OUTSOURCING JOBS REACHES NEW HEIGHTS
- OUTSOURCING JOBS REACHES NEW HEIGHTS
by Staff Reporter Melynda Jill
Washington DC - Congress today announced that the Office of President of the
United States will be outsourced to overseas interests as of June 30th, the
end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in salary,
and a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.
"The cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman Adam Smith
who, with the aid of the GAO (the General Accounting Office) has studied
outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We simply can no longer afford this
level of outlay and remain competitive in the world stage", Congressman Smith
said. Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his
position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary until his final
day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting period, he will then be
eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment insurance for 13 weeks.
Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health insurance
coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the required limit. Preparations
have been underway for some time for the job move. Sanji Gurvinder Singh of
Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the Office of President of
the United States as of July 1. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while
his parents were here on student visas, thus making him eligible for the
He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or
other benefits. Due to the time difference between the US and India, Mr..
Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the US Government will
"I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive
"Working nights will let me keep my day job at the American Express call
center. I always knew I could be President someday."
Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional
Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to follow which will
allow him to respond to most topics of concern.
The Spokesperson further noted that "additional savings will be realized as
these scripting tools have been successfully used by Mr. Bush, and will enable
Mr. Singh to provide an answer without having to fully understand the issue
Mr. Bush has been offered the use of a Congressional Page to help him write a
resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower,
Inc., the placement firm, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new
position as job prospects in the Sports Franchise Ownership arena remain limited.
A recently released report from the Pentagon suggests a good prospect for him
as a newly unemployed person may be in the Army National Guard. There he
would be called up with his unit and stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited
"I've been there. I know all about Iraq and the conditions there," stated
Mr. Bush. He gained invaluable knowledge of that country in his first visit at
the Baghdad Airport non-smoking terminal and gift shop. Meanwhile in Baghdad
and Falluja, Iraq, sources report that local Iraqis say Mr. Bush would receive
an especially warm reception from them. Such sources stated the Iraqis only
request would be to be informed of which convoy he would be riding in order to
give him the welcome he deserves.
Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including that
of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions.
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