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***Thought & Humor*** Dec. 6, 2004 Edition - Merry CHRISTmas

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  • Howdy Your-Friend
    Welcome to the E-Mail Newspaper featuring Thought & Humor by Howdy *CLICK ON THE ATTACHMENT FOR THE AWARD WINNING COLOR VERSION OR CHECK BELOW (ON SOME
    Message 1 of 1 , Dec 6, 2004
      Welcome to the E-Mail Newspaper
      featuring 'Thought & Humor'
      by Howdy

      Yahoo & Hotmail ISP's see below for
      color cartoons:O)


      UNC Grad to Ticket Agent: I want to buy a bus
      ticket for Norwald.

      Ticket Agent, Searching Book: Norwald? Let me
      find that. Hmm... never heard of it. Let me see...
      Norwald. I don't see Norwald listed, and I can't
      find it on the map. Just where is Norwald, anyway?

      UNC: Over there. He's my brother-in-law.



      1) You must keep this thing, its loss will affect your brothers.
      For once yours is lost, it will soon be lost by others.

      2) Len always has it before. Paul has it behind. Bryan has never
      had it at all. Girls can have it only once. Boys don't need it.
      Mrs. Mulligan, the widow, has it twice in succession. Dr. Lowell
      of Harvard has it twice as bad at the end as at the beginning.
      Do you know what it is?

      3) An iron horse with a flaxen tail.
      The faster the horse runs,
      the shorter his tail becomes.
      What is it?

      (Answers are located below)
      If you can't find the answers below:


      In order to keep the size of each award winning
      edition of 'Thought & Humor' smaller and so the
      "Text-Only" folks can enjoy the cartoons also -
      go here to see the cartoons: http://ilovehowdy.blogspot.com/


      When picking out a pet, keep in mind that to a dog,
      you're family; to a cat, you're staff.


      Read what you have time for below
      & save the residuum for a stormy/
      blustery/dilatory interval while
      the charming/exquisite/vernal/
      aestival season is bursting out all
      over. Our goal is to promote a non-
      threatening and productive office
      & university environment and to
      establish language that is gender-
      neutral, ethnic-neutral, and age-
      neutral while celebrating our spirit
      of diversity.



      I use the "ctrl" key and the roller on the mouse and it works
      fine to enlarge. Couldn't read half of the 'T&H' without it.
      Especially the small script print.



      This material is not suitable for those who are deficient in humor
      or thought challenged!!! Do not read any further - you have been
      warned. Preconceived ideas and biases could be endangered.
      A unique blend of the jocular with provocative rumination is just
      ahead for your divertissement!?! "UNSUBSCRIBE" communiqué
      located below. Even French students can do it...


      "Can anyone stop the attack of the mutant artificial trees?" Probably
      not, but try playing this campy game anyway!

      It's from the National Christmas Tree Association. The object is to
      chuck snowballs at fake trees as they pop out of cartons. Pelt your way
      through rounds to earn bragging rights on the worldwide scoreboard.
      Watch the Spirit Meter--hit an elf and your level of Christmas spirit
      will take a hit, too.

      This game is simple enough for kids, yet still a blast for adults.

      {Double click this link or copy and paste this link into your Web Browser's address line
      for more info - Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor' in any way - but should be}


      Q: What job function does a UNC grad have
      in an M&M factory?
      A: Proofreading.


      Pres. Quiz

      The first president of the United States, George Washington,
      was the epitome of humility and sincerity. The following words,
      spoken from the heart, come from his inaugural address.
      How many do you know?

      1. vicissitudes (n.) - A: spiteful actions. B: ups and downs.
      C: positive feelings. D: cowardly maneuvers.

      2. aver (v.) - A: to declare. B: avoid or prevent. C: show a
      dislike. D: openly oppose.

      3. supplication (n.) - A: excessive amount. B: important
      addition. C: earnest request. D: forced ending.

      4. immutable (adj.) - A: weakened. B: biased. C: unchange-
      able. D: silent.

      5. predilection (n.) - A: introduction. B: prophecy. C: har-
      mony. D: preference.

      6. transcendent (adj.) - A: always changing. B: beyond ordi-
      nary limits. C: lost or displaced. D: written out.

      7. discernment (n.) - A: an act of defeat. B: good judgment
      or understanding. C: distributed funds. D: debilitating

      8. presage (v.) - A: to separate. B: get older. C: make a
      prediction. D: intentionally deceive.

      9. rectitude (n.) - A: mass destruction. B: anger. C: geo-
      graphical measurement. D: moral virtue.

      10. magnanimous (adj.) - A: appealing. B: high-minded.
      C: secretive. D: in agreement.

      11. felicity (n.) - the state of A: feeling happy. B: being
      lucky. C: helping others. D: earning wealth.

      12. propitious (adj.) - A: foretelling. B: overly sarcastic.
      C: confident. D: favorable.

      13. despondence (n.) - A: letter writing. B: depression.
      C: craving. D: poverty.

      14. palliate (v.) - A: to relieve. B: carefully examine.
      C: respect or revere. D: apologize.

      15. pecuniary (adj.) - A: referring to money. B: acting
      strangely. C: educated or refined. D: being a talented cook.

      (See below for answers)


      Undoubtedly America’s fastest growing sensation online,
      'Thought & Humor' has arrived after winding its way
      through the Internet’s highways and byways to your e-mail
      address. We welcome all our great readers to another unique
      blend of the jocular with provocative rumination for your
      weekly entertainment - usually platitudinous & bromidic
      but never nefarious, prurient, besmeared, or perfidious
      and delivered gratis to offices, homes & dorms ubiquitously....


      A UNC* student was in court charged
      with parking in a restricted area. The
      judge asked him if he had anything to
      say in his defense.

      "They shouldn't put up such misleading
      notices," said the guy. "The sign said

      *UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
      Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including:
      B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., B.R.C.
      (Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
      for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
      unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
      learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.


      I almost had a psychic girlfriend
      but she left me before we met.


      99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.



      Match the words in the left-hand column with the correct
      definition in the right-hand column. The answer key is
      listed at the bottom of this newsletter.

      Match the words in the left-hand column with the correct
      definition in the right-hand column. The answer key is
      listed at the bottom of this newsletter.

      1. propitiate A. A rascal
      2. lorgnette B. A rumor
      3. fress C. A pair of eyeglasses or opera glasses on a handle
      4. baksheesh D. A payment, such as a tip or bribe
      5. scalawag E. A decree
      6. irade F. To render favorably inclined
      7. intenerate G. An emerald-green mineral
      8. furphy H. To eat without moderation
      9. uvarovite I. Having a woolly surface
      10. lanate J. To make tender or to soften

      (answers below)


      Check out YOUR NEW Blog:
      Updated frequently!!!


      After many years of faithful duty with the US Forest Service,
      their beloved fire prevention mascot was unceremoniously
      "retired." Still in the prime of his life and bearing one of the
      world's most recognizable faces, he quickly found work as a
      spokesman for the world's leading exporter of diamonds.

      He's now working as "Smokey DeBeers."


      Why Am I Here: http://www.needhim.org/


      1. Open a new file in your PC.
      2. Name it "Housework."
      3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
      4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
      5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you
      want to delete Housework permanently?"
      6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse
      button firmly....
      7. Feel better?
      (Tkx: Shirl)


      'Thought & Humor' has been read in all 50 States,
      70 Countries, 7 Continents, many Island Nations,
      Oxford, Cambridge, every Ivy League School
      & all major American Universities including UNC!!!


      On the other hand, you have different fingers.


      If you would like to write Howdy (he reads all of them),
      send an amicable, meticulous, penurious or factious e-mail to:

      Howdy's address: your-bestfriend4u@...

      Please tell us your general location (State, School, Country).
      All letters sent to Howdy might be printed unless you
      request otherwise. Letters marked "anonymous" may be
      printed but without the name. Your e-mail address will not
      be shown. Tell us what's happening in your locale!!!

      Dear Howdy,

      What you provide each week most do not understand. The joy to be able
      to read an email that does not need work, that are not work related and
      provide an uplift for all that read are what everyone need to keep them
      ready to do the work that they are needed to to.

      Thank you for helping me to laf at myself, at others and with others due
      to seeing into all that we read as something that may have happened to
      them, or ourselves once back in the webs of our inner brain.

      Have a great day.
      Richard Miller
      University of Alaska



      Hello from Moore County NC. My uncle in Florida forwarded
      ***Thought and Humor*** to me.

      How can I get on your mailing list?



      Dear Howdy,

      I work in the Toy Department at a Walmart, and one day I was
      asked to do a price check. The cashier explained to me that
      a customer wanted to buy some puzzles, priced at 4 for $5.00,
      but they were ringing up at $1.25 a piece. Apparently neither
      the customer nor the cashier ever made it through sixth grade

      Julia G. (Tx)


      Dear Howdy,

      I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes
      several days attack me at once.



      Hi Howdy,

      My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole
      package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Some-
      times she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.

      Steven Wright


      Dear Howdy,

      Your blog site is impossible. The page freezes and the scroll bars
      won't move so you cannot really enter or exit. Is there some hidden
      meaning in this? Or, is this my computer or how you made it?
      Why am I reading a conservative site from a man who lives in North
      Carolina, or Virginia, is 56, or 22, or 61? I'm nuts!



      Dear L.P.,

      Thanks - Got the tech folks working on it:O)


      P.S. Try this FREE Browser: http://www.mozilla.org/download.html


      Dear Howdy,

      this is an interesting way to do this! I have NEVER been
      a "blogger" -- probably cuz I don't have the time! I am
      connected to the UNC system (T1, I think), and I had a
      small amount of trouble getting the page loaded. It took
      longer and tied up my whole computer. (My mouse froze
      up.) I like the ways each section is divided and available
      for comment. Does that make it easier for you to read the
      responses? The format is neat and tidy, too. Would people
      with "text-only" requests have trouble with this? I will try
      the blog at home in the next few days to see how this works
      with my dial-up connection there. Is that helpful?



      Dear Howdy,

      I looked at your blog site and I think it's a good idea. I've had to use
      the text-only version of your newsletter because the graphic version was
      too big for my email system. This will eliminate that problem and I'll be
      able to see the pictures. However, I have some comments:

      Stand up, raise your right hand, and repeat after me: "I will never use
      the color pink for any text ever again". It's completely impossible to
      read. Further, you need to take a better look at combinations of colors
      you use. White text on a blue background is hard to read.

      Watch your font sizes. Some of them are so small that they can't be read.
      My eyes have been working for over sixty years so they're getting a little
      tired. Nothing should be smaller than 10-point. Also watch the big fonts.
      Some of those were so large that they overlapped adjacent letters making
      the whole thing impossible to read. You also used some fonts that are very
      hard to read. Just because it exists doesn't mean you should use it. Keep
      it simple.

      Keep up the good work. I look forward to the blog version.

      Bob W.
      Cary, NC;
      NCSU fan

      Please note that our policy allows for us to receive threats
      on alternate Tuesdays when the Moon is waning only...


      I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area.
      So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman
      there that my bags never showed up.

      She smiled and told me not to worry as they were trained
      professionals and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked
      me, "has your plane arrived yet?"


      At the window of my house
      I looked through my lattice.
      I saw among the inexperienced,
      I noticed among the youths,
      a young man lacking sense.

      Crossing the street near her corner,
      he strolled down the road to her house
      at twilight, in the evening,
      in the dark of the night.
      A woman came to meet him,
      dressed like a prostitute,
      having a hidden agenda.

      She is loud and defiant;
      her feet do not stay at home.
      Now in the street, now in the squares,
      she lurks at every corner.
      She grabs him and kisses him;
      she brazenly says to him,

      "I've made fellowship offerings;
      today I've fulfilled my vows.
      So I came out to meet you,
      to search for you, and I've found you.
      I've spread coverings on my bed -
      richly colored linen from Egypt.
      I've perfumed my bed
      with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.
      Come, let's drink deeply of lovemaking until morning.
      Let's feast on each other's love!
      My husband isn't home;
      he went on a long journey.
      He took a bag of money with him
      and will come home at the time of the full moon."

      She seduces him with her persistent pleading;
      she lures with her flattering talk.
      He follows her impulsively
      like an ox going to the slaughter,
      like a deer bounding toward a trap
      until an arrow pierces its liver,
      like a bird darting into a snare -
      he doesn't know it will cost him his life.
      - - Prov. 7


      There's not much amusing about an automobile accident, but my friend
      Jean's accident - it had a little smile at the end of it at least. She got hit in
      the right rear door of her car, and her daughter's head actually broke the
      glass in the passenger side window. Jean's glasses went flying, and thank
      the Lord there was no serious injury. The police looked at the car, and they
      said, "Well, it's OK to drive." They knew that. She knew that, but
      apparently the computerized monitor in the dashboard didn't know that
      because all the way home this computer voice kept saying, "Right door is
      open. Fuel level is low." Actually, the right door was damaged, but no, it
      wasn't open. And the voice insisted, "Fuel level is low." She had just
      filled the car with gas! The gauge was on "F" for "Full." Poor Jean! She
      took a hit and then she started getting all kinds of wrong messages.

      My friend's experience actually models some of our own - when we take a
      hit in our life. Maybe your life has been abruptly interrupted by a tragedy, a
      loss, a sudden disappointment, maybe a betrayal or an illness. In some way,
      one of life's "heavies" has ploughed into you, and that's when you start to
      hear all these wrong messages in your heart.

      Our word for today from the Word of God is Psalm 119:25. David said, "I am
      laid low in the dust, preserve my life according to your Word." Verse 28,
      "My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your Word." Verse
      49 says, "Remember your Word to your servant for you have given me hope."
      Verse 50, "My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my
      life." See, David is saying basically, "When my heart is hurting, my spirit
      is doubting, my feelings are crashing, I hold onto your Word, Lord - like a
      drowning person clings desperately to a life preserver." And when you've
      been hit, you start hearing a lot of wrong messages in your soul. Maybe
      you're hearing them right now. Maybe you're believing them: "God doesn't
      care." "Look at what's happened." "You don't have any reason to go on!"
      "Well, you can't live without what you lost, man." "Hey, you might as well
      just quit trying, huh?" Or, "Get even!" "Be bitter." Or, "God can't use you
      any more, not after this!" Lies - those are just lies! But your feelings have
      lied to you before haven't they? Thousands of times!

      Take David's advice. As soon as you get hit, dive into the Bible. You may
      not feel like it, but that's when you need to do it the most! Ask God to hug
      you with His Word, to hold you, to support you, to "give you hope," like the
      verse said. Memorize the verses that give you hope. Quote them when the
      feelings come and answer the lie with God's truth. Remember, "Your promise,
      Lord, preserves my life." While that voice was saying to my friend Jean,
      "fuel level low" the gauge was telling the truth.

      God's words recorded in your Bible are the gauge that will expose the lies
      that your confused emotions are trying to tell you. Don't believe the lies.
      Let God's voice, through His wonderful Word, override all those obnoxious
      messages. Ron Hutchcraft

      Send any comments for Howdy to:
      If published in 'T & H', millions
      could see your annotation.

      Listen with RealAudio!

      To subscribe to "A Word With You," send a blank email to:


      To find out how you can begin a personal relationship
      with Jesus Christ, please call:

      1-888-NEED HIM.


      FYI: Here's the list of organizations
      that help you send letters and packages
      to US troops in Iraq:


      I intend to live forever - so far, so good.


      Join the jollity by sending an e-mail to:
      (Place "SUBSCRIBE" in the subject).
      (Open To ALL - Even Your Roommate/mom/friend/professor)

      You may subscribe ANY friend/family you wish to beguile/regale.
      They will be sent a confirmation warning them that smiles are in their future.
      (You may remain anonymous if you wish.)


      Study Shows Traumatic Reactions to
      Abortion More Common for Women


      {Double click this link or copy and paste this link into your Web Browser's address line
      for more info - Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor' in any way - but should be}


      Howdy says: "FORWARD TO FRIENDS & YOUR MAMA!"
      First Published In Last Century - July 26,1997
      Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture


      Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures
      of the office and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach
      the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling. Moments
      later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him.

      Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave
      just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he
      had matches with him and was able to light a fire using
      brush he found on the ground.

      Hours later, when everyone but Mr. Jacobson had returned,
      a rescue team was sent to search for him. After several hours
      they saw smoke curling from a nearby cave and went to investigate.

      Poking his head into the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled,

      "Mr. Jacobson, are you there? It's the Red Cross."

      Bristling, and still work-harried, the executive calls back,

      "I already gave at the office!"


      Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.


      It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising
      in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed
      in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening time. A small man
      pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid
      loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched
      square in the jaw, & knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of
      the line again.

      As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of
      the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I'm not opening
      the store!"



      The male name Andrew is from the Greek word for "manly."


      Months that begin with a Sunday will always have a
      "Friday the 13th."


      Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in
      the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by
      archaeologists and found edible.



      Although Asia and the Mediterranean are the original regions
      where mustard grew, most of the world's mustard today is
      cultivated in Canada and the United States



      The average major league baseball lasts 7 pitches.



      Socrates, one of the most famous Greek philosophers, never
      wrote down a single word of his teachings. The only knowledge
      we have of his thinking today comes from the notes taken by
      his great student, Plato.


      CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
      PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube
      farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
      OHNOSECOND: That miniscule fraction of time in which you realize that
      you've just made a BIG mistake.


      In 1796 the US Supreme Court issued this ruling, "By our form
      of government, the Christian religion is the established religion,
      and all sects and denominations of Christians are placed on
      equal footing." Some 57 years later, after Congress was
      petitioned to separate Christian principles from government,
      in 1853 the House Judiciary Committee issued their formal
      report, including these words: "In this age there is no substitute
      for Christianity. This was the religion of the founders of the republic,
      and they expected it to be the religion of their dependents. The
      great vital, conservative elements in our system is the belief of
      our people in the pure doctrines and divine truths of the gospel
      of Jesus Christ." - - - Dr. Gerald Beavan


      In a culture obsessed with success and “winners,” we all
      need reminders of what really matters.



      Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
      humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought
      & Humor' and its subsidiaries related to the institution
      of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
      of your choice from the list below:

      1) French university students
      2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley
      3) Any accredited high school or middle school
      4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
      5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
      6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
      to NCSU, JSU, MSU, USC, UGA, or FSU.


      Let's Bring Em Home For CHRISTmas


      Maytag is my middle name; I'm an agitator.


      Live CHRISTmas Webcams:


      I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.


      The Online Books Page


      Depressed, Troubled, Worried???
      Big Problems???
      Want to talk with a LIVE trained counselor???
      Want to get REAL help???
      (FREE - English/Spanish)



      {Double click this link or copy and paste this link into your Web Browser's address line
      for more info - Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor' in any way - but should be}


      "Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes."


      I was takin a trip on a plane the other day
      just wishing that I could get out.
      When the man next to me saw the book in my hand
      and asked me what it was about.
      So I settled back in my seat-
      "A best seller," I said.
      "A history, a mystery in one."
      And then I opened up the book and began to read
      from Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.

      He was born of a virgin one holy night
      in the little town of Bethlehem.
      Angels gathered round him underneath the stars
      singing praises to the great I Am.
      He walked on the water, healed the lame and made the blind to see again.
      And for the first time here on earth we learned that God could be a friend.
      And though he never ever did a single thing wrong
      the angry crowd chose him. And then he walked down the road
      and died on the cross and that was the end of the beginning.

      "Thats not a new book thats a bible," he said, "and I've heard it all before.
      I've tried religion- its shame and guilt and I dont need it anymore.
      It's superstition, made up tales and just to help the weak to survive."
      "Let me read it again," I said, "listen closely, cuz this is gonna change
      your life.


      "The end of the beginning," he said with a smile.
      "What more could there be? He's dead.
      You said they hung him, put nails in His hands
      and a crown of thorns on His head."
      I said, "I'll read it again but this time there's more,
      and I believe that this is true.
      His death wasn't the end, the beginning of life
      that's completed in you.
      Don't you see he did all this for you!"

      He was born of a virgin one holy night
      in the little town of Bethlehem
      All the angles singing praises to the great I AM
      He walked on the water, healed the lame,
      and made the blind to see(eee)
      (and for the first time here on earth)
      Did you know that God could be a friend.
      Tho He never ever did a single thing wrong,
      He was the one the crowd chose.
      then he walked and he died but
      three days later (3x) HE ROSE!!!!!!!!

      Three days later he rose!
      You see he came, he lived, and he died.
      But that was the end of the beginning.

      David Phelps



      1) maunder mawn der (intransitive verb)
      : to talk or say something in a vague, rambling, or
      incoherent way

      Early 17th century. Origin uncertain; perhaps formed
      from earlier maund "to beg" in the literal sense of "to
      keep on begging," or perhaps an imitation of the sound
      of muttering.

      The man had consumed so much liquor that he began to
      maunder about politics but nobody could understand a
      word he was saying.

      2) boondoggle boon dawggl (noun)
      : an activity or project that is trivial and wasteful of
      time or money

      Mid 20th century. Coined by the U.S. scoutmaster R.H.
      Link for a braided leather cord made by Scouts.

      The basketball team, after winning almost every game of
      the season, felt that the practice was a boondoggle
      since they were sure to win the championship game.


      "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be
      watching television by candlelight."


      Check out YOUR NEW Blog:
      Updated frequently!!!


      “You have to earn it,” a gentle, elderly man told my husband and me
      recently. His eyes were smiling even as he told stories obviously
      weighing on his heart, as if the opportunity to speak his mistakes aloud
      to a young couple made looking back somehow worth the ache of remem-
      bering. In broken English he told of his days after the war; how, filled with
      questions, he turned to things now regrettable, hurting people he loved
      with his rebellion. My heart leapt as he seemed to get to the part that
      ordained his smiling eyes. “I was running from everything, even myself.
      But God was chasing me,” he said, sounding yet in awe at the thought of
      it. “There are two roads in life,” he explained quickly, as if he felt he
      was about to lose our attention, not knowing whether we would want to
      hear it or not. “One way moves toward Him, the other away from Him.
      I realized that I wanted to go his way, towards Him, towards Christ,”
      he said, pointing upwards. “But you have to earn it.”

      The hope that seemed to grab hold of me as he spoke, as we were being
      evangelized by our taxi driver, was abruptly stifled. As he told his
      story I wanted to shout, “God chased me too!” I wanted to tell him I was
      humbled by his unapologetic faith and his resolve to share it. Such were
      the things I wanted to say when the chance to speak was mine. But at
      these words I wanted to cry: You have to earn it. The ride ended. We
      shook hands, exchanged blessings. And he was gone before I could
      swallow the lump in my throat.

      How can you earn God’s love?

      In that unexpected moment in transit, the love of God seemed to me
      so vast, so wonderfully intrusive. My heart stirred within me as Christ
      connected three strangers together, two of us far from home. The world
      seemed gigantic, and yet three were joined together by a name that will
      outlive us all, and Christ was there among us, three of his own. I think
      this is why, to my regret, I remained speechless in the wake of such a
      statement: The idea of earning this love seemed more impossible than
      usual. You have to earn it.

      Yet, didn’t he merely speak aloud words many of us know not to utter,
      though we still try to earn God’s favor, his forgiveness, his love anyway?
      How often I have to take captive the thoughts that I am struggling to stay
      in his good graces, mentally visualizing gold stars by my name, as if He
      were a father on the brink of abandoning me lest one more sticker be lost.
      When we struggle to earn our way into God’s presence—whether we are
      admitting it aloud or not—it is usually not the case that we have
      overestimated our ability to earn. Perhaps we underestimate the love
      we’re longing to keep.

      “For God so loved the world that He sent his only begotten son that
      whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life,”
      wrote one who walked with God’s begotten. Modern hymnist Stuart Townend
      reminds us of this great mystery often memorized, but less easy to know.

      How deep the Father’s love for us.
      How vast beyond all measure,
      That he should give His only Son,
      To make a wretch His treasure.

      Why should I gain from His reward?
      I cannot give an answer.
      But this I know with all my heart:
      His wounds have paid my ransom.

      We cannot earn our way into his presence. “It is because of him that you
      are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our
      righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: ‘Let
      him who boasts boast in the Lord’” (1 Corinthians 1:30-31). The debt,
      which was ours, has been paid. We are asked only to receive Him.
      - - Jill Carattini

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      Send any comments for Howdy to:
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      When I was crossing the border into Canada,
      they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said,
      "Well, what do you need?" -- Steven Wright
      (Tks: Phil)


      I am trying here to prevent anyone from saying the really
      foolish thing that people often say about Him [Jesus Christ]:
      "I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I
      don't accept His claim to be God."

      That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was
      merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would
      not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic --
      on a level with a man who says he is a poached egg --
      or else he would be the Devil of Hell.

      You must make your choice. Either this Man was, and is,
      the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse ....
      You can shut Him up for fool, you can spit at Him and kill
      Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him
      Lord and God. But let us not come up with any patronizing
      nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has
      not left that option open to us. He did not intend to.

      -- From Case for Christianity, by C.S. Lewis


      Why The U.S.A. Is At War:


      {Double click this link or copy and paste this link into your Web Browser's address line
      for more info - Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor' in any way - but should be}


      For printer-friendly version of 'T&H', visit:


      You may be interested in using this FREE web browser -
      I've been using in for about 6 months & it's much faster
      than "Internet Explorer" - Go here to try it:



      A UNC sophomore clandestinely goes into the
      doctor's office and says that her body hurts
      wherever she touches it.

      "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

      The student takes her finger and pushes her elbow
      and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and
      screams........pushes her ankle and screams.
      Everywhere she touches makes her scream!

      The doctor says, "You're a UNC student, aren't you?"

      "Yes," said the student.

      "I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken!"


      This government site offers access to historic documents.
      View the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights.


      Churches - Too Political?

      Recently I got in a discussion with a man regarding the concept of the
      separation of church and state. He said to me, “It’s in the Constitution.”
      I said, “No, it not in there.” He said, “It’s in the Bill of Rights.” I said,
      “No, that phrase doesn’t even appear there.” He said, “Well, it must be in
      the Declaration of Independence.” I said, “No, it’s not there.” By this time
      he was becoming increasingly agitated. He said, “I know that phrase has
      to be in there somewhere.” I said, “No, it’s not.”

      In fact, the closest phrasing comes from the writing of Thomas Jefferson in
      1802 to the Danbury Baptist Association. Nowhere is the concept or phrasing
      of separation of Church and State in its present definition found anywhere
      in our Constitution or Bill of Rights, except the fact that Congress shall
      not establish a religion or prohibit the free exercise thereof.

      Straightforwardly, that means the government cannot establish or financially
      underwrite any particular religion or denomination. That certainly does not
      mean, by any stretch of the imagination, that the government should not be
      able to post the Ten Commandments or a Christmas Nativity scene. That is
      certainly not establishing religion.

      But there’s a second point. I call it a cultural myth. It has to do with the
      fact that churches cannot endorse a candidate. Why? What’s that based on?
      Is that good or bad? Some think it’s good because churches should be,
      they say, religious and not political. But what if a bona fide spiritual or
      religious or biblical issue is at stake in the election regarding a candidate
      or a proposition? That doesn’t become political at that point. It’s righteous-
      ness versus unrighteousness issue. And that’s biblical.

      Where did we get the idea that pastors or churches should not speak out on
      candidates or endorse candidates? From our nation’s founding in 1776 to
      1954, pastors and churches did endorse candidates. Who stopped it and how?
      That changed when Lyndon Johnson ran for the U.S. Senate. He was opposed
      by a non-profit organization (not even a church), but after he won the election
      he proposed legislation to amend the IRS Code to prohibit non-profit
      organizations, including churches, from endorsing or opposing political
      candidates. The Code was amended in 1954 without any debate regarding the
      impact of the bill.

      And how has that affected us today? What is the impact on churches? It has
      created a muzzling, sort of chilling, effect. And what about the impact on
      our nation? For 178 years churches and pastors did speak out. For the last
      50 years they have been muzzled.

      Now let me ask you a practical question. Has our nation been more godly or
      less godly, more righteous or less righteous during these last 50 years? Has
      the sidelining or marginalizing of churches made our nation a better place
      or a worse place? Well, I rest my case. Jim Garlow http://xrl.us/d4ni


      Who is Jesus?

      {Double click this link or copy and paste this link into your Web Browser's address line
      for more info - Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor' in any way - but should be}


      A California teacher who claims he was barred from using documents
      in history lessons that refer to God, including the Declaration of
      Independence, is suing his school for discrimination.

      In the latest row about church and state separation, Steven Williams,
      a fifth-grade teacher at Stevens Creek School near San Francisco, claims
      that he was singled out for censorship by the head teacher, Patricia Vidmar,
      because he is a Christian.

      Mr Williams alleges that, since May, all his lesson planning has been vetted
      by Miss Vidmar and any references to God or Christianity weeded out.

      "It's a fact of American history that our founders were religious men and to
      hide this fact from young fifth-graders in the name of political correctness
      is outrageous and shameful," said his lawyer, Terry Thompson.

      "Williams wants to teach his students the true history of our country. There
      is nothing in the Establishment Clause (of the constitution) that prohibits
      a teacher from showing students the Declaration of Independence."
      - - The Berean Call


      'Twas the night Jesus came and all through the house,
      not a person was praying, not one in the house...
      The Bible was left on the shelf without care,
      for no one thought Jesus would come there...
      The children were dressing to crawl into bed,
      not once ever kneeling or bowing their head...
      And Mom in the rocking chair with babe on her lap,
      was watching the Late Show as I took a nap...
      When out of the east there rose such a clatter,
      I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter...
      Away to the window I flew like a flash,
      tore open the shutters and lifted the sash...
      When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
      but Angels proclaiming that Jesus was here...
      The light of His face made me cover my head,
      it was Jesus returning just like He'd said...
      And though I possess worldly wisdom and wealth,
      I cried when I saw Him in spite of myself...
      In the Book of Life which He held in His hand,
      was written the name of every saved man...
      He spoke not a word as he searched for my name,
      when He said "it's not here," my head hung in shame...
      The people whose names had been written with love,
      He gathered to take to his Father above...
      With those who were ready He rose without sound,
      while all of the others were left standing around...
      I fell to my knees but it was too late,
      I'd waited too long and thus sealed my fate...
      I stood and I cried as they rose out of sight,
      Oh, if only I'd known that this was the night...
      In the words of this poem the meaning is clear
      the coming of Jesus is now drawing near...
      There's only one life and when comes the last call,
      We'll find out that the Bible was true after all...
      (Tks: Jerry - CA)


      God designed humans to want to believe in something.
      That's the image of God that is in us. But as G. K.
      Chesterton famously put it, when we reject the God
      of the Bible, we don't believe in nothing; we believe
      in everything -- including Little Green Men.

      - - Chuck Colson


      Board of Advisors for 'Thought & Humor':

      Did you know that 'Thought & Humor' has a distinguished Board of Advisors
      that are designed to be a cross section demographically of our readership as far
      as age, location, gender, marital status, education & occupation are concerned???

      Bill - 50's - FL - Computer Operator for 911 System, V.P. - Archives
      Brenda - 50's - TX - University Administor, Married
      Caroline - 20's - FL - Married, University Student
      David - 50's - NJ - Businessman, Married
      Doug - 50's - TN - President of 501(c)(3) Corp, Married
      Ellen - 20's - NJ - University Student
      Emily - 30's - TN - Banker, Married
      Janet - 40's - MI - Married, Former Missionary to Arab Country
      Jerry - 80's - CA - Retired Theology Professor, Lobbyist, Author
      Jill - 50's - MN - Restaurant Owner, Married
      Jim - 40's - NM - Businessman, Married
      John - 50's - Peru - Pastor, Married
      Katie - 20's - NC - Teacher, Married to UNC Med Student
      Laura - 30's - NY - English Teacher
      Lisa - 40's - TN - Secretary, Married
      Marie - 60's - South Africa - Entrepreneur, Politician
      Mamie - 20's - GA - Elementary Teacher
      Milton - 19 - GA - College Student
      Phil - 50's WI - Handicapped
      Rob - 20's - NY - University Administor, Married
      Ruth - 50's - CA - Real Estate, Involved in Spanish Ministry
      Sarah - 20's - NC - UNC Student, Married
      Shirl - 60's - CO - Finance Manager - Married to Minister
      Steve - 40's - TX - Married, Computer Hardware Design
      Wanda - 40's - Asia - Married - Communist Country

      Advisory meetings are held weekly via the internet
      and none receive monetary/pecuniary compensation
      for their extensive/capacious/voluminous expertise.


      No matter what Hollywood says, Kinsey's work,
      and his legacy, have hurt us all.



      Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying
      about your age and start bragging about it.


      Bible - God's Word to you in different languages...


      (Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')


      Two recently married UNC grads were delighted when their
      long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center
      called and told them that there was a wonderful Russian baby
      boy available. The couple accepted him without hesitation.

      On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by
      the UNC campus so they each could enroll in night courses.

      After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired,
      "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"

      The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby.
      In a year or so, when he begins to talk, we want to be able
      to understand him."


      The Brawl at the Palace

      By now, we have all seen the footage from the near-riot that broke out at a
      recent game between the Detroit Pistons and the Indiana Pacers in the NBA.

      There have been plenty of attempts to figure out what conclusions, if any, we
      should draw from what happened. Some sportswriters, like Tony Kornheiser of the
      WASHINGTON POST, insist that it was an isolated incident. Others, like Bryan
      Burwell of the ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH, see what happened as a consequence
      of cultural trends within the NBA, such as younger, less-mature players and the
      NBA's uncritical embrace of hip-hop culture.

      While I tend to agree with Burwell, I think that there are other, more
      widespread and troubling, cultural trends that contributed to what happened on
      November 19. In our ministry here at Prison Fellowship, we see the results every
      day in the constant filling up of our prisons.

      One trend is the coarseness and incivility that has permeated American culture.
      Friends of mine tell me that they dread taking their kids to professional
      sporting events. The combination of profanity, drunkenness, and boorish behavior
      on the part of fans makes us all uncomfortable and, worse, sets a bad example
      for any child.

      Ten years ago unruly "fans" would have been asked to shut up or leave -- now
      it's those who want to enjoy the game in peace who are faced with that choice.
      And this problem isn't limited to professional sports. A reporter for USA TODAY
      wrote about a fight that broke out at a co-ed slow-pitch softball game he
      attended. It's as if the entire country has, as we say in Virginia, forgotten
      its manners.

      This coarseness and incivility is fueled by a belief that self-expression is
      always good and inhibition of any kind is always bad. The past few decades
      have seen the triumph of what author Rochelle Gurstein called "the party of
      exposure." This "party" turned ideas such as manners, propriety, and decorum
      into synonyms for repression. It convinced our culture that, as Robert Bork
      ironically put it, "Let all be told, let all be shown, and we will be a society
      of well-balanced individuals."

      Of course, no such thing happened. A culture that has renounced inner restraints
      only has the cudgel of law to keep people from acting on their own worst
      impulses. If shame isn't enough to keep you from making a drunken spectacle
      of yourself, then the sight of a "rent-a-cop" isn't going to stop you from throwing
      your beer on the court -- or charging into the stands swinging, only to go on
      talk shows the next morning to promote your new CD.

      What makes this even worse is that athletes are, in many instances, the closest
      things kids have to heroes. The NBA and its advertisers have used this
      admiration to make our kids the biggest market for NBA-licensed apparel and
      expensive shoes and soft drinks. Whether they want to admit it or not, these
      guys are role models, and they failed miserably that night.

      While thankfully events like the "brawl at the Palace" are the exception to the
      rule, the beliefs that helped make it possible are not. We see the results every
      day in prisons all across America. And while expulsions, suspensions, and even
      criminal prosecutions are in order, these won't change what most needs changing:
      a culture that has forgotten its manners. Only a good dose of repentance before
      a holy God is the necessary medicine for this cultural sickness. http://xrl.us/d9zi

      "BreakPoint with Chuck Colson" is a daily commentary
      on news and trends from a Christian perspective.
      Heard on more than 1000 radio outlets nationwide,
      BreakPoint transcripts are also available on the Internet.

      BreakPoint is a production of The Wilberforce Forum,
      a division of Prison Fellowship Ministries.

      Chairman: Charles W. Colson
      Dean: Nigel M. de S. Cameron, Ph.D.
      Managing Editor: Jim Tonkowich, D.Min.
      Senior Writer: Anne Morse
      Associate Editor: Roberto Rivera
      Associate Producer: Teresa Woodward
      Wilberforce New Media Editor: Gina Dalfonzo
      List Maintainer: Larry Wilson

      As you read the Scriptures with your family, I hope
      you'll have a new appreciation for who the "Word made
      flesh" really is: He's the Creator who existed before time.
      He's the Logos Who made heaven and earth, and Who
      steers the stars in their courses. He is the Truth that is
      ultimate reality. He is the 'Babe of Bethlehem & the
      'Word' of John 1. If you know of others who would
      enjoy receiving BreakPoint in their E-mail box each
      day, tell them they can sign up 1-877-3-CALLBP
      or http://www.breakpoint.org
      (Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')

      Send any comments for Howdy to:
      If published in 'T & H', millions
      could see your annotation.


      "I believe the Bible is the best gift God has ever given to man.
      All the good from the Savior of the world is communicated to
      us through this book." -- President Abraham Lincoln

      "For we must consider that we shall be as a City upon a hill.
      The eyes of all people are upon us. So that if we shall deal
      falsely with our God in this work we have undertaken, and
      so cause Him to withdraw his present help from us, we
      shall be made a story and a byword throughout the world."
      --John Winthrop, Governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 1630

      "It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and
      the Bible." - President George Washington

      "The Bible is no mere book, but a Living Creature, with a
      power that conquers all that oppose it." - Napoleon

      "That Book accounts for the supremacy of England."
      - Queen Victoria

      "If there is anything in my thought or style to commend ,
      the credit is due my parents for instilling in me an early
      love of the Scriptures. If we abide by the principals taught
      in the Bible, our country will go on prospering and to prosper;
      but if we and our posterity neglect its instructions and authority,
      no man can tell how sudden a catastrophe may overwhelm us and
      bury all our glory in profound obscurity." - Daniel Webster (Founding Father)

      "The Bible is worth all other books which have ever been printed."
      - Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)

      "The Bible is the anchor of our liberties." - President U.S. Grant


      Take the best medicine of all for what ails you -- laughter:

      "A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon
      without springs--jolted by every pebble in the road."
      ~Henry Ward Beecher
      "Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."
      --Arnold Glasow
      "Laughter is by definition healthy."
      --Doris Lessing
      "If somebody makes me laugh, I'm his slave for life."
      --Bette Midler
      "The human race has one really effective weapon,
      and that is laughter."
      --Mark Twain
      "What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul."
      -- Yiddish Proverb
      "Laughter is an instant vacation."
      -- Milton Berle
      "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
      -- Victor Borge

      To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the
      heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time
      to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a
      time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a
      time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. (King Solomon)

      NOTICE: The jokes published in this list were either submitted
      directly to 'Thought & Humor' or are, we believe, in the public
      domain. If you think that we have published a joke without
      giving proper credit to its author/owner, please let us know
      and we will provide appropriate credit in a future mailing.


      Four important things to KNOW:

      1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus,
      Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist,
      Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned
      & fall short of the glory of God.

      2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal
      separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at
      no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is
      Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ
      (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of
      Peace & Savior of the World).

      3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world
      (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist,
      Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians,
      Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up
      His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone,
      anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in,
      relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall
      have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven).

      4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE.
      No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic,
      Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist,
      Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives)
      to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through)
      ME (no other name).

      This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - -
      (Rev. 3:20)

      {Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good
      things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian -
      however they are great afterwards!!!}

      Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that
      leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment),
      and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow
      the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness,
      forever with God), and only a few find it. --Matthew 7:13-14

      Send any comments for Howdy to:
      If published in 'T & H', millions
      could see your annotation.


      The "E-Mail Newspaper" containing 'Thought & Humor'
      is sent out FREE via e-mail w/o ads. This information
      was sent to you because you made the request, 'Thought
      & Humor' is one small attempt to obey "The Great Com-
      mission". First published in the last century (July 26, 1997).
      Soli Deo Gloria...
      ________ "E-Mail Newspaper (Free4u)" _________
      References gleaned for great humor & information: Merry Heart,
      Thomas S. Elworth, Funny List, MeMail, Daily Dose, Joke of the Day,
      Kim Komando, Shagmail, MIKEY'S FUNNIES , The Daily Tease,
      Crosswalk.com, CLEAN LAFFS & Gophercentral.

      Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.

      'Thought & Humor' respects your privacy and wishes to honor
      your desires to not receive e-mail from us if that's your choice,
      and we apologize if any message causes any inconvenience
      to you or your computer. We have never given any reader's
      e-mail addresses to a third party & have no plans to do such
      unless the price is right:o) (Liberals please note - that was
      humor) The E-Mail Newspaper is sent to you with love.

      Notice: 'Thought & Humor' uses Norton Antivirus 2004
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      But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
      that I may show My power in you, and that My
      Name may be declared in all the earth. Ex 9:16


      Check out YOUR NEW Blog:
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      Dear Friends,

      Goodbye for now with jocundness for both you
      & your dynasty & an enkindling winter pulchritude!!!

      Your Amigo, Confrere & Sidekick,
      (probably spurious)

      P.S. You can wish me happy B-Day if you wish:O)


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      That's why I had to pass this on --
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