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Re: [Generation-Mixed] Re: When people ask .....

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  • Philip Arnell
    I like your style Ashley. Very well advised. ashley smith wrote: Thank you, Nicole! I ve been watching the threads and haven t said
    Message 1 of 44 , Aug 20, 2007
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      I like your style Ashley. Very well advised.

      ashley smith <ashley717717@...> wrote:
      Thank you, Nicole!

      I've been watching the threads and haven't
      said much, but, it seems a lot of us are
      taking offense when there is none meant.

      We seem to be sometimes very touchy
      because we have a problem being Mixed.

      I've gone through everything mentioned here.

      People aggressively walking up to
      check my son's ears or fingernails,
      or whatever, and asking nosy questions.

      We are not obligated to answer them.

      I learned to establish a boundary,
      and say to such an aggressive stranger,
      "Please get your hands off of my son.
      We don't know you, and consider
      it intrusive. Thank you."

      They do back off.

      The same for nosy questions.

      We don't have to cop a big attitude.
      We can try to distinguish whether it
      is an opportunity to educate someone,
      or whther the person is offensive.
      We can then decide how
      much info to give, if any.

      We can decline calmly, with something
      like, "Excuse me, but I don't know
      you, and prefer not to discuss our
      personal information with you."

      To the question of, "Is he yours?"
      A simple answer of "yes" with an
      expression then that indicates the
      discussion is over usually works.

      Some people do have boundary issues,
      like lack of them, and we can calmly
      and clearly let people know where our
      boundaries are and keep them firm.

         I used to also be touchy, and was at
      Indian powwows where poeple would walk up
      and ask all kind of ignorant questions.

        I used to cop and attitude, but then an elder
      medicine man told me not to do that, and to act
      more like an ambassador, giving people general
      educational information in a patient way.


      Yahoo! oneSearch: Finally, mobile search that gives answers, not web links.

    • Richard S
      Yes, that was I. And it happens way too often!! lol mulatta_loca wrote: Yes, it seems that White people, like all other people, face
      Message 44 of 44 , Sep 5, 2007
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        Yes, that was I. And it happens way too often!! lol


        "mulatta_loca" <rosanna_armendariz@...> wrote:


        Yes, it seems that White people, like all
        other people, face stereotypes regarding
        how they are supposed to act, talk,
        what they should do for a living, etc.

        Someone else in this group, I believe it
        was Richard, said that b/c of how he lives
        his life people often assume that he is
        Mixed as well, but he is actually Caucasian.

        So funny. Maybe one day as a society we
        can rid ourselves of these limiting views.



        J R <jrowe322@...> wrote:


        Thank you so much for your
        response and feedback.
        And just for clarification I am a woman
        which does add another dimension.

        I really appreciate your thoughtful
        reflections and have often thought
        about writing a book about it.
        It is an amazing exploration of the
        race-conscious world we live in and has
        definitely made me reflect on my entire
        development in a world that sees and places
        values on people because of their skin tone.
        I was raised in a basically all White community
        growing up and when I moved to the city,
        I honestly felt like I was coming home
        because i was received so differently.
        It hasn't been really until the last few
        years that I have had the realization
        of why this might be happening.
        Being raised in the community I was in, I was
        trained to "not see color" as well as trained
        how to manage my world based on privilege.

        But i never felt like I was part of that
        world ever and always felt out of place.
        anyway, just interesting...I kind of explain it
        this way...your race or cultural background
        even is dictated by two things....

        1) the way you experience the world (the cumulative
        effects of the history of your family and community
        and the way that has developed beliefs, attitudes and
        values that create a lense for you to see the world)

        2) and the way the world experiences you.....
        based a smattering of assumptions because
        of how you look and what you do and all the
        surface things that make up your "profile"

        But thanks for letting me share this because
        sometimes it weighs on me in ways that can
        make my daily experience challenging for the
        reasons you so insightfully pointed out. ............



        Pierre <pierrejefferson2007@...> wrote:



        JR this is a switch from the norm.
        I guess one can say its extremely amusing!
        but very confusing for EVERYONE that thinks your
        almost everything else racially other than White.

        And being White with a darker look can be liken to a
        double identify for you to deal with your self daily.
        In the mist of this mystery you have had
        many advantages to peer deeply into
        the emotions of other ethnicity's as a
        mistaken member of their group or race.
        Like a concealed Caucasian co-existing
        with other races hearing personal information,
        that these races might not have express
        to you if they knew you were White.
        I'm sure you derived a lot of sympathy and
        advantages by being perceived as a man-of-color,
        from job hiring even to promotions.
        With an occupation currently that incorporates
        racial Ethnicity's in your line of questioning`
        many times you see no need
        to inform them that your White!
        it could hamper your ability to reach them`
        or make them feel more comfortable
        with you by doing so.
        The assumption that you are one of them
        shows how race is a powerful force that people
        still use to group them selves, if you're working
        in a racially mixed diverse environment as a
        Caucasian that appears to be non-Caucasian,
        i see can see how you may feel your working
        under cover some how, like your almost a
        non-person with no diffident racial identity,
        i could say its almost like being a color wheel,
        that can stop almost at any given place or
        location with out question or suspicion.
        From Mixed... Black..Puerto Rican ...
        Spanish ... Hispanic … Latino or other?
        Your entire life has been a dark shadow of your true
        self, actually you may be better equipped to live in
        this society as a White man that's experienced the
        prejudice of racism first hand perhaps in some cases.
        One can read books on racism` one can hear about
        people of color` but unless one experiences this
        personally, they will never have a true clue
        on what its like to be a person-of-color.
        You have had this experience!

        so in the full measure of your experience JR`
        you in my opinion are a Multi-Cultured White Person"

        living in a race conscious society.
        Having Mixed nieces and nephews,
        being intimate with different cultural back grounds
        has further enlightened you and sensitized
        you to respecting diversity even more`
        seeing through racial stereotypes usually
        as false messages with greater ability.
        to seeing other races as human beings and nothing less.
        I personally believe you should reveal your true racial
        identity if someone asks for this frees them from
        suspicion and frees you from a double identity.

        Yes race shouldn't matter!
        But we must be realistic it does matter currently`

        but being proud of who you are
        shouldn't dwell solely on 'what you are'.

        Eventually if we ever get past the color wheel we can
        fully see each other as people instead of races.

        Pierre



        J R <jrowe322@...> wrote:


        I have been on this list-serve for a while and
        this is definitely an issue I deal with all the time.
        However, the strange thing about is that I am White
        but EVERYONE thinks I am something else.
        It has put me in some very interesting
        and awkward situations.
        Especially because I do diversity work
        and social justice work, I am contact
        most of the time with people-of-color.
        I have also dealt with employment situations where it
        was clear after I was hired that they thought I was a
        person-of-color and that had they assumed I was White
        instead of something else, I may not have gotten the job.
        I have dealt with this all my life but now, because
        of the work I am in, I am really struggling with it.
        Before my work environment (as a Spanish teacher)
        most if not all of my colleagues were White and
        White people do not talk about race...hardly ever ...
        I would get the occasional ... are you
        Puerto Rican? Spanish? Hispanic? Latino?
        But now that my work is about race with a very diverse
        work environment race comes up all the time and many
        times they do not ASK me what my background is
        but assume I am someone of Mixed ethnicity.
        I have realized over time that different people
        think I am different Ethnicities from Mixed, to
        "black", to all different Hispanic/Latino groups.
        I really struggle with it now because of the work
        I do there is an assumption of credibility
        if others think I am a person-of-color.

        My nieces and nephews are all Mixed and I have
        been rooted through intimate relationships in a
        variety a different cultural backgrounds and I feel
        very connected to issues surrounding different
        communities but the fact remains that I am White...

        Is it my responsibility to tell people
        every time they make a comment that
        infers that they believe I am a person-of-color?

        I would appreciate your thoughts.



        Nciole <throughoureyes@...:> wrote:


        I've been reading everyone's responses and I'd like to
        say a couple of more things, adding to what I said earlier:
        I do think the way people can be
        is insensitive and dehumanizing.
        I was shocked when some posters told about people
        walking up to their children and "inspecting" them.
        THAT is just APALLING.
        Obviously they don't realise that these children
        are taking all of this in ... and might be
        hurting because of their insensitive actions.
        And as far as whether it's "our duty" to educate ... well ...
        I would say no actually, because it can be a bit of a
        burden and it's really up to each of us individually
        as to how we respond to people, whether
        they be genuinely curious or close-minded.
        I choose to be open about my heritage
        for the reasons I've already stated.
        But again, I can usually tell why someone is asking.
        Oddly enough, when I evaluate my own
        experiences, most are genuinely curious.
        But then I get the people who assume
        they know what I am without even asking.
        I can handle if someone actually asks questions
        like, ... "What part of India are you from?", or
        "You look like you're Puerto Rican.
        Are you?" Then I can actually explain things to them.
        But when they assume, I feel rather awkward.
        For example: I once went to a job "interview"
        (turns out it was a seminar for one of these insurance
        companies that sells term life and health to elderly
        people, and you're paid only commission)
        and the guy conducting it said at one point,
        "I know you can definitely reach out to people
        in your community, especially being bilingual."
        I looked at him rather funny, to which he replied,
        "You speak Spanish, don't you?"
        I know a little high school French, a little college German,
        and I've picked up some Hindi and Telugu being around
        my fiance and his family .... but no, no Spanish.
        I replied in kind.
        "Well, you should really learn Spanish, to
        communicate with your community," he replies.
        To which I reply,
        "I'm not Hispanic.
        I'm half-Black, half-White.
        " His reply:
        "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were Hispanic."
        Such is the life.....

        Nicole Nicholson, Editor, Through Our Eyes
        http://www.geocities.com/throughoureyes
        http://www.myspace.com/through_our_eyes_zine
        throughoureyes@...



        "mulatta_loca" <rosanna_armendariz@> wrote:


        Exactly, Pierre.I couldn't agree more.

        In a way it is like the slave auction days, where a
        person's physical attributes were put on display
        and examined-- A very dehumanizing process.

        And you are so right that often after someone
        asks a Mixed-Race person about their ethnicity or
        the ethnicity of their children, they will not be satisfied
        with the answer b/c it does not mesh with whatever
        preconceived notion they had in their head.

        As I stated in one of my previous posts,
        this has happened to me many times.
        People have felt the need to argue
        with me about what I am. Ridiculous!

        Thank you, Pierre, for your insights.
        I always appreciate reading your
        comments on this message board.



        pierre jefferson <pierrejefferson2007@> wrote:



        For some reason some people think they
        have a right to touch and examine
        your children if they are of Mixed race.
        It reminds me of the slave auction days as they would
        touch slave and examine them like grades of beef.
        Dehumanizing and totally disrespectful
        to you and your children.
        If you were to go over and start
        touching and examining their children,
        I'm sure it would be viewed as an attack on their beings.
        Some Mixed race people have been treated like objects
        of amusement and wonder because they don't reflect
        the established images that society is accustom too.
        People always want to fill in the dots and bring
        closure to their suspicions by asking questions and
        comparing the parent or parents to the Mixed child.
        Even when they find out the truth most
        still are not satisfied with the results,
        and may still stare and debate the issue.

        In some cases the Mixed race child have been
        treated like an outcast simply by being difference
        and made to fill these emotions by cruel people.
        The Mixed race child must never feel that they are wrong
        or unacceptable, for if they do it... could lead them into
        a maze of social problems for the rest of their lives
        Actually their is no problem Mixed race
        people and children are not the problem.

        The problem is the problem makers
        that still co exist with them.

        Pierre



        ashley smith <ashley717717@> wrote:



        Thank you, Nicole!

        I've been watching the threads and haven't
        said much, but, it seems a lot of us are
        taking offense when there is none meant.

        We seem to be sometimes very touchy
        because we have a problem being Mixed.

        I've gone through everything mentioned here.
        People aggressively walking up to check my son's
        ears or fingernails,or whatever, and asking nosy
        questions. We are not obligated to answer them.

        I learned to establish a boundary, and
        say to such an aggressive stranger,
        "Please get your hands off of my son.
        We don't know you, and consider it intrusive.
        Thank you."

        They do back off.
        The same for nosy questions.


        We don't have to cop a big attitude.

        We can try to distinguish whether it is
        an opportunity to educate someone,
        or whether the person is offensive.


        We can then decide how much info to give, if any.
        We can decline calmly, with something like,
        "Excuse me, but I don't know you, and prefer not
        to discuss our personal information with you."
        To the question of, "Is he yours?"
        A simple answer of "yes" with an expression then
        that indicates the discussion is over usually works.

        Some people do have boundary issues, like lack
        of them, and we can calmly and clearly let people
        know where our boundaries are and keep them firm.

        I used to also be touchy, and was at Indian
        powwows where people would walk up
        and ask all kind of ignorant questions.
        I used to cop and attitude, but then
        an elder medicine man told me not
        to do that, and to act more like an
        ambassador, giving people general
        educational information in a patient way.
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