Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.

GRAPJAS Maandag 7 Februarie 2000

Expand Messages
  • pix@mweb.co.za
    Hallo Welkom by die 149 ste aflewering van GRAPJAS, ons eie Afrikaanse Lag_ n_dag. The jokes will be in English some days and Afrikaans the next day, of sommer
    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 6, 2000
    • 0 Attachment
      Hallo

      Welkom by die 149 ste aflewering van GRAPJAS, ons eie Afrikaanse
      Lag_'n_dag. The jokes will be in English some days and Afrikaans the
      next day, of sommer 'n mix. Die Grapjas tuisblad is terug op die web.
      Gaan loer gerus by http://pixwebsites.com/grapjas/
      As jy nog nie lid van Grapjas is nie, sluit aan deur 'n blanko e-pos te
      stuur aan grapjas-subscribe@onelist.com. As jy hier lees, kan jy net
      sowel aansluit.

      **********GRAPJAS**********

      Voor ons by vandag se laggies kom, hier is 'n paar wenke wat werk!
      (As jy nog goeie wenke het, stuur dit gerus aan grapjas@...

      ADRES BOEKIES

      Wil u bespaar? Moenie u ou telefoongids weggooi nie. Dit maak die
      ideale adresboekie. Trek net 'n streep deur die name en adresse
      van mense wat jy nie ken nie, en siedaar, jou eie persoonlike adresboek!

      Die uitstekende wenk van ookmaarlekkerstupid@...

      MEDIESE ADVIES

      Hier's 'n wenk as 'n persoon verstik aan 'n ysblokkie. Bly kalm en gooi
      'n beker kookwater in sy keel af. Dit sal die ysblokkie onmiddellik smelt
      en siedaar, jy het 'n lewe gered!

      Die goeie advies kom van drvandierolgeskraap@...

      Volgende week nog handige wenke.

      **********GRAPJAS**********

      Vandag se laggies:

      1. 'n Hele lawwe hoesery.
      2. Bid vir my!
      3. A survival guide for visitors to South Africa.
      4. 3 Wyse manne (Nog 'n engelse een)

      **********GRAPJAS**********

      Koos kom by die dokter se spreekkamer in vir 'n opvolg besoek.

      "Hoe is die hoes vandag, Koos?"

      "Baie beter dankie dokter, ek het heelnag geoefen!"

      **********GRAPJAS**********

      Kleinkoos was 'n klein derduiwel en het kliphard kommentaar
      gelewer gedurende die kerkdiens, tot die skaamte van sy
      arme ouers. Mooipraat en dreig wou nie help nie, en die res
      van die gemeente het hulle koppe geskud en afkeurend na
      die ouers gekyk.

      Die pa kon later die skande nie meer verduur nie, gryp Kleinkoos
      onder die arm en marsjeer die gangetjie af, kerk uit. So half met die
      paadjie af, loer Kleinkoos so onder sy pa se arm uit en skreeu
      benoud "BID VIR MY! BID VIR MY!!!"

      **********GRAPJAS**********

      A survival guide for visitors to South Africa.

      What is a braai? It is the first thing you will be invited to when
      you visit South Africa. A braai is a backyard barbecue and it
      will take place whatever the weather. So you will have to go
      even if it's raining like mad and hang of a cold. At a braai you
      will be introduced to a substance known as mealiepap. Read
      further for an explanation of "pap".

      Now that you know what a braai is, here are some other
      words and phrases you will encounter in South Africa, used
      by folk of all persuasions, genders and ethnic adherences.
      You do need to know what they mean. Really.

      Ag. This is one of the most useful South African words.
      Pronounced like the "ach" in the German "achtung", it can be
      used to start a reply when you are asked a tricky question, as
      in: "Ag, I don't know". Or a sense of resignation: "Ag, I'll have
      some more pap then". It can stand alone too as a signal of
      irritation or of pleasure.

      Biltong. Similar to jerky, it is dried, salted meat and can be
      made from beef, ostrich, antelope or anything that was once
      alive and fairly large. It is usual for expatriate South Africans
      to say: "What I really miss is my biltong, man".

      Bioscope. Pronounced "byscope", its use is going out of
      fashion and in some urban areas, regrettably, it is being
      replaced by "movies" and"flicks".Sometimes it is reduced to
      "bio" or "scopes". But you may still be asked if you would
      like to go to the byscope.

      Blooming. Pronounced "blimming", it is roughly equivalent to
      "helluva", as in: "Ag, that pap I had at the braai made me
      blooming sick". For emphasis, "blooming" can be replaced by
      "bladdy" which, in turn, is a corruption of the Australian
      "bloody".

      Dirtbin. Self-explanatory, this is a garbage can. It is also
      called a "rubbish bin". If you refer to rubbish as "garbage" you
      will be considered blooming pretentious.

      Doll. A term of affection between males and females, it is
      used mostly in the Johannesburg area. A corrupted form of
      "darling", it will be heard thus: "Your turn to take out the
      dirtbin, Doll". "But I took it out the last time, Doll". "Well take
      the bladdy thing out again, Doll".

      Eina. Widely used by all language groups, this word, derived
      from the Afrikaans, means "ouch". Pronounced "aynah", you
      can shout it out in sympathy when someone burns his finger
      on a hot potato at a braai.

      Fixed up. This means "good". An example is this exchange:
      "You don't have to take the dirtbin out, Doll; I took it already".
      "Fixed up, Doll".

      Isit? This is a great word in conversations. Derived from the
      two words "is" and "it", it can be used when you have nothing
      to contribute if someone tells you at the braai: "The Russians
      will succeed in their bid for capitalism once they adopt a work
      ethic and respect for private ownership". It is appropriate to
      respond by saying: "Isit?"

      Just now. Universally used, it means "eventually" and
      sometimes "never". If someone says he will do something
      "just now" it could be in 10 minutes or tomorrow. Or maybe
      he won't do it at all. In other words, sometime between now
      and death.

      Lekker. An Afrikaans word meaning nice, this word is used
      by all language groups to express approval. If you see
      somene of the opposite sex who is good-looking, you can
      exclaim: "Lekkerrr!" while drawing out the last syllable. But
      that use is now thought politically incorrect in some areas.

      Sarmie. Sandwich.

      Marmite. Contrary to American disinformation, Marmite is not
      discarded axle grease. Bought in small glass jars at
      supermarkets and cafes, Marmite is a salty vegetable extract
      and is the S.A. answer to peanut butter (American), or
      Vegimite (Australian). Generations have grown up with it on
      their school sarmies and, in turn, have inflicted it on their own
      children. This process has been going on for so long now,
      Marmite has become unstoppable.

      No. This word has many meanings in South Africa other than
      the opposite of "yes". Your host at the braai is likely to say:
      "No, I see your plate is empty. You want some more pap?".
      Another example; if the clerk in a shoe shop asks if she can
      help, you may reply: "No, I'm looking for some tackies".
      This means: "Yes, I'm looking for some tackies".

      Tackies. These are sneakers or running shoes. The word is
      also used to describe autmobile or truck tyres. "Fat tackies"
      are big tyres, as in: "Where did you get those lekker fat
      tackies on your Volksie (VW), hey?"

      Oke. A "guy" or "chap" or "bloke". If you quite like someone
      you can "Ag, he is an OK oke". Instead of "oke" you can
      also say "ou" which is pronounced "Oh".

      Pap. Encountered at braais, pap is boiled corn meal.
      Pronounced "pup" it has the appearance, consistency and,
      many say, the taste of moist Plaster of Paris. Lots of South
      Africans pretend to like it. Eating pap is character building in
      the sense that one learns to grin and bear adversity, rather
      like Americans in the South have grown spiritually by
      consuming grits. In religious context, this process is called
      self-flagellation.

      Shame. Like "No", this word can mean the opposite of its
      meaning in other parts of the world. If someone shows you a
      baby, you can say: "Ag, shame". This does not mean the
      baby is ugly, it means the baby is cute. If the baby is ugly, it
      is more accurate to say: "Shame, hey". If the baby is truly
      hideous, it is appropriate to say: "Jislaaik". This may not be
      appreciated by the baby's parents.

      Dummy. If you find yourself in the company of a couple with a
      baby and the woman says, "pass me the dummy," she is not
      necessarily asking that you bring her husband to her. She is
      referring to the rubber, nipple-like thing they stick in babies'
      mouths to shut them up. A dummy is a pacifier.

      Gogga. This is an insect, a bug, and all three of the g's are
      pronounced as though you are about to spit. South Africa is
      rich in goggas, some of them cute - like the harmless mantis
      and the intriguing stick insect - but others are disgraceful.
      The cockroach is the most disgraceful, especially when they
      fly. Natal has some monsters which could challenge Florida
      roaches any day.

      In its early days, the country's state-run TV service earned the
      enmity of viewers by scheduling a documentary on
      cockroaches at a time when millions of South Africans were
      sitting down in front of their sets with their Sunday evening
      meals on their laps. A highlight was how to dissect a
      cockroach. It did not go down well with the Sunday lunch
      leftovers. A dissected cockroach is even more disgraceful
      than a whole one.

      Guava. Everybody knows that a guava is a fruit - and a bladdy
      lekker one too. It is especially nice stewed and served cold
      with smooth custard, as lots of boarding school students will
      affirm. Guava juice is refreshing at breakfast. But in South
      Africa a guava is also a backside, a butt, a bum. If someone
      is behaving in an annoying manner, you can threaten to "skop
      (kick) him up his guava". But it is inappropriate and politically
      incorrect to issue this warning to someone who is not a good
      friend. It will be taken amiss. Also, it is not polite to laugh if
      the Cape Doctor (strong south-easter which blows in Cape
      Town) bowls a stranger over on to his or her guava.

      Make A Plan. You will hear this good old South African
      phrase quite a lot. It means things might be screwed right
      now but we'll think of something just now. If you miss the bus
      to the airport, the hotel receptionist may say,"Don't worry man
      - we'll make a plan". If that plan includes the hiring of a taxi,
      you may want to think twice about it.

      Skop, Skiet en Donder. Literally "kick, shoot and thunder" in
      Afrikaans, this phrase is used by many English speakers to
      describe action movies or any activity which is lively and
      somewhat primitive. Clint Eastwood is always good for a
      skop, skiet en donder flick.

      Vrot. A wonderful word which means "rotten" or "putrid" in
      Afrikaans, it is used by all language groups to describe
      anything they really don't like. Most commonly it describes
      fruit or vegetables whose shelf lives have long expired, but a
      pair of takkies (sneakers) worn a few times too often can be
      termed vrot by unfortunate folk in the same room as the
      wearer. Also a rugby player who misses important tackles
      can be said to have played a vrot game - but not to his face
      because he won't appreciate it. We once saw a movie review
      with this headline: "Slick Flick, Vrot Plot". We enjoyed the
      headline more than the movie.

      Missing from the list: Ja-nee, man; siestog!

      Ontvang vanaf Dianne

      **********GRAPJAS**********

      A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says,
      "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"

      The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these
      cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."

      The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and
      says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant
      - about 4 months, would be my guess."

      The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left
      alone with a man! Have you, Darla?"

      Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"

      The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five
      minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out
      there doctor?"

      The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything
      like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came
      over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!"

      **********GRAPJAS**********

      Het jy iets om te verkoop, stuur jou advertensie aan
      grapjas@... en ons sal dit gratis plaas.

      **********GRAPJAS**********

      Ek het 'n Pienk Passap breimasjien te koop vir R700.
      Dit is in perfekte werkende toestand maar aangesien dit
      8 jaar gestoor was vandat dit laas gebruik was, sal dit
      'n skoonmaak nodig h�. Elektriese motor ingesluit.
      Skryf aan grapjas@... (Johannesburg area)

      **********GRAPJAS**********

      As jy graag 'n webtuiste wil begin, maar weet nie hoe en
      waar om te begin nie, ons kan help. PixWebDesigns spesialliseer
      in webtuistes vir individue en klein besighede teen bekostigbare
      tariewe. Ons bied ook lesse aan om beginners touwys te maak.
      Skryf gerus aan pix@... as u meer wil weet.

      As jy sommer net raad wil vra, is dit gratis.

      Wat dink julle van vraag en antwoord sessies in Grapjas oor die
      internet? Dit kan net lekker wees! Een hand was die ander en
      gou gou is ons almal slim!

      **********GRAPJAS**********

      South Africans home and abroad - Join GRAPJAS Some of the jokes will be in english with an Afrikaans flavour or bilingual,
      Subscribe now by sending blank email to grapjas-subscribe@onelist.com
      Stuur grappies aan grapjas@...
      Besoek ons tuisblad by http://pixwebsites.com/grapjas
      If you want to unsubscribe (Now why would you do that?) send blank email to grapjas-unsubscribe@onelist.com

      Cheers, weg is ek tot volgende week! Hou die blink kant bo!

      Grapjas

      F-R-E-E: Were hot dogs ever made of dogs?
      How do astronauts use the bathroom in space?
      What's so French about French fries?
      For the answer to these and other curious questions,
      go to http://go.MailBits.com/trivia.asp?1094.4
    Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.