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Newbie here: question..

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  • Stacey
    Hi, newbie here:) my name is stacey, my husband...okay, is this funny? (sorry, long story.;) i m a pretty open person, never cared. i knew he had gay/straight
    Message 1 of 4 , May 17, 2008
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      Hi, newbie here:)

      my name is stacey, my husband...okay, is this funny? (sorry, long
      story.;)
      i'm a pretty open person, never cared. i knew he had gay/straight
      friends when i met him (now an ex-alcoholic)-drink occassianally)
      even when he met his friends would say...'uhh, he's gay'. 'NO I'M
      NOT!'
      my answer: does it really matter??? but-that's me.

      my husband grew up a jahovah's witness, very
      strict/whatever...anyways, gay=bad. and he plays the role perfectly.
      he'll stop at every opportunity to check out a half-dressed girl
      without a thought (okay, we all know those 'glances before we catch
      ourself;) the funny part is..when he's 'drunk' (and i mean 'very'
      drunk) he'll look at 'anything' (meaning guy/girl)
      i've been sitting back and smiling at this for years!! he only
      admitted it (drunk) about 6 months ago. (i'd only recently sat and
      smiled at it) just last month he admitted (sober).
      i'm open, i'm not keeping anyone held down. (told him to get himself
      a boyfriend, doesn't bother me..

      now he's going back and forth, one day fine, next day 'i'm not gay!!'
      (responds the same way to bi, if you want to weigh it down it's 90%
      girl response, but if there is no girl available, he's more then
      willing to hit the guy;)

      to me it's a label thing. am i alone on this? as i said when i met
      him, 'does it really matter'?? you're just a guy who's more open
      then others...but coming from the 'church' background i guess he has
      trouble with that...more of a shame thing.

      i guess this is kind of a response that is going with other posts on
      this group, but i don't think it ever really disappears but is more
      or less hidden or pushed aside to the point where it just becomes a
      natural response or a reaction.
      kind of like a diet. you may say no to that twinkie/pop and after a
      while it will become easier...but deep down you know that if that
      it's still there..
      okay, that may be a bad example;)

      but, back to my point (i'm ADD, work thirds and haven't gone to sleep
      yet. i ramble!-sorry!!) the way he approaches (husband)
      this/repsonse. is this a normal response?
      stacey:)


      >
      > Hey PC...research has shown that no one actually becomes
      heterosexual.
      >
      >
      >
      > People can however function heterosexually in a heterosexual
      marriage. This
      > is very different to changing ones orientation though.
      >
      >
      >
      > I don't know of any ex-gay groups that claim any more to change
      people from
      > homosexuals to heterosexuals....the honest ones admit the gay never
      goes
      > away. It is suppressed, monitored, denied etc. It's a personal
      choice...but
      > I think it's a sad life for both partners...the gay man spends his
      life
      > pretending that he is heterosexual when in fact he isn't and the
      poor wife
      > never really gets her emotional and physical needs met properly.
      There is
      > also the fear that her husband is not like other men and even
      though he will
      > never stray and have an affair with a women..there is always the
      potential
      > for this to happen with a man.
      >
      >
      >
      > Doesn't sound like much of a life does it?
      >
      >
      >
      > Anthony
      >
      > Moderator
      >
      > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Exex-gay
      >
      > My sexual orientation is not a sickness to be healed or a sin to be
      > forgiven. My sexual orientation is a gift from my Creator to be
      accepted,
      > celebrated, and lived with integrity.
      >
      > Freedom 2 B(e) <http://www.freedom2b.org/>
      >
      > Support - Information - Dialogue for GLBTIQ People from
      > Pentecostal/Charismatic Backgrounds go to www.freedom2b.org
      >
      >
      >
      > _____
      >
      > From: Exex-gay@yahoogroups.com [mailto:Exex-gay@yahoogroups.com] On
      Behalf
      > Of mental_problem2000
      > Sent: Tuesday, 29 April 2008 10:01
      > To: Exex-gay@yahoogroups.com
      > Subject: [Exex-gay] Does the exgay movement work?
      >
      >
      >
      > Is there ANY crediblity to what the exgays are saying? I mean, is
      it
      > possible for a homosexual to become heterosexual? Later.
      >
      > -pc
      >
    • Anthony Venn-Brown
      Sounds very normal stacy as people have all sorts of reactions. Denial is usually the first responce. If there is an underlying religious belief system then it
      Message 2 of 4 , May 18, 2008
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        Sounds very normal stacy as people have all sorts of reactions. Denial is usually the first responce. If there is an underlying religious belief system then it makes it more complex. I went in and out the closet several times. I've been out for 16 years now......and would never....never go back

        On Sun, May 18, 2008 at 1:51 AM, Stacey <ddogsrout@...> wrote:

        Hi, newbie here:)

        my name is stacey, my husband...okay, is this funny? (sorry, long
        story.;)
        i'm a pretty open person, never cared. i knew he had gay/straight
        friends when i met him (now an ex-alcoholic)-drink occassianally)
        even when he met his friends would say...'uhh, he's gay'. 'NO I'M
        NOT!'
        my answer: does it really matter??? but-that's me.

        my husband grew up a jahovah's witness, very
        strict/whatever...anyways, gay=bad. and he plays the role perfectly.
        he'll stop at every opportunity to check out a half-dressed girl
        without a thought (okay, we all know those 'glances before we catch
        ourself;) the funny part is..when he's 'drunk' (and i mean 'very'
        drunk) he'll look at 'anything' (meaning guy/girl)
        i've been sitting back and smiling at this for years!! he only
        admitted it (drunk) about 6 months ago. (i'd only recently sat and
        smiled at it) just last month he admitted (sober).
        i'm open, i'm not keeping anyone held down. (told him to get himself
        a boyfriend, doesn't bother me..

        now he's going back and forth, one day fine, next day 'i'm not gay!!'
        (responds the same way to bi, if you want to weigh it down it's 90%
        girl response, but if there is no girl available, he's more then
        willing to hit the guy;)

        to me it's a label thing. am i alone on this? as i said when i met
        him, 'does it really matter'?? you're just a guy who's more open
        then others...but coming from the 'church' background i guess he has
        trouble with that...more of a shame thing.

        i guess this is kind of a response that is going with other posts on
        this group, but i don't think it ever really disappears but is more
        or less hidden or pushed aside to the point where it just becomes a
        natural response or a reaction.
        kind of like a diet. you may say no to that twinkie/pop and after a
        while it will become easier...but deep down you know that if that
        it's still there..
        okay, that may be a bad example;)

        but, back to my point (i'm ADD, work thirds and haven't gone to sleep
        yet. i ramble!-sorry!!) the way he approaches (husband)
        this/repsonse. is this a normal response?
        stacey:)

        >
        > Hey PC...research has shown that no one actually becomes
        heterosexual.
        >
        >
        >
        > People can however function heterosexually in a heterosexual
        marriage. This
        > is very different to changing ones orientation though.
        >
        >
        >
        > I don't know of any ex-gay groups that claim any more to change
        people from
        > homosexuals to heterosexuals....the honest ones admit the gay never
        goes
        > away. It is suppressed, monitored, denied etc. It's a personal
        choice...but
        > I think it's a sad life for both partners...the gay man spends his
        life
        > pretending that he is heterosexual when in fact he isn't and the
        poor wife
        > never really gets her emotional and physical needs met properly.
        There is
        > also the fear that her husband is not like other men and even
        though he will
        > never stray and have an affair with a women..there is always the
        potential
        > for this to happen with a man.
        >
        >
        >
        > Doesn't sound like much of a life does it?
        >
        >
        >
        > Anthony
        >
        > Moderator
        >
        > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Exex-gay
        >
        > My sexual orientation is not a sickness to be healed or a sin to be
        > forgiven. My sexual orientation is a gift from my Creator to be
        accepted,
        > celebrated, and lived with integrity.
        >
        > Freedom 2 B(e) <http://www.freedom2b.org/>
        >
        > Support - Information - Dialogue for GLBTIQ People from
        > Pentecostal/Charismatic Backgrounds go to www.freedom2b.org
        >
        >
        >
        > _____
        >
        > From: Exex-gay@yahoogroups.com [mailto:Exex-gay@yahoogroups.com] On
        Behalf
        > Of mental_problem2000
        > Sent: Tuesday, 29 April 2008 10:01
        > To: Exex-gay@yahoogroups.com
        > Subject: [Exex-gay] Does the exgay movement work?
        >
        >
        >
        > Is there ANY crediblity to what the exgays are saying? I mean, is
        it
        > possible for a homosexual to become heterosexual? Later.
        >
        > -pc
        >




        --
        Anthony Venn-Brown (ACC ICF)
        Professional Coach - Internationally accredited with 8 years experience
        Award winning author of 'A Life of Unlearning - A Journey to Find the Truth'
        Co-convenor of Freedom 2 b[e]
        Voted one of the 25 Most Influential Gay & Lesbian Australians
        Tel: + 61 (0)2 9699 2448 Mobile: +61 (0)416 015 231
        US mobile + 1 415 786 3369
        "All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Thomas Edward Lawrence (Lawrence of Arabia)

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