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Re: Thanks To All Who Responded To My Questions, And Some Further Explanations

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  • ctecvie
    Hello Truthdecider, thank you so much for your post. First let me say that I am very happy that you are back on the right track! ... childhood ... program ...
    Message 1 of 2 , Jul 19, 2005
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      Hello Truthdecider,

      thank you so much for your post. First let me say that I am very
      happy that you are back on the right track!

      > Firstly, as far as what I called a self-hate issue, this is a
      > "program" that was implanted in my unconscious mind in early
      childhood
      > as a result of the abuse that I went through then. Most of the time,
      > this program doesn't run anymore, so it's not something that I deal
      > with all of the time. At times however, something may happen that
      > triggers this program to run again, and then these old feelings of
      > self-hate get filtered back into my current reality, and temporarily
      > color how I perceive things in my world. However, I am more aware of
      > this than I ever have been before, so, as I said before, this
      program
      > doesn't usually get run anymore.

      Somebody told me something in respect to this which I find very
      helpful: Life goes in spirals. So, as you wind your way up, you touch
      your raw spots, and you still feel them, but see them from a higher
      level. Maybe that this is what just happened to you. It can be very
      disturbing for sure!
      >
      > Most people that know me even very well have no idea at all that I
      > even deal with this. For example, my annual employee review where I
      > work happened recently. I work in a Graduate School at a large
      > University performing backline technology support. My annual review
      > was stellar. The only thing somewhat critical that my supervisor
      said
      > was that some people had commented to him that I seemed almost too
      > cheerful all of the time, and they wondered if I might be "on
      > something"! I found this comment quite funny! If they only knew all
      > that I had been dealing with this past year!

      It is not unusual that the nicest persons deal with the severest
      problems ...

      >
      > Anyway, in spite of the fact that this program of self-hate doesn't
      > run so often anymore, I am still looking for a way to erase it
      > completely, because it is software that I no longer need, and it's
      > time to only run newer, much more constructive programs all of the
      > time. It has outlived its usefulness. And I am on the road to being
      > done with running this program for good, and I am very happy about
      that.

      I like the way how you express that! It's very clear that you are
      into technology ... :-)
      >
      > I know that a couple of people suggested returning to traditional
      > counseling, but that is just not an option.

      I fully understand. This is beyond any traditional counseling.

      > Be well my friends!

      And you too, Truthdecider! Am looking forward to read you again!
      Ingrid
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