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Kids' Stuff - Volume 11

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  • sossteve2001
    (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: | :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) HUMOR FROM THE VALLEY April 4, 2004 A cheerful disposition is good for your health . . .
    Message 1 of 2 , Apr 4, 2004
      (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: | :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)

      April 4, 2004

      "A cheerful disposition is good for your health . . ."
      Proverbs 17:22 (Message Translation)

      (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: | :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)

      "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have
      hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to
      little children."
      Matthew 11:25-26

      "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little
      children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore,
      whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the
      kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in
      my name welcomes me." Matthew 18:3-5

      "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the
      kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

      As most of you know, my last job was running the Personnel Office for
      Golden Plains Unified School District. This last week I had a chance
      to talk with a few of the wonderful people I used to work with out
      there - people who really have a heart for children. What they do
      isn't very easy. Tight budgets and politics often make it hard for
      dedicated educators and administrators to do what is best for the
      children. It's no wonder they sometimes get discouraged.

      As a way of honoring them for what they do and hopefully encouraging
      them for the difficult, but worthwhile task God has set before them,
      I thought we'd do another edition of Kids' Stuff this month. Kids'
      Stuff editions are mainly filled with humorous stories, but
      occasionally I include more serious pieces sent in by our
      contributors in celebration of children.

      I hope you enjoy reading this edition as much as I enjoyed putting it
      together. I pray the articles will remind you of the way you used to
      be and the heavenly Father who longs for you to be that way again.
      And for my old friends in San Joaquin, I pray it reminds you of how
      precious are the little ones God has empowered you to serve.

      I remain sheltered under His wing and overwhelmed by His love,


      (Received from Trudy Fuller)

      When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are
      going to take over my yard. My kids see flowers for Mom and blowing
      white fluff you can wish on.

      When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly,
      dirty person who probably wants money and I look away. My kids see
      someone smiling at them and they smile back.

      When I hear music I love, I know I can't carry a tune and don't have
      much rhythm so I sit self-consciously and listen. My kids feel the
      beat and move to it. They sing out the words. If they don't know
      them, they make up their own.

      When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it
      messing up my hair and pulling me back when I walk. My kids close
      their eyes, spread their arms and fly with it, until they fall to the
      ground laughing.

      When I pray, I say thee and thou and grant me this, give me that. My
      kids say, "Hi God! Thanks for my toys and my friends. Please keep the
      bad dreams away tonight. Sorry, I don't want to go to Heaven yet. I
      would miss my Mommy and Daddy."

      When I see a mud puddle I step around it. I see muddy shoes and dirty
      carpets. My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to cross
      and worms to play with.

      I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from? No wonder
      God loves the little children!!

      "Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and
      realize they were the big things."

      Just a reminder about the important things in life -- I wish you mud
      puddles and dandelions!

      (Received from Bluegrass)

      You have seen repeatedly the breakdown of the cost of raising a
      child, but this is the first time the rewards have been listed this
      way. It's nice, really nice!! The government recently calculated the
      cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140
      for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't
      touch college tuition.

      For those with kids, that figure leads to wild fantasies about all
      the money we could have banked if not for (insert your child's name
      here). For others, that number might confirm the decision to remain
      childless. But, $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It
      translates into $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week.
      That's a mere $24.44 day! Just over a dollar an hour.

      Still, you might think the best financial advice says don't have
      children if you want to be "rich". It is just the opposite. What do
      your get for your $160,140?

      Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
      Glimpses of God every day.
      Giggles under the covers every night.
      More love than your heart can hold.
      Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
      Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
      A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.
      A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sandcastles,
      and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.
      Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or
      how your stocks performed that day.

      For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to finger-paint,
      carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never
      stop believing in Santa Claus. You have an excuse to keep reading
      the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning
      cartoons, going to Disney movies, and wishing on stars. You get to
      frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and
      collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set
      in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for
      Father's Day.
      For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be
      a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the
      training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling and
      coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to
      ice cream regardless. You get a front row seat to history to witness
      the first step, first word, first bra, first date, and first time
      behind the wheel. You get to be immortal. You get another branch
      added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs
      in your obituary called grandchildren. You get an education in
      psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human
      sexuality that no college can match.

      In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God, Santa
      Claus, The Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. You have all the power
      to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a
      broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love
      them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without
      counting the cost.

      (Received from Andy Chap's The Funnies)

      Mr. Jones, the elementary school principal, made it to a practice to
      visit the classes from time to time. One day he walked into Miss
      Smith's 4th grade class, where the children were studying American
      History. Mr. Jones asked the class how many states they could name.
      They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his
      day students knew the names of all the states.

      From the back of the room Little Johnny yelled, "Yes, but back then
      there were only 13!"

      (Received from Cynthia Jacobs)

      The teacher was explaining to her class that it was physically
      impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was
      a very large mammal its throat was very small. One of her students,
      a little girl, stated that she read in the Bible that Jonah was
      swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale
      could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little
      girl responded, "Well, when I get to heaven I'll ask Jonah."

      The teacher asked, "Okay, but what if Jonah went to hell?"

      To which the little girl replied, "Then you can ask him."

      (Received from Cathie Smith)

      A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather
      that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her
      daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the
      winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. The mother of
      the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened
      as she walked home from school and she herself feared that the
      electrical storm might harm her child.

      Following the roar of thunder, lightning, like a flaming sword, would
      cut through the sky. Full of concern, the mother quickly got into her
      car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did so,
      she saw her little girl walking along, but at each flash of
      lightning, the child would stop, look up and smile. Another and
      another were to follow quickly and with each the little girl would
      look at the streak of light and smile. When the mother's car drew up
      beside the child she lowered the window and called to her, "What are
      you doing? Why do you keep stopping?"

      The child answered, " I am trying to look pretty, God keeps taking my

      May God bless you today as you face the storms that come your way.
      And don't forget to SMILE!


      Copyright © 1998 - 2004 by Stephen J. Hall - Notes from the Valley
      and Humor from the Valley are meant to brighten your day and
      encourage you along the way. If you are blessed by them, please feel
      free to make copies and pass them along to others. If you have
      something you'd like to contribute to a future edition, or any
      questions or comments, please contact us at: sossteve@...

      "Surely God does not reject a blameless man or strengthen the hands
      of evildoers. He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your
      lips with shouts of joy." Job 8:20-21 (NIV)
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