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OUTSOURCING JOBS REACHES NEW HEIGHTS

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  • myqel1960@aol.com
    OUTSOURCING JOBS REACHES NEW HEIGHTS by Staff Reporter Melynda Jill Washington DC - Congress today announced that the Office of President of the United States
    Message 1 of 1 , Jun 24, 2004
      OUTSOURCING JOBS REACHES NEW HEIGHTS
      by Staff Reporter Melynda Jill

      Washington DC - Congress today announced that the Office of President of the
      United States will be outsourced to overseas interests as of June 30th, the
      end of this fiscal year.  The move is being made to save $400K a year in salary,
      and a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.

      "The cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman Adam Smith
      (D-Wash)
      who, with the aid of the GAO (the General Accounting Office) has studied
      outsourcing of American jobs extensively.  "We simply can no longer afford this
      level of outlay and remain competitive in the world stage", Congressman Smith
      said.  Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his
      position.  He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary until his final
      day of employment.  After that, with a two week waiting period, he will then be
      eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment insurance for 13 weeks. 
      Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health insurance
      coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the required limit.  Preparations
      have been underway for some time for the job move.  Sanji Gurvinder Singh of
      Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the Office of President of
      the United States as of July 1.  Mr. Singh was born in the United States while
      his parents were here on student visas, thus making him eligible for the
      position.

      He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or
      other benefits.  Due to the time difference between the US and India, Mr..
      Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the US Government will
      be open.

      "I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive
      interview.
      "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the American Express call
      center.  I always knew I could be President someday."

      Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully
      aware of all the issues involved with his new position.  A Congressional
      Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to follow which will
      allow him to respond to most topics of concern.

      The Spokesperson further noted that "additional savings will be realized as
      these scripting tools have been successfully used by Mr. Bush,  and will enable
      Mr. Singh to provide an answer without having to fully understand the issue
      itself."

      Mr. Bush has been offered the use of a Congressional Page to help him write a
      resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.  According to Manpower,
      Inc., the placement firm, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new
      position as job prospects in the Sports Franchise Ownership arena remain limited.

      A recently released report from the Pentagon suggests a good prospect for him
      as a newly unemployed person may be in the Army National Guard. There he
      would be called up with his unit and stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited
      briefly before.

      "I've been there.  I know all about Iraq and the conditions there," stated
      Mr. Bush.  He gained invaluable knowledge of that country in his first visit at
      the Baghdad Airport non-smoking terminal and gift shop.  Meanwhile in Baghdad
      and Falluja, Iraq, sources report that local Iraqis say Mr. Bush would receive
      an especially warm reception from them.  Such sources stated the Iraqis only
      request would be to be informed of which convoy he would be riding in order to
      give him the welcome he deserves.

      Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including that
      of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions.


      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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