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Embrace Life?

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  • LillianOwl@aol.com
    OK... my dear philosophical group... I need a little help from you. I figured that if I ask folks from Isis House, I will get a nice variety of answers, and
    Message 1 of 3 , Jan 1, 2004
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      OK... my dear philosophical group... I need a little help from you. I figured that if I ask folks from Isis House, I will get a nice variety of answers, and variety, I believe, is what I need for my answers....
       
      Last night at a New Year's Eve party, I was with my housemate friends, at our mutual friend's house... and this mutual friend belongs to a virtual entire family of psychics.
       
      The eldest daughter, who knows my situation of being left in the dust emotionally by my husband (we're getting divorced; however, we are still living together in the same apartment, along with his new girlfriend and her 2 kids. They sleep in the large living room on several couches; I sleep alone in the bedroom.), came to me early on in the evening... she was quite exquisitely drunk, but she began prophesying to me about the connection of the solar plexus to the heart and the throat chakhras. It wasn't easy to understand her over the music, and also with her being extremely drunk, she was more than a little scary to me... and being bisexual myself, she was more than a little gorgeous to me... anyway, she intensely wanted me to believe in myself, to just radiate the heart that I have as a woman, and to know myself. KNOW MYSELF. Drunk or not, she's pretty right on about a lot of what she said. The hurts I have suffered in my lifetime, from very early on, have created blocks that I've struggled to overcome... and now this present pain, losing the one I thought was my forever love, my other half, my soul mate, has just devastated me. I'm learning to live with the reality, but the truth is, I don't feel that I can open my heart to anyone else, ever again, the way I opened myself to him. Anyway, I promised her that I had been searching for a direction, a mantra if you will, for the coming year, and that I would take on "know yourself, be yourself" as my direction. I managed to not break down sobbing in the middle fo the party, and although I was serious about taking on that direction, I did breathe a sigh of relief when someone managed to distract this exquisitely lovely woman!
       
      A couple of hours later, her mother, the matriarch we call "Grandma,"
      hit me with both barrells. Sort of an intervention, although I'm not taking drugs or doing stuff I shouldn't be doing ... she started prophesying at me too. I'm not going to go into everything she said, but understand that she had me crying my guts out. The gist of the message was, "Embrace life," and before you ask why this message would make any person dissolve into tears, I will tell you that I have fought suicidal depression for almost all of my life, as far back as I can remember... that I have put up such a good fight that I have never actually attempted suicide... but in the past few years, specifically since my last disabling accident, I have not been able to fight it like I used to. When my physical ailments multiplied, and I got a huge and horrible look into just how ghastly doctors can be when they're paid by insurance companies to LIE about a patient's condition... it was like being raped all over again.
       
      I don't know how I'm supposed to embrace life when in spite of my best efforts to work and to carry on with an already painful existence, some jackass allows an appliance to leak for a decade or more, causing me to slip, fly across the linoleum floor, and land in a twisted heap. My back was ruined, what was left of my knees was ruined, and what was probably already a life-long case of Rheumatoid Arthritis got so fierce I thought I was dying.
       
      OK, that was longer than I meant for it to be. But here's the question:  what does it mean to embrace life? Because apparently my best efforts to do so have completely missed the mark, at least as far as God/Goddess is concerned. Because I'm so blocked and so clenched up inside, I don't think I can truly embrace ANYTHING.
       
      Part of Grandma's message to me was "Fuck the pain! Fuck the terrible things that happen! Fuck what anyone else thinks! Fuck everything!" And to believe in myself, which I guess I so obviously do not... and to believe in God. To pray to God/dess to restore my faith in God and myself. I told her I could do that much, and I will. I don't know what good it's going to do me, but I'll do it anyway.
       
      Anyway, if y'all can give me some pointers -- and I don't mean little sugar-coated, rose-encrusted little niceties and all, but some real, spiritual meat on the subject, I would be most grateful.
       
      New Yearly Yours,
      Lil
    • redwillow_6
      Dearest Lil, I don t think I ve ever posted to this list before, but I am on another list with you and I fall in love with you over and over again, almost
      Message 2 of 3 , Jan 2, 2004
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        Dearest Lil,

        I don't think I've ever posted to this list before, but I am on
        another list with you and I fall in love with you over and over
        again, almost everytime you post something about yourself and your
        life. If I lived closer to you I would give you the biggest hug
        anyone could give. So, your post moved me and I must respond.

        My name is Redwillow, and I live in rural Iowa, right in the middle
        of the country. I too am going through a transition in my life, but
        perpetuated by myself and not my husband. And I will probably end up
        leaving him, as much as that pains me. We had a discussion last
        night about embracing who you are. He said that when he was younger,
        he wanted to be a minister. Then he learned too much and understood
        that Christianity wasn't the right path for him. Then when he was 18
        he went into the Army to become a linguist. They discharged him two
        weeks before grad for having asthma... which he's never been
        diagnosed with before or since. He said, "I was going to be this...
        I was going to be that... but I guess I'm not supposed to be those
        things, so now what am I?" And I explained to him that a minister or
        a linguist is what you do, not who you are. There is song by Jessica
        Andrews called Who I Am... and while I don't think she's got all of
        it, her message is clear. Who I am is composed of many different
        things. Parts of the people that I biologically came from, parts of
        the people around me that love me, and wholly me. Who you are is
        defined by your actions and how you live your life. And if how you
        live your life does not make you happy, than you are not being true
        to who you are.

        I have spent a lot of time "counseling" friends and myself lately
        about self worth. The fact is, You are God and God is You. Getting
        back in touch with your Gods is also a sort of reunion with self. I
        must honor the deity within if I am to honor it anywhere else. We
        all have a responsibility to ourselves and to eachother as members of
        the web of life to honor diety in all forms, including and especially
        ourselves. Now is the time to work on opening your heart to
        yourself, and not to worry about whether or not it will be open to
        anyone else. You are the most important part of your heart. When
        you believe that and know that, other very magical things can happen.

        And as far as embracing life from a very painful existance... perhaps
        a turning of the mind would be beneficial. I am very thankful for
        the pain in my life. I have learned much from that pain and without
        it who I am would not be the same. And for the first time in all my
        life, I love who I am. I believe that everything happens for a
        reason. I believe in reincarnation and the learning stages of the
        soul. I believe that what is happening to me in this life is
        essential for the growth of my whole being. That belief causes me to
        pause when I feel dispair. I cannot curse the bad things that have
        happened to me because without them I would not be complete. Some
        lives are harder than others and usually for good reason. And I am
        not just spouting off things of which I know nothing about. I am 30
        years old and I was just diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I have been
        over weight since I was in the third grade and I have been a binge
        eater since at least then. It is a family tradition passed on from
        my mother to me, and from her mother to her, and so on. Finally,
        after so many years of therapy and work, I took the word control out
        of my vocabulary and I was no longer ashamed of my behavior. And,
        miraculously, the binging subsided. Now, with this diagnoses, the
        word control is thrown at me everytime I see a doctor or talk to a
        nurse or dietician. And so, what if I have a bad episode? What if I
        can't control what I put in mouth? What if I binge? I could
        potentially hurt or kill myself with this disease. It has thrown my
        life into a spin and I'm trying like hell to find the balance. I was
        angry and very hateful when this all first came about two months
        ago. I haven't been able to get pregnant, I don't even have regular
        periods anymore, and now diabetes. They say my female problems are
        caused by my diabetes. I go through times of feeling extremely
        defective as a woman. I love being a woman, I love everything about
        it... except now my body doesn't work the way it should and it leaves
        me feeling less than a woman. It's been up to me to define what
        being a woman means to me then. It's been up to me to decide how I
        would handle all this. I was angry, I blamed myself... I told myself
        that I was a screw up because if I would have just controlled my food
        in the first place and taken care of my body, this probably would
        have never happened. Never mind the fact that diabetes runs on both
        sides of my family and is a genetic disorder. Somehow, I had to find
        a way out of the self destructive cycle. I don't think I'm all the
        way there yet, but everyday is a new opportunity to embrace the pain
        and truly live life anyway. Yes, I said embrace the pain. See, I
        believe that before you can embrace life and anything else, you have
        to first embrace the pain. What an incredibly full life you have and
        what an incredibly strong person you are to have lived through all
        that you have. Just because you don't always feel strong and blessed
        doesn't mean you aren't. The fact that you have endured what you
        have and still get up everyday, even if it's just to go potty, is
        amazing. Don't sell yourself short. Embrace the pain, be thankful
        for the ability to feel and to learn.

        Ok, now that I have written a short book on the subject, I'll bring
        it to a close. I don't know if I have helped any, but just know that
        you are a strong, beautiful woman and you have touched the lives of
        many. I for one am very thankful for your life and that I have had
        the opportunity for you to touch my life.

        Goddess Bless,
        Redwillow
      • Malcolm Pascoe
        Dear Lil My name is Malcolm (Peut). Let me tell you about myself. I was born with a congenital bone condition that results in my bones breaking easily. I have
        Message 3 of 3 , Jan 3, 2004
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          Dear Lil
           
          My name is Malcolm (Peut).
           
          Let me tell you about myself. I was born with a congenital bone condition that results in my bones breaking easily. I have had more than 60 fractures in my 55 years (not counting fingers and toes that I treat myself with time and perseverance).
           
          My life, like yours has been hard, with dealing with the pain of broken bones and osteoarthritis mainly due to immobility from plasters and degeneration of my muscular system.
           
          I have also had a life of broken relationships, due I think to my self esteem being severely dinted as a child ..... I was not allowed to express myself at play as a normal person and told that "you can't do that, you might break a bone". Ok that shouldn't affect the way I related to others, especially females, but it did.
           
          I could go on and on, but I am not after sympathy or support (at least not about my past), My future may require that, although I am now comfortable with my ability to deal with most things that come my way.  
           
          One of the things I have learnt along my way is acceptance of myself, and to not blame others for my own actions (which is so easily done) to ease the pain I have put myself through. I should explain that that does not imply that external things and people are exempt from all responsibility, all people should shoulder their own actions.
           
          I became a Reiki Master nearly three years ago. That was one of many changes to my way of thinking. I have for many years had an ability to perceive the emotions of other people and occasionally had the honour of being some support to those people. Along with that came "why can't people see or feel my pain", these were more years of growing. I will not go on about all the individual experiences that have led me to improving my lot in life, but one thing about my philosophy is that the most important thing about learning is to accept unconditionally all that comes my way.
           
          Learning the hard way may not be acceptable to all and taking the "easy" or straight path may not teach the multitude of life experiences that are required to fulfil the commitments that we pledged ourselves by coming into this life. We can in an abstract way travel the "hard" path with a mindset of wanting to accept and experience all. With this in mind "all" becomes easier, the more acceptance and the less blame applied to people and experiences, the soul and spirit grows.
           
          "But here's the question:  what does it mean to embrace life?" ..... "I'm so blocked and so clenched up inside, I don't think I can truly embrace ANYTHING".
           
          Lil, to embrace life is to look into yourself and feel that you are worthy of yourself, to hug yourself, to love yourself, but most of all, to forgive. The physical body has a way of easing its own pain once the soul is able to comprehend the emotions of the mind and when stability is achieved by accepting self you "will" EMBRACE LIFE.
           
          Grandma's quote below is pretty spot on except the "Fuck everything". To give love and thought to yourself and others is a necessity that we forget when we are hurting, we will often lash out and hurt others in our fuck everything mindset and I don't think that is what we are meant to do.
           
          "Part of Grandma's message to me was "Fuck the pain! Fuck the terrible things that happen! Fuck what anyone else thinks! Fuck everything!" And to believe in myself, which I guess I so obviously do not... and to believe in God."
           
          I didn't mean to prattle on as much as I have and I sincerely hope you are not offended at my directness, that is me, as I have had to be direct to ascertain my reality though a harshness of control to be able to see clearly what is affecting me at the time. Try not to be ruled by emotion but use emotion as a tool for offering yourself to yourself. I do believe in God/Goddess and I would hope our prayers will be answered, but, the saying God helps nobody that doesn't help themselves is to me a truism.
           
          All love and blessing
          Malcolm
          ----- Original Message -----
          Sent: Friday, January 02, 2004 1:33 AM
          Subject: [Isis-House] Embrace Life?

          OK... my dear philosophical group... I need a little help from you. I figured that if I ask folks from Isis House, I will get a nice variety of answers, and variety, I believe, is what I need for my answers....
           
          Last night at a New Year's Eve party, I was with my housemate friends, at our mutual friend's house... and this mutual friend belongs to a virtual entire family of psychics.
           
          The eldest daughter, who knows my situation of being left in the dust emotionally by my husband (we're getting divorced; however, we are still living together in the same apartment, along with his new girlfriend and her 2 kids. They sleep in the large living room on several couches; I sleep alone in the bedroom.), came to me early on in the evening... she was quite exquisitely drunk, but she began prophesying to me about the connection of the solar plexus to the heart and the throat chakhras. It wasn't easy to understand her over the music, and also with her being extremely drunk, she was more than a little scary to me... and being bisexual myself, she was more than a little gorgeous to me... anyway, she intensely wanted me to believe in myself, to just radiate the heart that I have as a woman, and to know myself. KNOW MYSELF. Drunk or not, she's pretty right on about a lot of what she said. The hurts I have suffered in my lifetime, from very early on, have created blocks that I've struggled to overcome... and now this present pain, losing the one I thought was my forever love, my other half, my soul mate, has just devastated me. I'm learning to live with the reality, but the truth is, I don't feel that I can open my heart to anyone else, But here's the question:  what does it mean to embrace life? Because apparently my best efforts to do so have completely missed the mark, at least as far as God/Goddess is concerned. Because I'm so blocked and so clenched up inside, I don't think I can truly embrace ANYTHING.
           
          Part of Grandma's message to me was "Fuck the pain! Fuck the terrible things that happen! Fuck what anyone else thinks! Fuck everything!" And to believe in myself, which I guess I so obviously do not... and to believe in God.ever again, the way I opened myself to him. Anyway, I promised her that I had been searching for a direction, a mantra if you will, for the coming year, and that I would take on "know yourself, be yourself" as my direction. I managed to not break down sobbing in the middle fo the party, and although I was serious about taking on that direction, I did breathe a sigh of relief when someone managed to distract this exquisitely lovely woman!
           
          A couple of hours later, her mother, the matriarch we call "Grandma,"
          hit me with both barrells. Sort of an intervention, although I'm not taking drugs or doing stuff I shouldn't be doing ... she started prophesying at me too. I'm not going to go into everything she said, but understand that she had me crying my guts out. The gist of the message was, "Embrace life," and before you ask why this message would make any person dissolve into tears, I will tell you that I have fought suicidal depression for almost all of my life, as far back as I can remember... that I have put up such a good fight that I have never actually attempted suicide... but in the past few years, specifically since my last disabling accident, I have not been able to fight it like I used to. When my physical ailments multiplied, and I got a huge and horrible look into just how ghastly doctors can be when they're paid by insurance companies to LIE about a patient's condition... it was like being raped all over again.
           
          I don't know how I'm supposed to embrace life when in spite of my best efforts to work and to carry on with an already painful existence, some jackass allows an appliance to leak for a decade or more, causing me to slip, fly across the linoleum floor, and land in a twisted heap. My back was ruined, what was left of my knees was ruined, and what was probably already a life-long case of Rheumatoid Arthritis got so fierce I thought I was dying.
           
          OK, that was longer than I meant for it to be.  To pray to God/dess to restore my faith in God and myself. I told her I could do that much, and I will. I don't know what good it's going to do me, but I'll do it anyway.
           
          Anyway, if y'all can give me some pointers -- and I don't mean little sugar-coated, rose-encrusted little niceties and all, but some real, spiritual meat on the subject, I would be most grateful.
           
          New Yearly Yours,
          Lil



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