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  • ashley smith
    awww - the stories you are telling me are bringing back hurtful memories of experiences I ve had too. There are some kinds of relationships that White people
    Message 1 of 4 , Apr 10 6:19 AM
      awww - the stories you are telling me are bringing back hurtful memories of experiences I've had too.
      There are some kinds of relationships that White people get into patronistically and think they are doing so great in them. They are all smiles and kind, but treat us like children, as if just by being White they are automatically superior in intelligence and wisdom and thinking that they are going to use this superiority benevol. That gets to wear thin after awhile because there is no real respect there. As long as the non-white person goes along with it everything is fine but if the non-White person expects to be treated equally with the diverse views then there is conflict. One example of it is in a relationship where the White person is well-to-do and the non-White person is poor, even working poor,, and the White person patronizes by trying to help the poor non-White to 'assimilate' better, with the assumption that the poverty is because of poor capitalistic behavior ;  when it comes out that the poor person prefers poverty to exploitation of stock markets or goods made in foreign sweat shops ; or developed farm land then there is a conflict because it makes the wealthier person feel kind of guilty and they don't like that! Just let them compete for wealth and come out on top and then give a token of 'charity' to the ones that came out poorly in the 'competition'.   grrrrr   don't get me started.  Yeah, I know your ex-friend didn't want to be in the black gruop, and was just shocked that they didn't get all excited that great White Bwana paid them a condescending visit, by accident yet. btw I've also been patronized by Hispanics the same well intentioned way.
      And yet, in all of that,  I'm reminded now of the poem The Desiderata. I have that on the wall right next to my frong door so I'll see it when I go out.
      "Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
      As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
      If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
      Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
      Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
      Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
      Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
      With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
      Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
      Max Ehrmann c.1920

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