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Re: Chapter 5 of Jucy and the Barbarian

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  • Herod Antipas
    ... words and ... making ... Typing is not my strong suit. I often seem to get excited and leave out letters and the funny thing about spell check is that if
    Message 1 of 5 , Nov 30, 2005
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      >
      > Hm, you need to look at this one more. Several places of repeated
      words and
      > misspellings. Toward the very end confusion of dialogue to person
      making
      > gesture.


      Typing is not my strong suit. I often seem to get excited and leave
      out letters and the funny thing about spell check is that if the
      mispelling is a real word, it won't catch it! I'll re-proof the
      section



      > While more stuff did happen here, I found it hard to swallow.
      (Could just
      > be me.) But if there were a group of 13 brigands running around,
      seems
      > unlikely they would pick on a scruffy barbarian and one woman they
      think is
      > his. If anything, they would have sent the guy on foot to pinch
      the horses
      > and leave them none the wiser. Also as a veteran traveler, I find
      it hard
      > to believe Gwig would not have realized the place was a good one
      for ambush
      > or seen signs of many horses about (since they did end up
      surrounding them.)
      > Again, this could just be me, but the set up doesn't work for me. :
      (


      I'll say in my defense that

      #1 Barzac is not a very good brigand. He is much more interested in
      his own reputation as a marauder than running an efficient
      business. And this is still a fairly civilized area where banditry
      is not common. Barzac is probbaly trying to get started int he
      brigand business and wants to build his rep.

      #2 The whole thing is played for comedic effect.

      That having been said, when i was writing it I did have some trouble
      with the logistics. I wanted to write the confrontation with the
      brigands and I needed to deprive them of their horses and baggage,
      but I had some trouble figuring out how they would be surrounded. I
      could simply have the brigands come down the road to meet them and
      then have a concealed party come out behind them from the woods.

      Here's another possibility. Maybe Barzac came upon their horses
      grazing, figured the owners must be farther ahead on the road and
      circled around by another path to meet them. Buttercup is obviously
      a big expensive horse with an expensive saddle, and they would have
      already found money in the bags, so they would reason that the
      owners much be rich and could be keeping the best valuables on
      themselves, plus he just likes to screw with people.

      I could fill in more details. Maybe Gwig could say something
      like "They must have found the horses and then circled around to cut
      us off.



      Did you think the chapter was funny though?
    • Gloria & John Oliver
      More below... ... From: Fantasy_Books@yahoogroups.com [mailto:Fantasy_Books@yahoogroups.com]On Behalf Of Herod Antipas Sent: Wednesday, November 30, 2005 7:44
      Message 2 of 5 , Dec 2, 2005
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        More below...
        -----Original Message-----
        From: Fantasy_Books@yahoogroups.com
        [mailto:Fantasy_Books@yahoogroups.com]On Behalf Of Herod Antipas
        Sent: Wednesday, November 30, 2005 7:44 AM
        To: Fantasy_Books@yahoogroups.com
        Subject: [Fantasy_Books] Re: Chapter 5 of Jucy and the Barbarian



        >
        > Hm, you need to look at this one more. Several places of repeated
        words and
        > misspellings. Toward the very end confusion of dialogue to person
        making
        > gesture.


        Typing is not my strong suit. I often seem to get excited and leave
        out letters and the funny thing about spell check is that if the
        mispelling is a real word, it won't catch it! I'll re-proof the
        section



        > While more stuff did happen here, I found it hard to swallow.
        (Could just
        > be me.) But if there were a group of 13 brigands running around,
        seems
        > unlikely they would pick on a scruffy barbarian and one woman they
        think is
        > his. If anything, they would have sent the guy on foot to pinch
        the horses
        > and leave them none the wiser. Also as a veteran traveler, I find
        it hard
        > to believe Gwig would not have realized the place was a good one
        for ambush
        > or seen signs of many horses about (since they did end up
        surrounding them.)
        > Again, this could just be me, but the set up doesn't work for me. :
        (


        I'll say in my defense that

        #1 Barzac is not a very good brigand. He is much more interested in
        his own reputation as a marauder than running an efficient
        business. And this is still a fairly civilized area where banditry
        is not common. Barzac is probbaly trying to get started int he
        brigand business and wants to build his rep.

        Gloria - You might need to incorporate things into the text to get us to
        sense this. Didn't get that from what is written. Also, he has so many men
        under him that if he is inept, one would try to take over, I would suspect.
        And if bandrity is not common, makes it even harder to believe he'd have
        such a large group. :( Now if the guy was like a failed bandit with a small
        band, walking because they are so crappy, they'd really have motivation for
        wanting the horses. Heh.


        #2 The whole thing is played for comedic effect.

        That having been said, when i was writing it I did have some trouble
        with the logistics. I wanted to write the confrontation with the
        brigands and I needed to deprive them of their horses and baggage,
        but I had some trouble figuring out how they would be surrounded. I
        could simply have the brigands come down the road to meet them and
        then have a concealed party come out behind them from the woods.

        Here's another possibility. Maybe Barzac came upon their horses
        grazing, figured the owners must be farther ahead on the road and
        circled around by another path to meet them. Buttercup is obviously
        a big expensive horse with an expensive saddle, and they would have
        already found money in the bags, so they would reason that the
        owners much be rich and could be keeping the best valuables on
        themselves, plus he just likes to screw with people.

        I could fill in more details. Maybe Gwig could say something
        like "They must have found the horses and then circled around to cut
        us off.

        So they left their horses that far behind them? Seems a little
        dangerous. And I would expect Gwig's horse to be a trained horse, possibly
        smarter than him (*grin*) and would protect Buttercup from having strangers
        approach them or at least neigh to give Gwig warning.

        Did you think the chapter was funny though?

        Gloria -- Uhm, sorta? But regarding comedy I am not the best person to
        ask. :-( Sorry not to have more encouraging things to say!






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      • Herod Antipas
        ... interested in ... banditry ... get us to ... so many men ... suspect. ... he d have ... with a small ... motivation for ... well maybe I might rwrite it
        Message 3 of 5 , Dec 2, 2005
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          >
          > I'll say in my defense that
          >
          > #1 Barzac is not a very good brigand. He is much more
          interested in
          > his own reputation as a marauder than running an efficient
          > business. And this is still a fairly civilized area where
          banditry
          > is not common. Barzac is probbaly trying to get started int he
          > brigand business and wants to build his rep.
          >
          > Gloria - You might need to incorporate things into the text to
          get us to
          > sense this. Didn't get that from what is written. Also, he has
          so many men
          > under him that if he is inept, one would try to take over, I would
          suspect.
          > And if bandrity is not common, makes it even harder to believe
          he'd have
          > such a large group. :( Now if the guy was like a failed bandit
          with a small
          > band, walking because they are so crappy, they'd really have
          motivation for
          > wanting the horses. Heh.
          >


          well maybe I might rwrite it with the brigands on foot, or maybe
          just Barzac mounted, but the trouble is that Gwig could probably
          defeat a group like that. I can certainly put in some conversation
          where Gwig and Jucunda discuss whether there are any bandits in this
          area, or I could even make it her fault. Maybe she insists on
          walking on ahead and he has to chase after her, or maybe he is
          distracted by an argument with her.

          > #2 The whole thing is played for comedic effect.
          >
          > That having been said, when i was writing it I did have some
          trouble
          > with the logistics. I wanted to write the confrontation with the
          > brigands and I needed to deprive them of their horses and
          baggage,
          > but I had some trouble figuring out how they would be
          surrounded. I
          > could simply have the brigands come down the road to meet them
          and
          > then have a concealed party come out behind them from the woods.
          >
          > Here's another possibility. Maybe Barzac came upon their horses
          > grazing, figured the owners must be farther ahead on the road and
          > circled around by another path to meet them. Buttercup is
          obviously
          > a big expensive horse with an expensive saddle, and they would
          have
          > already found money in the bags, so they would reason that the
          > owners much be rich and could be keeping the best valuables on
          > themselves, plus he just likes to screw with people.
          >
          > I could fill in more details. Maybe Gwig could say something
          > like "They must have found the horses and then circled around to
          cut
          > us off.
          >
          > So they left their horses that far behind them? Seems a little
          > dangerous. And I would expect Gwig's horse to be a trained horse,
          possibly
          > smarter than him (*grin*) and would protect Buttercup from having
          strangers
          > approach them or at least neigh to give Gwig warning.


          No, if you remember, Gwig did not have a horse of his own. His roan
          gelding is a loan from the King. This was supposed to be a really
          easy trip, staying in all the best inns and such



          >
          > Did you think the chapter was funny though?
          >
          > Gloria -- Uhm, sorta? But regarding comedy I am not the best
          person to
          > ask. :-( Sorry not to have more encouraging things to say!
          >
          >

          Yeah, well I know that even a humorous fantasy has to make sense,
          but try to keep in mind that this is not a traditional heroic
          fantasy. Part of the humor is that things keep going wrong. Gwig
          is a highly competant warrior, but he is not the sterotypical
          superman of some books. Conan never seems to slip on a banana peel!
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