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August Laugh Lines

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  • Stephen J. Hall
    (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: | :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) HUMOR FROM THE VALLEY August 3, 2008 A cheerful disposition is good for your health . . .
    Message 1 of 4 , Aug 4, 2008
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      (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: | :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)

      HUMOR FROM THE VALLEY
      August 3, 2008

      "A cheerful disposition is good for your health . . ."
      Proverbs 17:22 (Message Translation)

      (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: | :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)

      A new month and time once again to share a few laughs with our
      friends. For new members to the list, we try to do Humor from the
      Valley once a month as a break from the heavier topics in Notes from
      the Valley. We collect "clean" jokes from various sources of humor
      and assemble our favorites for our readers in the hopes it will bring
      a little laughter to somebody's day.

      Here's a few of the other reasons why we believe these editions are
      important.

      "Laughter is God's hand on a troubled world."
      Johann Weiss

      "Laughter is the most beautiful and beneficial therapy God ever
      granted humanity. It is often just as sacred to laugh as it is to
      pray." Charles R. Swindoll

      "It is the heart that is not yet sure of its God that is afraid to
      laugh in his presence."
      George Macdonald

      "Laughter is one of God's greatest gifts to the world. It really is
      the answer to most of our problems. We are free to smile. Our maker
      makes room for laughter!" Emmett Kelly, Jr.

      Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. Mark Twain

      One feels increasingly the height of the faculty in which it (humor)
      arises, the nobility of things associated with it, and the greatness
      of services it renders. Oscar W. Firkins

      May the pages that follow bring a smile to your face and a lift to
      your spirit. May your heart be filled with the certain knowledge of
      God's love.

      I remain your brother in Christ always.
      Sheltered under His wing and
      overwhelmed by His love,

      Steve



      IN THE BEGINNING
      (Received from GCFL)

      A man was taking it easy, laying on the grass and looking up at the
      clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to
      God. "God," he said, "how long is a million years?"

      God answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute."

      The man asked, "God, how much is a million dollars?"

      God answered, "To me, it's a penny."

      The man then asked, "God, can I have a penny?"

      God answered, "Sure! Just a minute."



      A HEALTHY DOSE OF LAUGHTER
      (Author Steve Goodier, Riches of the Heart)

      I read that a child laughs 400 times a day on the average, while an
      adult laughs only 15 times each day. Which is puzzling since laughter
      feels so good and is so good for us!

      You may know the benefits of laughter on the mind and spirit, but are
      you aware of how much a good laugh can help you physically? Norman
      Cousins used to say that laughter is so beneficial for
      your body that it is like "inner jogging." Mayo Clinic (Mayo Clinic
      Health Letter, March 1993) reports that laughter aids breathing by
      disrupting your normal respiration pattern and increasing your
      breathing rate. It can even help clear mucus from your lungs.

      Laughter is also good for your heart. It increases circulation and
      improves the delivery of oxygen and nutrients to tissues throughout
      your body.

      A good laugh helps your immune system fight off colds, flu and sinus
      problems by increasing the concentration of immunoglobulin A in your
      saliva. And it may help control pain by raising the
      levels of certain brain chemicals (endorphins). Furthermore, it is a
      natural stress reliever. Have you ever laughed so hard that you
      doubled over, fell off your chair, spit out your food or wet your
      pants? You cannot maintain muscle tension when you are laughing!

      The good news is that you are allowed more than 15 laughs a day! Go
      ahead and double the dose and make it 30 times today. (You may begin
      to notice immediate improvement in your relationships!)
      Then double it again! You are bound to feel better, you will cope
      with problems more effectively and people will enjoy being around
      you. Laughter: It's just good medicine!


      A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE
      (Received from Coffee in the Rain)

      An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican
      village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the
      small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American
      complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how
      long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, "Only a little
      while."

      The American then asked why he didn't stay out longer and catch more
      fish.

      The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate
      needs.

      The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your
      time?"

      The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with
      my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the
      village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos.
      I have a full and busy life, senor."

      The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and I could help you. You
      should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger
      boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several
      boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of
      selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the
      processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the
      product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this
      small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and
      eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."

      The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all
      take?"

      To which the American replied, "15-20 years."

      "But what then, senor?"

      The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time
      is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the
      public and become very rich, you would make millions."

      "Millions, senor? Then what?"

      "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where
      you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a
      siesta with your wife, and stroll to the village in the evenings
      where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."



      HEAVEN - IT'S A PURRRFECT PLACE
      (Received from Robert Thornton)

      One day St. Peter looks up from his book as a cat strolls up . . .

      Peter says "I know you! You were a very nice cat on earth and didn't
      cause any trouble. We'll offer a gift to you of one special thing
      you have always wanted."

      Cat: "Well, I did always long to own a nice satin pillow like my
      master had, so I could lie on it."

      Peter: "That's easy. . . You shall have the satin pillow after you
      enter in."

      Later that day a group of mice appeared.

      Peter: "Ah, I remember you. You were such good mice on earth. You
      didn't steal food from anyone's house and never hurt other animals.
      Therefore, I want to grant you one special wish you always wanted."

      The Master Mouse replied, "Well, we always watched the children
      playing and saw them roller skate, and it was thrilling and looked
      like so much fun. So may we each have some roller skates, please?"

      Peter: "Granted. You shall have your roller skates."

      The next day, St. Peter is making the rounds on the Streets of Gold
      and sees the cat. "Well, Sir Cat . . . did you enjoy your satin
      pillow?"

      Cat: "Oh, indeed I did. And dear, kind Saint Peter, that "Meals on
      Wheels" thing you sent over yesterday was particularly thoughtful of
      you too!"



      BUREAUCRATIC ARROGANCE
      (Received fromBrent Riggs - SeriousFaith.com)

      So this Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Texas
      ranch and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, I need to
      inspect your ranch for your water allocation.
      The old rancher says, Okay, but don't go in that field over there.

      The Water representative says, Mister, I have the authority of the
      Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am
      allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions
      asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

      The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.

      Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep
      running for his life and close behind is the rancher's bull. The bull
      is gaining with every step.

      The Rep is clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately throws
      down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his
      lungs . . . "Your card! Show him your card!"

      ______________________________________________________________________
      ______________________

      Copyright © 1998 - 2008 by Stephen J. Hall - Weekly letters of
      encouragement to Christians written by Stephen J. Hall unless
      otherwise indicated. Notes from the Valley and Humor from the Valley
      are meant to brighten your day and encourage you along the way. If
      you are blessed by them, please feel free to make copies and pass
      them along to others. If you have something you'd like to contribute
      to a future edition, or any questions or comments, please contact us
      at: steveh.rbis@...

      ______________________________________________________________________
      ______________________

      "Surely God does not reject a blameless man or strengthen the hands
      of evildoers. He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your
      lips with shouts of joy." Job 8:20-21 (NIV)
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