- Dear God,
Please don't let a stray rotweiller chew off my genitals
And don't let my arms be pulled off by a threshing machine
Don't let me crash on the freeway mangling my legs and causing
massive irreperable brain damage, paralyzing me for life so I can't
move, clean myself or go to the bathroom normally.
Don't let me be stabbed in the head or be captured by a sadistic
serial killer who tortures me in his basement.
Don't let my building collapse in a horrific earthquake trapping me,
all my bones broken and split, smothered so that I can barely
breathe, my life slowly seeping out of me.
Please keep my skin from burning, don't let me go blind, don't let
me be shot, slashed or bludgeoned to death.
Don't let any of my organs fail on me, don't let my bones snap for
any reason, don't let my skull be fractured or my eyes get
accidentally punctured, don't let anyone I love die or get sick,
don't let me become homeless, don't let me lose all my possessions,
don't let me be arrested or executed, don't let me be raped or
assaulted, don't let me be hit by a car, don't let me get liver
cancer, don't let me get old and sick and helpless and just don't
let anything BAD happen to me, please please please.
And in exchange for this, I will try to be a better person.