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1420Re: [KWChoir] Re: Erlan's music

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  • annoney@aol.com
    Jul 4, 2010
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      OFF LIST
      Who told you, you would be over the loss in a year?  It is because you loved each other so much is why it hurts so much.  Take all the time you need.
      My Father died in November.  When ever my husband and I went to get a Christmas tree, the first Christmas in our new house, I would start crying.  Picking out the family Christmas tree was the job for my Father and I.  Every time I smelled the trees, it hit me hard.
      I finally told my husband that we were going to have a fake tree.  He said he was starting to think so because the smell of fresh real trees made me cry.  I explained that their was another reason.  Real trees do not have strong enough limbs for what I wanted to do.  If I avoided thinking of my Father the first Christmas, it would still be there the following Christmas.  So I made up my mind rather than avoid the memories and grief, I would revel in them.  I decorated the tree with things that associated with my Father.  There was a rosery for his Roman Catholic beliefs, a string of M&M candy lights, cast iron models of planes (he was a private pilot but also raised me on air shows), A B-17 that he and my Father-in-Law toured the summer before my Father died, a football helmet with the Redskins logo (his favorite sports team) . . . .the list goes on. 
      I did not warn my Mother when she came down for Christmas.  She looked at my tree with a Blue Angel (jet plane) wired at the top for the tree topper and other strange decorations.  Then it dawned on her.  We hugged each other and had a good cry. 
      I have since suggested that people should do the same thing when a family member dies.  Set up a tree to celebrate the person.  When decorating the tree, invite family and friends to come and help.  Each person is to bring an ornament that reminds them of the deceased.  As they hang their offering, they can tell a story about why they picked this one. Their will be laughter, love and tears all around.  At least that is what I have heard from people who have tried it.  It helped everyone on their journey through their own grieving process.
      I hope this helps you.
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