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Re: My Story

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  • alllove9
    Hello Tim and all the others in group! I m new in this group so I started reading posts from the begining. Your story sounds so great. It seams that you manage
    Message 1 of 15 , Aug 12, 2002
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      Hello Tim and all the others in group!

      I'm new in this group so I started reading posts from the begining.
      Your story sounds so great. It seams that you manage quite good to
      incorporate your sexual orientation to life that is expected of us as
      normal. I'm 31 now and I still didn't have any love experience with
      the other person. It was only in my very early childhood that I
      adored girls but not in any physical or sexual way. It was more like
      I loved them as so soft and lovely beings. So in kindergarden beside
      of playing all the time only with girls I had one very special girl
      who I adored because of her so tender skin on face. My parents were
      probably very happy thinking that it's my first love or something
      like that.... Later but still very early at my 6 years or so I felt
      some "strange" feelings toward young men. Only once, when I was
      playing in my neighbourhood with young children and a cousin of them
      came and started to play with us I felt so strong feeling when he
      hold my hand. Something like I wanted to surrender to his arms and
      stay there.....After this in my life I gradually started to supress
      all my feelings showing physical attraction toward same sex so today
      I'm not even sure what is it actually to have a relationship....It
      looks to me very abstract.
      Well, I only mentioned a few things because I'm at work now so I
      can't be long. My story is long and probably very similar to other
      stories of people having sexual orientation to same sex....If someone
      is interested I can write more about my life, but probably you guys
      are enough of this borring stories....I would like to have a
      communication with people about how they cope with they feelings
      toward the same sex. Especially about spiritual side of this. I'm not
      interested in religious view, but in the way of God's law...wether it
      is good to live that way or it is possible to have wife and familly
      and still to be honest with my feelings which means to "cure myself"
      from having feelings toward men that should be toward women... Is
      there anybody there who would like to help me or share own experience
      with me. Sorry on my English, I live in one small country in Southern
      Europe and my native language is not English, but I hope you'll
      understand the main point. Few days ago I had my 31 birthday. I
      graduated from the University of Economics in '97. and I work for two
      years in one big national company....I know that people in my place
      start wondering how come that I still don't have a girlfriend but
      I've learned in my life that lying is bad, and after the year of
      1996. when I started to enter into spirituality there's no place for
      such things.....Spirituality and search for God is the thing that
      helps me tremendously to grow, develop and undarstend myself and all
      this world better...........Thanks for reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      Leo
      p.s. Sorry for so chaotic sentences!!!!!!!!

      --- In Exex-gay@y..., "Timothy McGarry" <mcgarry@o...> wrote:
      > My Story
      >
      > I have read with great interest everyone's stories so I guess it is
      my turn.My name is Tim. I am 36 years old and I grew up and live in
      Sydney. I guess for the most part my coming out story is one of the
      luckier ones. I grew up in a very middle-class family. Both my
      parents are pretty devout Catholics and we all went to Mass every
      weekend. I went to a Catholic boy's school, then I went on to study a
      business degree, hated that and finally went to University in Perth
      to study acting.
      >
      > I came out to my family when I was 30. I came out to my friends
      when I was 26. I came out to myself when I was 21. I always knew that
      I was attracted to men but... I was meant to get married wasn't I? I
      was meant to have a wife. I was meant to have children. So
      many 'things' had been programmed into my head about what or who I
      was meant to be.
      >
      > A friend of mine once said to me "when your mother asks, then she
      is ready to know". It was the best piece of advice that I have ever
      got. She asked me when I was 30, and I told her. She was wonderful,
      but blamed herself because her uncle was gay, so it "must have come
      from me". She panicked. How would my father ever cope? She ended up
      telling him to protect me. He coped better than she did. He sat me
      down and said that I was his son, and he loved me no matter what. He
      was disappointed I didn't tell them earlier and even more
      disappointed that I wouldn't ever experience fatherhood. My brother
      and three sisters all reacted similarly. Some of their spouses had
      other opinions but they were soon 'sorted out' as my parents refused
      to let any of my family judge me. But again, they all wanted to
      know 'why didn't you tell us earlier? How do we explain to
      Parents/friends/people the reason we fear losing their love? We fear
      losing their respect. We fear losing them. We fear.
      >
      > Society has taught us this, and sadly it continues to do so.
      >
      > When I was 32 I sat my parents down one Sunday evening and said
      that I needed to tell them something. My mother immediately thought I
      was HIV positive. Quite the opposite. I told them that a friend had
      approached me about co-parenting a child with her, I had agreed and
      that they were going to be grandparents in 7 months. They were
      stunned. Speechless. Then came a stream of questions. The major one
      from my mother was religion. I explained that as I was Catholic, the
      birth mother was Jewish and her partner, Seventh Day Adventist, and
      that our child would not be entered into any religion officially, but
      would by birth inherit Judaism. My father stunned me once more, when
      he said, " In life, it doesn't matter what religion you are because
      the only true religion is your conscience".
      >
      > Go Dad!
      >
      > Today my daughter celebrates her 3rd birthday. I have a wonderful
      10-year-old stepson (the birth mother has a child from a previous
      marriage). We are planning another child. I have wonderful friends
      and family. I love my job as an actor. I have a beautiful daughter
      and son. I am not particularly 'religious' but am happy with
      my 'spirit' and feel so incredibly blessed with my life.
      >
      > Thank you for letting me share my story.
      >
      > Tim
    • Anthony Venn-Brown
      Hi Leo Thanks for sharing your story. Glad that you’ve been accepting who god created you to be and haven’t allowed any difficulties with your sexual
      Message 2 of 15 , Aug 12, 2002
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        Hi Leo

         

        Thanks for sharing your story.  Glad that you’ve been accepting who god created you to be and haven’t allowed any difficulties with your sexual orientation rob you of your spirituality.

         

        Are there any particular questions you may have or concerns.  Happy to share as are others in the group as well.

         

        Anthony

        Moderator

        http://www.yahoo.com/group/Exex-gay

        "There is the illusion that homosexuals only have sex and heterosexuals fall in love..  Boy George"

         

        -----Original Message-----
        From: alllove9 [mailto:alllove9@...]
        Sent: Monday, August 12, 2002 9:56 PM
        To: Exex-gay@yahoogroups.com
        Subject: [Exex-gay] Re: My Story

         

        Hello Tim and all the others in group!

        I'm new in this group so I started reading posts from the begining.
        Your story sounds so great. It seams that you manage quite good to
        incorporate your sexual orientation to life that is expected of us as
        normal. I'm 31 now and I still didn't have any love experience with
        the other person. It was only in my very early childhood that I
        adored girls but not in any physical or sexual way. It was more like
        I loved them as so soft and lovely beings. So in kindergarden beside
        of playing all the time only with girls I had one very special girl
        who I adored because of her so tender skin on face. My parents were
        probably very happy thinking that it's my first love or something
        like that.... Later but still very early at my 6 years or so I felt
        some "strange" feelings toward young men. Only once, when I was
        playing in my neighbourhood with young children and a cousin of them
        came and started to play with us I felt so strong feeling when he
        hold my hand. Something like I wanted to surrender to his arms and
        stay there.....After this in my life I gradually started to supress
        all my feelings showing physical attraction toward same sex so today
        I'm not even sure what is it actually to have a relationship....It
        looks to me very abstract.
        Well, I only mentioned a few things because I'm at work now so I
        can't be long. My story is long and probably very similar to other
        stories of people having sexual orientation to same sex....If someone
        is interested I can write more about my life, but probably you guys
        are enough of this borring stories....I would like to have a
        communication with people about how they cope with they feelings
        toward the same sex. Especially about spiritual side of this. I'm not
        interested in religious view, but in the way of God's law...wether it
        is good to live that way or it is possible to have wife and familly
        and still to be honest with my feelings which means to "cure myself"
        from having feelings toward men that should be toward women...  Is
        there anybody there who would like to help me or share own experience
        with me. Sorry on my English, I live in one small country in Southern
        Europe and my native language is not English, but I hope you'll
        understand the main point. Few days ago I had my 31 birthday. I
        graduated from the University of Economics in '97. and I work for two
        years in one big national company....I know that people in my place
        start wondering how come that I still don't have a girlfriend but
        I've learned in my life that lying is bad, and after the year of
        1996. when I started to enter into spirituality there's no place for
        such things.....Spirituality and search for God is the thing that
        helps me tremendously to grow, develop and undarstend myself and all
        this world better...........Thanks for reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                                    Leo
        p.s. Sorry for so chaotic sentences!!!!!!!!

        --- In Exex-gay@y..., "Timothy McGarry" <mcgarry@o...> wrote:

        > My Story
        >
        > I have read with great interest everyone's stories so I guess it is
        my turn.My name is Tim. I am 36 years old and I grew up and live in
        Sydney. I guess for the most part my coming out story is one of the
        luckier ones. I grew up in a very middle-class family. Both my
        parents are pretty devout Catholics and we all went to Mass every
        weekend. I went to a Catholic boy's school, then I went on to study a
        business degree, hated that and finally went to University in Perth
        to study acting.
        >
        > I came out to my family when I was 30. I came out to my friends
        when I was 26. I came out to myself when I was 21. I always knew that
        I was attracted to men but... I was meant to get married wasn't I? I
        was meant to have a wife. I was meant to have children. So
        many 'things' had been programmed into my head about what or who I
        was meant to be.
        >
        > A friend of mine once said to me "when your mother asks, then she

        is ready to know". It was the best piece of advice that I have ever
        got. She asked me when I was 30, and I told her. She was wonderful,
        but blamed herself because her uncle was gay, so it "must have come
        from me". She panicked. How would my father ever cope? She ended up
        telling him to protect me. He coped better than she did. He sat me
        down and said that I was his son, and he loved me no matter what. He
        was disappointed I didn't tell them earlier and even more
        disappointed that I wouldn't ever experience fatherhood. My brother
        and three sisters all reacted similarly. Some of their spouses had
        other opinions but they were soon 'sorted out' as my parents refused
        to let any of my family judge me. But again, they all wanted to
        know 'why didn't you tell us earlier? How do we explain to
        Parents/friends/people the reason we fear losing their love? We fear
        losing their respect. We fear losing them. We fear.
        >
        > Society has taught us this, and sadly it continues to do so.
        >
        > When I was 32 I sat my parents down one Sunday evening and said
        that I needed to tell them something. My mother immediately thought I
        was HIV positive. Quite the opposite. I told them that a friend had
        approached me about co-parenting a child with her, I had agreed and
        that they were going to be grandparents in 7 months. They were
        stunned. Speechless. Then came a stream of questions. The major one
        from my mother was religion. I explained that as I was Catholic, the
        birth mother was Jewish and her partner, Seventh Day Adventist, and
        that our child would not be entered into any religion officially, but
        would by birth inherit Judaism. My father stunned me once more, when
        he said, " In life, it doesn't matter what religion you are because
        the only true religion is your conscience".
        >
        > Go Dad!
        >
        > Today my daughter celebrates her 3rd birthday. I have a wonderful
        10-year-old stepson (the birth mother has a child from a previous
        marriage). We are planning another child. I have wonderful friends
        and family. I love my job as an actor. I have a beautiful daughter
        and son. I am not particularly 'religious' but am happy with
        my 'spirit' and feel so incredibly blessed with my life.
        >
        > Thank you for letting me share my story.
        >
        > Tim



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      • lincolnrep@aol.com
        Leo from Southern Europe wrote: Especially about spiritual side of this. I m not interested in religious view, but in the way of God s law...wether it is good
        Message 3 of 15 , Aug 12, 2002
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          Leo from Southern Europe wrote: "Especially about spiritual side of this.
          I'm not
          interested in religious view, but in the way of God's law...wether it
          is good to live that way or it is possible to have wife and familly
          and still to be honest with my feelings which means to "cure myself"
          from having feelings toward men that should be toward women... Is
          there anybody there who would like to help me or share own experience
          with me."

          Long ago, when I was 21 and very much involved in a Christian movement
          called Moral Re-Armament (MRA) and a college student, it became a serious
          question for me whether I could in good conscience be both gay and a
          Christian. In meditation, the word came to me to abstain from sex of any
          kind for as long as possible and then to contemplate the extasy of Jesus
          Christ on the cross. I did it! I abstained even from masturbation for 3
          weeks and in the presence of Jesus asked if it was possible to be both gay
          and Christian.
          The answer was very clear. My experience of Jesus was one of overwhelming
          lovingness, openness, and acceptance. The message was that He had come to
          bring a religion of lovingness to replace a religion based on fear or
          hatefulness. Since then, when I think of ethical issues, I try to operate
          from a base of lovingness towards myself and/or others.
          I have never questioned the fact that I'm gay or my attraction towards
          men. I was created the way I am and Jesus accepts that. If Jesus accepts
          that, then God accepts it. The old law of the Jewish bible, found in
          Leviticus, does not apply. Nor do any of the "hold over" statements about
          same-sex by the new Christian -- former Jewish -- desciples of Jesus whose
          writings make up most of the New Testament. Those writings merely reflect
          the culture of their day and lives and do not reflect the philosophy of
          lovingness found elsewhere in the New Testament as statements by Jesus
          Christ.
          My name is Lee. I'm 71 now and never married -- never felt the need to
          marry. But I've had three wonderful love affairs with men (and many short
          term affairs to be sure). Leo can write me at LincolnRep@....
          Lee
        • Leo Haler
          Hello Anthony! I m very glad you replied my post. My concern is about how to continue living with my feelings toward the same sex and yet not being ready at
          Message 4 of 15 , Aug 12, 2002
          • 0 Attachment
            Hello Anthony!

            I'm very glad you replied my post. My concern is about
            how to continue living with my feelings toward the
            same sex and yet not being ready at all to live that
            way. It's impossible for me to imagine myself having a
            boyfriend or something like that in my society. Only
            my best friends know about my love (relationship)
            orientation (I do not say sexual orientation on
            purpose, because as Boy George says in his wonderful
            statement, it is I believe the whole and rich feeling
            of love and physical attraction that is commonly found
            between two persons of the opposite sex who are in
            love, OR AM I WRONG AS I COULD READ ON SOME SPIRITUAL
            WEBSITES THAT THESE FEELINGS ARE NOT OUR DIVINE NATURE
            BUT THAT THEY'RE COMING FROM THE EVIL THAT IS HOLDING
            PLACE IN US?!?!?!)....Well, my concerns are going that
            way, so probably I would like to hear someone who
            overcame the same questions or can give me some advice
            how to live with this......
            Thanks for help.
            Have a nice day!
            Leo

            --- Anthony Venn-Brown <lifecoach@...> wrote:
            > Hi Leo
            >
            > Thanks for sharing your story. Glad that you�ve
            > been accepting who god
            > created you to be and haven�t allowed any
            > difficulties with your sexual
            > orientation rob you of your spirituality.
            >
            > Are there any particular questions you may have or
            > concerns. Happy to share
            > as are others in the group as well.
            >
            > Anthony
            > Moderator
            > http://www.yahoo.com/group/Exex-gay
            > <http://www.egroups.com/group/Exex-gay>
            > "There is the illusion that homosexuals only have
            > sex and heterosexuals fall
            > in love.. Boy George"
            >
            > -----Original Message-----
            > From: alllove9 [mailto:alllove9@...]
            > Sent: Monday, August 12, 2002 9:56 PM
            > To: Exex-gay@yahoogroups.com
            > Subject: [Exex-gay] Re: My Story
            >
            > Hello Tim and all the others in group!
            >
            > I'm new in this group so I started reading posts
            > from the begining.
            > Your story sounds so great. It seams that you manage
            > quite good to
            > incorporate your sexual orientation to life that is
            > expected of us as
            > normal. I'm 31 now and I still didn't have any love
            > experience with
            > the other person. It was only in my very early
            > childhood that I
            > adored girls but not in any physical or sexual way.
            > It was more like
            > I loved them as so soft and lovely beings. So in
            > kindergarden beside
            > of playing all the time only with girls I had one
            > very special girl
            > who I adored because of her so tender skin on face.
            > My parents were
            > probably very happy thinking that it's my first love
            > or something
            > like that.... Later but still very early at my 6
            > years or so I felt
            > some "strange" feelings toward young men. Only once,
            > when I was
            > playing in my neighbourhood with young children and
            > a cousin of them
            > came and started to play with us I felt so strong
            > feeling when he
            > hold my hand. Something like I wanted to surrender
            > to his arms and
            > stay there.....After this in my life I gradually
            > started to supress
            > all my feelings showing physical attraction toward
            > same sex so today
            > I'm not even sure what is it actually to have a
            > relationship....It
            > looks to me very abstract.
            > Well, I only mentioned a few things because I'm at
            > work now so I
            > can't be long. My story is long and probably very
            > similar to other
            > stories of people having sexual orientation to same
            > sex....If someone
            > is interested I can write more about my life, but
            > probably you guys
            > are enough of this borring stories....I would like
            > to have a
            > communication with people about how they cope with
            > they feelings
            > toward the same sex. Especially about spiritual side
            > of this. I'm not
            > interested in religious view, but in the way of
            > God's law...wether it
            > is good to live that way or it is possible to have
            > wife and familly
            > and still to be honest with my feelings which means
            > to "cure myself"
            > from having feelings toward men that should be
            > toward women... Is
            > there anybody there who would like to help me or
            > share own experience
            > with me. Sorry on my English, I live in one small
            > country in Southern
            > Europe and my native language is not English, but I
            > hope you'll
            > understand the main point. Few days ago I had my 31
            > birthday. I
            > graduated from the University of Economics in '97.
            > and I work for two
            > years in one big national company....I know that
            > people in my place
            > start wondering how come that I still don't have a
            > girlfriend but
            > I've learned in my life that lying is bad, and after
            > the year of
            > 1996. when I started to enter into spirituality
            > there's no place for
            > such things.....Spirituality and search for God is
            > the thing that
            > helps me tremendously to grow, develop and
            > undarstend myself and all
            > this world better...........Thanks for
            > reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!
            > Leo
            > p.s. Sorry for so chaotic sentences!!!!!!!!
            >
            > --- In Exex-gay@y..., "Timothy McGarry"
            > <mcgarry@o...> wrote:
            > > My Story
            > >
            > > I have read with great interest everyone's stories
            > so I guess it is
            > my turn.My name is Tim. I am 36 years old and I grew
            > up and live in
            > Sydney. I guess for the most part my coming out
            > story is one of the
            > luckier ones. I grew up in a very middle-class
            > family. Both my
            > parents are pretty devout Catholics and we all went
            > to Mass every
            > weekend. I went to a Catholic boy's school, then I
            > went on to study a
            > business degree, hated that and finally went to
            > University in Perth
            > to study acting.
            > >
            > > I came out to my family when I was 30. I came out
            > to my friends
            > when I was 26. I came out to myself when I was 21. I
            > always knew that
            > I was attracted to men but... I was meant to get
            > married wasn't I? I
            > was meant to have a wife. I was meant to have
            > children. So
            > many 'things' had been programmed into my head about
            > what or who I
            > was meant to be.
            > >
            > > A friend of mine once said to me "when your mother
            > asks, then she
            > is ready to know". It was the best piece of advice
            > that I have ever
            > got. She asked me when I was 30, and I told her. She
            > was wonderful,
            > but blamed herself because her uncle was gay, so it
            > "must have come
            > from me". She panicked. How would my father ever
            > cope? She ended up
            > telling him to protect me. He coped better than she
            > did. He sat me
            > down and said that I was his son, and he loved me no
            > matter what. He
            > was disappointed I didn't tell them earlier and even
            > more
            > disappointed that I wouldn't ever experience
            > fatherhood. My brother
            > and three sisters all reacted similarly. Some of
            > their spouses had
            > other opinions but they were soon 'sorted out' as my
            > parents refused
            > to let any of my family judge me. But again, they
            > all wanted to
            > know 'why didn't you tell us earlier? How do we
            > explain to
            > Parents/friends/people the reason we fear losing
            > their love? We fear
            > losing their respect. We fear losing them. We fear.
            > >
            > > Society has taught us this, and sadly it continues
            > to do so.
            > >
            > > When I was 32 I sat my parents down one Sunday
            > evening and said
            > that I needed to tell them something. My mother
            > immediately thought I
            > was HIV positive. Quite the opposite. I told them
            > that a friend had
            > approached me about co-parenting a child with her, I
            > had agreed and
            > that they were going to be grandparents in 7 months.
            > They were
            > stunned. Speechless. Then came a stream of
            > questions. The major one
            > from my mother was religion. I explained that as I
            > was Catholic, the
            > birth mother was Jewish and her partner, Seventh Day
            > Adventist, and
            > that our child would not be entered into any
            > religion officially, but
            > would by birth inherit Judaism. My father stunned me
            > once more, when
            > he said, " In life, it doesn't matter what religion
            > you are because
            >
            === message truncated ===


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          • Leo Haler
            Hello Lee! Thanks a lot for sharing your experience with me. I guess I should do the same as you did. I know that only search in our deep contemplation by
            Message 5 of 15 , Aug 13, 2002
            • 0 Attachment
              Hello Lee!

              Thanks a lot for sharing your experience with me. I
              guess I should do the same as you did. I know that
              only search in our deep contemplation by connecting
              with God can give us all the answers. However, as I'm
              still only a human who needs to socialize, hence my
              need to see how the others live with those issues.
              I pray every day to God and I do have so much blessing
              in my life from above. My experience is that only if
              we're persistant in our prayers and trully believe
              that God hears us all the time, we can be rewarded and
              God will always be with us, lead us, help us and
              protect us.....However, we need to be strong to stay
              on the God's path of purity and good which means to
              stay in God's order and to avoid all the evil on the
              way that is so strongly and attractively trying to
              enter our life.......
              I wish you an inner PEACE and HEART filled with LOVE!
              BYE!
              Leo

              --- lincolnrep@... wrote:
              > Leo from Southern Europe wrote: "Especially about
              > spiritual side of this.
              > I'm not
              > interested in religious view, but in the way of
              > God's law...wether it
              > is good to live that way or it is possible to have
              > wife and familly
              > and still to be honest with my feelings which means
              > to "cure myself"
              > from having feelings toward men that should be
              > toward women... Is
              > there anybody there who would like to help me or
              > share own experience
              > with me."
              >
              > Long ago, when I was 21 and very much involved in
              > a Christian movement
              > called Moral Re-Armament (MRA) and a college
              > student, it became a serious
              > question for me whether I could in good conscience
              > be both gay and a
              > Christian. In meditation, the word came to me to
              > abstain from sex of any
              > kind for as long as possible and then to contemplate
              > the extasy of Jesus
              > Christ on the cross. I did it! I abstained even
              > from masturbation for 3
              > weeks and in the presence of Jesus asked if it was
              > possible to be both gay
              > and Christian.
              > The answer was very clear. My experience of
              > Jesus was one of overwhelming
              > lovingness, openness, and acceptance. The message
              > was that He had come to
              > bring a religion of lovingness to replace a religion
              > based on fear or
              > hatefulness. Since then, when I think of ethical
              > issues, I try to operate
              > from a base of lovingness towards myself and/or
              > others.
              > I have never questioned the fact that I'm gay or
              > my attraction towards
              > men. I was created the way I am and Jesus accepts
              > that. If Jesus accepts
              > that, then God accepts it. The old law of the
              > Jewish bible, found in
              > Leviticus, does not apply. Nor do any of the "hold
              > over" statements about
              > same-sex by the new Christian -- former Jewish --
              > desciples of Jesus whose
              > writings make up most of the New Testament. Those
              > writings merely reflect
              > the culture of their day and lives and do not
              > reflect the philosophy of
              > lovingness found elsewhere in the New Testament as
              > statements by Jesus
              > Christ.
              > My name is Lee. I'm 71 now and never married --
              > never felt the need to
              > marry. But I've had three wonderful love affairs
              > with men (and many short
              > term affairs to be sure). Leo can write me at
              > LincolnRep@....
              > Lee
              >


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            • Anthony Venn-Brown
              HI Leo Yes the concerns you have are very real and certainly normal. As I look back on my life I realise that most of the negative feelings I had about
              Message 6 of 15 , Aug 14, 2002
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                HI Leo

                Yes the concerns you have are very real and certainly normal. As I look
                back on my life I realise that most of the negative feelings I had about
                myself were the result of conditioning from society, family and my religious
                beliefs.

                It was wonderful to come to a place where I recognised

                1. I was broken and needed fixing
                2. I was sick and needed healing
                3. I wasn't an abomination
                4. I wasn't evil because I was attracted to the same sex.
                5. that the love two men can have for each other is wholesome, sacred and
                beautiful as is the love two people of the opposite sex have

                Its quite a journey to get to a place of peace a resolution. For me it was
                22 years of trying to be the person I wasn't. Reluctantly accepting the fact
                I was gay at the age of 40. then spent the next 6 years trying to find out
                how I lived as a gay man and finally coming to a place where I loved,
                embraced, celebrated who I was. Now I would not have it any other way.

                No one can give you the timetable.......you have to journey yourself and in
                your own time.

                Anthony Venn-Brown
                Life Coach
                Personal Success Australia
                lifecoach@...

                I assist people on their journey of self discovery, personal empowerment and
                creating the life of their dreams.

                -----Original Message-----
                From: Leo Haler [mailto:alllove9@...]
                Sent: Tuesday, August 13, 2002 4:54 PM
                To: Exex-gay@yahoogroups.com
                Subject: RE: [Exex-gay] Re: My Story

                Hello Anthony!

                I'm very glad you replied my post. My concern is about
                how to continue living with my feelings toward the
                same sex and yet not being ready at all to live that
                way. It's impossible for me to imagine myself having a
                boyfriend or something like that in my society. Only
                my best friends know about my love (relationship)
                orientation (I do not say sexual orientation on
                purpose, because as Boy George says in his wonderful
                statement, it is I believe the whole and rich feeling
                of love and physical attraction that is commonly found
                between two persons of the opposite sex who are in
                love, OR AM I WRONG AS I COULD READ ON SOME SPIRITUAL
                WEBSITES THAT THESE FEELINGS ARE NOT OUR DIVINE NATURE
                BUT THAT THEY'RE COMING FROM THE EVIL THAT IS HOLDING
                PLACE IN US?!?!?!)....Well, my concerns are going that
                way, so probably I would like to hear someone who
                overcame the same questions or can give me some advice
                how to live with this......
                Thanks for help.
                Have a nice day!
                Leo

                --- Anthony Venn-Brown <lifecoach@...> wrote:
                > Hi Leo
                >
                > Thanks for sharing your story. Glad that you've
                > been accepting who god
                > created you to be and haven't allowed any
                > difficulties with your sexual
                > orientation rob you of your spirituality.
                >
                > Are there any particular questions you may have or
                > concerns. Happy to share
                > as are others in the group as well.
                >
                > Anthony
                > Moderator
                > http://www.yahoo.com/group/Exex-gay
                > <http://www.egroups.com/group/Exex-gay>
                > "There is the illusion that homosexuals only have
                > sex and heterosexuals fall
                > in love.. Boy George"
                >
                > -----Original Message-----
                > From: alllove9 [mailto:alllove9@...]
                > Sent: Monday, August 12, 2002 9:56 PM
                > To: Exex-gay@yahoogroups.com
                > Subject: [Exex-gay] Re: My Story
                >
                > Hello Tim and all the others in group!
                >
                > I'm new in this group so I started reading posts
                > from the begining.
                > Your story sounds so great. It seams that you manage
                > quite good to
                > incorporate your sexual orientation to life that is
                > expected of us as
                > normal. I'm 31 now and I still didn't have any love
                > experience with
                > the other person. It was only in my very early
                > childhood that I
                > adored girls but not in any physical or sexual way.
                > It was more like
                > I loved them as so soft and lovely beings. So in
                > kindergarden beside
                > of playing all the time only with girls I had one
                > very special girl
                > who I adored because of her so tender skin on face.
                > My parents were
                > probably very happy thinking that it's my first love
                > or something
                > like that.... Later but still very early at my 6
                > years or so I felt
                > some "strange" feelings toward young men. Only once,
                > when I was
                > playing in my neighbourhood with young children and
                > a cousin of them
                > came and started to play with us I felt so strong
                > feeling when he
                > hold my hand. Something like I wanted to surrender
                > to his arms and
                > stay there.....After this in my life I gradually
                > started to supress
                > all my feelings showing physical attraction toward
                > same sex so today
                > I'm not even sure what is it actually to have a
                > relationship....It
                > looks to me very abstract.
                > Well, I only mentioned a few things because I'm at
                > work now so I
                > can't be long. My story is long and probably very
                > similar to other
                > stories of people having sexual orientation to same
                > sex....If someone
                > is interested I can write more about my life, but
                > probably you guys
                > are enough of this borring stories....I would like
                > to have a
                > communication with people about how they cope with
                > they feelings
                > toward the same sex. Especially about spiritual side
                > of this. I'm not
                > interested in religious view, but in the way of
                > God's law...wether it
                > is good to live that way or it is possible to have
                > wife and familly
                > and still to be honest with my feelings which means
                > to "cure myself"
                > from having feelings toward men that should be
                > toward women... Is
                > there anybody there who would like to help me or
                > share own experience
                > with me. Sorry on my English, I live in one small
                > country in Southern
                > Europe and my native language is not English, but I
                > hope you'll
                > understand the main point. Few days ago I had my 31
                > birthday. I
                > graduated from the University of Economics in '97.
                > and I work for two
                > years in one big national company....I know that
                > people in my place
                > start wondering how come that I still don't have a
                > girlfriend but
                > I've learned in my life that lying is bad, and after
                > the year of
                > 1996. when I started to enter into spirituality
                > there's no place for
                > such things.....Spirituality and search for God is
                > the thing that
                > helps me tremendously to grow, develop and
                > undarstend myself and all
                > this world better...........Thanks for
                > reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                > Leo
                > p.s. Sorry for so chaotic sentences!!!!!!!!
                >
                > --- In Exex-gay@y..., "Timothy McGarry"
                > <mcgarry@o...> wrote:
                > > My Story
                > >
                > > I have read with great interest everyone's stories
                > so I guess it is
                > my turn.My name is Tim. I am 36 years old and I grew
                > up and live in
                > Sydney. I guess for the most part my coming out
                > story is one of the
                > luckier ones. I grew up in a very middle-class
                > family. Both my
                > parents are pretty devout Catholics and we all went
                > to Mass every
                > weekend. I went to a Catholic boy's school, then I
                > went on to study a
                > business degree, hated that and finally went to
                > University in Perth
                > to study acting.
                > >
                > > I came out to my family when I was 30. I came out
                > to my friends
                > when I was 26. I came out to myself when I was 21. I
                > always knew that
                > I was attracted to men but... I was meant to get
                > married wasn't I? I
                > was meant to have a wife. I was meant to have
                > children. So
                > many 'things' had been programmed into my head about
                > what or who I
                > was meant to be.
                > >
                > > A friend of mine once said to me "when your mother
                > asks, then she
                > is ready to know". It was the best piece of advice
                > that I have ever
                > got. She asked me when I was 30, and I told her. She
                > was wonderful,
                > but blamed herself because her uncle was gay, so it
                > "must have come
                > from me". She panicked. How would my father ever
                > cope? She ended up
                > telling him to protect me. He coped better than she
                > did. He sat me
                > down and said that I was his son, and he loved me no
                > matter what. He
                > was disappointed I didn't tell them earlier and even
                > more
                > disappointed that I wouldn't ever experience
                > fatherhood. My brother
                > and three sisters all reacted similarly. Some of
                > their spouses had
                > other opinions but they were soon 'sorted out' as my
                > parents refused
                > to let any of my family judge me. But again, they
                > all wanted to
                > know 'why didn't you tell us earlier? How do we
                > explain to
                > Parents/friends/people the reason we fear losing
                > their love? We fear
                > losing their respect. We fear losing them. We fear.
                > >
                > > Society has taught us this, and sadly it continues
                > to do so.
                > >
                > > When I was 32 I sat my parents down one Sunday
                > evening and said
                > that I needed to tell them something. My mother
                > immediately thought I
                > was HIV positive. Quite the opposite. I told them
                > that a friend had
                > approached me about co-parenting a child with her, I
                > had agreed and
                > that they were going to be grandparents in 7 months.
                > They were
                > stunned. Speechless. Then came a stream of
                > questions. The major one
                > from my mother was religion. I explained that as I
                > was Catholic, the
                > birth mother was Jewish and her partner, Seventh Day
                > Adventist, and
                > that our child would not be entered into any
                > religion officially, but
                > would by birth inherit Judaism. My father stunned me
                > once more, when
                > he said, " In life, it doesn't matter what religion
                > you are because
                >
                === message truncated ===


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              • Leo Haler
                Hi Anthony! Thank you so much on your beautiful words. Sorry for not replying for so long, I didn t have the opportunity to go to internet these days cause I m
                Message 7 of 15 , Aug 18, 2002
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                  Hi Anthony!

                  Thank you so much on your beautiful words. Sorry for
                  not replying for so long, I didn't have the
                  opportunity to go to internet these days cause I'm on
                  holidays. However it was so good to see that you
                  replied to my post. So, it is really up to my good
                  will to admit to myself what I am and to start to be
                  honest toward myself and all the others. Yes, I can
                  accept this, but we all know how strong one should be
                  to come out about this issue in public, where feelings
                  about homosexuality are so bad, where there's so much
                  people having so much hate toward this kind of
                  love.....However, I'm so strongly in my prayers
                  recently and I know that the all situation with me is
                  going to be lead by God. Moment after moment I feel
                  much closer to God's will. What I pray all the time is
                  for our Great Creator to lead me all the time and that
                  I can behave the way He determined for me (and for the
                  human beings on this Planet in general).
                  I guess I shouldn't force anything. Just to accept
                  what comes on my way. Yes, that's what I should do.
                  God will give me all the answers through events,
                  people etc....
                  I like to have conversation on this level. I see
                  there's so little place on the web where people can
                  discuss and help each other on this deeper level. I
                  mean, I can visit thousands websites with explicit gay
                  pictures or conversations but this doesn't satisfy my
                  soul. I'm glad there's also people who want to be
                  closer to God and that they're at the same time
                  happened to be homosexuals and that they want to have
                  more about it than just satisfying physical attraction
                  and needs.
                  Hope to hear more from you!
                  Leo

                  p.s. If it's not too indiscreet, how do you live at
                  the moment? Do you have a relationship or you prefere
                  to be alone (but not lonely, as I often use to say)?

                  --- Anthony Venn-Brown <lifecoach@...> wrote:
                  > HI Leo
                  >
                  > Yes the concerns you have are very real and
                  > certainly normal. As I look
                  > back on my life I realise that most of the negative
                  > feelings I had about
                  > myself were the result of conditioning from society,
                  > family and my religious
                  > beliefs.
                  >
                  > It was wonderful to come to a place where I
                  > recognised
                  >
                  > 1. I was broken and needed fixing
                  > 2. I was sick and needed healing
                  > 3. I wasn't an abomination
                  > 4. I wasn't evil because I was attracted to the same
                  > sex.
                  > 5. that the love two men can have for each other is
                  > wholesome, sacred and
                  > beautiful as is the love two people of the opposite
                  > sex have
                  >
                  > Its quite a journey to get to a place of peace a
                  > resolution. For me it was
                  > 22 years of trying to be the person I wasn't.
                  > Reluctantly accepting the fact
                  > I was gay at the age of 40. then spent the next 6
                  > years trying to find out
                  > how I lived as a gay man and finally coming to a
                  > place where I loved,
                  > embraced, celebrated who I was. Now I would not have
                  > it any other way.
                  >
                  > No one can give you the timetable.......you have to
                  > journey yourself and in
                  > your own time.
                  >
                  > Anthony Venn-Brown
                  > Life Coach
                  > Personal Success Australia
                  > lifecoach@...
                  >
                  > I assist people on their journey of self discovery,
                  > personal empowerment and
                  > creating the life of their dreams.
                  >
                  > -----Original Message-----
                  > From: Leo Haler [mailto:alllove9@...]
                  > Sent: Tuesday, August 13, 2002 4:54 PM
                  > To: Exex-gay@yahoogroups.com
                  > Subject: RE: [Exex-gay] Re: My Story
                  >
                  > Hello Anthony!
                  >
                  > I'm very glad you replied my post. My concern is
                  > about
                  > how to continue living with my feelings toward the
                  > same sex and yet not being ready at all to live that
                  > way. It's impossible for me to imagine myself having
                  > a
                  > boyfriend or something like that in my society. Only
                  > my best friends know about my love (relationship)
                  > orientation (I do not say sexual orientation on
                  > purpose, because as Boy George says in his wonderful
                  > statement, it is I believe the whole and rich
                  > feeling
                  > of love and physical attraction that is commonly
                  > found
                  > between two persons of the opposite sex who are in
                  > love, OR AM I WRONG AS I COULD READ ON SOME
                  > SPIRITUAL
                  > WEBSITES THAT THESE FEELINGS ARE NOT OUR DIVINE
                  > NATURE
                  > BUT THAT THEY'RE COMING FROM THE EVIL THAT IS
                  > HOLDING
                  > PLACE IN US?!?!?!)....Well, my concerns are going
                  > that
                  > way, so probably I would like to hear someone who
                  > overcame the same questions or can give me some
                  > advice
                  > how to live with this......
                  > Thanks for help.
                  > Have a nice day!
                  > Leo
                  >
                  > --- Anthony Venn-Brown <lifecoach@...> wrote:
                  > > Hi Leo
                  > >
                  > > Thanks for sharing your story. Glad that you've
                  > > been accepting who god
                  > > created you to be and haven't allowed any
                  > > difficulties with your sexual
                  > > orientation rob you of your spirituality.
                  > >
                  > > Are there any particular questions you may have or
                  > > concerns. Happy to share
                  > > as are others in the group as well.
                  > >
                  > > Anthony
                  > > Moderator
                  > > http://www.yahoo.com/group/Exex-gay
                  > > <http://www.egroups.com/group/Exex-gay>
                  > > "There is the illusion that homosexuals only have
                  > > sex and heterosexuals fall
                  > > in love.. Boy George"
                  > >
                  > > -----Original Message-----
                  > > From: alllove9 [mailto:alllove9@...]
                  > > Sent: Monday, August 12, 2002 9:56 PM
                  > > To: Exex-gay@yahoogroups.com
                  > > Subject: [Exex-gay] Re: My Story
                  > >
                  > > Hello Tim and all the others in group!
                  > >
                  > > I'm new in this group so I started reading posts
                  > > from the begining.
                  > > Your story sounds so great. It seams that you
                  > manage
                  > > quite good to
                  > > incorporate your sexual orientation to life that
                  > is
                  > > expected of us as
                  > > normal. I'm 31 now and I still didn't have any
                  > love
                  > > experience with
                  > > the other person. It was only in my very early
                  > > childhood that I
                  > > adored girls but not in any physical or sexual
                  > way.
                  > > It was more like
                  > > I loved them as so soft and lovely beings. So in
                  > > kindergarden beside
                  > > of playing all the time only with girls I had one
                  > > very special girl
                  > > who I adored because of her so tender skin on
                  > face.
                  > > My parents were
                  > > probably very happy thinking that it's my first
                  > love
                  > > or something
                  > > like that.... Later but still very early at my 6
                  > > years or so I felt
                  > > some "strange" feelings toward young men. Only
                  > once,
                  > > when I was
                  > > playing in my neighbourhood with young children
                  > and
                  > > a cousin of them
                  > > came and started to play with us I felt so strong
                  > > feeling when he
                  > > hold my hand. Something like I wanted to surrender
                  > > to his arms and
                  > > stay there.....After this in my life I gradually
                  > > started to supress
                  > > all my feelings showing physical attraction toward
                  > > same sex so today
                  > > I'm not even sure what is it actually to have a
                  > > relationship....It
                  > > looks to me very abstract.
                  > > Well, I only mentioned a few things because I'm at
                  > > work now so I
                  > > can't be long. My story is long and probably very
                  > > similar to other
                  > > stories of people having sexual orientation to
                  > same
                  > > sex....If someone
                  > > is interested I can write more about my life, but
                  > > probably you guys
                  > > are enough of this borring stories....I would like
                  > > to have a
                  > > communication with people about how they cope with
                  > > they feelings
                  > > toward the same sex. Especially about spiritual
                  > side
                  > > of this. I'm not
                  > > interested in religious view, but in the way of
                  > > God's law...wether it
                  > > is good to live that way or it is possible to have
                  > > wife and familly
                  > > and still to be honest with my feelings which
                  > means
                  > > to "cure myself"
                  > > from having feelings toward men that should be
                  > > toward women... Is
                  > > there anybody there who would like to help me or
                  > > share own experience
                  > > with me. Sorry on my English, I live in one small
                  > > country in Southern
                  > > Europe and my native language is not English, but
                  > I
                  > > hope you'll
                  > > understand the main point. Few days ago I had my
                  > 31
                  > > birthday. I
                  > > graduated from the University of Economics in '97.
                  > > and I work for two
                  > > years in one big national company....I know that
                  > > people in my place
                  > > start wondering how come that I still don't have a
                  > > girlfriend but
                  >
                  === message truncated ===


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                • Yowee The Jew
                  When I was 10 years old, my cousin sexually abused me. He told me that `This is our secret so I told no one. Well the abuse went on for 7 years until I left
                  Message 8 of 15 , Sep 28, 2004
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                    When I was 10 years old, my cousin sexually abused me. He told me
                    that `This is our secret' so I told no one. Well the abuse went on
                    for 7 years until I left the country of my birth.

                    He abused me for 3 of those years, and other people took over from
                    where he had stopped. Oh yes, I was a Christian, I committed my life
                    to God when I was 14 years old, yet the sex continued because it was
                    my secret.

                    This got me into a life of homosexuality and I visited most of the
                    beats, where men met men to have sex. I'm not giving you excuses
                    today for what I did, I'm telling you the facts.

                    I did have sex in public places and from that came the clubs that
                    have spas and from that came HIV. It was at one of these beats, while
                    having unprotected sex, that I was infected with HIV. On 24 April
                    2002 I was told that I had tested HIV+ and by the time I got out of
                    the doctors, the Aids Medical Unit was closed, as they closed at noon
                    on a Wednesday.

                    The next day was a public holiday, Anzac Day and so I didn't get a
                    call back from them until Friday. By this time I was a wreck.

                    On Anzac Day we had an International Night at church and I put on a
                    brave face and went to it even though I was a mess inside, I wanted
                    to commit suicide.

                    The reason I wanted to commit suicide was because I didn't know how
                    to tell my mother as she had warned me not to get AIDS and said that
                    if I did, it would be better if I commit suicide rather than put her
                    through more heartache and now that I am HIV+, she wants me around
                    more than ever.

                    It took me a whole week to get the courage to tell her and even in
                    that God was merciful. We went for our walk along the Brisbane River,
                    and she told me about this book that a friend of hers gave her to
                    read; it was all about Christians living with AIDS. The book and the
                    ministry is called He Intends Victory, they too were very supportive.

                    All my hope was gone, plans to be free from this lifestyle, to get
                    married and have children, all gone.

                    Around this time, someone paid for some sign writing in the sky, the
                    message read "Jesus = HOPE" what a blessing and an encouragement that
                    was for me, it was as if God wrote it Himself just for me.

                    "Instead of your shame, you shall have double honour" Isaiah 61:7. My
                    shame is HIV. I almost cried while I told my church leadership
                    because I was afraid that they would reject me and want me to leave
                    the church. Instead they accepted me and loved me even more.

                    Since then, I have gone through an emotional roller coaster for over
                    two years and my past keeps coming up all the time. I have heard that
                    I can beat this if I "renew my mind with the word of God" but don't
                    know if this works or not.
                  • Life Coach
                    Hi Yowee Thanks for sharing your story…….and so openly and honestly. You will find several here in this group who have had similar experiences. Please
                    Message 9 of 15 , Oct 5, 2004
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                      Hi Yowee

                       

                      Thanks for sharing your story…….and so openly and honestly. You will find several here in this group who have had similar experiences.

                       

                      Please forgive the group for not responding……..it has been quiet for a few weeks now. Maybe everyone is busy……I know I have.

                       

                      Sounds like you have had a lot to deal with. I’m wondering if you have had counselling or therapy over some of these issues…..some are able to resolve them themselves whilst others benefit form professional help.

                       

                      The bad news for some is that they cannot change their sexual orientation……….but the good news is you can live a wonderfully rewarding life as a gay man…….and Christian.

                       

                      Anthony

                      Moderator and author of:

                      'A Life of Unlearning -Coming Out of the Church - One Man's Struggle'

                      Winner of the Inaugural Literary Award 2004 Sydney Gay & Lesbian Business Association

                      To download Chapter 1 'The Confession' FREE click here.

                      http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Exex-gay

                      My sexual orientation is not a sickness to be healed or a sin to be forgiven. My sexual orientation is a gift from my Creator to be accepted, celebrated, and lived with integrity.

                       

                      -----Original Message-----
                      From: Yowee The Jew [mailto:hivyo@...]
                      Sent: Wednesday, 29 September 2004 10:19
                      To: Exex-gay@yahoogroups.com
                      Subject: Spam Message:[Exex-gay] My Story

                       

                      When I was 10 years old, my cousin sexually abused me. He told me
                      that `This is our secret' so I told no one. Well the abuse went on
                      for 7 years until I left the country of my birth.

                      He abused me for 3 of those years, and other people took over from
                      where he had stopped. Oh yes, I was a Christian, I committed my life
                      to God when I was 14 years old, yet the sex continued because it was
                      my secret.

                      This got me into a life of homosexuality and I visited most of the
                      beats, where men met men to have sex. I'm not giving you excuses
                      today for what I did, I'm telling you the facts.

                      I did have sex in public places and from that came the clubs that
                      have spas and from that came HIV. It was at one of these beats, while
                      having unprotected sex, that I was infected with HIV. On 24 April
                      2002 I was told that I had tested HIV+ and by the time I got out of
                      the doctors, the Aids Medical Unit was closed, as they closed at noon
                      on a Wednesday.

                      The next day was a public holiday, Anzac Day and so I didn't get a
                      call back from them until Friday. By this time I was a wreck.

                      On Anzac Day we had an International Night at church and I put on a
                      brave face and went to it even though I was a mess inside, I wanted
                      to commit suicide.

                      The reason I wanted to commit suicide was because I didn't know how
                      to tell my mother as she had warned me not to get AIDS and said that
                      if I did, it would be better if I commit suicide rather than put her
                      through more heartache and now that I am HIV+, she wants me around
                      more than ever.

                      It took me a whole week to get the courage to tell her and even in
                      that God was merciful. We went for our walk along the Brisbane River,
                      and she told me about this book that a friend of hers gave her to
                      read; it was all about Christians living with AIDS. The book and the
                      ministry is called He Intends Victory, they too were very supportive.

                      All my hope was gone, plans to be free from this lifestyle, to get
                      married and have children, all gone.

                      Around this time, someone paid for some sign writing in the sky, the
                      message read "Jesus = HOPE" what a blessing and an encouragement that
                      was for me, it was as if God wrote it Himself just for me.

                      "Instead of your shame, you shall have double honour" Isaiah 61:7. My
                      shame is HIV. I almost cried while I told my church leadership
                      because I was afraid that they would reject me and want me to leave
                      the church. Instead they accepted me and loved me even more.

                      Since then, I have gone through an emotional roller coaster for over
                      two years and my past keeps coming up all the time. I have heard that
                      I can beat this if I "renew my mind with the word of God" but don't
                      know if this works or not.




                    • Yowee The Jew
                      Hi Anthony Thanks for your reply. Yes I am seeing a psychologist right now and have undergone years of couselling by Christians and non Christians. The help
                      Message 10 of 15 , Oct 7, 2004
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                        Hi Anthony

                        Thanks for your reply. Yes I am seeing a psychologist right now and
                        have undergone years of couselling by Christians and non Christians.

                        The help I'm getting is available free from the AIDS Medical Unit in
                        Brisvegas, so I'm blessed even in that.

                        --- In Exex-gay@yahoogroups.com, "Life Coach" <lifecoach@m...> wrote:
                        > Hi Yowee
                        >
                        > Thanks for sharing your story…….and so openly and honestly. You
                        will find
                        > several here in this group who have had similar experiences.
                        >
                        > Please forgive the group for not responding……..it has been quiet
                        for a few
                        > weeks now. Maybe everyone is busy……I know I have.
                        >
                        > Sounds like you have had a lot to deal with. I'm wondering if you
                        have had
                        > counselling or therapy over some of these issues…..some are able to
                        resolve
                        > them themselves whilst others benefit form professional help.
                        >
                        > The bad news for some is that they cannot change their sexual
                        > orientation……….but the good news is you can live a wonderfully
                        rewarding
                        > life as a gay man…….and Christian.
                        >
                        > Anthony
                        > Moderator and author of:
                        > 'A Life of Unlearning -Coming Out of the Church - One Man's
                        Struggle'
                        > Winner of the Inaugural Literary Award 2004 Sydney Gay & Lesbian
                        Business
                        > Association
                        > To download Chapter 1 'The Confession' FREE click here
                        > <http://www.anthonyvennbrown.com/book.html> .
                        > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Exex-gay
                        > <http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Exex-gay/>
                        > My sexual orientation is not a sickness to be healed or a sin to be
                        > forgiven. My sexual orientation is a gift from my Creator to be
                        accepted,
                        > celebrated, and lived with integrity.
                        >
                        > -----Original Message-----
                        > From: Yowee The Jew [mailto:hivyo@y...]
                        > Sent: Wednesday, 29 September 2004 10:19
                        > To: Exex-gay@yahoogroups.com
                        > Subject: Spam Message:[Exex-gay] My Story
                        >
                        > When I was 10 years old, my cousin sexually abused me. He told me
                        > that `This is our secret' so I told no one. Well the abuse went on
                        > for 7 years until I left the country of my birth.
                        >
                        > He abused me for 3 of those years, and other people took over from
                        > where he had stopped. Oh yes, I was a Christian, I committed my life
                        > to God when I was 14 years old, yet the sex continued because it was
                        > my secret.
                        >
                        > This got me into a life of homosexuality and I visited most of the
                        > beats, where men met men to have sex. I'm not giving you excuses
                        > today for what I did, I'm telling you the facts.
                        >
                        > I did have sex in public places and from that came the clubs that
                        > have spas and from that came HIV. It was at one of these beats,
                        while
                        > having unprotected sex, that I was infected with HIV. On 24 April
                        > 2002 I was told that I had tested HIV+ and by the time I got out of
                        > the doctors, the Aids Medical Unit was closed, as they closed at
                        noon
                        > on a Wednesday.
                        >
                        > The next day was a public holiday, Anzac Day and so I didn't get a
                        > call back from them until Friday. By this time I was a wreck.
                        >
                        > On Anzac Day we had an International Night at church and I put on a
                        > brave face and went to it even though I was a mess inside, I wanted
                        > to commit suicide.
                        >
                        > The reason I wanted to commit suicide was because I didn't know how
                        > to tell my mother as she had warned me not to get AIDS and said that
                        > if I did, it would be better if I commit suicide rather than put her
                        > through more heartache and now that I am HIV+, she wants me around
                        > more than ever.
                        >
                        > It took me a whole week to get the courage to tell her and even in
                        > that God was merciful. We went for our walk along the Brisbane
                        River,
                        > and she told me about this book that a friend of hers gave her to
                        > read; it was all about Christians living with AIDS. The book and the
                        > ministry is called He Intends Victory, they too were very
                        supportive.
                        >
                        > All my hope was gone, plans to be free from this lifestyle, to get
                        > married and have children, all gone.
                        >
                        > Around this time, someone paid for some sign writing in the sky, the
                        > message read "Jesus = HOPE" what a blessing and an encouragement
                        that
                        > was for me, it was as if God wrote it Himself just for me.
                        >
                        > "Instead of your shame, you shall have double honour" Isaiah 61:7.
                        My
                        > shame is HIV. I almost cried while I told my church leadership
                        > because I was afraid that they would reject me and want me to leave
                        > the church. Instead they accepted me and loved me even more.
                        >
                        > Since then, I have gone through an emotional roller coaster for over
                        > two years and my past keeps coming up all the time. I have heard
                        that
                        > I can beat this if I "renew my mind with the word of God" but don't
                        > know if this works or not.
                        >
                        >
                        >
                        >
                        >
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