- WASHINGTON, D.C. Republican Senator Ted Stevens, chairman of the
Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation scored a
victory in his effort to clean up the entertainment industry with the
passing of his One Dick Bill this week. Passing by an 86-14 vote that
split both parties, the bill prohibits the appearance of more than one
penis in any pornographic scene or photo.
Following the vote, Stevens spoke to reporters about his efforts to
promote decency. "Today we have scored the first of many victories in
our battle for family values. I know that when I am watching
pornography, nothing makes my dick turtle faster than the appearance
of a second giant cock. I like to imagine myself fucking the young
lady in the video, and that's hard enough to do when the guy in the
movie has cock the size of Mag-Lite and the free clip is only 59
seconds long. But when another dude shows up, it ruins it for me. I
mean, am I supposed to imagine that I have two rock-hard cocks? That's
He went on to talk about the prevalence of what he calls "dick-heavy"
pornography, "If I thought the American people could easily avoid this
problem, it wouldn't be an issue, but as I browse Cum2eat.com looking
for free clips from Asian Beaver, MILF Hunter, and Peter North, I
can't help but stumble upon clips of gangbangs and worse, tranny sex.
I've tried to just focus on the girlor in the case of tranny videos,
the boobsbut I just can't get past all the big, hairy hands. Believe
me, I've tried. The other night I was jerking off for an hour and
half. I was drenched in sweat, but every time I got close, I'd click
on some video a girl who looked like she was being roasted on a spit.
That's not at all romantic. Now this won't be a problem for me, or for
'I prefer FuckingMachines.com, but
I don't want to tell anyone what
they can't watch.
Senator Barbara Boxer (D) from California, who voted against the bill,
was concerned. "What right do we have as legislators to tell people
what they are allowed to view when they masturbate? I know that when
I'm flicking the bean, I like to see a beautiful actress getting
plugged in every hole. It's just what I dig What's next? No throat
Kay Bailey Hutchison, a Republican Senator from Texas, also voted
against the bill. She released a statement expressing her
disappointment. In it, she is quoted as saying, "It is unfortunate
that certain Senators feel it their duty to legislate taste. It is
truly a dark day in our history when you can't see a bound woman
receive dozens of cumshots on her face. I am a devout Christian and I
find the inability to appreciate the aesthetic beauty of several vein
riddled, ebony cocks to be an affront to the Goodness of our Lord
California Representative David Dreier (R) has come out against the
proposed bill and has vowed to fight it in the House. "I don't know
what the problem is. I am totally 1000% hetero. I love chicks. But
even I can appreciate when two good-looking men explore each other's
oiled bodies. I like the ones with construction workers. There's
nothing like seeing a bunch of filthy guys wind down after a long,
hard day's work by fucking each otherespecially when they are equally
adept tops and bottoms."
Senator Stevens has vowed his next target will be outlawing the use of
cilantro in Mexican restaurants. "I just don't like the taste of it.
It tastes like soap, and could influence our children to dislike
Mexican food altogether."