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Expensive Marriage Parties -- a cruel traditon

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  • Mathew Samuel
    Food for thought. Here is a scenario of the dilemma of a middleclass or poor man in our society when he tries to get his son daughter married. A middle class
    Message 1 of 824 , Dec 30, 2004
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      Food for thought.
      Here is a scenario of the dilemma of a middleclass or poor man in our
      society when he tries to get his son\daughter married.


      A middle class man earns his livelihood working hard for each paisa.
      When it is time to get his son married he sits down to prepare for the
      marriage. Whom should he call? whom can he avoid? He has been living
      in the same town the last 15-20 years, so he knows a lot of people
      there. He writes down the names. The list keeps growing. There seems
      no one he can avoid, because of the fear of the fallout from society.
      What does he do? Add to this his business associates and his son's contacts.
      Also add to this the same number from the other side.

      Once he has invited the people, how can he not have good food and
      party arranged for them? How can he just send them away with some
      snacks? Will he be able to live out the venom of retribution and
      ostracism from society if he does this?

      So what happens? He takes a huge loan on a hefty interest and arranges the
      best party in town. He takes comfort in the emotion "Its my son's
      marriage, the whole town should know this is the best marriage".

      Even after several years, he is in even more debt than ever before. He has
      still to pay off the debt of the marriage expenses. The same society
      ridicules him as a loser in life! A cruel price for being a social
      animal!

      The point is -- the society he lives in drives his actions, not the
      other way round.

      Imagine the mindset of a person whom he manages to avoid."Hmmm, I knew
      him for so long, but when it comes to marriage of his son, he just
      ignored me, what an insult! I will remember this insult till my
      death!"

      There is nothing in the prevalent Indian tradition today to restrict
      the number of persons from a family that come for marriage. Here in
      US, I have seen wedding cards with RSVP cards which show a number of
      the persons invited, but I have not seen an equivalent of that in
      India. So how many people should attend is more left to the common
      sense of the invited. ( and common sense is not that common).

      Isn't there something wrong here? Is this not a common situation? Is it
      not a wrong tradition creeping in? What changes are required in
      society? How can we help?

      These are the views of H.G. Dr. Geevarghese Mar Osthathios
      Metropolitan on expensive parties in marriages:

      "One of the most unpardonable crimes of our rich and middle class
      people is the superfluous show of wealth in wedding parties. Thousands
      of girls remain unwedded due to lack of finance and yet the few who
      can afford, do not help them for their minimum needs, but waste a
      colossal amount for wedding parties. If this evil practice is not
      curtailed, some model of Chinese revolution will come to India also
      and stop wedding parties for all people as none will be able to afford
      and the Government will strictly forbid it. Luxury is certainly a
      sin."

      (source:Orthodox Herald
      http://www.orthodoxherald.com/Archives/vol2iss4/FAQ.html)

      Is any one listening to Thirumeni's words?

      Regards,
      Mathew Samuel,
      Albany, NY
    • Dr.GeorgeK John
      Dear All, we were reading several messages on discussing the catholicate and patriarchate and i am sure that those arguments will never converge and touch to
      Message 824 of 824 , Apr 23 1:24 AM
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        Dear All,
        we were reading several messages on discussing the
        catholicate and patriarchate and i am sure that those
        arguments will never converge and touch to any
        conclusions as they are kept parallel today. the
        re-establishment of the catholicate of the 3rd century
        was done in malankara in 1912 for which there were
        objections within the church. however it was made
        right in 1964. still the confusion prevails.

        in one of my old postings i just mentioned about the
        establishment of a bishopate in Parumala seminary
        which is the spiritual power for all our church
        leaders, parishes all over the world and an undisputed
        pilgrimage for all irrespective of cast, creed and
        nation.
        St.Greegorios of Parumala himself went to Jeruselam
        and accepted the title of Jerusalem Patriarch in
        silence. However; never agreed to the request of HH
        Moran Peter III the Patriarch of Antioch to shift the
        saint's stay to Jerusalem. saint's staying back at
        Parumala resulted in the 2nd Jerusalem for us.
        it is a common sight in Parumala that a bishop is
        alway is visiting the sacred shrine.
        as suggested in my earlier postings can we position a
        bishop in that vacant seminary and re -establish the
        title 'Jerusalem Patriarch' under the St Thomas
        throne.
        this would fulfil the desire of the saint to activate
        the seminary as the spiritual centre for the church.
        this should be the only place where no Christian shall
        be denied of any sacraments because of the trivial
        church administration.

        with prayers
        Dr.GeorgeK John, Sharjah.
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