13538Re: [GIWorld-Hepatitis] thanksgiving
- Nov 27 2:08 PMHI.Waaauuuuuuuuuuw!!Yr a damn good storyteller and a bigger lier then I.am!!.Willem
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Thursday, November 27, 2003 9:30 PM
Subject: Re: [GIWorld-Hepatitis] thanksgiving
Well, actually, (she says in her best John Wayne drawl), here's how we celebrate Thanksgiving in the Republic of Texas ........
In Texas, we skin up some buffalo. It's hard to sneak up on buffalo, but we do. Course, we are dressed in full headdress repleat with feathers and boa, high heeled cowboy boots and shiny belt buckle. Thanks to those big silver belt buckles, we gotta be careful which way the sun is shining cuz it can reflect that sunshine like a mirror and alert the ever wary buffalo.
This is where the term "red neck" comes in. Some of the male hunters refuse to wear their feather boas around their necks and they get sun burned. This is why there is such anymosity between red necks and Drag Queens. Drag Queens never have to worry about getting a red neck while hunting buffalo.
In Texas, Buffalo Thanksgiving Hunting is a family event. We all pile into our stretch Cadillac limo's and drive out to the buffalo farms just outside of town (actually there is at least one close to me and it's just north of Dallas where you can pull off on the side of the road and go watch buffalo chew their cud). We make the obligatory tromp to the barn to pet the horses, cuz you know Texans can't do without their horses, then we gather and plan for the big hunt.
After we've felled a buffalo, (we fire a few rounds in the air just to keep the NRA happy, but usually the buffalo die of fright), we let the hired ranch hands drag the carcas back to the ranch house with a John Deer tractor and we go find the beer and pop a top while it's being skinned and prepared for the feast. While the buffalo is turning on a huge spit over an even larger bonfire (we also roast Aggies in the bonfire, ok ok I know, bad visual but I couldn't resist, that's another holiday :), we continue to enjoy our Miller beer or sometimes we get adventurous and have one with a foreign name, like Shiner Bock. (These are brewed in Texas and we make sure we have no imported alcohol as this would ruin the whole holiday causing us to speak in tongues and that's reserved for the holy Sunday).
Finally, after we've belched a lot and can barely stand, the buffalo is done, crisp and succulent, and we fill our plates. At this time, being in the Bible belt and all, we bow our head in thanks to the Almighty for our bountiful land, bountiful harvest and bountiful spirit that He has Blessed us with. We still curse the British red coats and the religious persecution that instigated the Mayflower cruise ship to land at Plymouth Rock (it musta been a big rock, I've never seen it). We are thankful for our freedom of religion in America and ask God to make sure everyone is a Baptist by Christmas, Easter at the latest.
Then we eat!
Along with the roasted buffalo, some like theirs barbequed and some like them cajun fried, though I don't hold with no out of Texas fancy foreign cuisine, we like our candied yams with marshmellows, green bean casserole, lots of cornbread dressing usually laced with some type of alcohol and if you aren't careful, maybe seasoned with some cannibus and if you're lucky, some peyote is a great spice. As with almost every meal, we got our big pot of pinto beans, cornbread with lots of butter, and onions. Big pitures of tea all around to keep us trotting to the outhouse of course. We got mashed potatoes, fried potatoes, boiled and braised potatoes and potato salad. A big mess of turnip greens, mixed greens and polk salad. Fruit salad (which thankfully has no lettuce as lettuce gives me gas). Banana pudding, blackberry cobbler (hand picked berries of course, I can attest to the chiggers on my legs), pumpkin pie, pecan pie, lots of rolls, mexican corn, cor
Naturally, we have our big screen tv to watch football (go Dallas Cowboys!) while we eat. We nap then get up and eat again. This is probably why Americans are so fat. If the American Medical Association wants to slim us down, they'd do it faster by taking away holiday meals but then, they'd have a big riot on their hands and I do believe Texas would then secede from the Union for once and all. How can you have a holiday without food?
When the sun goes down, we bring out the jugs of moonshine and sing songs like Texas My Texas and Yellow Rose of Texas, till we pass out from passing so much gas.
Turkeys are good mind you. We aren't discriminating against turkeys cuz our forefathers did shoot em and eat up up, but down here in Texas, even as big as we grow em, they just aren't big enough.
So that's the story of how us Texans celebrate Thanksgiving. I'm sure there's some stuff I left out and some of you might have some ideas or experiences, perhaps even some folklore about how your family celebrates the great tradition of thanksgiving.
Regardless how we celebrate it, we truly are thankful for our blessings and pray for peace and happiness around the world (but most especially in Texas :).
Grand Prairie Texas
born and dyed blonde
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