474My path (to date)
- May 7, 2008In response to Fr. John's reqeust, here is "my story":
It all started with a Hatha Yoga class...
During the meditation at the end of the class "something happened."
Everything ceased to exist. I was in an immense darkness within
myself. Just the immense darkness and awareness...
I did not know of any words in the English language that I could use
to get a handle on it (and I'm a technical writer!) Since it
happened in a yoga class, I went to the Eastern (Indian) works for
Still -- nothing about what it was!
So, being of a good scientific mindset, I decided to approach it
from the other end and eliminate what it wasn't. After 7 years I
discovered that I had been on what was called a "neti-neti search."
(Neti-neti is translated as "not not.")
This lead me to the path of Jnana Yoga (The Yoga of Knowledge.) A
Jnani follows a solitary path along the razor of the mind that is
not traversed by very many people.
I eventually came to the recognition that this was insight into God
on a much bigger scale than I had ever imagined. After a few more
years of search I discovered that there was a western term that fit
my experience precisely: "Divine Darkness!"
Not being acquainted with Orthodoxy, I did most of my searching
within the Roman Catholic church -- there was absolutely nothing in
my Lutheran background. The Apophatic Way, The Divine Darkness and
Negative Theology were in the Roman church but they seemed to be
stuck up in the attic accumulating dust and were not brought out
So... I continued on my path calling myself either "a Mystic" or "a
Continuing within my church, my path was alien to everybody and
there was no community in which my faith could grow.
Finally I went to a Greek Festival here in Rochester NY at Holy
Spirit Greek Orthodox Church. I went into the bookstore and there
was everything that was so alien, mysterious, unrecognizable and
threatening to every Christian that I had encountered on my path to
The priest at Holy Spirit came to Orthodoxy by following a path that
is remarkably similar to my own. Not only have I found a father
confessor, but I have found one who can empathise with what I had
always considered to be my "unique path."
Within the past month or two I have come to a different
understanding of "The Divine Darkness"...
I was born blind.
Suddenly I received my sight.
Being able to see for the first time, I was aware of the fact that I
was sitting in the darkness (God was not there, but there was a lot
of empty space available for him.)
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