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  • Donna Gore
    The following is a reprint from The Madison Institute Newsletter, Fall Issue, 1894: INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE on the Conduct and Procedure of
    Message 1 of 1 , Oct 1, 2003
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      The following is a reprint from The Madison Institute Newsletter,
      Fall Issue, 1894:

      INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE
      on the Conduct and Procedure of the
      Intimate and Personal Relationships
      of the Marriage State for the
      Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this
      Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God
      by
      Ruth Smythers
      beloved wife of The Reverend L.D. Smythers
      Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist Church of the Eastern Regional
      Conference
      Published in the year of our Lord 1894
      Spiritual Guidance Press New York City

      INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE
      To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper
      upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and
      most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the
      wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a
      beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing
      a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the
      negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride
      must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the
      terrible experience of sex.
      At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some
      young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with
      curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and
      sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One
      cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE,
      GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could
      have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.
      On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex
      is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be
      endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is
      compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced
      through it.
      It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom
      to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one
      who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the
      purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness
      cannot be expected from the average man.
      Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise
      bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly
      during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make
      every effort to reduce this frequency.
      Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best
      friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering
      also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour
      before the husband would normally commence his seduction.
      Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of
      denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good
      wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by
      the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end
      of the fifth year of marriage.
      By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their
      child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all
      sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon
      his love for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in
      the home.
      Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low
      as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the
      kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather
      perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a
      variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include
      among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions;
      mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be
      mouthed in turn.
      Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing
      photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the
      obnoxious habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted.
      A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see
      her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body
      to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in
      total darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton
      nightgowns for themselves and pyjamas for their husbands. These
      should be donned in separate rooms. They need not be removed during
      the sex act. Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.
      Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she
      should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes
      groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in her
      direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She should
      let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will
      stumble and incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse
      to deny him sexual access.
      When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily
      motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the
      optimistic husband.
      If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head
      slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If
      he attempts to kiss her hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her
      gown and attempts to kiss her anyplace else she should quickly pull
      the gown back in place, spring from the bed, and announce that nature
      calls her to the toilet. This will generally dampen his desire to
      kiss in the forbidden territory.
      If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the wise
      wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual question to ask
      him. Once he answers she should keep the conversation going, no
      matter how frivolous it may seem at the time.
      Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having
      sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment.
      The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no farther than the
      waist, and only permit him to open the front of his pyjamas to thus
      make connection.
      She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while his
      huffing and puffing away. Above all, she will lie perfectly still and
      never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in
      progress. As soon as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife
      will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him to
      perform on the morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of their
      sexual satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after
      the act is over. Thus the wife must insure that there is no peace in
      this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be encouraged to
      soon try for more.
      One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact
      that the husband's home, school, church, and social environment have
      been working together all through his life to instil in him a deep
      sense of guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to
      the marriage couch apologetically and filled with shame, already half
      cowed and subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and
      relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate
      completely her husband's desire for sexual _expression.
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