Manhattan. As expected, a few hours later, all hell
      broke loose.

      The imam of a London mosque declared the practice against Islam. A
      woman should never lead prayers, he elaborated, because during the
      menstrual cycle, there is always the possibility of an accident
      during the service: if a man happens to glance at the female imam's
      behind and spots blood, then the gates of heaven will forever be
      shut to the poor chump.

      Thank you, dear imam, for clarifying a few things for me.

      First of all, I had no idea women bled from their behind during the
      menstrual cycle. I guess that means I was pulled out of my mother's
      ass. Silly me... I was completely in the dark.

      Secondly, as an avid ass-looker, I can assure the good imam that in
      all my years of looking at women's behinds from all different
      angles, I've never spotted blood. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough.
      Who knows? Maybe the imam is a better ass-looker than I am! I've
      never claimed to be good at anything.

      And by the way, I didn't know there's a shortage of tampons in
      London. What's up with that?

      Meanwhile Soad Saleh, who heads the Islamic department of the
      women's college at Al-Azhar University in Cairo, said women should
      not lead prayers because "the woman's body, even if veiled, stirs
      desires."

      What can I say? Like many of my Middle Eastern brothers, I have a
      lifetime subscription to Play Veil magazine. Miss January was
      absolutely gorgeous and even though I couldn't see anything behind
      her veil, in some perverted way, she stirred my desires.

      I can't explain it. Only we Middle Eastern men are capable of
      looking at women who are covered under lumps of unforgiving black
      sheets and feel aroused. Heck, I sometimes look at drapes hanging
      from windows and get horny!

      According to Ms. Saleh, we Middle Eastern men are sexually so out of
      control that there's a strong chance we might hump a female imam in
      the middle of Friday prayers. Thank you Ms. Saleh! Thank you very
      much for your in-sight!

      But I think the best line came from the cleric of a mosque in Saudi
      Arabia. The honorable sheikh expressed outrage by mentioning several
      times, "how can a woman who touches her husband's organ lead a
      prayer... it is inconceivable!"

      Obviously the sheikh is unaware that married women do not touch
      their husband's organ. As a matter of fact that's the main reason
      women get married ... so they don't have to touch, fondle or stroke
      any part of a man's body. In fact women are done with sex the day
      after they get married. Obviously the sheikh is enjoying an
      unusually active sex-life with his wife.

      I feel the anger of my fellow fundamentalist brothers. We're not
      only challenged by an intellectual who knows her Islam but, even
      worse, we're challenged by a woman. The very fact that a woman is
      more intelligent, and makes no apologies for it, insults our very
      existence.

      This has nothing to do with Islam; it's about what we've learned
      from our fathers and grandfathers. This is about money and power --
      the very essence of our manhood. This is not about menstrual cycles,
      stirring desires or fondling organs. It's about fear and insecurity.
      Nothing is more intimidating to a man than a woman who sees right
      through him.

      Personally, as an Iranian Muslim man, it would be a privilege and
      honor to stand behind a female imam and pray to my God. I promise
      I'll never glance at her behind -- unless, of course, God has
      blessed her with one that is too divine to ignore.

      Who knows? Maybe one day women can have several husbands too.
      Reversal of fortune is entertaining -- don't you think? Maybe we'll
      see the day when women with their Gucci purses and Prada shoes walk
      in front and we follow them two steps behind covered in thick dark
      sheets, pushing strollers and gasping for air. Imagine me and the
      sheikh and a couple of other fellows being some woman's bitches. Oh,
      the payback!
      --------------------------

      Siamack Baniameri is the author of The Iranican Dream,
      (Virtualbookworm.com Publishing, December 2004). Also see Iranican-
      Dream.com.

      This article was first published by The Iranian
      [http://www.iranian.com/%5d
    Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.