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***Thought & Humor*** Feb. 14, 2005 Edition - Happy Valentine's Day - Blog updated even as we speak......

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  • Howdy Your-Friend
    Welcome to the E-Mail Newspaper featuring Thought & Humor by Howdy Double Click on Howdy - above at the front door - For Latest Award Winning Issue
    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 14, 2005
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      Welcome to the E-Mail Newspaper
                featuring 'Thought & Humor'
                             by Howdy
      Double Click on Howdy - above at the front door - For
      Latest Award Winning Issue or go to this site
      on the web for great humor, cartoons, thought
      & riddles:          http://howdyhumor.blogspot.com/
      Double click above link or copy and paste this link into your Web Browser's address line
      Click Here For Music while you read!!!
       (Remember to minus down)
      It's Valentine's Day and you STILL haven't composed precious prose to the love of your life?!?! Shame.
      As a public service, Howdy offers you this tender template for adoring adaptation to salvage your pitiful
      performance (you're welcome):
      Date:         (enter February)
      To:        (enter appropriate name here - CAUTION: don't put more than one per memo, and be careful
                                                                     to send to correct person)
      From:        (enter your name or pet-name - CAUTION: use the right pet-name)
      Subject: Said Valentine
      It has been brought to my attention that I would be remiss in my duties were I not to comment upon
      your performance as Executive Valentine. Your performance in this capacity during the past fiscal
      year has been more than adequate - nay, commendable.
      Further, let me advise you that my Passionate Regard for you remains unchanged since my previous
      statements upon this subject and may be assumed to remain unchanged unless you receive specific
      contrary notification in writing.
      Please do not hesitate to communicate with me should you have any questions or if I can be of any
      other assistance.
      Yours truly,
      (your name)
      UNC Light Lunch


      Advantage To You

      Q. What's the advantage of being married to a UNC student?

      A. Great answer:   http://enewspaper.blogspot.com/


      No, I Didn't


      Jesus Loves The Little Children

      Mt 7:11 - Show Context If you then, being evil, know
      how to give good gifts to your children, how much
      more will your Father who is in heaven give good things
      to those who ask Him!
      The image “http://www.podcharity.org.uk/gifs/home4.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

      Mt 18:3 - Show Context and said, "Assuredly,
      I say to you, unless you are converted and
      become as little children, you will by no
      means enter the kingdom of heaven.
      The image “http://www.palestinemonitor.org/Special%20Section/Back%20to%20school/back_to_school3.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

      Mt 19:13 - Show Context Then little children were
      brought to Him that He might put His hands on them
      and pray, but the disciples rebuked them.
      Palestinian child stopped by Israeli soldier at a checkpoint

      Mt 19:14 - Show Context But Jesus said, "Let the
      little children come to Me, and do not forbid them;
      for of such is the kingdom of heaven."
      Children of Beit Ummar

      Mt 21:15 - Show Context But when the chief
      priests and scribes saw the wonderful things
      that He did, and the children crying out in
      the temple and saying, "Hosanna to the Son
      of David!" they were indignant.
      The image “http://www.c-safe.org/images/children_happy.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

      Mt 23:37 - Show Context "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem,
      the one who kills the prophets and stones those who
      are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your
      children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under
      her wings, but you were not willing!
      The image “http://www.self.org/images/happy%20children.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

      Mr 9:37 - Show Context "Whoever receives one
      of these little children in My name receives Me;
      and whoever receives Me, receives not Me but Him
      who sent Me."
      The image “http://studentaffairs.humboldt.edu/_images/children/happy_child.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

      Mt 17:18 - Show Context And Jesus rebuked
      the demon, and it came out of him; and the
      child was cured from that very hour.
      The image “http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/public/sleep/starslp/bimages/hlthsleep_hpg.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

      Mr 5:41 - Show Context Then He took the
      child by the hand, and said to her, "Talitha,
      cumi," which is translated, "Little girl, I say
      to you, arise."

      Six Foot Tall Bug

      A man was sitting at home one evening, when
      the doorbell rang. When he answered the door,
      a 6 foot tall cockroach was standing there. The
      cockroach immediately punched him between
      the eyes and scampered off.

      The next evening, the man was sitting at home
      when the doorbell rang
      again. When he answered
      the door, the cockroach was there again. This time,
      it punched him, kicked him and karate chopped him
      before running away.

      The third evening, the man was sitting at home when
      the doorbell
      rang. When he answered the door, the
      cockroach was there yet again. It leapt at him and
      stabbed him several times before running off. The
      gravely injured man managed to crawl to the tele-
      phone and summoned an ambulance.

      He was rushed to intensive care, where they saved his life.

      The next morning, the doctor was doing his rounds.
      He asked the man
      what happened, so the man explained
      about the 6 foot cockroach's attacks, culminating in the
      near fatal stabbing.

      The doctor thought for a moment and said:

      Not Now!!!




      Hilary Swank as Maggie in Warner Bros. Million Dollar Baby

      For most of its two-and-a-quarter hours, MILLION
      DOLLAR BABY is a story about love and determ-
      ination. Frankie and Maggie need each other
      because they both have something to prove,
      to themselves and to others. Under Frankie's
      tutelage, Maggie rises through the ranks of
      women's boxing.

      Then tragedy strikes: An illegal blow causes
      Maggie to strike her head against the stool.
      She's left as a quadriplegic. Frankie works
      just as hard at trying to help Maggie adjust
      to her new life out of the ring as he did helping
      her in the ring. But that's not what she wants.
      She wants Frankie to help her end her life --
      which he does.

      Why? As Frederica Mathewes-Green wrote,
      it's not because she's in pain or even

      because she's depressed. Rather, it's
      because "she can't bear to be a has-been."

      In the moral universe of the film, "anyone
      who comes to the end of their 15 minutes
      of fame is justified in seeking suicide."
      The idea that, as with my friend, Joni
      Eareckson Tada
      , life goes on even after
      paralysis -- and is even richer, perhaps --
      is alien to this universe.

      Given what this says about the quality
      and worth of the lives lived by the

      disabled, it's not surprising that disability-
      rights groups have protested the film.

      You might not expect anything different
      from Hollywood, but there is one alternative.
      The new Fox hospital drama, HOUSE, tells
      the story of a diagnostician named Dr.
      Gregory House. He's not what you would
      call a "people person." As he says,
      "humanity is overrated." Add the fact
      that he is in constant pain, which causes
      him to pop painkillers like candy, and you've
      got the man who put the mis in misanthrope.

      And while House dislikes people, he hates
      death. Thus, he has no patience with people
      like Maggie who won't fight as hard to preserve
      the gift of life as they did in less important
      pursuits. When patients say they want to
      discontinue treatment and die, House calls
      them "idiots" and disputes their sentimentality

      about "dying with dignity." Death is always
      messy and always represents a waste -- so
      much so that he even disregards the occasional
      "do not resuscitate" order. Instead of hastening
      death, he insists on "practicing medicine for a


      MORE: http://xrl.us/e4sj


      How Good Soldiers Go Down

      They had the mightiest armies ever seen up until
      that time. And yet the seemingly invincible legions
      of the Roman Empire eventually fell to ransacking
      hordes who were once confined to Rome's far borders.

      What happened? Actually, many things happened
      that led to their defeat, but one of them was clearly
      spelled out by one Fourth Century Roman General.
      He said: "When, because of negligence and laziness,
      parade ground drills were abandoned, the customary
      armor began to feel heavy since the soldiers rarely,
      if ever, wore it. Therefore, they asked the emperor to
      set aside the breastplates and mail and then the
      helmets. So our soldiers fought the Goths without
      any protection for the heart and head, and they were
      often beaten by archers. Although there were many
      disasters, which led to the loss of great cities, no
      one tried to restore the armor to the infantry. They
      took the armor off, and when the armor came off -
      so, too, came their integrity."




      This Present Moment

      We are profoundly unaware of the
      present. That is, the here and now,
      the place that we always are, is the
      place that we are least likely to see
      for what it fully is. Blaise Pascal,
      though living four centuries ago,
      keenly diagnosed this peculiar
      human condition. In his work,
      Pensees, he masterfully articulates
      our seeming lack of interest in the
      present. Writes Pascal,

      "Let each one examine his thoughts,
      and he will find them all occupied

      with the past and the future. We
      scarcely ever think of the present;
      and if we think of it, it is only to take
      light from it to arrange the future.

      The present is never our end. The
      past and the present are our means;
      the future alone is our end. So we
      never live, but we hope to live; and,
      as we are always preparing to be
      happy, it is inevitable we should
      never be so."

      MORE: http://xrl.us/e4r8

      Scenic World Travel Cams
      385 Cams From Around The World
      (Where The World Watches The World)


      Friday, February 11, 2005

      Important Question

      UNC Student

      UNC student, talking to a friend:

      I put five dollars in the change
      machine. And would you believe...

      Funny Answer Here:

      The Great Self-Esteem Myth

      The image “http://www.btpl.org/e-teens/2002-Fun-group-shot.GIF” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

      A team of researchers has taken a closer look
      at the idea that self-esteem is a crucial factor
      in personal happiness, achievement, and
      behavior. Their research conclusively destroys
      the self-esteem myth and demonstrates
      that the nation's obsession with self-esteem
      was never based on science in the first place.

      Scientific American has done us all a great
      service by exploding the self-esteem myth,
      and indicating just how superficial and
      baseless the claims of self-esteem advocates
      are now shown to be. Expect an energetic
      retort from the self-esteem industry. They
      won't go down without a fight.

      MORE: http://xrl.us/e2uo

      Cheesy Mission

      "The Dome Will Go!!!"
                                                       - ancient prophecy

      The image “http://rapier.uni.wroc.pl/~turowski/dome-jerusalem.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

      It's the holiest & most controversial site

      on Earth. Revered by 3 religions - the
      place the Bible says a future Jewish
      Temple will be built in place of the
      Muslim Dome of the Rock and located
      in the city where the future King of Kings

      will rule for a millennium...

      See: http://xrl.us/e4bo
      Hear: http://xrl.us/e4bp

      The Virus - An Ultra Lite Novel


      The Virus
      (An Ultra Lite Novel by Howdy)
      This Monday started like most any day but would end anything but
      typical. The Weather Channel forecasted mild atmospheric conditions
      (even for February) but unfolding events would soon challenge and
      startle mankind as never before.

      In an elaborate government building somewhere in Rome, a multitude
      of dedicated world renowned computer and technology experts studied
      The Virus that had already secretly infected 98% of the planet's
      computers in its first stage. Up to this point, none outside this edifice
      had ascertained the existence of the silent menace.

      In Jerusalem, heavy crowds were milling around The Dome of the Rock,
      the third holiest site to Muslims worldwide. On the other side of the
      Wall, a larger than expected crowd of Jewish worshipers prayed even
      as portions of the wall continued to collapse.

      In New York City, the Stock Market opened slightly higher while
      down in Washington - Pentagon officials poured their second cup
      of Maxwell House Decaf. Further south, the last edition of The
      Atlanta Journal was being prepared while further west, parents
      turned toward their offices after depositing their children at school.

      Work halted temporarily in the government building as the new
      dynamic and charismatic leader's entourage entered. He spoke
      over the JBL sound system. "Good associates, The Virus is
      scheduled to be released as planned in two stages. Stage one as
      you know affects all the world's primary computers while the
      second will decrease the excess occupiers that have so strained
      our fragile environment. Both will begin to take effect within the
      hour thanks to your hard work." He will later become Time Magazine's
      "Man of the Year".

      Unexpected to those in Rome, The Wall in Jerusalem collapses and
      thousands of Muslims lose their lives along with hundreds of Jewish
      worshipers. The Dome of the Rock along with all nearby buildings of the
      Islamic Faith disappear into rubble of a 10.8 quake. Syria (with Iraq's lost
      WMD) & Iran ready their hidden nuclear arsenal.

      With a new surprising show of unity in Beijing, Hanoi, Jakarta, Tokyo,
      Pyongyang, New Delhi along with other Far East capitals, 200 million
      multi-asian troops are placed on alert. Moscow prepares its revived
      army for an eventual march south....very far south.

      Stage one hits Wall Street, the Pentagon, Main Street and homes
      across America as well as the entire Western World. Business stops
      as all funds - the complete wealth of the Industrialized World - is
      transferred by computer virus via the web to Rome. All modern military
      weapons are now under the new leader's absolute command as well as
      the world's media (Rule of Rome once again).

      As the second stage of The Virus is released, millions will become sick
      and die with a highly infectious disease stronger that the SARS & Ebola
      viruses combined. Fortunately for some, certain large groups of people
      have been quietly immunized earlier. Millions of Christians disappear at
      5 PM EST (Midnight in Jerusalem) virtually unnoticed because of the
      pandemonium. The controlled media is not allowed to print this story.

      The President is declared lost because Air Force One is down over the
      Atlantic according to managed reports but did his aircraft ever leave
      Andrews Air Force Base? Is this a cover up from Rome to perhaps hide
      his evanescence also? Other prominent members of the President's
      Party are missing but from the other side? Exiguous.

      This disappearance will go virtually unnoticed because of the manipulated
      media and its potentate who controls also the world's assets & armaments -
      the ultimate coup d' tat - all without a shot being fired. He will woo the planet,
      restore peace to the Middle East for a short time with false promises of pro-
      tection as well as rebuild a new Jewish Temple on the destroyed site. The
      Islamic world will cheer because their faith has expected this great new leader.
      With an appearance before nearly all mankind live on all media (TV, radio, &
      even computers on-line), men, women, and children are mesmerized. Stay tuned...


      After The Return of The King:

      They shall beat their swords into plowshares,
      And their spears into pruning hooks; Nation shall
      not lift up sword against nation, Neither shall they
      learn war anymore.


      Dear Howdy,

      RE: The Virus

      Very well done and impre

      (Message over 64 KB, truncated)

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