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Re: [Jesus-is-our-victory] Trying to have healthy same-sex friendship

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  • NewKnightRider
    I think you should assume that he s looking for a sexual encounter, and proceed accordingly.  IMHO, he IS trying to have a physical encounter.  Since you
    Message 1 of 5 , Apr 15, 2012
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      I think you should assume that he's looking for a sexual encounter, and proceed accordingly.  IMHO, he IS trying to have a physical encounter.  Since you say, (quote) "He is not a fellow believer but he knows I am." then at least two scenarios come to mind:
      • He is anti-Christian, wants to make you fall, and then make a public spectacle of you.
      • He is a fellow struggler with SSA.  By Divine Appointment made before the world began, Father  brought you into his life. Under the outward behavior of jokes, and possible inappropriate touching, he is depressed about the hopelessness all of us in this group have experienced with SSA and homosexuality at one time or another.  He is actually crying out to Father for help.
      Scenario #1:  He wants you to fail, because he wants to justify his belief that man created God in his own image, Christianity is a crock, and people who call themselves Christians are fools and deluded.  Even if this is true, he's still a person for whom Christ died.  He is still being drawn to Father by the Holy Spirit (John 6:44).
       
      Scenario #2:  He wants desperately for you to SUCCEED in standing up for Christ. He's reaching up to Father, and Father has answered his prayers by sending YOU to be the person gloriously and indescribably blessed by being the one through whom He reaches and ministers to your co-worker, by the power of the Holy Spirit.  
       
      This is a spiritual battle.  The enemy of God is working hard to make sure scenario #1 is the outcome. 
      Father, through His Holy Spirit, is working hard to make sure scenario # 2 is the outcome.  At stake is your effectiveness as a believer and an overcomer of SSA, and this man's eternal destiny (Eph 6:10-18).
       
      Try to make sure you are never alone with him.  If you're at work, and an unavoidable situation arises, simply do exactly what needs to be done, and only what needs to be done, and then return to your work station. If he makes a joke about homosexuality, try not to laugh, and don't hide the fact that you're not.  Example:  He says, "If I were to divorce my wife, I'd marry you."  Your response: "Thanks, but I love God, and He wouldn't want me to do that."   If you're active in a church with a strong men's group, invite him to church, and/or to a men's meeting.
       
      You don't need to tell him about your challenges with SSA, at least for now.  If you feel you would not be able to control yourself if the opportunity for a sexual encounter came up, then put as much distance between you and him as possible.  (That's what the enemy wants you to do. Results:  You lose an opportunity to glorify God.  You wouldn't be as strong a Christian as you might have been.  Your co-worker might die lost.)  Remember, we still live in a fallen world.  Father knows that.  Father is giving YOU the priviledge of glorifying Him, by growing stronger in your faith and closer to Him, by awarding you with this challenge. 
       
      Mountaintop experiences are great, but it's only in the trenches when we're under attack that we grow stronger.  Also, gold is not valuable until AFTER it has gone INTO and THROUGH the refiner's fire.
       
      I love you!  I praise God for you!
      jeffnkr

      From: red_sixtyone <rhowaito@...>
      To: Jesus-is-our-victory@yahoogroups.com
      Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 8:39 PM
      Subject: [Jesus-is-our-victory] Trying to have healthy same-sex friendship

       
      I have been working on developing a close friendship with a man at work and am experiencing some difficulties that I hope someone can give advice about. I started to become good friends with a married guy I work with. He is not a fellow believer but he knows I am. He does not know that I struggle with same sex attraction. I am attracted to him physically but I am determined to be friends without letting that interfere, learning to have healthy relationship. The problem I am having is that this friend likes to make very suggestive gay jokes including some physical touching. I can dismiss a lot of it because I have seen him do the same thing to his other friends and it usually happens in open view of others for laughs. However he makes a lot of suggestive remarks to me in private and I am beginning to suspect that he is actually being serious. I have heard him say many times that he is not gay, but he continues to make sexually explicit comments all the same, even suggesting that If he were to ever divorce and marry again he would marry me.

      Am I blowing things out of proportion? Are these really intended to be harmless jokes? Or is it possible that he is trying to tell me something or get me to reveal something? I want to find out but I am afraid to speak to him about it. I am also scared because part of me wants him to be serious and I am not ready to sacrifice the friendship to find out.

      I just wonder if anyone else has experienced this kind of thing and if anyone has helpful advice?
      Thanks,



    • Edmund Ortega
      I just had dinner with a same-sex friend hosting two hetero friends. And we did not try to have a good evening amongst friends. We just ate and talked and
      Message 2 of 5 , Apr 15, 2012
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        I just had dinner with a same-sex friend hosting two hetero friends.  And we did not try to have a good evening amongst friends. We just ate and talked and went home.  It is wise not to over-think it, right?

        Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone


        -----Original message-----
        From: NewKnightRider <nmic28732@...>
        To:
        "Jesus-is-our-victory@yahoogroups.com" <Jesus-is-our-victory@yahoogroups.com>
        Sent:
        Mon, Apr 16, 2012 06:38:12 GMT+00:00
        Subject:
        Re: [Jesus-is-our-victory] Trying to have healthy same-sex friendship

         

        I think you should assume that he's looking for a sexual encounter, and proceed accordingly.  IMHO, he IS trying to have a physical encounter.  Since you say, (quote) "He is not a fellow believer but he knows I am." then at least two scenarios come to mind:
        • He is anti-Christian, wants to make you fall, and then make a public spectacle of you.
        • He is a fellow struggler with SSA.  By Divine Appointment made before the world began, Father  brought you into his life. Under the outward behavior of jokes, and possible inappropriate touching, he is depressed about the hopelessness all of us in this group have experienced with SSA and homosexuality at one time or another.  He is actually crying out to Father for help.
        Scenario #1:  He wants you to fail, because he wants to justify his belief that man created God in his own image, Christianity is a crock, and people who call themselves Christians are fools and deluded.  Even if this is true, he's still a person for whom Christ died.  He is still being drawn to Father by the Holy Spirit (John 6:44).
         
        Scenario #2:  He wants desperately for you to SUCCEED in standing up for Christ. He's reaching up to Father, and Father has answered his prayers by sending YOU to be the person gloriously and indescribably blessed by being the one through whom He reaches and ministers to your co-worker, by the power of the Holy Spirit.  
         
        This is a spiritual battle.  The enemy of God is working hard to make sure scenario #1 is the outcome. 
        Father, through His Holy Spirit, is working hard to make sure scenario # 2 is the outcome.  At stake is your effectiveness as a believer and an overcomer of SSA, and this man's eternal destiny (Eph 6:10-18).
         
        Try to make sure you are never alone with him.  If you're at work, and an unavoidable situation arises, simply do exactly what needs to be done, and only what needs to be done, and then return to your work station. If he makes a joke about homosexuality, try not to laugh, and don't hide the fact that you're not.  Example:  He says, "If I were to divorce my wife, I'd marry you."  Your response: "Thanks, but I love God, and He wouldn't want me to do that."   If you're active in a church with a strong men's group, invite him to church, and/or to a men's meeting.
         
        You don't need to tell him about your challenges with SSA, at least for now.  If you feel you would not be able to control yourself if the opportunity for a sexual encounter came up, then put as much distance between you and him as possible.  (That's what the enemy wants you to do. Results:  You lose an opportunity to glorify God.  You wouldn't be as strong a Christian as you might have been.  Your co-worker might die lost.)  Remember, we still live in a fallen world.  Father knows that.  Father is giving YOU the priviledge of glorifying Him, by growing stronger in your faith and closer to Him, by awarding you with this challenge. 
         
        Mountaintop experiences are great, but it's only in the trenches when we're under attack that we grow stronger.  Also, gold is not valuable until AFTER it has gone INTO and THROUGH the refiner's fire.
         
        I love you!  I praise God for you!
        jeffnkr

        From: red_sixtyone <rhowaito@...>
        To: Jesus-is-our-victory@yahoogroups.com
        Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 8:39 PM
        Subject: [Jesus-is-our-victory] Trying to have healthy same-sex friendship

         
        I have been working on developing a close friendship with a man at work and am experiencing some difficulties that I hope someone can give advice about. I started to become good friends with a married guy I work with. He is not a fellow believer but he knows I am. He does not know that I struggle with same sex attraction. I am attracted to him physically but I am determined to be friends without letting that interfere, learning to have healthy relationship. The problem I am having is that this friend likes to make very suggestive gay jokes including some physical touching. I can dismiss a lot of it because I have seen him do the same thing to his other friends and it usually happens in open view of others for laughs. However he makes a lot of suggestive remarks to me in private and I am beginning to suspect that he is actually being serious. I have heard him say many times that he is not gay, but he continues to make sexually explicit comments all the same, even suggesting that If he were to ever divorce and marry again he would marry me.

        Am I blowing things out of proportion? Are these really intended to be harmless jokes? Or is it possible that he is trying to tell me something or get me to reveal something? I want to find out but I am afraid to speak to him about it. I am also scared because part of me wants him to be serious and I am not ready to sacrifice the friendship to find out.

        I just wonder if anyone else has experienced this kind of thing and if anyone has helpful advice?
        Thanks,



      • NewKnightRider
        I believe it s wise to trust the Scriptures, in which Father tells us: Eph 6:12   For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities,
        Message 3 of 5 , Apr 16, 2012
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          I believe it's wise to trust the Scriptures, in which Father tells us:
          Eph 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against  powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual  wickedness in high[places].
           
          1Pe 5:8
          Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
           
          Edmund, you're talking about a one-time event.  It may or may not occur again.  You were with friends in a relaxed atmosphere of your choice.  You have the choice of whether to repeat the event or to decline.  If you had handled it wrong, it could have easily been forgiven, at best, or you would have upset a few people, at worst.  There wouldn't have been any economic impact.  It doesn't appear that anyone came on to you or made inappropriate jokes.
           
          "Red sixty-one" is talking about an on-going challenge.  He's in a situation with a CO-WORKER.  If he handles it wrong, there are disciplinary measures that can be taken by supervisors that would greatly affect his job and performance reviews, and thererfore future pay increases.  Termination is also a possibility.
          If he sees this as a blessing and a challenge from God, he'll learn that God is dependable and reliable.  He could possibly have an excitement about life and about going to work that he might not have had otherwise. All of us need to believe that as Christians, Father is in full control of our lives.  What happens to us, happens because Father has planned it so.  Therefore, it's God's will that "Red sixty-one" work with this man.  It's an opportunity for Red sixty-one to glorify Father, grow stronger in his faith, and for another lost person to repent and believe the Gospel.   It's not an event thrust upon him as punishment for sin.
           
          Whether you believe it or not, by Divine Assignment Father placed you in the position in which you would  choose to go to dinner with your friend and two other guests.   He orchestrated events accordingly.
          Give Him glory! 
           
          I love you, too!  I praise God for you!
          jeffnkr
          From: Edmund Ortega <eortega42@...>
          To: Jesus-is-our-victory@yahoogroups.com
          Sent: Monday, April 16, 2012 2:48 AM
          Subject: Re: [Jesus-is-our-victory] Trying to have healthy same-sex friendship

           
          I just had dinner with a same-sex friend hosting two hetero friends.  And we did not try to have a good evening amongst friends. We just ate and talked and went home.  It is wise not to over-think it, right?

          Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone


          -----Original message-----
          From: NewKnightRider <nmic28732@...>
          To:
          "Jesus-is-our-victory@yahoogroups.com" <Jesus-is-our-victory@yahoogroups.com>
          Sent:
          Mon, Apr 16, 2012 06:38:12 GMT+00:00
          Subject:
          Re: [Jesus-is-our-victory] Trying to have healthy same-sex friendship

           
          I think you should assume that he's looking for a sexual encounter, and proceed accordingly.  IMHO, he IS trying to have a physical encounter.  Since you say, (quote) "He is not a fellow believer but he knows I am." then at least two scenarios come to mind:
          • He is anti-Christian, wants to make you fall, and then make a public spectacle of you.
          • He is a fellow struggler with SSA.  By Divine Appointment made before the world began, Father  brought you into his life. Under the outward behavior of jokes, and possible inappropriate touching, he is depressed about the hopelessness all of us in this group have experienced with SSA and homosexuality at one time or another.  He is actually crying out to Father for help.
          Scenario #1:  He wants you to fail, because he wants to justify his belief that man created God in his own image, Christianity is a crock, and people who call themselves Christians are fools and deluded.  Even if this is true, he's still a person for whom Christ died.  He is still being drawn to Father by the Holy Spirit (John 6:44).
           
          Scenario #2:  He wants desperately for you to SUCCEED in standing up for Christ. He's reaching up to Father, and Father has answered his prayers by sending YOU to be the person gloriously and indescribably blessed by being the one through whom He reaches and ministers to your co-worker, by the power of the Holy Spirit.  
           
          This is a spiritual battle.  The enemy of God is working hard to make sure scenario #1 is the outcome. 
          Father, through His Holy Spirit, is working hard to make sure scenario # 2 is the outcome.  At stake is your effectiveness as a believer and an overcomer of SSA, and this man's eternal destiny (Eph 6:10-18).
           
          Try to make sure you are never alone with him.  If you're at work, and an unavoidable situation arises, simply do exactly what needs to be done, and only what needs to be done, and then return to your work station. If he makes a joke about homosexuality, try not to laugh, and don't hide the fact that you're not.  Example:  He says, "If I were to divorce my wife, I'd marry you."  Your response: "Thanks, but I love God, and He wouldn't want me to do that."   If you're active in a church with a strong men's group, invite him to church, and/or to a men's meeting.
           
          You don't need to tell him about your challenges with SSA, at least for now.  If you feel you would not be able to control yourself if the opportunity for a sexual encounter came up, then put as much distance between you and him as possible.  (That's what the enemy wants you to do. Results:  You lose an opportunity to glorify God.  You wouldn't be as strong a Christian as you might have been.  Your co-worker might die lost.)  Remember, we still live in a fallen world.  Father knows that.  Father is giving YOU the priviledge of glorifying Him, by growing stronger in your faith and closer to Him, by awarding you with this challenge. 
           
          Mountaintop experiences are great, but it's only in the trenches when we're under attack that we grow stronger.  Also, gold is not valuable until AFTER it has gone INTO and THROUGH the refiner's fire.
           
          I love you!  I praise God for you!
          jeffnkr

          From: red_sixtyone <rhowaito@...>
          To: Jesus-is-our-victory@yahoogroups.com
          Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 8:39 PM
          Subject: [Jesus-is-our-victory] Trying to have healthy same-sex friendship

           
          I have been working on developing a close friendship with a man at work and am experiencing some difficulties that I hope someone can give advice about. I started to become good friends with a married guy I work with. He is not a fellow believer but he knows I am. He does not know that I struggle with same sex attraction. I am attracted to him physically but I am determined to be friends without letting that interfere, learning to have healthy relationship. The problem I am having is that this friend likes to make very suggestive gay jokes including some physical touching. I can dismiss a lot of it because I have seen him do the same thing to his other friends and it usually happens in open view of others for laughs. However he makes a lot of suggestive remarks to me in private and I am beginning to suspect that he is actually being serious. I have heard him say many times that he is not gay, but he continues to make sexually explicit comments all the same, even suggesting that If he were to ever divorce and marry again he would marry me.

          Am I blowing things out of proportion? Are these really intended to be harmless jokes? Or is it possible that he is trying to tell me something or get me to reveal something? I want to find out but I am afraid to speak to him about it. I am also scared because part of me wants him to be serious and I am not ready to sacrifice the friendship to find out.

          I just wonder if anyone else has experienced this kind of thing and if anyone has helpful advice?
          Thanks,





        • red_sixtyone
          Thanks guys for the responses. I am excited to think that perhaps God has much bigger plans for this friendship than I thought. I do want to be careful not to
          Message 4 of 5 , Apr 18, 2012
          • 0 Attachment
            Thanks guys for the responses. I am excited to think that perhaps God has much bigger plans for this friendship than I thought. I do want to be careful not to over think things and create a lot of anxiety for myself. I am choosing to trust God more and more with my fears about this. I really appreciate the advice. God has been very good to me and protected me from big mistakes with this friendship. It has brought excitement to my life, something I never thought could happen because of my struggles with feelings. Please remember me in prayer as I look for the Spirit's leading me in the next steps. There are still so many unanswered questions so I will keep looking to the Lord and my brothers in Christ for help.


            --- In Jesus-is-our-victory@yahoogroups.com, NewKnightRider <nmic28732@...> wrote:
            >
            > I believe it's wise to trust the Scriptures, in which Father tells us:
            > Eph 6:12   For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against  powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual  wickedness in high[places].  
            > 1Pe 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
            >  
            > Edmund, you're talking about a one-time event.  It may or may not occur again.  You were with friends in a relaxed atmosphere of your choice.  You have the choice of whether to repeat the event or to decline.  If you had handled it wrong, it could have easily been forgiven, at best, or you would have upset a few people, at worst.  There wouldn't have been any economic impact.  It doesn't appear that anyone came on to you or made inappropriate jokes.
            >  
            > "Red sixty-one" is talking about an on-going challenge.  He's in a situation with a CO-WORKER.  If he handles it wrong, there are disciplinary measures that can be taken by supervisors that would greatly affect his job and performance reviews, and thererfore future pay increases.  Termination is also a possibility.
            > If he sees this as a blessing and a challenge from God, he'll learn that God is dependable and reliable.  He could possibly have an excitement about life and about going to work that he might not have had otherwise. All of us need to believe that as Christians, Father is in full control of our lives.  What happens to us, happens because Father has planned it so.  Therefore, it's God's will that "Red sixty-one" work with this man.  It's an opportunity for Red sixty-one to glorify Father, grow stronger in his faith, and for another lost person to repent and believe the Gospel.   It's not an event thrust upon him as punishment for sin.
            >  
            > Whether you believe it or not, by Divine Assignment Father placed you in the position in which you would  choose to go to dinner with your friend and two other guests.   He orchestrated events accordingly.
            > Give Him glory! 
            >  
            > I love you, too!  I praise God for you!
            > jeffnkr
            >
            > ________________________________
            > From: Edmund Ortega <eortega42@...>
            > To: Jesus-is-our-victory@yahoogroups.com
            > Sent: Monday, April 16, 2012 2:48 AM
            > Subject: Re: [Jesus-is-our-victory] Trying to have healthy same-sex friendship
            >
            >
            >  
            > I just had dinner with a same-sex friend hosting two hetero friends.  And we did not try to have a good evening amongst friends. We just ate and talked and went home.  It is wise not to over-think it, right?
            >
            > Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone
            >
            > -----Original message-----
            >
            > From: NewKnightRider <nmic28732@...>
            > >To: "Jesus-is-our-victory@yahoogroups.com" <Jesus-is-our-victory@yahoogroups.com>
            > >Sent: Mon, Apr 16, 2012 06:38:12 GMT+00:00
            > >Subject: Re: [Jesus-is-our-victory] Trying to have healthy same-sex friendship
            > >
            > >
            > > 
            > >I think you should assume that he's looking for a sexual encounter, and proceed accordingly.  IMHO, he IS trying to have a physical encounter.  Since you say, (quote) "He is not a fellow believer but he knows I am." then at least two scenarios come to mind:
            > > * He is anti-Christian, wants to make you fall, and then make a public spectacle of you.
            > > * He is a fellow struggler with SSA.  By Divine Appointment made before the world began, Father  brought you into his life. Under the outward behavior of jokes, and possible inappropriate touching, he is depressed about the hopelessness all of us in this group have experienced with SSA and homosexuality at one time or another.  He is actually crying out to Father for help.
            > >Scenario #1:  He wants you to fail, because he wants to justify his belief that man created God in his own image, Christianity is a crock, and people who call themselves Christians are fools and deluded.  Even if this is true, he's still a person for whom Christ died.  He is still being drawn to Father by the Holy Spirit (John 6:44).
            > > 
            > >Scenario #2:  He wants desperately for you to SUCCEED in standing up for Christ. He's reaching up to Father, and Father has answered his prayers by sending YOU to be the person gloriously and indescribably blessed by being the one through whom He reaches and ministers to your co-worker, by the power of the Holy Spirit.  
            > > 
            > >This is a spiritual battle.  The enemy of God is working hard to make sure scenario #1 is the outcome. 
            > >Father, through His Holy Spirit, is working hard to make sure scenario # 2 is the outcome.  At stake is your effectiveness as a believer and an overcomer of SSA, and this man's eternal destiny (Eph 6:10-18).
            > > 
            > >Try to make sure you are never alone with him.  If you're at work, and an unavoidable situation arises, simply do exactly what needs to be done, and only what needs to be done, and then return to your work station. If he makes a joke about homosexuality, try not to laugh, and don't hide the fact that you're not.  Example:  He says, "If I were to divorce my wife, I'd marry you."  Your response: "Thanks, but I love God, and He wouldn't want me to do that."   If you're active in a church with a strong men's group, invite him to church, and/or to a men's meeting.
            > > 
            > >You don't need to tell him about your challenges with SSA, at least for now.  If you feel you would not be able to control yourself if the opportunity for a sexual encounter came up, then put as much distance between you and him as possible.  (That's what the enemy wants you to do. Results:  You lose an opportunity to glorify God.  You wouldn't be as strong a Christian as you might have been.  Your co-worker might die lost.)  Remember, we still live in a fallen world.  Father knows that.  Father is giving YOU the priviledge of glorifying Him, by growing stronger in your faith and closer to Him, by awarding you with this challenge. 
            > > 
            > >Mountaintop experiences are great, but it's only in the trenches when we're under attack that we grow stronger.  Also, gold is not valuable until AFTER it has gone INTO and THROUGH the refiner's fire.
            > > 
            > >I love you!  I praise God for you!
            > >jeffnkr
            > >
            > >
            > >
            > >________________________________
            > >From: red_sixtyone <rhowaito@...>
            > >To: Jesus-is-our-victory@yahoogroups.com
            > >Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 8:39 PM
            > >Subject: [Jesus-is-our-victory] Trying to have healthy same-sex friendship
            > >
            > >
            > > 
            > >I have been working on developing a close friendship with a man at work and am experiencing some difficulties that I hope someone can give advice about. I started to become good friends with a married guy I work with. He is not a fellow believer but he knows I am. He does not know that I struggle with same sex attraction. I am attracted to him physically but I am determined to be friends without letting that interfere, learning to have healthy relationship. The problem I am having is that this friend likes to make very suggestive gay jokes including some physical touching. I can dismiss a lot of it because I have seen him do the same thing to his other friends and it usually happens in open view of others for laughs. However he makes a lot of suggestive remarks to me in private and I am beginning to suspect that he is actually being serious. I have heard him say many times that he is not gay, but he continues to make sexually explicit comments all the
            > same, even suggesting that If he were to ever divorce and marry again he would marry me.
            > >
            > >Am I blowing things out of proportion? Are these really intended to be harmless jokes? Or is it possible that he is trying to tell me something or get me to reveal something? I want to find out but I am afraid to speak to him about it. I am also scared because part of me wants him to be serious and I am not ready to sacrifice the friendship to find out.
            > >
            > >I just wonder if anyone else has experienced this kind of thing and if anyone has helpful advice?
            > >Thanks,
            > >
            > >
            > >
            > >
            >
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