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49441Re: [MarvWalkerHorses] Are people losing touch with manners? [1 Attachment]

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  • Mary Dixon
    Apr 7, 2014
    • 0 Attachment
      Hey Janis - So sorry to hear of your loss, then, the horrible bureaucratic frustation that you've endured.  I empathize with the phone calls and paperwork frustration because I have been going through similar stuff this past year.  I started thinking I was crazy or just plain stupid.

      So , just hang in there, girl.

      Mary


      On Mon, Apr 7, 2014 at 8:27 AM, Patricia Harris <pharris7700@...> wrote:
      Hi,
       
      I am so sorry for your loss, Janis CJ.    What a painful time for you.   People who don't respect your space are incredibly obtuse.   I lost my Mom in February.   She was 95, and had been slipping away for a while, which is why she was living with me, but it is still difficult.    Do you have other family around that could act as a buffer for you? 
       
      Maybe you could try being proactive and visit thee people before they come to you.   Explain carefully that you value your privacy, especially now that your husband is gone, and ask that they give you space.    You are very good at  politically correct e-mails, that you would probably be both forceful and nonconfrontational.   
       
      Or, maybe you need my dog, who would eat them.
       
      Big hugs,

      Tricia
       
      Patricia A. Harris
      On Monday, April 7, 2014 7:53 AM, Janis <jdjones@...> wrote:


      This is something I can’t post on Facebook, so I hope there are still people who’d like to chat on the list.
       
      1. I might be hyper-sensitive because I’ve had a really bad week with things related to my husband’s death.  This includes dealing with policy to cancel joint account credit cards when one person died.  I was told this is required by federal law.  No one told me about it till it had been cancelled.  Another thing that happened overwhelmed me with a feeling of shame, something I would not have expected.  All research I did led me to believe that any person who served in the military, whether regular or reserve, active or not, could receive a military plaque for the grave.  After I’d processed all the paperwork, including forwarding it to the cemetery supervisor for sign-off and forwarding to the VA, I got a letter saying I’d have to have additional proof that one or more other conditions had been met.  I think the shame comes from a general feeling that started when David was going through the short and long-term disability steps last year, then all the things I’ve had to get changed since he died.  I say we were, and I am, no longer a customer or employee, just a suspect in a fraud that didn’t happen.  That is how every step has been set up, as fraud prevention, but with a heavy indication that the customer has already committed that fraud.  It is hideous.
       
      Well, on top of this, today really was the straw that broke this camel’s back.  You might remember my bizarre neighbor I caught kissing one of my horses over the fence?  That’s been several years, and after I asked her at that time never to do anything like that, she didn’t come by here.  Her home is back-to-back with ours.  Several months ago, I was driving David to a medical appointment, and we met the couple out walking their dogs.  They stood in the road to stop us, told us they’d heard about David’s cancer, and asked if they could pray for him.  Well, we’d never turn that down, but it was still uncomfortable because she knew we were headed to a doctor but still went on and on in the middle of the road.  A few minutes after we got home, her husband zoomed to our driveway to give us some church CDs about healing, and he was so nosey.  He’s a policeman, and I’d think he would be a little more aware of respect for people and property.  I had zero time to hang out and visit this whole last year.  He wanted to know why I block the long driveway, and I said for security.  He said, “So you’re afraid?”  I said, “Only that I might have to kill someone in self-defense.” Smile
       
      I’ve only seen these folks close-up one other time in the past several years, and that was one morning when the woman and their son were out for a bike ride and stopped to ask if they could pet my dog I was out walking.  We only talked for a couple of minutes, then they were on their way.  Today, I was putting out the evening feed, and the horses were out enjoying the sunshine and tender shoots, and I wondered why they weren’t coming when I called and whistled as they always do.  I walked out of the barn and saw this couple leaning on the pasture gate, which is loaded with liability and trespassing and other signs, trying to get the horses to come to them.  The more sensible horses saw me and ran in for feed.  My squirrel, er, “different” mare was quivering with indecision.  This girl is a one-woman horse at this point, and they are compromising my work with her.  I had to call out to the people, “Please don’t!  I don’t want them talking to strangers.  They’re just like children.”  Yes, I felt like an idiot, but I thought they’d understand that concept.  They also walk their dog without a leash, and he occasionally walks himself without them.  His tracks are all through my machine shed, and don’t let me own dogs wander there.  It is not a dog-proofed, kid-proofed place in general.  These folks are giving me nightmares.
       
      The thing that bugs me most about this is the absence of asking if it’s ok to visit before doing it.  This winter, I bought several loads of huge round bales from the only seller who would/could deliver it and unload inside the pasture in winter conditions.  I really needed the time this gave me.  The first two rounds (2 loads each) of deliveries were ok.  By the third, I wished I could have found someone else.  He brought his daughter, maybe 8 or 9, and let her get out into my horse bunch while he unloaded, but I didn’t know about this till it was over.  Then he walked into my outbuildings from the pasture, something I would NEVER allow a stranger to do.  I also bought one load of heavy square bales from this guy, and he didn’t unload them where I asked him to, plus he stacked them over my head despite my request he not do that.   A nearby house for sale was briefly occupied by a young family doing some fixup work for the owner.  They enjoyed short walks with their toddler.  We’d exchange waves and “Hi” now and then.  One day, I was mowing the barnyard.  The dad let the boy come running down the driveway at me while I was walking away.  I spotted him out the corner of my eye and stopped the mower.  Then I told the child he had to go back to his dad who was still at the edge of the road.  His dad was laughing and made no effort to stop the kid from running into danger.  Boy wouldn’t go.  I told his dad he needed to fetch or call the boy back, and he finally did, then he called me paranoid.  I was mowing with a walk-behind sickle mower.  What a jerk.  None of these are “bad people,” they just have lost contact with boundaries. 
       
      The neighbors are a problem.  If I can’t trust a family with a policeman to obey signs and verbal requests, who can I trust?  They homeschool the son, have yard signs for very conservative politicians, and wear a lot of patriotic shirts.  How can they have no respect for my private property?  I was polite both times I’ve asked her to leave the horses alone.  I don’t want to annoy neighbors, but I don’t want to be a doormat, either.  Mostly, I just don’t want to be dealing with this at all while I’m grieving.
       
      In a fog,
      Janis CJ
       
       
       
       







      --
      Mary and Rich                                                                                  
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      Relinquish the need to be right - you don't need to prove someone wrong.

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