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How To Treat Your Inferior Mate

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  • strangerangers1
    How To Treat Your Inferior Mate Staff Writer Men often say to me, I know my mate is inferior, but how can I treat her as such? When first posed with this
    Message 1 of 1 , Jan 19, 2005
      How To Treat Your Inferior Mate

      Staff Writer

      Men often say to me, "I know my mate is inferior, but how can I
      treat her as such?" When first posed with this question I laughed at
      how stupid it was, since treating my many mates (classic
      alliteration) poorly was something that came so naturally to me. But
      as I was asked time and time again, I began realize that most guys
      are not blessed with the gift of degradation. In light of that, I
      have decided to offer some helpful hints to all the tripods out
      there that are not pulling their weight in this male dominated
      world. Now, there are a myriad ways to put your sexual property in
      her place. The possibilities are literally endless. I have provided
      just a few examples below, but they should be enough to get you well
      on your way to walking all over that special little girl of yours.

      Choose drinking with your friends over quality time with her on a
      regular basis. It is imperative that this precedent is set very
      early in the relationship. Putting her second is a sure-fire way of
      instilling a deep-seated feeling of inferiority. She will feel this
      the most when you come home drunk, laughing with glee, and ask her
      how her night was. As a night of solitude, reading Cosmo and
      watching Lifetime, pops out of her short-term memory, her self-
      esteem will plummet and as a result she will do anything to feel
      appreciated. That's when you nail her. I normally go for powerful
      sex with no passion, but that's just me.

      Mid-day, February 14th, announce to your lover with pride that you
      will not be participating in Valentines Day anymore. Allow for a
      dramatic pause and enjoy the look of shock/confusion/sadness on her
      face. Then simply explain that it is a stupid money making scheme
      invented by Hallmark that is designed to get you in a spending war
      with the boyfriend down the street. If this is too strong for your
      tastes (i.e. you have no sack) then you can follow up with something
      like "Wouldn't it be more special if I showed you that I loved you
      on an unexpected day?" Though, there is merit to your argument, this
      is still a dick move and she'll feel it in the bottom of her heart.
      After accepting your decision, she may insist on giving you a gift
      regardless either out of principle or in a futile effort to make you
      feel guilty. In response, give her a tube of KY jelly. Then nail her.

      Cheat on her and get caught while you're at it. This will make any
      girl feel like an ineffectual little nothing in your life. There are
      two (2) options available to you at this point. The first is summed
      up in one simple phrase, "Deny, deny, deny. Always counter accuse."
      Even if she catches you in the act, never admit to anything. If she
      starts to back you in a corner, accuse her of sleeping with her male
      tennis partner. Once you got her on the defensive, keep pushing
      until she gives up or apologizes for what she has done "wrong".
      Afterwards, consider nailing her. The second option is to say
      something like, "Hey, look at the bright side. At least I'm not
      sleeping with your friends." This option doesn't really accomplish
      anything; it is just ironically hilarious because you have been
      nailing her friends for months.

      Let's summarized what you've learned:

      1. Remember to put her second.
      2. Just say no to Valentine's Day.
      3. Deny, deny, deny. Always counter accuse.

      If your mind is not reeling with a maelstrom of heartless ideas by
      now, then you either have the intelligence of a strap-on or are an
      incendiary homosexual. If the former is true then you should
      concentrate on things like eating without hurting yourself. If the
      latter is true then…well…good luck with all THAT.
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