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May Laugh Lines

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  • Stephen J. Hall
    (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: | :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) HUMOR FROM THE VALLEY May 4, 2008 A cheerful disposition is good for your health . . .
    Message 1 of 2 , May 2, 2008
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      (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: | :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)

      HUMOR FROM THE VALLEY
      May 4, 2008

      "A cheerful disposition is good for your health . . ."
      Proverbs 17:22 (Message Translation)

      (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: (o: | :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o)

      A new month and time once again to share a few laughs with our
      friends. For new members to the list, we try to do Humor from the
      Valley once a month as a break from the heavier topics in Notes from
      the Valley. We collect "clean" jokes from various sources of humor
      and assemble our favorites for our readers in the hopes it will bring
      a little laughter to somebody's day.

      Here's a few of the other reasons why we believe these editions are
      important.

      "Laughter is God's hand on a troubled world."
      Johann Weiss

      "Laughter is the most beautiful and beneficial therapy God ever
      granted humanity. It is often just as sacred to laugh as it is to
      pray." Charles R. Swindoll

      "It is the heart that is not yet sure of its God that is afraid to
      laugh in his presence."
      George Macdonald

      "Laughter is one of God's greatest gifts to the world. It really is
      the answer to most of our problems. We are free to smile. Our maker
      makes room for laughter!" Emmett Kelly, Jr.

      Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. Mark Twain

      One feels increasingly the height of the faculty in which it (humor)
      arises, the nobility of things associated with it, and the greatness
      of services it renders. Oscar W. Firkins

      May the pages that follow bring a smile to your face and a lift to
      your spirit. May your heart be filled with the certain knowledge of
      God's love.

      I remain your brother in Christ always.
      Sheltered under His wing and
      overwhelmed by His love,

      Steve


      STREET SMARTS
      (Received from WestiMom via GCFL)

      The following bits of wisdom were taken from T-Shirts:

      I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!

      Stupidity is NOT a handicap. Park elsewhere!

      I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

      Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out alive.

      You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

      Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research.

      I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing.

      Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

      The trouble with life is there's no background music.

      God must love stupid people; He made so many.

      It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.

      I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

      Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.



      SUSPICIOUS WOMEN
      (Received from Horace Hooper)

      Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam
      stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're
      running around with some other woman," she charged.

      "You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman
      on earth."

      The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by
      a finger poking him in the chest . . . It was Eve. "What do you
      think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

      "Counting your ribs," said Eve.



      PRECIOUS PEARLS FROM CHILDREN
      (Received from Kimberly Cook)

      While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
      shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon
      rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of
      old age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. One day I
      found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I
      braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely
      turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

      To close each day's activities in summer and on holidays in the Magic
      Kingdom at Walt Disney World at Lake Buena Vista, Fla., a huge
      fireworks display lights up the sky. One night I noticed a small boy
      about three years old perched on his father's shoulder. The child sat
      mesmerized, aware only of what was exploding in the heavens. When the
      fireworks were over, the little boy looked up into the sky again and
      said, "Thank you, God."

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      My best lesson in child psychology came when I saw our five-year-old,
      Steven, roughly jerking our toy poodle's leash. Suddenly his fuming
      father appeared and asked, "Do you want to tell me how sorry you
      are?"

      "I would, but I don't know how much you saw!" Steven stammered.

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm
      wasting my time," she said to her mother. I can't read, I can't write-
      -and they won't let me talk!"



      GREAT DELIVERY
      (Received from Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh)

      "What's the usual tip?" a man growled when, Jason, a college student
      delivered his pizza.

      "Well," Jason replied, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys
      said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great."

      "Is that so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's twenty dollars."

      "Thanks," Jason said, "I'll put it in my college fund."

      "By the way, what are you studying?" inquired the man.

      Jason replied, "Applied psychology."



      WYOMING COWBOY POETRY
      (Received from Jeff Nickerson via GCFL)

      Jake, the rancher, went one day to fix a distant fence.
      The wind was cold and gusty and the clouds rolled gray and dense,
      As he pounded the last staples in and gathered tools to go,
      The temperature had fallen and the snow began to blow.

      When he finally reached his pickup, he felt a heavy heart,from the
      sound of that ignition, he knew it wouldn't start.
      So Jake did what most of us do, if we'd have been there
      He humbly bowed his balding head and sent aloft a prayer.

      As he turned the key for the last time, he softly cursed his luck,
      They found him three days later, frozen stiff in that old truck.
      Now Jake had been around in life and done his share of roamin'
      But when he saw Heaven, he was shocked -- it look just like Wyomin'.

      Oh, there were some differences of course, but just some minor things,
      One place had simply disappeared -- the town they called Rock Springs.
      The BLM had been shut down, and there was no grazin' fees,
      and the wind in Rawlins and Cheyenne was now a gentle breeze.

      The Park and Forest Service folks -- they didn't fare so well,
      They'd all been sent to fight some fire in a wilderness called Hell.
      Though Heaven was a real nice place, Jake had a wondering mind,
      So he saddled up and lit a shuck, not know'n what he'd find.

      Then one day up in Cody, on a cold fall afternoon,
      He saw St. Peter coming, and he knew he'd be there soon.
      Of all the saints in Heaven, his favorite was St. Peter,
      Now, this line, it ain't needed but it helps with rhyme and meter.

      So they set and talked a minute or two, or maybe it was three,
      Nobody was keepin' score -- in Heaven time is free.
      "I've always heard," Jake said to Pete, "that God will answer prayers,
      But one time I asked for help, well he just plain wasn't there.

      Does God answer prayers of some, and ignores the prayers of others?
      That don't seem exactly square -- I know all men are brothers.
      Or does he randomly reply, without good rhyme or reason?
      Maybe, it's the time of day, the weather or the season.

      Now I ain't trying to act smart, it's just the way I feel,
      And I was wonderin', could you tell -- what the heck's the deal?
      Peter listened very patiently and when Jake was done,
      There were smiles of recognition, and he said, "So, you're the one!

      That day your truck, it wouldn't start, and you sent your prayer a
      flying,
      You gave us all a real bad time, with hundreds of us a trying.
      A thousand angels rushed to check the status of your file,
      But you know, Jake, we hadn't heard from you in quite a while
      And though all prayers are answered, and God ain't got no quota,
      He didn't recognize your voice, and started a truck in North Dakota.

      ______________________________________________________________________
      ______________________

      Copyright © 1998 - 2008 by Stephen J. Hall - Weekly letters of
      encouragement to Christians written by Stephen J. Hall unless
      otherwise indicated. Notes from the Valley and Humor from the Valley
      are meant to brighten your day and encourage you along the way. If
      you are blessed by them, please feel free to make copies and pass
      them along to others. If you have something you'd like to contribute
      to a future edition, or any questions or comments, please contact us
      at: sossteve@...
      ______________________________________________________________________
      ______________________

      "Surely God does not reject a blameless man or strengthen the hands
      of evildoers. He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your
      lips with shouts of joy." Job 8:20-21 (NIV)
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