Thank you baby Jesus
- On your birthday:Thank you baby Jesus for the birth defect you gave me before I was born. However, the doctors were able to repair my lone kidney when I was a child so I'm still alive.Thank you baby Jesus for the extremely flat feet I have. My right foot has caused arthritis in my knee which, thankfully doctors can replace in a few years.Thank you baby Jesus for the severe astigmatism and nearsightedness you gave me to live with. More thanks to the doctors, who after four surgical procedures during the last three years and replacement of my cataracts, I can now see without glass for the first time in my long life.Thank you baby Jesus for the Alzheimer's disease you gave my mother seven years ago. Thank you baby Jesus for the severe arthritis she suffered with. Thankfully the doctors gave her a walker so she could make a five minute journey to the bathroom to pee and five minutes back to her chair. Thank you baby Jesus for the stroke which paralyzed the right side of my mother's body. Unfortunately the doctors couldn't correct your wonderful stroke gift. If that wasn't enough, thank you baby Jesus for the kidney failure which took her life last spring. We made the choice to let her die when your gifts were so not repairable we could stand to watch her suffer no more.Thank you baby Jesus for giving my dad cancer three different times. Some of his colon is gone, and he uses a bag to gather his piss from his side, but the doctors kicked your ass with your cancer gift to him. Being tethered to a piss bag catheter at night is a pain in the ass for him, but still, thank your for your wonderful cancer gift.Thank you baby Jesus for letting my parents raise me in a cult religion which damaged my psychological outlook on life. You sure took care of me - like a mother guppy which eats her newborns.Why do I thank you baby Jesus? Simply because in you, all things are supposed to be possible. You are supposed to be able to prevent cancer, prevent arthritis, prevent birth defects, prevent strokes, and cure all ills.Fuck you, baby Jesus.