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Re: [HopeForADKids] Re: new to this site

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  • chad chritton
    We have survalance cameras set up in our home we have 4 cameras in all plus a video baby monitor. We tape my step daughter and yes we have shown her some of
    Message 1 of 11 , Feb 27, 2008
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      We have survalance cameras set up in our home we have 4 cameras in all plus a video baby monitor.  We tape my step daughter and yes we have shown her some of her behavior this causes her to hang her head in embrassement.  She knows we tape and she knows we have the cameras but after a while you forget they are there.  We have had to do this to protect our other children.  We also have door locks and alarms and motion detectors.  They help us know when she is trying to steal food or sneak anywhere in the house while we are sleeping.  She has a LOVE for knieves and to tell us she will kill us.  We had to go to these messures to protect our other 3 kids.
       
      I am not sure showing her them helps much but we have LOTS of tapes to show professionals if they question if it is her or US..........  Sad we have to do this.........
       
      Thanks for your thoughts.
       
      Even if your kids are not as "bad" as some of these kids living with any kind of RAD is HARD...........  Hang in there I know I am someone you can vent with............  I understand and soooo do soooo many of the kindered souls here..........  We need the support of each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
       
      Melinda

      Carolyn Caplinger <cmcaplinger@...> wrote:
      I actually video taped my son and then showed him the tape later. (He has some attachment issues but not the diagnosis.) He would only watch a minute or two and then shut it off. I think this helped a little. He actually saw himself in action and was ashamed of his behavior.
       
      Have you tried showing him the tapes? I don't know what it would do or if anyone else thinks it might help him see himself in a different view.
       
      Neither of my sons are as severe as most of your kids and neither has the diagnosis but both have signs and symptoms, especially my younger son. In my opinion I have one RAD kid, 1/2 of each of my kids (but even then it's not as severe as some of you). They each have symptoms but very few of the same ones. Something my older son does, my younger son doesn't do. Stuff that my younger son does, my older son doesn't do. Or if they do it, they only do it once or once in a while.
       


      MARK MAYERS <adoptingangels2@ verizon.net> wrote:
      Teri,
      I had to actually video tape my son to prove to people "I AM NOT CRAZY" & that it wasn't me. My family actually told me they think I am Bipolar until they seen the video tape. This went on for 5 yrs, now they see him for who he really is? My son was 2 1/2 at adoption from Russia & is now 10 1/2.
      Cindie 


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    • Patricia Pierce
      In addition to having a RAD son, now 23, who left at 18 and hasn t spoken to his family since that time I am married to a man who I am certain is also a
      Message 2 of 11 , Feb 27, 2008
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        In addition to having a RAD son, now 23, who left at 18 and hasn't spoken to his family since that time I am married to a man who I am certain is also a RADish.  When I was seeking answers for how to handle my son's leaving home the psychologist asked me if I'd heard of Reactive Attachment Disorder.  I had not so he suggested that I look it up on the internet.  My son had almost every symptom (though not to the extent that some of you are describing - I feel almost lucky), but immediately I saw several of my husband's behaviors in the list.  I'd spent 25 years thinking something was wrong with me because nothing I did was enough.  Seeing the list was an epiphany.
         
        My husband is a relatively successful businessman who has run a large company and is well liked by many, but has no real friends.  He has no empathy - he simply cannot understand how others feel nor does he care.  Every action he takes is about himself - though to someone else it may seem that he's being thoughtful, charitable, well mannered.  In our relationship he is one person - outside our relationship he's another and he's very careful to keep his explosions and abusiveness in a one to one setting so it's his word against my word or my other children's word.  So-o in answer to the question about how to develop empathy it has been my experience that it never develops.  The person only learns to be more manipulative as they observe how others get what they want.
         
        I would suggest that unless there is a desire to change that a child or adult who is RAD cannot develop empathy.  Their feelings are so skewed from normal that empathy is impossible because they simply aren't "built" like emotionally healthy individuals.  When your entire being is about protecting and taking care of yourself there's no room for taking care of others.
         
        Pat  

        chad chritton <cheddarheadexpress@...> wrote:
        We have survalance cameras set up in our home we have 4 cameras in all plus a video baby monitor.  We tape my step daughter and yes we have shown her some of her behavior this causes her to hang her head in embrassement.  She knows we tape and she knows we have the cameras but after a while you forget they are there.  We have had to do this to protect our other children.  We also have door locks and alarms and motion detectors.  They help us know when she is trying to steal food or sneak anywhere in the house while we are sleeping.  She has a LOVE for knieves and to tell us she will kill us.  We had to go to these messures to protect our other 3 kids.
         
        I am not sure showing her them helps much but we have LOTS of tapes to show professionals if they question if it is her or US..........  Sad we have to do this........ .
         
        Thanks for your thoughts.
         
        Even if your kids are not as "bad" as some of these kids living with any kind of RAD is HARD........ ...  Hang in there I know I am someone you can vent with........ ....  I understand and soooo do soooo many of the kindered souls here........ ..  We need the support of each other!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!
         
        Melinda

        Carolyn Caplinger <cmcaplinger@ yahoo.com> wrote:
        I actually video taped my son and then showed him the tape later. (He has some attachment issues but not the diagnosis.) He would only watch a minute or two and then shut it off. I think this helped a little. He actually saw himself in action and was ashamed of his behavior.
         
        Have you tried showing him the tapes? I don't know what it would do or if anyone else thinks it might help him see himself in a different view.
         
        Neither of my sons are as severe as most of your kids and neither has the diagnosis but both have signs and symptoms, especially my younger son. In my opinion I have one RAD kid, 1/2 of each of my kids (but even then it's not as severe as some of you). They each have symptoms but very few of the same ones. Something my older son does, my younger son doesn't do. Stuff that my younger son does, my older son doesn't do. Or if they do it, they only do it once or once in a while.
         


        MARK MAYERS <adoptingangels2@ verizon.net> wrote:
        Teri,
        I had to actually video tape my son to prove to people "I AM NOT CRAZY" & that it wasn't me. My family actually told me they think I am Bipolar until they seen the video tape. This went on for 5 yrs, now they see him for who he really is? My son was 2 1/2 at adoption from Russia & is now 10 1/2.
        Cindie 


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      • bajanomad
        Apparently someone was Googling names of people mentioned in the following article - and found a couple postings to this group back in 2008 (and emailed the
        Message 3 of 11 , Feb 14, 2012
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          Apparently someone was "Googling" names of people mentioned in the following article - and found a couple postings to this group back in 2008 (and emailed the news item to me):

          http://tinyurl.com/6qlfpm9

          A Madison man and his wife have been arrested for allegedly torturing and starving the man's 15-year-old daughter, who told authorities she was forced to live in the basement of their home on the city's Southeast Side for years.

          The girl, who weighs about 70 pounds, told authorities she was forced to drink her urine and eat her feces, according to a police affidavit. She said she was forced to live in the basement of the home at 4609 Treichel St. since about 2006, eating only what she could pick off the floor, find in the laundry or take out of the garbage, and that she has been physically injured by both her father and stepmother.

          Chad G. Chritton, 40, and Melinda J. Drabek-Chritton, 42, were being held Tuesday in Dane County Jail. Bail for each was set at $20,000.
          Joshua P. Drabek, 18, the girl's stepbrother, also was arrested on an alleged probation violation.

          A doctor specializing in child abuse who examined the girl Friday said she suffered from "serial torture with prolonged exposure to definite starvation," Madison police spokesman Joel DeSpain said.

          Dr. Barbara Knox of American Family Children's Hospital told police the malnutrition the girl suffered "poses a significant risk of death" and that chronic starvation had caused her puberty to be arrested, the affidavit states. Knox also said that because of the starvation and severe malnutrition, the girl would be at high risk for other disorders and complications that can lead to death.

          DeSpain said a passerby notified McFarland police after seeing the girl walking barefoot and wearing only pajamas a few blocks from her home on Feb. 6. Paramedics were called to evaluate the girl, who was taken to a Madison hospital.

          According to the affidavit, the girl told authorities she fled the residence because she was afraid "Melinda was going to throw me down the stairs." She said she had been let out of the basement to "clean some papers" for Drabek-Chritton, who became angry because she wasn't doing it fast enough and threatened to throw her down the stairs.
          DeSpain said the girl's father initially gave police medical explanations for her condition, but a hospital social worker told police there was likely much more to the case.

          DeSpain said the girl was forced to spend most of her time in the basement without a bathroom and was given little to eat, and an alarm would sound if she went upstairs.

          According to the affidavit, Drabek-Chritton was home-schooling the girl.

          Police searched the home Monday and seized potential evidence, DeSpain said.

          Drabek-Chritton has owned the home in the Twin Oaks neighborhood near McFarland since 2005, purchasing it from Habitat for Humanity.

          Perry Ecton, CEO of Habitat for Humanity of Dane County, confirmed Monday evening that Melinda Drabek had applied with Habitat in 2004 and closed on the home in December 2005 as a single mother with two boys. Ecton said there was no mention of a girl in the application to his knowledge and that Chad Chritton was referenced in the application as the "father of one of the boys and a friend — not living in the home."

          Ecton added that families accepted into Habitat go through an extensive background check, which includes a credit report, landlord verification, employment verification and searches of Wisconsin court records and sex offender registries. Habitat also requires an in-home visit with families before they are allowed to move in.

          "Habitat's first and foremost priority in this situation is the health and well-being of the girl," Ecton added.

          In 2007, an unnamed person alleged the girl may have been molested by a family member, but the girl did not corroborate the allegation and she appeared healthy at the time, DeSpain said. A detective told other agencies involved to contact police if the girl disclosed more information about the allegation.

          -------------

          Original HopeForADKids posting from Feb 25, 2008:

          --- In HopeForADKids@yahoogroups.com, "cheddarheadexpress" <cheddarheadexpress@...> wrote:
          >
          > Hello everyone
          >
          > Finally I do not feel alone or like Alice in wonderland falling down
          > the rabit hole............. Thank you for this site...... A little
          > about us I am the step mom to a RAD (not diagonsed yet but the
          > psychologist Rhonda I have talked with believes she is classic RAD)
          >
          > She has been in our home for almost 3 yrs now. Mom was living with
          > a sex offender and we now have her mom cut off all communication and
          > tempinated her rights almost 2 1/2 yrs ago not even a good bye.......
          >
          > Sandra has done so many of the simular things as many of your
          > children here. She pees on her bed and clothing, poops in bags
          > leaves them under her bed, steals food, steals anything not nailed
          > down, shuts down, stands in one spot for hours on hours with head
          > down, pure hate in her eyes, does not speak unless spoken too and
          > then most of the time still has head down. She has done so many
          > things that I felt like I was the worst person on earth. She has
          > made me question my own sanity. My husband and I have 3 other boys
          > 14, 3, and 1 Sandra is 11 now.
          >
          > I have thought my husband and I would divorce over this child but
          > that is what she wants. She tells me daily she wants me dead so she
          > can have daddy all to herself and sleep in his bed...............
          > eekkkkk
          >
          > To stangers she is the perfect little girl sweet and talkative but
          > here she is soo the opposite. She came after me about 2 yrs ago
          > with a knief. We had her hospitalized for a month but they would
          > not give us a diagnosis or meds for her........... They think she
          > could have RAD or DPD, or Asbergers or posttramatic stress or
          > bipolor, no one will tell us because they do not know and every
          > therapists looks at us like we are the NUT cases........
          >
          > Sometimes I think maybe it is me maybe I am the one crazy........
          > Sometimes I really dislike her and it takes everything I have not to
          > scream.......... She loves to get reactions and negitive
          > ones.......... My poor hair is getting so grey!!!!!!!!
          >
          > I keep thinking why did God allow us to get custody of this child
          > certainly not to rip out family apart?!?!? But that is what it is
          > doing............. Help!!!!!!!!!! How do I get a doctor to see
          > this for what it is and medicate her to help her regulate her
          > anger. She seems to have just a few moods and that is anger,
          > jelousy and hate. With other people she is sweet as pie unless she
          > feels she needs to form a relationship then this comes out to them
          > also.
          >
          > We sent her to her grandparents for the summer she was great at
          > first then the stealing, lieing, hording started and peeing then she
          > accussed her 12 yr old uncle of touching her and they sent her back
          > to us and no longer want a relationship with her or us but blame me
          > and say I do not have her best interest in mind...................
          >
          > We have lost all our friends and family due to us venting about her
          > to them no one wants anything to do with us anymore. I feel so
          > alone and crazy................
          >
          > The social worker we talked to about her and the peeing and pooping
          > said oh she is fine that is normal of a 11 yr old................
          > ugh I feel helpless and so alone.........
          >
          > Thanks for listening and thank you for this site............ God
          > bless
          >
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