Kids' Stuff - Volume 10
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HUMOR FROM THE VALLEY
March 7, 2004
"A cheerful disposition is good for your health . . ."
Proverbs 17:22 (Message Translation)
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"I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have
hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to
"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little
children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore,
whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the
kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in
my name welcomes me." Matthew 18:3-5
"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the
kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14
So often, God has used some triumph or mistake we made as parents to
give us a deeper revelation of our relationship with Him. In a
moment of parental pride, He gave us a vision of some small act of
service we had done and the pride He'd felt at our first, feeble
attempts to follow Him. And in some moment of parental frustration,
when we felt like screaming, He gave us an equally sharp picture of
something we had done that made Him feel much the same frustration
toward us. Not only did He use each event to show us more about His
role as our heavenly Father, but He used them to show us more about
our role as His children.
As a way of celebrating that role and remembering our countless
blessings, we occasionally do an edition of "Humor from the Valley"
that focuses entirely on children. We call these editions "Kid's
Stuff." Mainly they're filled with humorous stories, but
occasionally we also include more serious stories sent in by our
contributors in celebration of children. We hope you will enjoy
reading this edition as much as we enjoyed putting it together. We
pray the articles will remind you of the way you used to be and the
heavenly Father who longs for you to be that way again.
I remain His less than perfect child,
sheltered under His wing and overwhelmed by His love,
BEATITUDES FOR PARENTS
(Author - Steve Goodier)
One man says he had a great speech for parents. It was called, "How
to Raise Your Children." He went on speaking tours in the Midwestern
United States and was paid a high honorarium for the talk. "This guy
will wow you, " people said. Then they had their first child. His
majestic speech lost its punch at 2:00 am with the baby in full cry.
But he kept trying. He renamed his new, modified speech "Some
Suggestions for Parents" and charged bravely on. They had two more
children. The speech changed again. And again. Now it's
called, "Feeble Hints for Fellow Strugglers" and he begins with the
question: "Does anyone here have a few words of wisdom?"
Parents through the ages can identify. "Could someone, please, just
give me the final answers to parenting?" we ask. "ALL of them? Could
someone tell please tell me how to respond and what to do and what to
say and when to say it and do it and tell me now?" But, of course,
we ask the impossible.
Maybe this will help. I have saved it for years, and do not know its
origin. But the author has been there. It is not the final answer to
parenting, but cherish it as a dose of wisdom worth re-reading as
often as possible. Beatitudes for Parents:
Blessed are those parents who make their peace with spilled milk and
mud, for of such is the kingdom of childhood.
Blessed are those parents who refuse to compare their children with
others, for precious unto each is the rhythm of his or her own growth.
Blessed are those parents who have learned to laugh, for it is the
music of a child's world.
Blessed are those parents who understand the goodness of time, for
they make it not a sword that kills growth but a shield to guide
Blessed are those parents who can say "no" without anger, for
comforting to the child is the security of a firm decision.
Blessed are those parents who treat their children consistently, for
this makes children secure.
Blessed are those parents who accept the awkwardness of their growing
children, letting each child grow at his or her own speed.
Blessed are those parents who are teachable, for knowledge brings
understanding, and understanding brings love.
Blessed are those parents who love their children in the midst of a
hostile world, for love is the greatest of all gifts.
Blessed are those who read these words . . . but more blessed yet are
they who follow them!
IT'S WHAT'S INSIDE THAT COUNTS
(Received from Mikey's Funnies)
A four-year-old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor
looked down her ears, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in
here?" The little girl stayed silent.
Next the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat.
He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?"
Again, the little girl was silent.
Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her
heartbeat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?"
"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on
OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES
(Received from C. Wilson)
A woman was driving her old beat up car on the highway with her 7 yr.
old son, Little Johnny. She tried to keep up with traffic but they
were flying by her. After getting caught in a large group of car's
flying down the road she looked at her speedometer to see she was
doing 15 miles over the speed limit. Slowing down, she moved over to
the side and got out of the clump that soon left her behind. She
looked up and saw the flashing lights of a police car. Pulling over
she waited for the officer to come up to her car. As he did he
said, "Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?"
Little Johnny piped up from the back seat, "I do! Because you
couldn't catch the other cars!"
A CHILD'S TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR PARENTS
(From Ron and Jean at Bright Morning Star)
1. My hands are small; please don't expect perfection
whenever I make a bed, draw a picture or throw a ball. My legs are
short; please slow down so that I can keep up with you.
2. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have; please let
me explore safely. Don't restrict me unnecessarily.
3. Housework will always be there. I'm only little for a
short time, please take time to explain things to me about this
wonderful world and do so willingly.
4. My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my needs.
Don't nag me all day long. (You wouldn't want to be nagged for your
inquisitiveness). Treat me as you would like to be treated.
5. I am a special gift from God; please treasure me as God
intended you to do, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me
guidelines to live by and disciplining me in a loving manner.
6. I need your encouragement to grow. Please go easy on the
criticism; remember, you can criticize the things I do, without
7. Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning
myself. Permit me to fail, so that I can learn from my mistakes. Then
someday I'll be prepared to make the kinds of decisions that life
requires of me.
8. Please don't do things over for me. Somehow that makes me
feel that my efforts didn't quite measure up to your expectations. I
know it's hard, but please try not to compare me to my brother or
9. Please don't be afraid to leave for a weekend together.
Kids need vacations from parents, just as parents need vacations from
kids. Besides, it's a great way to show us kids that your marriage is
10. Please take me to Sunday School and church regularly,
setting a good example for me to follow. I will enjoy learning more
(Received from GCFL)
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through
the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and
bat. "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced. Then, he
tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed. Strike One!"
he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the
greatest hitter in the world!" He tossed the ball into the air. When
it came down he swung again and missed. "Strike Two!" he cried. The
boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He
spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap
and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Again he
tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. "Strike
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"
GOD AND LIES
(Received from Barbara E. Sheppard)
One day a mother was explaining to her young son that you should
never tell a lie. She told him that God saw everything and heard
everything. She explained, "Even though your father and I may not
know if you are telling a lie God will know."
The young son thought for a second and then replied, "But will He
THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHILD
(Received from Mikey's Funnies)
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to
her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" The Mother
replied, "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the
happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the
groom wearing black?"
Copyright © 1998 - 2004 by Stephen J. Hall - Notes from the Valley
and Humor from the Valley are meant to brighten your day and
encourage you along the way. If you are blessed by them, please feel
free to make copies and pass them along to others. If you have
something you'd like to contribute to a future edition, or any
questions or comments, please contact us at: sossteve@...
"Surely God does not reject a blameless man or strengthen the hands
of evildoers. He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your
lips with shouts of joy." Job 8:20-21 (NIV)