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Who's in Windows?

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  • Adrienne Rose (Rie Sheridan)
    Had to share this. Don t know where it came from. It was forwarded to a list I m on.: Remember Abbott and Costello s old schtickt? (is that really a word?)
    Message 1 of 1 , Sep 5, 2003
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      Had to share this. Don't know where it came from. It was
      forwarded to a list I'm on.:

      Remember Abbott and Costello's old schtickt? (is that
      really a word?) Here's an updated version.

      ABBOTT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help
      you?
      COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den,
      and I'm thinking of buying a computer.

      ABBOTT: Mac?
      COSTELLO: No, the name is Bud.

      ABBOTT: Your computer?
      COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

      ABBOTT: Mac?
      COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Bud.

      ABBOTT: What about Windows?
      COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?

      ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
      COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the
      windows?

      ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
      COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and
      software.

      ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?
      COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use
      to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a
      business. What have you got?

      ABBOTT: Office.
      COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

      ABBOTT: I just did.
      COSTELLO: You just did what?

      ABBOTT: Recommend something.
      COSTELLO: You recommended something?

      ABBOTT: Yes.
      COSTELLO: For my office?

      ABBOTT: Yes.
      COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?

      ABBOTT: Office.
      COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.

      ABBOTT: Office for Windows.
      COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has
      windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want
      to
      type a proposal. What do I need?

      ABBOTT: Word.
      COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots

      of words. But what program do I load?

      ABBOTT: Word.
      COSTELLO: What word?

      ABBOTT: The Word in Office.
      COSTELLO: The only word in "office" is "office."

      ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
      COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows"?

      ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
      COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big blue W if you don't
      give me a straight answer. Let's forget about words for a
      minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the

      Internet?

      ABBOTT: RealOne.
      COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch

      is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it?

      ABBOTT: RealOne.
      COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch
      reels two, three, and four. Can I watch reel four?

      ABBOTT: Of course.
      COSTELLO: Great! With what?

      ABBOTT: RealOne.
      COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to

      watch a movie. What do I do?

      ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.
      COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

      ABBOTT: The blue 1.
      COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?

      ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W
      is Word.
      COSTELLO: What word?

      ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
      COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for
      windows"!

      ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the

      world.
      COSTELLO: It is?

      ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other
      Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
      COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?

      ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne
      isn't even part of Office.
      COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that

      again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans,
      and so on. What do you have to help me track my money?

      ABBOTT: Money.
      COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

      ABBOTT: Money.
      COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

      ABBOTT: Money.
      COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?

      ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.
      COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no
      extra charge? How much money do I get?

      ABBOTT: Just one copy.
      COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?

      ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies

      of Money.
      COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?

      ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.
      COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free
      money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have
      anything for
      managing your money?

      ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years

      ago.
      COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?

      ABBOTT: Money.
      COSTELLO: You sell money?

      ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you
      get it for free.
      COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a
      business. Do you have any software for, you know,
      accounting?

      ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.
      COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.

      ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try
      M.Y.O.B.
      COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?

      ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.
      COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?

      ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
      COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my
      home business. You know -- accounting? You do it with
      money.

      ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you

      may need more.
      COSTELLO: More money?

      ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.
      COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about
      money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer
      might...what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes,
      what can
      I use to restore my data?

      ABBOTT: GoBack.
      COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and
      I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend?

      ABBOTT: GoBack.
      COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?

      ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said

      was GoBack.
      COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been
      anywhere? Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a
      proposal?

      ABBOTT: Word.
      COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.

      ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word -- the Word in Office
      for Windows.
      COSTELLO: But there's three words in . . . Oh, never mind.
      *click*

      ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up

      on me? Oh, well...Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can
      I help you?


      =====

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