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RE: [www.Kresy-Siberia.org] Group Research - back to basics

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  • LenardaSzymczak
    Beata and Simone, you speak our words, but most of all - The long silence became a whisper, became a firm voice and now we are beginning to shout - and the
    Message 1 of 4 , Nov 15, 2012
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      Beata and Simone, you speak our words, but most of all - The long silence became a whisper, became a firm voice and now we are beginning to shout - and the world is beginning to hear us. this is so true.

      Warm regards,

      Lenarda, Australia

       

       

      From: Kresy-Siberia@yahoogroups.com [mailto:Kresy-Siberia@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Beata Hanks
      Sent: Friday, 16 November, 2012 5:59 AM
      To: Kresy-Siberia@yahoogroups.com
      Subject: Re: [www.Kresy-Siberia.org]

       

       

      Dear Simone

       

      I have sat and read your email, spellbound!  You have put into words what I cannot,  and I thank you so very much for that.

       

      I too feel that longing of wanting to know everything there is to know about every one in my family who went through the ordeal of losing all they have worked for, their homes, some of them their very lives, in the blink of an eye at the whim of a tyrant.  Remembering little snippets of conversations between the grownups when I was little, they becoming silent when they realised I was there, smiling their loving smiles and Babcia giving me a slice of black bread and butter telling me to go out and play. I grew up and had my own family and my curiosity waned for a while in the whirl of children, home and work.  I did not notice my parents getting older, not until Tata had a stroke did I come to the realisation that they could die and that is when I began to ask questions but still they were so reluctant to tell me the answers.  I did manage to get my Tatus to give me some details of his father's arrest - a policeman.  Tatus never saw him again. How do you live with that! 

       

      His own deportation to Kazakstan along with his mother, brother and sister.  They survived.

       

      My mother's deportation to Szyczenga Wologodsk together with her parents three sisters one of whom was actually born in the camp, and five brothers.  They all survived.

       

       So many unanswered questions, but over the last six years or so, I have started to find some answers, amazing.

       

      Yes, I too sometimes wonder at the statistics, numbers, differing opinions among some of the members and quite frankly there are times when I wish we could go back to the early days of the group when all we wanted was to find information about our families, but we have progressed from that time and the facts that are coming to light now are so important even if some of them are quite mind boggling!  The long silence became a whisper, became a firm voice and now we are beginning to shout - and the world is beginning to hear us.

       

      Regards

       

      Beata (Skotna-Nikiel) Hanks

      Melton Mowbray UK

       


      From: Simone Kaptur <simonekaptur@...>
      To: Kresy-Siberia@yahoogroups.com
      Sent: Thursday, 15 November 2012, 17:04
      Subject: [www.Kresy-Siberia.org]

       

       

      Dear Group

      As I see my inbox fill up with facts and figures and percentages and statistics and archives and reports I feel my gut clenching and I feel wretched. At times, overwhelmed. I also felt very confused with regard to posts between John and Stan, partly because I think a post has been lost, increasing the feeling of disconnection and confusion as I cannot make sense of how or what caused such conflict or misunderstandings and then I think about how this reflects , in my view, my father's history, and of course, my own.

      I have, for a few days, wanted to share how I feel that my family, known and unknown have been lost and buried in overwhelming numbers that somehow dilute and extinguish them as individual human beings and that of their, our, horrific experience/s. For me, the figures amplify the silence and some how become a smoke screen of which it is difficult to step out of and begin to make sense of, speak of and heal from the individual effects of such trauma and loss.

      I want what happened to be documented, to be easily accessible and to be widely acknowledged AND I want individual human experience and my father, all of what made my father the man he was, to be remembered, cherished and understood so that i and my children, survivors of survivors, generations can start to make sense of their experience of living in silence too. For me what is just, if not more important, is the knowledge of the time, heritage, culture, identity that feels as if they were left in a time forgotten, suspended, discarded and not passed on. For me, although the wealth of knowledge is informative, the discovering of my families heritage and the making sense of silence and the affects and effects of such is more so. I can effortlessly pass on statistics to my children but the personal narrative, the humanizing, the understanding and meaning ( and healing) of personal experience would be lost and that has consequences, for generations.

      Over the last few days I have read posts that, for me, seem to echo a discussion with regard to our relatives experiences and angst of not being heard, not being seen and ultimately, not speaking of what had happened to them....whether they were allowed to speak or "chose" to become mute, in my experience, the response they received was dismissive, belittling, ignoring which reinforces silence to the point that the silence is deafening ! Whether this was out of their shame, guilt or horror, we cannot, in my view, know what the other's reasoning was/is. It just is and it is shaming.

      I am unsure where I am going with all of this but what I do know is that I want a forum that I joined for open, safe, informative, shared experience to enable me and mine, and others, to make sense of what at times is senseless which includes the wonderful information I have obtained from members and the site. The handwritten letter of my uncle's experience in Siberia that was in the Hoover Institute (how did THAT happen !) , a family home address in Wilno. Finding myself, unexplainably, having the urge to speak in polish, although I was never taught and have never learnt it. Discovering information about my never known grandparents and great grand father. Details of journeys, struggles, atrocities, information of camps as well as some shocking realisations and revelations which has been food for thought and soul, no matter how painful. Also, connection and validation.

      I really have lost my train of thought but sitting here, in silence, wondering whether I should or should not post has been interesting considering the silence of ancestors which I carry and of which I do not want to pass on.

      Peace, Simone (UK)

       

    • simonekaptur
      Hi Beata It seems as if you have done a good job in expressing your own voice : The long silence became a whisper, became a firm voice and now we are
      Message 2 of 4 , Nov 15, 2012
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        Hi Beata

        It seems as if you have done a good job in expressing your own voice :

        "The long silence became a whisper, became a firm voice and now we are beginning to shout - and the world is beginning to hear us"

        I hear you !

        Best wishes, Simone.

        --- In Kresy-Siberia@yahoogroups.com, Beata Hanks <beatahanks@...> wrote:
        >
        > Dear Simone
        >
        > I have sat and read your email, spellbound!  You have put into words what I cannot,  and I thank you so very much for that.
        >
        > I too feel that longing of wanting to know everything there is to know about every one in my family who went through the ordeal of losing all they have worked for, their homes, some of them their very lives, in the blink of an eye at the whim of a tyrant.  Remembering little snippets of conversations between the grownups when I was little, they becoming silent when they realised I was there, smiling their loving smiles and Babcia giving me a slice of black bread and butter telling me to go out and play. I grew up and had my own family and my curiosity waned for a while in the whirl of children, home and work.  I did not notice my parents getting older, not until Tata had a stroke did I come to the realisation that they could die and that is when I began to ask questions but still they were so reluctant to tell me the answers.  I did manage to get my Tatus to give me some details of his father's arrest - a policeman.  Tatus never saw him again. How do
        > you live with that! 
        >
        > His own deportation to Kazakstan along with his mother, brother and sister.  They survived.
        >
        > My mother's deportation to Szyczenga Wologodsk together with her parents three sisters one of whom was actually born in the camp, and five brothers.  They all survived.
        >
        >  So many unanswered questions, but over the last six years or so, I have started to find some answers, amazing.
        >
        > Yes, I too sometimes wonder at the statistics, numbers, differing opinions among some of the members and quite frankly there are times when I wish we could go back to the early days of the group when all we wanted was to find information about our families, but we have progressed from that time and the facts that are coming to light now are so important even if some of them are quite mind boggling!  The long silence became a whisper, became a firm voice and now we are beginning to shout - and the world is beginning to hear us.
        >
        > Regards
        >  
        > Beata (Skotna-Nikiel) Hanks
        > Melton Mowbray UK
        >  
        >
        > ________________________________
        > From: Simone Kaptur <simonekaptur@...>
        > To: Kresy-Siberia@yahoogroups.com
        > Sent: Thursday, 15 November 2012, 17:04
        > Subject: [www.Kresy-Siberia.org]
        >
        >
        >  
        > Dear Group
        >
        > As I see my inbox fill up with facts and figures and percentages and statistics and archives and reports I feel my gut clenching and I feel wretched. At times, overwhelmed. I also felt very confused with regard to posts between John and Stan, partly because I think a post has been lost, increasing the feeling of disconnection and confusion as I cannot make sense of how or what caused such conflict or misunderstandings and then I think about how this reflects , in my view, my father's history, and of course, my own.
        >
        > I have, for a few days, wanted to share how I feel that my family, known and unknown have been lost and buried in overwhelming numbers that somehow dilute and extinguish them as individual human beings and that of their, our, horrific experience/s. For me, the figures amplify the silence and some how become a smoke screen of which it is difficult to step out of and begin to make sense of, speak of and heal from the individual effects of such trauma and loss.
        >
        > I want what happened to be documented, to be easily accessible and to be widely acknowledged AND I want individual human experience and my father, all of what made my father the man he was, to be remembered, cherished and understood so that i and my children, survivors of survivors, generations can start to make sense of their experience of living in silence too. For me what is just, if not more important, is the knowledge of the time, heritage, culture, identity that feels as if they were left in a time forgotten, suspended, discarded and not passed on. For me, although the wealth of knowledge is informative, the discovering of my families heritage and the making sense of silence and the affects and effects of such is more so. I can effortlessly pass on statistics to my children but the personal narrative, the humanizing, the understanding and meaning ( and healing) of personal experience would be lost and that has consequences, for generations.
        >
        > Over the last few days I have read posts that, for me, seem to echo a discussion with regard to our relatives experiences and angst of not being heard, not being seen and ultimately, not speaking of what had happened to them....whether they were allowed to speak or "chose" to become mute, in my experience, the response they received was dismissive, belittling, ignoring which reinforces silence to the point that the silence is deafening ! Whether this was out of their shame, guilt or horror, we cannot, in my view, know what the other's reasoning was/is. It just is and it is shaming.
        >
        > I am unsure where I am going with all of this but what I do know is that I want a forum that I joined for open, safe, informative, shared experience to enable me and mine, and others, to make sense of what at times is senseless which includes the wonderful information I have obtained from members and the site. The handwritten letter of my uncle's experience in Siberia that was in the Hoover Institute (how did THAT happen !) , a family home address in Wilno. Finding myself, unexplainably, having the urge to speak in polish, although I was never taught and have never learnt it. Discovering information about my never known grandparents and great grand father. Details of journeys, struggles, atrocities, information of camps as well as some shocking realisations and revelations which has been food for thought and soul, no matter how painful. Also, connection and validation.
        >
        > I really have lost my train of thought but sitting here, in silence, wondering whether I should or should not post has been interesting considering the silence of ancestors which I carry and of which I do not want to pass on.
        >
        > Peace, Simone (UK)
        >
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