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186 Ways to Piss Off An Atheist

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  • LUIC
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    Message 1 of 1 , Oct 31, 2005
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      Begin forwarded message:

      > From: Chromatech1 <chromatech1@...>
      > Date: October 31, 2005 7:16:17 PM EST
      > To: AFSforum@yahoogroups.com
      > Subject: [AFSforum] 186 Ways to Piss Off An Atheist
      > Reply-To: AFSforum@yahoogroups.com
      >
      > Sorry if you've seen this before... I haven't and I've
      > been around for a while.
      >
      > 186 Ways to piss off an atheist:
      >
      > 1) Ask them why they are bitter against God.
      >
      > 2) Tell them that if there's no God, they might as
      > well go out and
      > kill
      > people.
      >
      > 3) Ask them to pray with you.
      >
      > 4) Invite their children to go to church with you.
      >
      > 5) Insist that there is a God, and show them where in
      > the Bible it
      > says so.
      >
      > 6) Hide Chick tracts in clever places around their
      > office.
      >
      > 7) Tell them that the universe is too complex to "just
      > exist," and
      > must have
      > been created by a God who "just exists."
      >
      > 8) Make up statistics.
      >
      > 9) End a discussion with "Well, I know you're smarter
      > than I am, but
      > I know
      > I'm right."
      >
      > 10) Accuse them of persecuting you.
      >
      > 11) Bring up arguments that make no sense whatsoever;
      > criticze their
      > response with "You're just not making sense."
      >
      > 12) Use multiple versions of Pascal's Wager as though
      > you thought
      > them up
      > yourself.
      >
      > 13) Use the Second Law of Thermodynamics to disprove
      > evolution.
      >
      > 14) Post inane arguments on the Internet, and never
      > follow up on
      > them.
      >
      > 15) Say that seperation of church and state isn't in
      > the
      > Constitution;
      > insist that the Constitution is based on the Ten
      > Commandments.
      >
      > 16) Cite Kent Hovind as a legitimate source of
      > information.
      >
      > 17) ...and call him "Dr. Hovind."
      >
      > 18) Tell them they know in their hearts that God
      > exists.
      >
      > 19) Point out that we all take things on faith.
      >
      > 20) Before starting an argument, say "You're an
      > atheist? That means
      > you're
      > going to hell!"
      >
      > 21) After losing the argument say, "I pity you."
      >
      > 22) Accuse them of willfully ignoring the "obvious
      > truth."
      >
      > 23) Use bad math to back up your claims.
      >
      > 24) Drink the last beer in the fridge.
      >
      > 25) ...and buy natural light to replace it.
      >
      > 26) Witness for Jesus, and completely ignore anything
      > your
      > competition says.
      >
      > 27) Call him a meanie.
      >
      > 28) Tell him you don't care what you say or prove, you
      > will still
      > have your
      > faith.
      >
      > 29) When given a Bible verse that looks bad, tell him
      > that's what
      > the verse
      > says, but that's not what it means.
      >
      > 30) Argue that the Bible stories are not myths . . .
      > they're
      > parables. And
      > they're all true!
      >
      > 31) Lead off your criticism of the Big Bang theory
      > with the
      > disclaimer that
      > you're not a physicist like he is.
      >
      > 32) Lead off your suggestions for ways to prove that
      > Noah's Flood
      > occured
      > with the disclaimer that you're not a geologist like
      > he is.
      >
      > 33) Overwhelm him with your knowledge of science,
      > using
      > examples: "And
      > because of entropy you have to press the nozzle on the
      > spray can.
      > The nozzle
      > is entropy."
      >
      > 34) Use Latin a lot.
      >
      > 35) Maintain that the King James Version is THE Bible;
      > ignore
      > questions as
      > to who was saved prior to 1611.
      >
      > 36) Tell him that Moses wrote the Books of Moses.
      >
      > 37) Explain that the lack of proof doesn't mean it
      > didn't happen.
      >
      > 38) ...and give him a blank look when he says that all
      > people tried
      > for a
      > crime would go to jail.
      >
      > 39) Blame absolutely everything wrong in society on
      > evolution.
      >
      > 40) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it
      > true.
      >
      > 41) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it
      > true.
      >
      > 42) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it
      > true.
      >
      > 43) Tell him that he acknowledges Christ every time he
      > uses "A.D." --
      > which,
      > of course, stands for "After Death."
      >
      > 44) Accuse him of being an agnostic, since he isn't
      > 100% positive
      > that God
      > does not exist.
      >
      > 45) Insist that the Bible is meant to be taken
      > literally -- all
      > except that
      > verse he just showed you.
      >
      > 46) Tell him that God works in mysterious ways.
      >
      > 47) ...and we're too small to comprehend his
      > reasoning.
      >
      > 48) ...and we shouldn't think of him as "how he should
      > be."
      >
      > 49) Point out that the fact that he talks about God so
      > much proves
      > God's
      > existence.
      >
      > 50) Tell him you know God exists because Mount Everest
      > exists.
      >
      > 51) If a plane crashes killing 300 passengers and
      > crew, but one
      > little girl
      > survives with only third-degree burns, tell him that
      > this miracle
      > proves the
      > existence of God.
      >
      > 52) Insist that Noah's Ark and the Shroud of Turin are
      > real.
      >
      > 53) ...and tell him about the special on FOX where you
      > saw it.
      >
      > 54) When he shows you a verse about genocide, ask him
      > how he dares to
      > question the morality of God.
      >
      > 55) Punch him in the face. Hard.
      >
      > 56) When asked to prove a statement you made, say that
      > you already
      > proved
      > it.
      >
      > 57) Tell him that we all fall short of God's grace.
      >
      > 58) Insist that faith is the only logical answer.
      >
      > 59) No matter what he quotes from the Bible, say that
      > it's out of
      > context.
      >
      > 60) ...and when he points out that the quotes are in
      > correct
      > context, tell
      > him you need to be a Christian to understand the true
      > meaning of the
      > Bible.
      >
      > 61) Tell him you must study the Bible for many years
      > to reject
      > Christianity.
      >
      > 62) ...and when he points out that you reject Islam
      > despite never
      > having
      > studied the Qu'ran, say that you have faith, and faith
      > is all you
      > need.
      >
      > 63) Ask him how he knows God isn't real if he can't
      > see the air.
      >
      > 64) Sigh, shake your head, and say "I just know that
      > someday you'll
      > need
      > Jesus."
      >
      > 65) Talk about how you used to be a miserable,
      > sinning, drug-abusing,
      > alcoholic, sex-addicted, spouse-beating criminal until
      > you found God.
      >
      > 66) Change your handle every couple weeks.
      >
      > 67) Knock on his door at 9:00 in the morning and offer
      > him a
      > pamphlet.
      >
      > 68) Tell him that God loves him, even if he doesn't
      > love himself.
      >
      > 69) Admonish him to have sex for reproductive purposes
      > only.
      >
      > 70) Tell him about Christ's plan for salvation for the
      > billionth
      > time.
      >
      > 71) Refuse to debate.
      >
      > 72) Name a bunch of smart Christian people.
      >
      > 73) ...and when he names a bunch of smart atheist
      > people, call him
      > stupid.
      >
      > 74) Attribute every apparent error in the Bible to
      > mistranslation.
      >
      > 75) ...and then pull up a mistranslation from Isaiah
      > to prove that
      > Jesus
      > fulfilled prophecy.
      >
      > 76) Burn him at the stake.
      >
      > 77) When shown that the Bible says that Pi=3, say that
      > the Hebrews
      > didn't
      > know anything about science, so it's not their fault.
      >
      > 78) When shown the creation account in Genesis, insist
      > that the
      > Hebrews had
      > all kinds of scientific savvy, being inspired by God.
      >
      > 79) Lead him on until the very last moment, then tell
      > him no . . .
      > not until
      > you're married.
      >
      > 80) Insist that a person who makes Christianity look
      > bad was not a
      > True
      > Christian.
      >
      > 81) Claim intellectual superiority on the grounds that
      > only smart
      > people
      > read the Bible.
      >
      > 82) Smile smugly and tell him that there are no
      > atheists in foxholes.
      >
      > 83) Quote Psalm 14:1 to him.
      >
      > 84) ...and then tell him that you think highly of him,
      > and want to
      > be his
      > friend.
      >
      > 85) Give him the special gift of his very own
      > "paraphrased" modern
      > Bible.
      >
      > 86) Speak to him with a fake Austrailian accent.
      >
      > 87) Cite my Formatted Theology page as a collection of
      > successful
      > proofs for
      > God's existence.
      >
      > 88) Threaten to kill yourself if he doesn't believe.
      >
      > 89) Equivocate scientific faith with religious faith,
      > and conclude
      > that,
      > metaphysically, you are both in the same boat.
      >
      > 90) Claim that archaeology is proof of the Bible's
      > truth.
      >
      > 91) Misconstrue logical terms in order to prove that
      > logic does not
      > work.
      >
      > 92) Claim that logic is the atheist's god.
      >
      > 93) Claim that atheism is not only a belief -- it's a
      > knowledge
      > claim.
      >
      > 94) Support your ludicrous contentions with "Most
      > scholars agree
      > that..."
      >
      > 95) Use only circular reasoning.
      >
      > 96) Claim that the atheist only uses circular
      > reasoning.
      >
      > 97) Claim that circular reasoning is legitimate due to
      > circular
      > reasoning
      > being legitimate.
      >
      > 98) Use the phrase "Hate the sin, love the sinner" as
      > a blanket
      > response to
      > the notion that Christianity is at fault for
      > something.
      >
      > 99) State that Christianity has done a lot of good
      > along with all
      > the mass
      > murder.
      >
      > 100) When asked to explain a theological concept,
      > compare it to
      > something
      > simple, like "water," and then misunderstand that you
      > have
      > incorrectly
      > labeled the constructs of your analogy, then dismiss
      > the whole thing
      > with,
      > "You've just got to have faith."
      >
      > 101) Upon hearing that he is an atheist, jump back
      > reflexively, as
      > if you
      > don't want to catch whatever it is he's got.
      >
      > 102) ...then look at him as if he were a diseased
      > leper who just
      > spit in
      > your eye.
      >
      > 103) End all your posts with John 3:16.
      >
      > 104) ...or "God Bless."
      >
      > 105) When he takes the time and trouble to explain
      > where your
      > analogy or
      > interpretation is at fault, begin your response with a
      > sigh, so
      > he'll know
      > how patient you're being.
      >
      > 106) Open a minor-league baseball game with the
      > national anthem,
      > followed by
      > a gospel quartet singing a hymn, and solemn prayer.
      > (True story!)
      >
      > 107) Open and close a martial arts class with
      > obligatory prayer,
      > including
      > the spectators. (Another true story!)
      >
      > 108) Claim that God chooses who is going to heaven and
      > humans have
      > nothing
      > to do with his decision, but he's going to hell
      > because he sinned.
      >
      > 109) State that whatever he says is not worthy of
      > consideration,
      > because the
      > Bible says atheists can't discern what's true anyway.
      >
      > 110) Offer inane apologetics books in the hopes that
      > he hasn't heard
      > the
      > arguments in them a thousand times already.
      >
      > 111) Patiently explain that the 42 children that were
      > torn to bits
      > by two
      > bears sent by God were not really children, but spawn
      > of Satan.
      >
      > 112) When asked if they would sacrifice their own
      > child for God,
      > respond
      > with "God would never ask me to do that."
      >
      > 113) Carefully explain that Lot's daughters were never
      > in danger of
      > gang
      > rape, and that Lot knew this all along.
      >
      > 114) Most carefully of all, explain that while all of
      > the Bible is
      > inerrant,
      > Revelation does not literally mean what it says.
      >
      > 115) Tell him that God answers all prayers --
      > sometimes the answer
      > is no.
      >
      > 116) Tell him that Christians aren't perfect -- just
      > forgiven.
      >
      > 117) Tell him that he can't love anyone -- that's why
      > he can't love
      > God.
      >
      > 118) Offer to drive, then insist on listening to
      > Christian Talk
      > Radio.
      >
      > 119) ...and laugh when you hear "This condom-nation
      > will face
      > condemnation."
      >
      > 120) Claim that Einstein was a Christian.
      >
      > 121) Claim that Darwin recanted evolution on his
      > deathbed.
      >
      > 122) Tell him that he'll come around just like your
      > daughter
      > did . . . when
      > she got confirmed just so that she could get married
      > in a big church.
      >
      > 123) Vehemently claim that the theory of evolution is
      > incompatible
      > with
      > theism, then turn around and blame the theory for
      > promoting atheism.
      >
      > 124) Say that evolution is not proven -- therefore the
      > Bible is
      > correct.
      >
      > 125) Tell him it's his responsibility to prove that
      > God doesn't
      > exist.
      >
      > 126) Invite him to a church social function, and show
      > up late.
      >
      > 127) ...because you were with his wife.
      >
      > 128) Deny that his child looks like him.
      >
      > 129) Ask what he believes in, if not God.
      >
      > 130) ...then tell him that nonbelief is also a
      > worldview, therefore
      > there is
      > no such thing as an atheist and Christianity is true.
      >
      > 131) Explain that Buddha's last words were "Jesus,
      > forgive me."
      >
      > 132) ...and tell him that you were "saved" when you
      > heard that story.
      >
      > 133) ...and when he explains that Buddha died 500
      > years before Jesus
      > was
      > born, give him a blank look.
      >
      > 134) Say that God can't reveal himself with any real
      > proof, because
      > that
      > would remove the need for faith.
      >
      > 135) When something awful happens, tell him not to
      > blame God -- he
      > doesn't
      > interfere.
      >
      > 136) When something wonderful happens, tell him to
      > credit God -- he
      > made it
      > happen.
      >
      > 137) Tell him not to ask what happens to those who
      > have never heard
      > of Jesus
      > . . . HE has, and what is HE going to do about it?
      >
      > 138) Explain that it doesn't matter whether or not he
      > thinks he's
      > sinned --
      > all humans were imbued with original sin at the moment
      > of their
      > birth.
      >
      > 139) ...then tell him that babies automatically go to
      > heaven.
      >
      > 140) ...and mentally retarded people.
      >
      > 141) ...and those with Down's Syndrome.
      >
      > 142) Treat nothing he says as credible, because he is
      > possessed by
      > Satan.
      >
      > 143) Show that the Bible must be true because when you
      > take the
      > original
      > Hebrew letters, spread them out and twist them around,
      > you can spell
      > words.
      >
      > 144) ...and when he points out that that will work
      > with literally
      > any work
      > in any alphabet, accuse him of closed-mindedness and
      > blasphemy.
      >
      > 145) Spell it "athiest."
      >
      > 146) Spell it "evilution."
      >
      > 147) Tell him that the Bible is true because the Bible
      > says it is.
      >
      > 148) Tell him that Hitler was an atheist.
      >
      > 149) ...and all atheists are therefore Nazis.
      >
      > 150) Tell him that he's playing right into Satan's
      > hands, because
      > Satan's
      > greatest ploy is convincing people that God doesn't
      > exist.
      >
      > 151) Use the word "atheist" as a verb.
      >
      > 152) After your argument has been effectively refuted,
      > wait a few
      > days and
      > then repeapt the argument, adding, "You still haven't
      > addressed
      > this."
      >
      > 153) Make up your own language, and claim that his
      > inability to
      > understand
      > is due to his atheism.
      >
      > 154) Claim that Jesus is the God based on the Old
      > Testament, then
      > turn
      > around and say that the Old Testament has nothing to
      > do with the New
      > Covenant.
      >
      > 155) Use the word "presupposition" incorrectly,
      > repeatedly.
      >
      > 156) Argue the most insignificant point you can think
      > of; when he
      > doesn't
      > address your pettiness, claim victory.
      >
      > 157) Constantly attempt to equate atheism with theism.
      >
      > 158) Argue that the translation "errors" in the KJV
      > were actually
      > God-inspired improvements, and therefore the KJV is
      > the most
      > accurate of all
      > trnslations.
      >
      > 159) Say that God believes in him, whether or not he
      > believes in God.
      >
      > 160) Call the Branch Davidians a "cult," but insist
      > that your
      > particular
      > faction is a "religion."
      >
      > 161) ...and argue that a practical distinction
      > actually exists.
      >
      > 162) State with a straight face, "Yes, I believe that
      > an invisible
      > fairy god
      > king magically blinked us all into existence in order
      > to punish us
      > for our
      > salvation and that we must all humble ourselves and
      > eat his flesh
      > and drink
      > his blood," and then claim your belief is perfectly
      > rational and
      > supperior
      > to the atheist "mind-set," which can provide no
      > answers.
      >
      > 163) Tell him that he can't use absolute logic because
      > God is the
      > only
      > absolute.
      >
      > 164) Tell him the signs are there -- he's just not
      > looking.
      >
      > 165) Tell him he wouldn't believe even if someone
      > rises from the
      > dead.
      >
      > 166) Play Matthew McConnaghey: "Do you love this
      > person? Prove it."
      >
      > 167) Tell him that the third hour was Jewish time; the
      > sixth hour
      > was Roman
      > time.
      >
      > 168) Try to perform an exorcism on him.
      >
      > 169) Claim to be speaking in tongues when actually
      > you're just
      > babbling
      > incoherently.
      >
      > 170) Say that the Bible (as opposed to other holy
      > books) is true
      > because
      > it's an eyewitness occount.
      >
      > 171) When he points out an apparent inconsistency of
      > God's
      > attributes, just
      > say that God is infinite. The atheist, with his
      > finite, human brain
      > cannot
      > begin to understand God.
      >
      > 172) For Muslims only: Say that it's perfectly
      > reasonable for anyone
      > to
      > convert to your religion, but no one has a valid
      > reason to leave
      > Islam; it
      > is the perfect religion.
      >
      > 173) Tell him that everyone has faith in SOMETHING.
      >
      > 174) Say that whatever you turn to in your hour of
      > need is God.
      >
      > 175) Make him clean out your car.
      >
      > 176) Include cosmology and abiogenesis when discussing
      > evolution.
      >
      > 177) Tell him he won't understand unless he believes,
      > and he can't
      > believe
      > unless he understands.
      >
      > 178) Ask how he can have any morals if he doesn't
      > believe in God.
      >
      > 179) Say that you know in your heart that belief in
      > God is perfectly
      > logical
      > and rational.
      >
      > 180) Say that going to church is fun.
      >
      > 181) ...and when he says it's boring, act surprised.
      >
      > 182) Leave little Jesus cards on the tables at
      > restaurants.
      >
      > 183) Talk about all the great things Dubya is going to
      > do for our
      > nation.
      >
      > 184) Insist that homosexuality is a choice.
      >
      > 185) Insist that Thomas Jefferson was a Christian.
      >
      > 186) Tell his that it's not a religion -- it's a
      > personal
      > relationship with
      > Jesus Christ.
      >
      > 187) Sing.
      >
      > 188) When asked what's wrong with evolution, tell them
      > that it
      > doesn't
      > account for the origin of matter.
      >
      > 189) Tell him he only doesn't believe in God because
      > his family
      > hates him.
      >
      > 190) Advertise for heaven and hell.
      >
      > 191) Send a child over to witness to him.
      >
      > 192) ...when he tells the child he's not interested,
      > send over two
      > adults to
      > say the same things.
      >
      > 193) ...when he refuses again, give a Chick tract to a
      > 3 year old to
      > give to
      > him.
      >
      > 194) Send a chat room message that he is a
      > black-hearted sinner.
      >
      > 195) ...then turn your IM off so that he can't
      > respond.
      >
      > 196) Tell them that Darwin recanted evolution on his
      > deathbed.
      >
      > 197) ...and when he tells you about the Lady Hope
      > myth, cry.
      >
      > 198) Create a website challenging evolution.
      >
      > 199) ...and when he actually does, close it down.
      >
      > 200) Create a term for a blatant paradox in your
      > religion, then call
      > other
      > religions false because they don't have it.
      >
      > 201) Get into a chatroom argument with him, then start
      > SCREAMING the
      > lyrics
      > to "Amazing Grace" while your friends write "Amen,
      > brother" and
      > other such
      > nonsense as the atheist tries to make his point.
      >
      > 202) After losing an argument horribly, say that you
      > will pray for
      > his
      > eternal soul.
      >
      > 203) ...then begin praying loudly without his
      > permission.
      >
      > 204) Yell and scream about how he is going to hell
      > during a debate.
      >
      > 205) ...and when he gets tired of your yelling and
      > screaming, back
      > out of
      > the debate.
      >
      > 206) When losing a debate, take advantage of his good
      > nature by
      > punching out
      > somebody near you until he stops talking.
      >
      > 207) ...when you see someone else do this, stop him by
      > saying that
      > his
      > religion is a peaceful one.
      >
      > 208) Put gigantic crosses on everything he owns that
      > you can get
      > your hands
      > on.
      >
      > 209) Counter every argument that begins with "God is
      > defined as..."
      > with "So
      > you believe in God?"
      >
      > 210) Cry foul when he tries to create a club that is
      > not religious.
      >
      > 211) Fail to have a basic grasp of history. (Spanish
      > Inquisition?
      > What's
      > that?)
      >
      > 212) Have your pastor hunt him down and force him into
      > a debate over
      > dinner.
      >
      > 213) When all else fails, never talk to him, and
      > convince a lot of
      > other
      > people to never talk to him either.
      >
      > 214) Treat his Christian wife like shit.
      >
      > 215) Complain to him about your own church, but don't
      > leave it.
      >
      > 216) Send the DEA an anonymous tip that he has bundles
      > of cocaine in
      > his
      > garage.
      >
      > 217) Put a large cross in his yard.
      >
      > 218) ...then set it on fire with your hooded brethren.
      >
      > 219) PUT ALL ARGUMENTS IN CAPITAL LETTERS TO GIVE THE
      > IMPRESSION
      > THAT YOU'RE
      > YELLING AND SCREAMING!
      >
      > 220) Start your own university dedicated to religious
      > narrow-
      > mindedness and
      > restriction of free choice.
      >
      > 221) ...and name it "Liberty."
      >
      > 222) Perpetually ask saps for money on your television
      > show.
      >
      > 223) Avoid taxes and regulations because you're doing
      > God's work.
      >
      > 224) Ask why he only focuses on the bad parts of the
      > Bible.
      >
      > 225) Accuse him of closed-mindedness for not accepting
      > your
      > extraordinary
      > claims.
      >
      > 226) Tell him he has to believe before he can
      > understand the
      > evidence.
      >
      > 227) Tell him he is innumerate.
      >
      > 228) Tell him he is illiterate.
      >
      > 229) Tell him he is pissed.
      >
      > 230) Tell him he won't agree with you because the Holy
      > Spirit has
      > closed his
      > eyes to the truth.
      >
      > 231) ...then continue preaching to him.
      >
      > 232) Insist that you've already refuted everything he
      > said.
      >
      > 233) Ask God to bless his dark heart.
      >
      > 234) Threaten to sue his university for infringement
      > of free speech
      > after he
      > heckles you.
      >
      > 235) Tell him that long hair is the Devil's work.
      >
      > 236) Tell him that all your music is the Devil's work.
      >
      > 236) Tell him that the fossils in the earth are the
      > Devil's work.
      >
      > 237) Create hoaxes to prove cerationism (i.e. a human
      > footprint
      > alongside a
      > dino's footprint).
      >
      > 238) Claim that God can cure HIV if one prays hard
      > enough.
      >
      > 239) ...then say that it is God's choice who he will
      > cure, and
      > anyway having
      > HIV is better than an eternity in Hell.
      >
      > 240) Turn up your amps so that everyone within three
      > blocks has to
      > listen to
      > him rant about Jesus.
      >
      > 241) Double park on Sunday. Claim the principle of
      > righteousness.
      >
      > 242) Ask who he turns to when he's in danger.
      >
      > 243) ...when he says himself, say "No -- when you're
      > REALLY in
      > danger."
      >
      > 244) Grossly misunderstand the word "theory."
      >
      > 245) Declare that everyone knows in his heart that God
      > exists, but
      > just want
      > to worship themselves.
      >
      > 246) Declare that without God there are no ultimate
      > answers to
      > anything.
      >
      > 247) ...then declare that WITH God there is an
      > ultimate answer to
      > everything -- and that answer is God.
      >
      > 248) Declare that without God you finally die alone.
      >
      > 249) Declare that atheism gives you nothing to hope
      > for except the
      > false
      > promises of this world.
      >
      > 250) Use transitive verbs intransitively (e.g. "Jesus
      > raised from the
      > dead").
      >
      > 251) ...when corrected on the above (e.g. Jesus ROSE
      > or WAS RAISED
      > from the
      > dead), shout "Then you really do believe!"
      >
      > 252) Announce that God was watching over a loved one
      > who survived a
      > terrible
      > tragedy.
      >
      > 253) ...and when the loved one later dies from his
      > wounds, announce
      > that it
      > was God's will.
      >
      > 254) Get him to admit that he KNOWS God exists, but
      > Satan has
      > seduced him.
      >
      > 255) Invite every single person in your church to give
      > Chick tracts
      > to
      > everyone they know.
      >
      > 256) Ask if he's ever heard of Jesus Christ.
      >
      > 257) Show up on his front porch at 9:00 on Saturday
      > morning, and take
      > advantage of his groginess by shoving copies of
      > Watchtower into his
      > hands
      > and getting him to read the Bible with you, then walk
      > away before he
      > has any
      > idea what's going on.
      >
      > 258) When he finally gets tired of you and launches
      > several "Do Not
      > Feed The
      > Troll" campaigns against you, change your handle.
      >
      > 259) When confronted with a sound logical argument,
      > respond
      > with "Yes, but I
      > don't believe that."
      >
      > 260) Have the Gideon Bible waiting in the hotel room
      > that he pays
      > for.
      >
      > 261) Regale him with questions such as "Who do you
      > think wakes you
      > up in the
      > morning? Isn't that a miracle?" while you, the bus
      > driver, should be
      > watching the road.
      >
      > 262) Scrape your fingernails on a blackboard.
      >
      > 263) If you're an ISP, repeatedly cut him off during a
      > net session,
      > so that
      > he must spend 90% of his time dialing.
      >
      > 264) Program your church bells to play very loudly at
      > really odd
      > hours.
      >
      > 265) Every time the subject of his being an atheist
      > comes up, burst
      > out
      > laughing.
      >
      > 266) Ask how he can possibly raise children in a
      > godless environment.
      >
      > 267) Accuse him of having more than one personality.
      >
      > 268) Talk to him with the assumption that he shares
      > your beliefs --
      > i.e.
      > start a sentence with "You know how God wants us
      > to..."
      >
      > 269) When the subject of homosexuality comes up, say
      > "God created
      > Adam and
      > Eve, not Adam and Steve."
      >
      > 270) ...and expect it to be taken as an intelligent
      > remark.
      >
      > 271) Insist that the Bible is completely true.
      >
      > 272) ...and when he conclusively proves otherwise,
      > acknowledge that
      > the
      > Bible is trash, but remain a Christian.
      >
      > 273) ...then take him to church.
      >
      > 274) ...and tell him he really must come more often.
      >
      > 275) Reply to every statement he makes, "That's only
      > your opinion."
      >
      > 276) Post something inflammatory about him, wait for
      > him to respond,
      > then go
      > back and either delete or edit your post so that it
      > appears that the
      > ateist
      > is attacking you for no reason.
      >
      > 277) Become completely and totally paranoid about him.
      >
      > 278) After bringing up a number of topics, explain
      > your lack of
      > response by
      > referring to some organized sport that you participate
      > in.
      >
      > 279) Point to something in nature that's really cool,
      > and call it
      > proof of
      > God's existence.
      >
      > 280) When he shows up at your wedding, bearing an
      > expensive gift for
      > you,
      > return the favor by sicing your minister on him after
      > the ceremony.
      >
      > 281) If he has cancer, tell him with a sickeningly
      > sweet smile that
      > you will
      > pray for his recovery, because someone needs to.
      >
      > 282) Refuse to give him your wallet after he quotes
      > Matthew 5:42 to
      > you.
      >
      > 283) Insist you believe in the literal truth of the
      > entire Bible,
      > except for
      > Matthew 5:42.
      >
      > 284) Take advantage of a horrible national tragedy,
      > caused in large
      > part by
      > religious fanaticism, by pushing your own religious
      > fanaticism as
      > the only
      > thing that will save us all.
      >
      > 285) ...and announce that the tragedy only happened
      > beacuse of those
      > who
      > ignore your religious fanatacism.
      >
      > 286) When ask why you bother praying to ask for things
      > if God has a
      > Divine
      > Plan, tell him that you're not really asking for
      > things, but you're
      > trying
      > to get closer to him. (It's a lie, of course, but
      > don't let that
      > stop you.)
      >
      > 287) Insist that a denomination of Protestantism
      > founded in the
      > ninteenth
      > century is the only true way.
      >
      > 288) Insist on deathbed conversions.
      >
      > 289) When ending your conversation with the atheist,
      > promise to read
      > whatever book the atheist may have mentioned, knowing
      > darned well
      > that you
      > yourself never made it through Leviticus.
      >
      >
      >
      >
      >
      > __________________________________
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      >
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      >
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      >
      >


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