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Fwd: Fun Things for Heretics To Do in Church

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  • Freya
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 31, 2007
      >This came from a joke list..
      >
      >~ Pull aside an unruly child in a preschool Sunday School class and
      >say: "If you're bad in here, you'll go to Hell."
      >
      >~ Go through all the hymnals, mark song 666.
      >
      >~ Find an empty seat, and ask the person next to it: "Is this seat
      >SAYEEEEE-VED?"
      >
      >~ Toss around a giant Grateful Dead beach ball before service.
      >
      >~ Start a wave.
      >
      >~ When attendance is taken, sign on fake names like "Hugh G. Rection"
      >and "Oliver Klozoff".
      >
      >~ Wear an ankh or a new-age crystal pendant.
      >
      >~ When the choir sings, roll your eyes and grumble: "Oh, Christ! Are
      >they gonna do another SONG?"
      >
      >~ Make up your own words to the songs.
      >
      >~ Make the sun reflect off your watch into the preacher's face.
      >
      >~ During the service, play with plastic dinosaurs. If someone asks
      >what you're doing, tell them in a childlike voice: "These are
      >dinosaurs. They ruled the earth over 65 million years ago."
      >
      >~ Fart, and have a friend shout: "Hark! An angel has spoken!"
      >
      >~ Blow bubbles.
      >
      >~ Distribute condoms.
      >
      >~ Ask someone what they think about the Book of Peleponnesians.
      >
      >~ At a church supper, bring a casserole with a ring or piece of a
      >wristwatch embedded inside. Tell them that "Spanky told me to do it."
      >
      >~ Write on the bathroom wall: "The eyes of the LORD are upon you!"
      >
      >And the NUMBER ONE fun thing for a heretic to do in church...
      >
      >~ Replace the pianist's sheet music with "Stairway to Heaven".
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