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New Atheist Stereotypes

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  • steveyoth
    NEW ATHEIST STEROETYPES - from friendlyatheist.com I m tired of the negative atheist stereotypes. You know the ones I m talking about: that we re evil, angry,
    Message 1 of 2 , Mar 1, 2009
      NEW ATHEIST STEROETYPES
             - from friendlyatheist.com


      I'm tired of the negative atheist stereotypes.

      You know the ones I'm talking about: that we're evil, angry, militant, baby-eating, unfunny, insensitive, immoral, etc.  They're obviously untrue ... It would become much harder to hate us if our image shifted to something more neutral or positive from what it is right now.

      So I'll start us off.

      THINGS PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ATHEISTS:

      - We get a 10% discount at participating Chipotles.

      - We can run the mile in under three minutes.

      - We get to take *four* ounces of liquid aboard planes when we fly.

      - We can speedread.

      - We are two inches taller than the general population (on average).

      - We don't have six-pack abs. We have eight-packs.

      - We get free HBO.

      - We get an extra two days in February.

      - We never need to iron our clothes.

      - We created the "Members Only" jacket as a way of identifying ourselves, but it inadvertently started a trend since they were so cool. Those who still wear theirs obviously didn't get the memo.

      - We sharpen our pencils 7.3% sharper.

      - We can turn your filet mignon into chitlins when we're angry with you.

      - An atheist's 4gb mp3 player actually has 4.4gb.

      - We never need to trim our nails, we just convince the ends to fall off.

      - We all share the middle name of "Lancelot".

      - We make the best coffee, and always use fresh grounds.

      - In the moonlight, our skin is slightly luminescent.

      - We can stare at total solar eclipses with no ill effect.

      - We get 1.3% better gas mileage because of a special Atheist driving technique.

      - We can communicate telepathically with cats.

      - In the event of a water landing, atheists can be used as a flotation device.

      - We produce an explosive carbonation reaction when we're dropped in a bottle of Diet Coke.

      - Due to our general skepticism in other areas, atheists *CAN* believe it's not butter.

      Agnostics positive stereotypes were unavailable, as the Agnostic Stereotype Committee could not come to a final decision.

    • paul.stoneman@sbcglobal.net
      ... I once had a 25-inch-long penis and went to my doctor to complain that I was unable to get any women to have sex with me - They all told me my penis was
      Message 2 of 2 , Mar 1, 2009


        --- Steve,  I once told you offline that I dated a witch and how she scared me.  Now, in honor of Paul Harvey I'll tell you,  "The Rest Of The Story."  Now the group will maybe understand why I drink.



        I once had a 25-inch-long penis and went to my doctor to complain that I was unable to get any women to have sex with me - They all told me my penis was too long. "Doctor," I asked in total frustration, "is there any way that you can shorten it?"

        The doctor replied, "Medically, son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gave me directions to the witch.

        I called upon the witch, and this is my story. "Witch, my penis is 25 inches long and I can't get a woman to have sex with me. Can you help me shorten it?"

        The witch stared in amazement, scratched her head, and then replied: "I think I have a solution to your problem. What you have to do is go down to a pond, deep in the forest. You will see a frog sitting on a log, who can solve your dilemma. First you must ask the frog: 'Will you marry me?' Each time the frog declines your proposal, your penis will be five inches shorter."

        I lit up and dashed off into the forest. I called out to the frog. "Will you marry me?" The frog looked at me dejectedly and replied "NO!" I looked down and suddenly my penis was 5 inches shorter, "WOW," I screamed out loud.

        "This is great! But it's still too long at 20 inches, so I'll ask the frog to marry me again. "Frog, will you marry me?" I shouted. The frog rolled the eyes back in its head and screamed back "NO!"

        I felt another twitch in my penis, looked down and it was another 5 inches shorter. I laughed. "This is fantastic. But 15 inches is still too long." I reflected for a moment. "Just a little less would be ideal," I thought. Grinning, I looked across the pond and yelled out, "Frog will you marry me?"

        The frog looked back across the pond shaking his head in disgust, "How many times do I have to tell you? NO! NO! and for the last time NO!"

        Now you all know!
        n Sun, 3/1/09, steveyoth <SteveYoth@...> wrote:
        From: steveyoth <SteveYoth@...>
        Subject: [FT-HUMOR] New Atheist Stereotypes
        To: ft-humor@yahoogroups.com
        Date: Sunday, March 1, 2009, 9:27 AM

        NEW ATHEIST STEROETYPES
               - from friendlyatheist. com


        I'm tired of the negative atheist stereotypes.

        You know the ones I'm talking about: that we're evil, angry, militant, baby-eating, unfunny, insensitive, immoral, etc.  They're obviously untrue ... It would become much harder to hate us if our image shifted to something more neutral or positive from what it is right now.

        So I'll start us off.

        THINGS PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ATHEISTS:

        - We get a 10% discount at participating Chipotles.

        - We can run the mile in under three minutes.

        - We get to take *four* ounces of liquid aboard planes when we fly.

        - We can speedread.

        - We are two inches taller than the general population (on average).

        - We don't have six-pack abs. We have eight-packs.

        - We get free HBO.

        - We get an extra two days in February.

        - We never need to iron our clothes.

        - We created the "Members Only" jacket as a way of identifying ourselves, but it inadvertently started a trend since they were so cool. Those who still wear theirs obviously didn't get the memo.

        - We sharpen our pencils 7.3% sharper.

        - We can turn your filet mignon into chitlins when we're angry with you.

        - An atheist's 4gb mp3 player actually has 4.4gb.

        - We never need to trim our nails, we just convince the ends to fall off.

        - We all share the middle name of "Lancelot".

        - We make the best coffee, and always use fresh grounds.

        - In the moonlight, our skin is slightly luminescent.

        - We can stare at total solar eclipses with no ill effect.

        - We get 1.3% better gas mileage because of a special Atheist driving technique.

        - We can communicate telepathically with cats.

        - In the event of a water landing, atheists can be used as a flotation device.

        - We produce an explosive carbonation reaction when we're dropped in a bottle of Diet Co! ke.

        - Due to our general skepticism in other areas, atheists *CAN* believe it's not butter.

        Agnostics positive stereotypes were unavailable, as the Agnostic Stereotype Committee could not come to a final decision.

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