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4143I choose my own identity

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  • technoek
    Jul 3, 2011
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      Growing up (I'm 18 now) I would consider my self black
      Well that's the thing, I considered myself as such, I never had issues
      with my identity.

      Well it wasn't until I went to New Orleans, to see my family, that I noticed I was treated different. Kids would call single me out and pick on me. I would get called names like yellow, mutt, half breed.

      I was mistaken as a Creole's kids brother (years later only to find out, I'm creole by heritage on my fathers side. Only I considered myself black why wasn't I treated as black.

      It wasn't until 9th grade, that a black kid looked at me scoffed and said, you think your black ? You don't look black to me. I used to grow an afro out so the kids wouldn't bother me (Which turns out I don't even have kinky hair, but actually curly loose coiled when taken care of) Yet whites call me black so I get confused

      Myself esteem hit rock bottom after that. I started wearing a hoodie so the other kids wouldn't look at me. I finally decided to ask my mother why kids pick on me. She finally sat down and talked to me about my heritage. My mother went through the same. She was always mistaken for hispanic or half white. Her hair she doesn't actually know her hair type is always relaxed her hair, which I began looking at old photos she didn't have to, her hair wasn't an afro it was wavy curly.

      People would walk up to her speaking Spanish, she would laugh and said she used to be mexican girl in high school. She finally told me this,

      My Great Grandther, William Crouch was Half German, Half (We still aren't sure) his father was from Heidelberg Germany, he came to the USA in 1912, and married a I believe my family members think she was a Bi racial woman, she was called neither black nor white. Anyway. My great grandfather, William Crouch married a Half Black Half Native American (From the Sioux tribe ?) I only somewhat believe it because I'm the only one with slanted eyes (even the epicanthic folds) (no offense I love my eyes , even if it looks like I'm squinting all the time) Well my Grandmother was born, she was a Griffe and she married my grandfather, only odd thing about my grandfather is his father was adopted, my great grandmother on his side was pregnant when he met my grandfathers father. I can't say what he is, because he looks mixed in phenotype, only were not sure what we suspect Chinese or native american. Then my mother is born, she had met my father fell in love and had me and my little brother we are the only full brothers.

      Well my dad is Creole, but he's a Black Creole (Dark skinned but still mixed) His hair is wavy.

      My little brother has wavy hair, I have wavy curly.

      Father is of French Creole, his last name is Claiborne, his real name is James Douglas Claiborne and James Douglas Nicholas Claiborne.

      I don't look stereo typically black, which I believe is stupid because how can someone look Black doesn't make sense to me. Just because they look like the stereotype doesn't mean they aren't mixed.

      Slanted Eyes (I look either bored or angry all the time)
      Sharp Nose
      High Cheekbone but not pronounced
      Round/Oval Face
      Yellowish Brown Skin tone
      Bushy Eye Brows
      Small lips

      I've been confused for puerto rican, Filipino, half french, half Italian, half white basically, half Asian, I've been called Japanese by some. Also half mexican, reason for this is because I look like my older brother who's half mexican. some say I look half Native American, I'm not sure if I do or not.

      Here a picture of me next to my friend.


      I relaxed my hair in these pic, I stopped after realizing it was stupid and really pointless. So now I just take care of my hair.


      Here's my Mother:


      I don't have a picture of my father sadly.