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Re: Anger Comments and Going Postal

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  • paulji_teen
    Starting to look into some of the links posted. About 40 years later, I am looking at the Letters to Gail 3 - having forgotten a lot of wording that Paul
    Message 1 of 6 , Aug 2, 2009
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      Starting to look into some of the links posted. About 40 years later, I am looking at the Letters to Gail 3 - having forgotten a lot of wording that Paul used...with today's eyes, I think I know 'why' HK and IWP didn't print it. Just into the first letter posted on:
      http://pub32.bravenet.com/photocenter/album.php?usernum=2719877602#bn-photocenter-1-1-2719877602/20022/1/64333/

      it is "very racist". Paul speaks as a man from Kentucky of the generation in which he lived. The question for EIO / HK would be to edit it or ???? Sometimes there may just be good reasons for 'shelving manuscripts'.

      The first letter he is on a bizarre rant about "South Pacific" and "Oklahoma"....weird....

      For sure, this forum is demystifying Eckankar....



      --- In EckankarSurvivorsAnonymous@yahoogroups.com, "mishmisha9" <mishmisha9@...> wrote:
      >
      >
      > This is a very good write up about anger--enjoyed it
      > very much. As for cutting people slack for showing
      > anger, well, yes, that is very nice. However, your
      > experience with the H.I. over the newsletter editing
      > really had to be so trying and I don't think you need
      > to feel badly that you showed your anger. I mean what
      > could you have done differently and make the deadline?
      > Perhaps, the surgery for the brain tumor altered this
      > person's behaviour . . . and maybe it was necessary,
      > kind and true??? : )
      >
      > Mish
      >
      > --- In EckankarSurvivorsAnonymous@yahoogroups.com, "paulji_teen" <tigeroverflow@> wrote:
      > >
      > > Regarding the "comeback" about some HI, or other person telling you that they can 'see that you are angry.'
      > >
      > > Smug smile, or none, who about a simple, "thank you for acknowledging that I am choosing to show anger to you to get my point across..." (etc.) (said sincerely - or likely the situation will just escalate)
      > >
      > > Two points:
      > >
      > > 1. Anger can be mocked up and used as tool. It's commonly done. In the Eck writings somewhere it is talked about, as well. But think of parenting - how many times to parents get "angry" at their kid - only to years later bring it up to someone else and they now find whatever happened was "cute", or "memorable", and in worst case scenario would give anything to have their child who 'never writes or calls home now' or maybe who has crossed over - do 'that one thing again' - so they could enjoy a do-over, or experience their child again, in front of them.
      > >
      > > 2. In communication skill-building classes, it is common to teach someone to do effective listening and to "acknowledge" the other person's state of emotion so that they feel heard.
      > >
      > > I will add a #3 - basic in selling techniques - whoever is asking the questions, controls the conversation direction. Responding with a question may also 'work here'.
      > >
      > > "I can see that you are angry."
      > >
      > > Response: "Thank you. Just so I know that you are really seeing / hearing my point(s) - can you summarize back to me 'why you think I am angry'?
      > >
      > > "Then I will know whether I need to explain further, or we can move on to a solution." (or - if they are angry, too, say something like - "I'll be able to understand your feelings or position better if you can tell me that you do see my point(s) - I'm not necessarily looking for agreement you deserve to have your points heard, too - just that you understand where I am coming from - so we can meet somewhere in the middle for a solution."
      > >
      > > (If the person won't do it - it is usually because they are blowing you off.)
      > >
      > > [Hopefully, we are not talking about a spouse situation -- then I more the fan of saying 'thank you' and 'I need to take a time out to get my thoughts together and we can talk about this later when we both are calmer.(avoid fights and things escalating to words being said that are hard to take back later.]
      > >
      > > While I have seen some frustrating, exasperating, button pushing behavior by some Eckists, including HIs, my hope is that all of them didn't set out intentionally to be jerks or be that self-absorbed or power hungry as their behavior landed.
      > >
      > > One "anger" story for you --
      > > Years ago as an Eck newsletter editor, the HI overseeing what we were putting out was, in my opinion and that of others, a perfectionist, and monumental button-pusher.
      > >
      > > The newsletter had lost editor after editor with this HI being the approving HI, when I took it on trying to create my version of an Eck "master piece". (some people today might remember it nationwide, as EIO liked it a lot). So, admittedly, I was coming from Soul, but my little ego was also doing its dance about how great it was, quietly of course. I was also happy (maybe quietly a little smug?) that I thought I was successfully dealing with every monthly attempt by the HI to seemingly undermine the newsletter getting out on time with last minute requests for changes to wording, sometimes layout. I just did what was asked.
      > >
      > > However, one day with an hour to get it to the printer and back to mail out, and facing a weekend, the HI showed up and decided that whole newsletter needed re-laying out AND definitely a line or two of the CLIP ART needed to be changed to be more "spiritual". We were talking about a very simple line drawing done by an Eckist and run past other HIs, and other Eckists, so that drawing was "fine" (measuring about 1" x 2"). She wanted two less lines in the "sun". But the artist wasn't me, the art was copyrighted, so getting the artist back to make a change, would create a serious delay and I 'lost it'.
      > >
      > > I told the HI why this wasn't a reasonable request, and ultimately the paper went to the printer, and out on time, but not without the HI copping an attitude and asking publicly that I resign as editor (it was messy and so I did). But I am admitting that I 'lost my temper' (which I like never do) because almost 20 years later I still think about this conversation...
      > >
      > > The HI was diagnosed with a brain tumor very shortly after this happened. Surgery happened and the HI lived. At the time I moved from that city, post the HI's surgery, that HI was one of the nicest people you could ever know.
      > >
      > > So now when someone is pushing my buttons, I can't help but think - maybe something else is going on with this person - in their family, with them, someone they care about...and I am even more so today, ready to cut that person some slack.
      > >
      > > Signing off..
      > >
      > > Paulji_Teen
      > >
      > >
      > > > Interesting comments about anger - and I gotta tell you,
      > > > it isn't just the ecks that use that "I see that you're angry..."
      > > > line, or some derivative thereof. And it's always said in this
      > > > syrupy sweet, smug little tone that lets you know that they
      > > > can get as angry as you are - they just managed to control
      > > > it this time. I would love to figure out a good comeback to it.
      > > > Mostly I just look that person straight in the eye and say "yup,
      > > > I am - so watch out!"
      > > >
      > > >
      > >
      >
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