I struggle daily
Having a good Christian wife keeps me form doing anything with any man. I would not hurt her for anything. But for masturbation,,,,,that's hard,,,,,,,, after may years of marriage,,,,, I just need more than she is willing to provide. I could let it control my life like you do or,,,, I just take the 15 minutes needed and get it over with and move on.
Quit punishing your self for being a human male. Forgive your self for not being perfect. Not being perfect is why we need Jesus in the first place.