Umm. Pole dancing for Jesus??
- Our society has a wildly varying relationship with, and opinion of, God. We've got people who believe and people who don't believe. We've got the fair-weather fans who sing his praises after scoring a touchdown or winning the lottery, only to curse the heavens over a parking ticket. We've got churchgoers, hate-mongers, nihilists, pessimists and calligraphists.
America has got it all. Whatever your appetite or commitment level, our country has a religion for you.
In some ways it's extremely similar to our interesting relationship with physical exercise. It all depends on what you want to get out of it. For example if you don't care about your physical fitness, you sit inside, eat Cheetos, and watch cartoons. Others wake up at 5 am to hit the gym before work, but most of us fall in the middle. We try, but we simply aren't committed enough to run ten miles a week, and follow it with 10,000 crunches and two protein shakes and a few one-handed push-ups.
We're always on the lookout for that perfect exercise routine or machine that meshes with out interests. There has been no lack of these fads over the past twenty years from the ridiculous machines like the Thigh Master, Boflex, Ab Lounge, Nordic Track and Shakeweight to activities like Tae Bo, Striparobics and jogging.
But what we've obviously been missing is God's distinct presence is our work outs. Leave it to the great state of Texas to change all of that. Since Texas does things bigger and better than everyone else, they obviously invented the new workout fad that is sure to sweep the nation: Pole Dancing for Jesus.
What? You never thought gyrating up and down a thoroughly disinfected stainless steel pole could be an act of praising the Messiah? I guess you thought wrong.
Skeptical? Listen to owner and instructor of Best Shape of Your Life, Crystal Deans, explain it herself:
"On Sundays, we do pole fitness for Jesus. We do the upbeat contemporary Christian music because people have to bring their church program to get into the class, so we basically are just continuing the whole worship thing here."
There you have it. Pole-dancing is just a little physical post-game for after Sunday Mass. Houston women exercising their mind, bodies and souls while feeling sexually empowered as a result of learning the art of what makes their husbands request a $100 dollars in singles from bank tellers.
What it has to do with religion, Christianity, or Jesus in particular I have absolutely no idea. But does it surprise me that America discovered this wonderfully holy combination of body and spirit? Hell no.
This is how Texas does yoga.