Kids' Stuff - Volume 11
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HUMOR FROM THE VALLEY
April 4, 2004
"A cheerful disposition is good for your health . . ."
Proverbs 17:22 (Message Translation)
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"I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have
hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to
"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little
children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore,
whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the
kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in
my name welcomes me." Matthew 18:3-5
"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the
kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14
As most of you know, my last job was running the Personnel Office for
Golden Plains Unified School District. This last week I had a chance
to talk with a few of the wonderful people I used to work with out
there - people who really have a heart for children. What they do
isn't very easy. Tight budgets and politics often make it hard for
dedicated educators and administrators to do what is best for the
children. It's no wonder they sometimes get discouraged.
As a way of honoring them for what they do and hopefully encouraging
them for the difficult, but worthwhile task God has set before them,
I thought we'd do another edition of Kids' Stuff this month. Kids'
Stuff editions are mainly filled with humorous stories, but
occasionally I include more serious pieces sent in by our
contributors in celebration of children.
I hope you enjoy reading this edition as much as I enjoyed putting it
together. I pray the articles will remind you of the way you used to
be and the heavenly Father who longs for you to be that way again.
And for my old friends in San Joaquin, I pray it reminds you of how
precious are the little ones God has empowered you to serve.
I remain sheltered under His wing and overwhelmed by His love,
MUD PUDDLES & DANDELIONS
(Received from Trudy Fuller)
When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are
going to take over my yard. My kids see flowers for Mom and blowing
white fluff you can wish on.
When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly,
dirty person who probably wants money and I look away. My kids see
someone smiling at them and they smile back.
When I hear music I love, I know I can't carry a tune and don't have
much rhythm so I sit self-consciously and listen. My kids feel the
beat and move to it. They sing out the words. If they don't know
them, they make up their own.
When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it
messing up my hair and pulling me back when I walk. My kids close
their eyes, spread their arms and fly with it, until they fall to the
When I pray, I say thee and thou and grant me this, give me that. My
kids say, "Hi God! Thanks for my toys and my friends. Please keep the
bad dreams away tonight. Sorry, I don't want to go to Heaven yet. I
would miss my Mommy and Daddy."
When I see a mud puddle I step around it. I see muddy shoes and dirty
carpets. My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to cross
and worms to play with.
I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from? No wonder
God loves the little children!!
"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and
realize they were the big things."
Just a reminder about the important things in life -- I wish you mud
puddles and dandelions!
(Received from Bluegrass)
You have seen repeatedly the breakdown of the cost of raising a
child, but this is the first time the rewards have been listed this
way. It's nice, really nice!! The government recently calculated the
cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140
for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't
touch college tuition.
For those with kids, that figure leads to wild fantasies about all
the money we could have banked if not for (insert your child's name
here). For others, that number might confirm the decision to remain
childless. But, $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It
translates into $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week.
That's a mere $24.44 day! Just over a dollar an hour.
Still, you might think the best financial advice says don't have
children if you want to be "rich". It is just the opposite. What do
your get for your $160,140?
Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
Glimpses of God every day.
Giggles under the covers every night.
More love than your heart can hold.
Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.
A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sandcastles,
and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.
Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or
how your stocks performed that day.
For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to finger-paint,
carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never
stop believing in Santa Claus. You have an excuse to keep reading
the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning
cartoons, going to Disney movies, and wishing on stars. You get to
frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and
collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set
in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for
For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be
a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the
training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling and
coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to
ice cream regardless. You get a front row seat to history to witness
the first step, first word, first bra, first date, and first time
behind the wheel. You get to be immortal. You get another branch
added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs
in your obituary called grandchildren. You get an education in
psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human
sexuality that no college can match.
In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God, Santa
Claus, The Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. You have all the power
to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a
broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love
them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without
counting the cost.
(Received from Andy Chap's The Funnies)
Mr. Jones, the elementary school principal, made it to a practice to
visit the classes from time to time. One day he walked into Miss
Smith's 4th grade class, where the children were studying American
History. Mr. Jones asked the class how many states they could name.
They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his
day students knew the names of all the states.
From the back of the room Little Johnny yelled, "Yes, but back then
there were only 13!"
DON'T ARGUE WITH CHILDREN
(Received from Cynthia Jacobs)
The teacher was explaining to her class that it was physically
impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was
a very large mammal its throat was very small. One of her students,
a little girl, stated that she read in the Bible that Jonah was
swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale
could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little
girl responded, "Well, when I get to heaven I'll ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "Okay, but what if Jonah went to hell?"
To which the little girl replied, "Then you can ask him."
(Received from Cathie Smith)
A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather
that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her
daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the
winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. The mother of
the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened
as she walked home from school and she herself feared that the
electrical storm might harm her child.
Following the roar of thunder, lightning, like a flaming sword, would
cut through the sky. Full of concern, the mother quickly got into her
car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did so,
she saw her little girl walking along, but at each flash of
lightning, the child would stop, look up and smile. Another and
another were to follow quickly and with each the little girl would
look at the streak of light and smile. When the mother's car drew up
beside the child she lowered the window and called to her, "What are
you doing? Why do you keep stopping?"
The child answered, " I am trying to look pretty, God keeps taking my
May God bless you today as you face the storms that come your way.
And don't forget to SMILE!
Copyright © 1998 - 2004 by Stephen J. Hall - Notes from the Valley
and Humor from the Valley are meant to brighten your day and
encourage you along the way. If you are blessed by them, please feel
free to make copies and pass them along to others. If you have
something you'd like to contribute to a future edition, or any
questions or comments, please contact us at: sossteve@...
"Surely God does not reject a blameless man or strengthen the hands
of evildoers. He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your
lips with shouts of joy." Job 8:20-21 (NIV)