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*********GRAPJAS********** 1 June 1999

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  • pix@xxxx.xx.xx
    Welkom by die 48ste aflewering van GRAPJAS, ons eie Afrikaanse Lag_ n_dag. The jokes will be in English some days and Afrikaans the next day, of sommer n
    Message 1 of 1 , Jun 1, 1999
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      Welkom by die 48ste aflewering van GRAPJAS, ons eie
      Afrikaanse Lag_'n_dag. The jokes will be in English some days
      and Afrikaans the next day, of sommer 'n mix.

      Just remember, we don't pull punches, we say something the
      way we see it, so if you are easily offended, stuur dan GRAPJAS
      aan vir jou verligte maatjie, okei? By the way, die 2de Junie is
      nie net n�g 'n vakansie dag nie, lig jou op en gaan STEM!!


      Thought this piece apt for the times we are living in:

      The Politically Correct Little Red Riding Hood

      There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who
      lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare
      plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only
      someone took the time to study them.

      Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes
      referred to as "mother", although she didn't mean to imply by this
      term that she would have thought less of the person if a close
      biological link did not in fact exist. Nor did she intend to denigrate
      the equal value of nontraditional households, although she was
      sorry if this was the impression conveyed.

      One day her mother asked her to take a basket of organically grown
      fruit and mineral water to her grandmother's house. She said, "But
      mother, won't this be stealing work from the unionized people
      who have struggled for years to earn the right to carry all packages
      between various people in the woods?"

      Red Riding Hood's mother assured her that she had called the union
      boss and gotten a special compassionate mission exemption form.
      "But mother, aren't you oppressing me by ordering me to do this?"

      Red Riding Hood's mother pointed out that it was impossible for
      women to oppress each other, since all women were equally
      oppressed until all women were free "But mother, then shouldn't you
      have my brother carry the basket, since he's an oppressor, and
      should learn what it's like to be oppressed?"

      And Red Riding Hood's mother explained that her brother was
      attending a special rally for animal rights, and besides, this wasn't
      stereotypical women's work, but an empowering deed that would
      help engender a feeling of community. "But won't I be oppressing
      Grandma, by implying that she's sick and hence unable to
      independently further her own selfhood?"

      Red Riding Hood's mother explained that her grandmother wasn't
      actually sick or incapacitated or mentally handicapped in any way,
      although that was not to imply that any of these conditions were
      inferior to what some people called "health". Thus Red Riding Hood
      felt that she could get behind the idea of delivering the basket to her
      grandmother, and so she set off.

      Many people believed that the forest was a foreboding and dangerous
      place, but Red Riding Hood knew that this was an irrational fear based
      on cultural paradigms instilled by a patriarchal society that
      regarded the natural world as an exploitable resource, and hence
      believed that natural predators were in fact intolerable competitors.
      Other people avoided the woods for fear of thieves and deviants, but
      Red Riding Hood felt that in a truly classless society all
      marginalized peoples would be able to "come out" of the woods and be
      accepted as valid lifestyle role models.

      On her way to Grandma's house, Red Riding Hood passed a woodchopper,
      and wandered off the path, in order to examine some flowers. She was
      startled to find herself standing before a Wolf, who asked her what was
      in her basket. Red Riding Hood's teacher had warned her never to talk to
      strangers, but she was confident in taking control of her own budding
      sexuality, and chose to dialogue with the Wolf.

      She replied, "I am taking my Grandmother some healthful snacks in a
      gesture of solidarity." The Wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for
      a little girl to walk through these woods alone." Red Riding Hood said,
      "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it
      because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress
      of which has caused you to develop an alternative and yet entirely valid
      worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I would prefer to be on my way."

      Red Riding Hood returned to the main path, and proceeded towards her
      Grandmother's house. But because his status outside society had freed
      him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-style thought, the Wolf
      knew of a quicker route to Grandma's house. He burst into the house and
      ate Grandma, a course of action affirmative of his nature as a predator.
      Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist gender role notions, he put on
      Grandma's nightclothes, crawled under the bedclothes, and awaited

      Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said, "Grandma, I have
      brought you some cruelty free snacks to salute you in your role of wise
      and nurturing matriarch." The Wolf said softly "Come closer, child, so
      that I might see you."

      Red Riding Hood said, "Goodness! Grandma, what big eyes you have!"

      "You forget that I am optically challenged."

      "And Grandma, what an enormous, and what a fine nose you have."

      "Naturally, I could have had it fixed to help my acting career, but I
      didn't give in to such societal pressures, my child."

      "And Grandma, what very big, sharp teeth you have!" The Wolf could not
      take any more of these specist slurs, and, in a reaction appropriate for
      his accustomed milieu, he leaped out of bed, grabbed Little Red Riding
      Hood, and opened his jaws so wide that she could see her poor
      Grandmother cowering in his belly. "Aren't you forgetting something?"
      Red Riding Hood bravely shouted. "You must request my permission
      before proceeding to a new level of intimacy!"

      The Wolf was so startled by this statement that he loosened his grasp on
      her. At the same time, the woodchopper burst into the cottage, brandishing
      an ax.

      "Hands off!" cried the woodchopper.

      "And what do you think you're doing?" cried Little Red Riding Hood.
      "If I let you help me now, I would be expressing a lack of confidence in my
      own abilities, which would lead to poor self esteem and lower achievement
      scores on college entrance exams."

      "Last chance, sister! Get your hands off that endangered species! This
      is an FBI sting!" screamed the woodchopper, and when Little Red Riding
      Hood nonetheless made a sudden motion, he sliced off her head.

      "Thank goodness you got here in time," said the Wolf. "The brat and
      her grandmother lured me in here. I thought I was a goner."

      "No, I think I'm the real victim, here," said the woodchopper. "I've
      been dealing with my anger ever since I saw her picking those protected
      flowers earlier. And now I'm going to have such a trauma. Do you have
      any aspirin?"

      "Sure," said the Wolf.


      "I feel your pain," said the Wolf, and he patted the woodchopper on
      his firm, well padded back, gave a little belch, and said "Do you have
      any Maalox?"

      By Nomad - Newsgroups: za.humour


      South Africans home and abroad - Join GRAPJAS
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      Cheers until tomorrow and hou die blinkkant bo!*

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