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  • strangerangers1
    WASHINGTON, D.C. – Republican Senator Ted Stevens, chairman of the Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation scored a victory in his effort to
    Message 1 of 1 , Nov 3, 2008
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      WASHINGTON, D.C. – Republican Senator Ted Stevens, chairman of the
      Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation scored a
      victory in his effort to clean up the entertainment industry with the
      passing of his One Dick Bill this week. Passing by an 86-14 vote that
      split both parties, the bill prohibits the appearance of more than one
      penis in any pornographic scene or photo.

      Following the vote, Stevens spoke to reporters about his efforts to
      promote decency. "Today we have scored the first of many victories in
      our battle for family values. I know that when I am watching
      pornography, nothing makes my dick turtle faster than the appearance
      of a second giant cock. I like to imagine myself fucking the young
      lady in the video, and that's hard enough to do when the guy in the
      movie has cock the size of Mag-Lite and the free clip is only 59
      seconds long. But when another dude shows up, it ruins it for me. I
      mean, am I supposed to imagine that I have two rock-hard cocks? That's
      ridiculous."

      He went on to talk about the prevalence of what he calls "dick-heavy"
      pornography, "If I thought the American people could easily avoid this
      problem, it wouldn't be an issue, but as I browse Cum2eat.com looking
      for free clips from Asian Beaver, MILF Hunter, and Peter North, I
      can't help but stumble upon clips of gangbangs and worse, tranny sex.
      I've tried to just focus on the girl—or in the case of tranny videos,
      the boobs—but I just can't get past all the big, hairy hands. Believe
      me, I've tried. The other night I was jerking off for an hour and
      half. I was drenched in sweat, but every time I got close, I'd click
      on some video a girl who looked like she was being roasted on a spit.
      That's not at all romantic. Now this won't be a problem for me, or for
      anyone else."


      'I prefer FuckingMachines.com, but
      I don't want to tell anyone what
      they can't watch.
      Senator Barbara Boxer (D) from California, who voted against the bill,
      was concerned. "What right do we have as legislators to tell people
      what they are allowed to view when they masturbate? I know that when
      I'm flicking the bean, I like to see a beautiful actress getting
      plugged in every hole. It's just what I dig… What's next? No throat
      fucking?"

      Kay Bailey Hutchison, a Republican Senator from Texas, also voted
      against the bill. She released a statement expressing her
      disappointment. In it, she is quoted as saying, "It is unfortunate
      that certain Senators feel it their duty to legislate taste. It is
      truly a dark day in our history when you can't see a bound woman
      receive dozens of cumshots on her face. I am a devout Christian and I
      find the inability to appreciate the aesthetic beauty of several vein
      riddled, ebony cocks to be an affront to the Goodness of our Lord
      Jesus Christ."

      California Representative David Dreier (R) has come out against the
      proposed bill and has vowed to fight it in the House. "I don't know
      what the problem is. I am totally 1000% hetero. I love chicks. But
      even I can appreciate when two good-looking men explore each other's
      oiled bodies. I like the ones with construction workers. There's
      nothing like seeing a bunch of filthy guys wind down after a long,
      hard day's work by fucking each other—especially when they are equally
      adept tops and bottoms."

      Senator Stevens has vowed his next target will be outlawing the use of
      cilantro in Mexican restaurants. "I just don't like the taste of it.
      It tastes like soap, and could influence our children to dislike
      Mexican food altogether."
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