In the beginning,
- In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and
spinach, with green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman
would live long and healthy lives.
Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and
Krispy Kreme. And Satan said: "You want hot fudge with that?" And Man said:
"Yes!" And Woman said: "I'll have one, too . . with sprinkles." And lo they
gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that
Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane,
and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to size 14.
So God said: "Try my fresh green garden salad." And Satan presented crumbled
Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman
unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said: "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil
in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep-fried coconut
shrimp, butter-dipped lobster chunks, and chicken-fried steak so big it
needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful
skin, sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them in
animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man packed on more pounds.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his children might lose
those extra pounds. And Satan introduced cable TV with remote control so Man
would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and
cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretchy lycra jogging
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and
still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the
99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Satan said: "You want fries with that?" And
Man replied: "Yes! And super size 'em!" And Satan said: " It is good."
And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed . . then created quadruple by-pass surgery.
Satan chuckled and created HMO's.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]