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Victim Consciousness

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  • mishmisha9
    Hi, All! The statements on victim consciousness got me to think about it a bit more and how it relates to me, and why basically I don t practice it for long or
    Message 1 of 4 , Jun 28, 2007
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      Hi, All!

      The statements on victim consciousness got me to
      think about it a bit more and how it relates to me, and
      why basically I don't practice it for long or if at all! I prefer
      to snap out of it! : )

      Leaf pointed out in a recent post how eckists do not
      listen to other people's emotional hurts by blaming
      the injured for taking on a victim consciousness and
      that one should practice detachment. In other words,
      eckists are taught to bury their feelings and emotions
      and not practice empathy and compassion. This certainly
      creates a lot of hurt, mistrust and misunderstandings.

      Leaf wrote:
      "They might call your complaints about their behavior or
      your natural expression of personal hurt to be the handy,
      ever-present putdown so often used in eckankar, known as
      "victim consciousness," which is yet another way of invalidating
      your comments and validating their own. People love the "victim
      consciousness" mantra until the shoe is on the other foot, in
      which case it then suddenly becomes rephrased as a noble effort
      to expose the truth."

      Leaf suggests that it is good to let your feelings be known and
      to cry, and I agree. However, there is still the negative impact that
      one suffers from too long embracing a victim state of consciousness.
      Operating under a victim state of consciousness usually doesn't
      help a person to thrive and survive whatever life's challenges come
      one's way. Also, one needs to measure the severity of these crisis
      and hurts. The thing is one has to become aware of one's own
      behaviors and reactions to these upsets and disappointments, and
      how to react and cope.

      This is why professional therapy can help one learn to cope and
      handle one's great life problems and become stronger at handling
      others that surely will come. The eckankar experiences we each
      have had vary. They might be similar in many ways, but it is different
      according to the individual. When I refuse to view myself as a victim
      of an eckist or eckankar, I am not practicing detachment—not at all!
      Rather, I am embracing and practicing my survivor personality. Before
      I knew about eckankar, I had become aware of the importance not to
      allow "victim consciousness" take over by life, but rather how it is more
      important to develop techniques that are useful in handling all life's
      situations, including the negative and difficult experiences.

      A very interesting and helpful book that directed me in that direction
      is the one by Al Siebert, PhD, "The Survivor Personality." I have
      mentioned it before on this site. Here is an excerpt from the first
      chapter:

      "When you are hit by adversity or have your life disrupted, how do you
      respond? Some people feel victimized. They blame others for their
      plight. Some shut down. They feel helpless and overwhelmed. Some
      get angry. They lash out and try to hurt anyone they can. A few, however,
      reach within themselves and find ways to cope with the adversity. They
      eventually make things turn out well. These are life's best survivors,
      those people with an amazing capacity for surviving crises and extreme
      difficulties. They are resilient and durable in distressing situations. They
      regain emotional balance quickly, adapt, and cope well. They thrive by
      gaining strength from adversity and often convert misfortune into a gift.
      Are life's best survivors different from other people? No. They survive,
      cope, and thrive better because they are better at using the inborn
      abilities possessed by all humans."

      What Dr. Siebert professes is that we can all learn these survivor skills
      and in addition to his books and workshops, he has a website where one
      can go to find out more about these useful techniques. I have it on the
      links page here, but I'll post the site in my message too:

      http://www.thrivenet.com/

      It helped me a lot at a time when I had gone through one of those
      horrific life experiences—in the days, before I found eckankar—and it
      has continued to help me post eckankar.

      So, yes, cry and get your emotions out there, but the caveat is to not
      let it muddle and overwhelm you. One needs to learn from life's negative
      experiences in order to heal and also to prevent a repeat. Embracing and
      staying in a "victim state of consciousness" is counter productive for one's
      emotional and spiritual growth.

      Mish
    • tomleafeater
      Hi Mish, I actually agree with most of what you ve written in your defense of the term victim consciousness, with some significant exceptions, although I m
      Message 2 of 4 , Jun 28, 2007
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        Hi Mish,

        I actually agree with most of what you've written in your defense of
        the term "victim consciousness," with some significant exceptions,
        although I'm not interested in spending time in a point by point
        answer to all you've written in your post.

        The problem is that the term is so often misused that I tend to steer
        away from using that particular phrase. Too many people completely
        misunderstand its application, and use it as a manipulative tool to
        invalidate any and all objections and complaints about others'
        behavior. It is used to defend destructive behavior.

        Ironically, one could say, using the flawed logic that is often
        employed, that ex-eckists are all indulging in victim consciousness,
        as they flail away at eckankar on a daily basis on internet forums,
        but that would generally be an incorrect usage of the term, although
        some former members may indeed wallow in victimhood. Anyone can play
        the "victim consciousness" card against any person who makes any
        complaint they don't agree with. It can work both ways in almost any
        disagreement.
        One could say nearly everyone posting here is indulging in victim
        consciousness, and in fact, this is exactly what eckists do say about
        nearly all of you.

        In other words, there are times in which people do unnecessarily
        indulge in their woes and exploit their predicaments, milking it for
        all its worth, when they would be better off picking themselves up
        and finding the strength to carry on. And of course, there are times
        in which raising one's voice, speaking one's mind, taking a stand
        against invasive, harmful behavior is not victimization, but an
        example of courage and strength. That is what Marla is doing, in my
        view.

        And also, there is the everyday, completely natural give and take
        that any person will experience, and the notion that allowing oneself
        healthy flexibility and natural breathing room is a flaw is just
        downright rigid, dogmatic thinking, which is precisely why the phrase
        is so often employed by cults, since the term can be used to insulate
        the cult from criticism. It is yet another method of exerting control
        over members.

        So I'm in agreement that there are times when people become the
        archetypal victim, and there are times in which people are completely
        justified in speaking up about mistreatment. To not see the
        difference is simply unintelligent, and it is senseless to get in
        lengthy debates about the difference, since people will either
        understand this, or not.

        So I won't beat a dead horse, since to me the difference is obvious,
        and if it isn't obvious to others, as I see it they are misled,
        either by the influence of the ideology of a religion (that they
        still follow or once followed) or by their personal disposition or
        world view that they've come to accept.

        But there is a difference, if one simply gives it a little thought.

        Leafeater



        --- In EckankarSurvivorsAnonymous@yahoogroups.com, "mishmisha9"
        <mishmisha9@...> wrote:
        >
        > Hi, All!
        >
        > The statements on victim consciousness got me to
        > think about it a bit more and how it relates to me, and
        > why basically I don't practice it for long or if at all! I prefer
        > to snap out of it! : )
        >
        > Leaf pointed out in a recent post how eckists do not
        > listen to other people's emotional hurts by blaming
        > the injured for taking on a victim consciousness and
        > that one should practice detachment. In other words,
        > eckists are taught to bury their feelings and emotions
        > and not practice empathy and compassion. This certainly
        > creates a lot of hurt, mistrust and misunderstandings.
        >
        > Leaf wrote:
        > "They might call your complaints about their behavior or
        > your natural expression of personal hurt to be the handy,
        > ever-present putdown so often used in eckankar, known as
        > "victim consciousness," which is yet another way of invalidating
        > your comments and validating their own. People love the "victim
        > consciousness" mantra until the shoe is on the other foot, in
        > which case it then suddenly becomes rephrased as a noble effort
        > to expose the truth."
        >
        > Leaf suggests that it is good to let your feelings be known and
        > to cry, and I agree. However, there is still the negative impact
        that
        > one suffers from too long embracing a victim state of
        consciousness.
        > Operating under a victim state of consciousness usually doesn't
        > help a person to thrive and survive whatever life's challenges come
        > one's way. Also, one needs to measure the severity of these crisis
        > and hurts. The thing is one has to become aware of one's own
        > behaviors and reactions to these upsets and disappointments, and
        > how to react and cope.
        >
        > This is why professional therapy can help one learn to cope and
        > handle one's great life problems and become stronger at handling
        > others that surely will come. The eckankar experiences we each
        > have had vary. They might be similar in many ways, but it is
        different
        > according to the individual. When I refuse to view myself as a
        victim
        > of an eckist or eckankar, I am not practicing detachment—not at
        all!
        > Rather, I am embracing and practicing my survivor personality.
        Before
        > I knew about eckankar, I had become aware of the importance not to
        > allow "victim consciousness" take over by life, but rather how it
        is more
        > important to develop techniques that are useful in handling all
        life's
        > situations, including the negative and difficult experiences.
        >
        > A very interesting and helpful book that directed me in that
        direction
        > is the one by Al Siebert, PhD, "The Survivor Personality." I have
        > mentioned it before on this site. Here is an excerpt from the first
        > chapter:
        >
        > "When you are hit by adversity or have your life disrupted, how do
        you
        > respond? Some people feel victimized. They blame others for their
        > plight. Some shut down. They feel helpless and overwhelmed. Some
        > get angry. They lash out and try to hurt anyone they can. A few,
        however,
        > reach within themselves and find ways to cope with the adversity.
        They
        > eventually make things turn out well. These are life's best
        survivors,
        > those people with an amazing capacity for surviving crises and
        extreme
        > difficulties. They are resilient and durable in distressing
        situations. They
        > regain emotional balance quickly, adapt, and cope well. They thrive
        by
        > gaining strength from adversity and often convert misfortune into a
        gift.
        > Are life's best survivors different from other people? No. They
        survive,
        > cope, and thrive better because they are better at using the inborn
        > abilities possessed by all humans."
        >
        > What Dr. Siebert professes is that we can all learn these survivor
        skills
        > and in addition to his books and workshops, he has a website where
        one
        > can go to find out more about these useful techniques. I have it on
        the
        > links page here, but I'll post the site in my message too:
        >
        > http://www.thrivenet.com/
        >
        > It helped me a lot at a time when I had gone through one of those
        > horrific life experiences—in the days, before I found eckankar—and
        it
        > has continued to help me post eckankar.
        >
        > So, yes, cry and get your emotions out there, but the caveat is to
        not
        > let it muddle and overwhelm you. One needs to learn from life's
        negative
        > experiences in order to heal and also to prevent a repeat.
        Embracing and
        > staying in a "victim state of consciousness" is counter productive
        for one's
        > emotional and spiritual growth.
        >
        > Mish
        >
      • mishmisha9
        Hey, Leaf! Actually, I didn t write my post as a defense at all; rather it was my opinion just as you have expressed yours. BTW, in your post here, you seem to
        Message 3 of 4 , Jun 28, 2007
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          Hey, Leaf!

          Actually, I didn't write my post as a defense at all; rather
          it was my opinion just as you have expressed yours.

          BTW, in your post here, you seem to have separated yourself
          from this comment of yours and I wonder why that is?

          Leaf said:
          "One could say nearly everyone posting here is indulging in victim
          consciousness, and in fact, this is exactly what eckists do say about
          nearly all of you."

          I guess they never point that same finger at you? As for Marla
          sharing her story, I think that is fine, but my concern is that
          she might become stuck in strong feelings of being a victim
          when in fact, she found her way out of that unpleasant en-
          tanglement. To me, she is a survivor and has done very well to
          speak up and get out of there! : )

          Mish


          --- In EckankarSurvivorsAnonymous@yahoogroups.com,
          "tomleafeater" <tianyue@...> wrote:
          >
          > Hi Mish,
          >
          > I actually agree with most of what you've written in your defense of
          > the term "victim consciousness," with some significant exceptions,
          > although I'm not interested in spending time in a point by point
          > answer to all you've written in your post.
          >
          > The problem is that the term is so often misused that I tend to steer
          > away from using that particular phrase. Too many people completely
          > misunderstand its application, and use it as a manipulative tool to
          > invalidate any and all objections and complaints about others'
          > behavior. It is used to defend destructive behavior.
          >
          > Ironically, one could say, using the flawed logic that is often
          > employed, that ex-eckists are all indulging in victim consciousness,
          > as they flail away at eckankar on a daily basis on internet forums,
          > but that would generally be an incorrect usage of the term, although
          > some former members may indeed wallow in victimhood. Anyone can play
          > the "victim consciousness" card against any person who makes any
          > complaint they don't agree with. It can work both ways in almost any
          > disagreement.
          > One could say nearly everyone posting here is indulging in victim
          > consciousness, and in fact, this is exactly what eckists do say about
          > nearly all of you.
          >
          > In other words, there are times in which people do unnecessarily
          > indulge in their woes and exploit their predicaments, milking it for
          > all its worth, when they would be better off picking themselves up
          > and finding the strength to carry on. And of course, there are times
          > in which raising one's voice, speaking one's mind, taking a stand
          > against invasive, harmful behavior is not victimization, but an
          > example of courage and strength. That is what Marla is doing, in my
          > view.
          >
          > And also, there is the everyday, completely natural give and take
          > that any person will experience, and the notion that allowing oneself
          > healthy flexibility and natural breathing room is a flaw is just
          > downright rigid, dogmatic thinking, which is precisely why the phrase
          > is so often employed by cults, since the term can be used to insulate
          > the cult from criticism. It is yet another method of exerting control
          > over members.
          >
          > So I'm in agreement that there are times when people become the
          > archetypal victim, and there are times in which people are completely
          > justified in speaking up about mistreatment. To not see the
          > difference is simply unintelligent, and it is senseless to get in
          > lengthy debates about the difference, since people will either
          > understand this, or not.
          >
          > So I won't beat a dead horse, since to me the difference is obvious,
          > and if it isn't obvious to others, as I see it they are misled,
          > either by the influence of the ideology of a religion (that they
          > still follow or once followed) or by their personal disposition or
          > world view that they've come to accept.
          >
          > But there is a difference, if one simply gives it a little thought.
          >
          > Leafeater
          >
          >
          >
          > --- In EckankarSurvivorsAnonymous@yahoogroups.com, "mishmisha9"
          > <mishmisha9@> wrote:
          > >
          > > Hi, All!
          > >
          > > The statements on victim consciousness got me to
          > > think about it a bit more and how it relates to me, and
          > > why basically I don't practice it for long or if at all! I prefer
          > > to snap out of it! : )
          > >
          > > Leaf pointed out in a recent post how eckists do not
          > > listen to other people's emotional hurts by blaming
          > > the injured for taking on a victim consciousness and
          > > that one should practice detachment. In other words,
          > > eckists are taught to bury their feelings and emotions
          > > and not practice empathy and compassion. This certainly
          > > creates a lot of hurt, mistrust and misunderstandings.
          > >
          > > Leaf wrote:
          > > "They might call your complaints about their behavior or
          > > your natural expression of personal hurt to be the handy,
          > > ever-present putdown so often used in eckankar, known as
          > > "victim consciousness," which is yet another way of invalidating
          > > your comments and validating their own. People love the "victim
          > > consciousness" mantra until the shoe is on the other foot, in
          > > which case it then suddenly becomes rephrased as a noble effort
          > > to expose the truth."
          > >
          > > Leaf suggests that it is good to let your feelings be known and
          > > to cry, and I agree. However, there is still the negative impact
          > that
          > > one suffers from too long embracing a victim state of
          > consciousness.
          > > Operating under a victim state of consciousness usually doesn't
          > > help a person to thrive and survive whatever life's challenges come
          > > one's way. Also, one needs to measure the severity of these crisis
          > > and hurts. The thing is one has to become aware of one's own
          > > behaviors and reactions to these upsets and disappointments, and
          > > how to react and cope.
          > >
          > > This is why professional therapy can help one learn to cope and
          > > handle one's great life problems and become stronger at handling
          > > others that surely will come. The eckankar experiences we each
          > > have had vary. They might be similar in many ways, but it is
          > different
          > > according to the individual. When I refuse to view myself as a
          > victim
          > > of an eckist or eckankar, I am not practicing detachment—not at
          > all!
          > > Rather, I am embracing and practicing my survivor personality.
          > Before
          > > I knew about eckankar, I had become aware of the importance not to
          > > allow "victim consciousness" take over by life, but rather how it
          > is more
          > > important to develop techniques that are useful in handling all
          > life's
          > > situations, including the negative and difficult experiences.
          > >
          > > A very interesting and helpful book that directed me in that
          > direction
          > > is the one by Al Siebert, PhD, "The Survivor Personality." I have
          > > mentioned it before on this site. Here is an excerpt from the first
          > > chapter:
          > >
          > > "When you are hit by adversity or have your life disrupted, how do
          > you
          > > respond? Some people feel victimized. They blame others for their
          > > plight. Some shut down. They feel helpless and overwhelmed. Some
          > > get angry. They lash out and try to hurt anyone they can. A few,
          > however,
          > > reach within themselves and find ways to cope with the adversity.
          > They
          > > eventually make things turn out well. These are life's best
          > survivors,
          > > those people with an amazing capacity for surviving crises and
          > extreme
          > > difficulties. They are resilient and durable in distressing
          > situations. They
          > > regain emotional balance quickly, adapt, and cope well. They thrive
          > by
          > > gaining strength from adversity and often convert misfortune into a
          > gift.
          > > Are life's best survivors different from other people? No. They
          > survive,
          > > cope, and thrive better because they are better at using the inborn
          > > abilities possessed by all humans."
          > >
          > > What Dr. Siebert professes is that we can all learn these survivor
          > skills
          > > and in addition to his books and workshops, he has a website where
          > one
          > > can go to find out more about these useful techniques. I have it on
          > the
          > > links page here, but I'll post the site in my message too:
          > >
          > > http://www.thrivenet.com/
          > >
          > > It helped me a lot at a time when I had gone through one of those
          > > horrific life experiences—in the days, before I found eckankar—and
          > it
          > > has continued to help me post eckankar.
          > >
          > > So, yes, cry and get your emotions out there, but the caveat is to
          > not
          > > let it muddle and overwhelm you. One needs to learn from life's
          > negative
          > > experiences in order to heal and also to prevent a repeat.
          > Embracing and
          > > staying in a "victim state of consciousness" is counter productive
          > for one's
          > > emotional and spiritual growth.
          > >
          > > Mish
          > >
          >
        • tomleafeater
          ... I don t see the word defense or defend to be a derogatory comment, nor did I intend it to be in my post. Frankly, in my view it is perfectly acceptable
          Message 4 of 4 , Jun 28, 2007
          • 0 Attachment
            --- In EckankarSurvivorsAnonymous@yahoogroups.com, "mishmisha9"
            <mishmisha9@...> wrote:
            >
            > Hey, Leaf!
            >
            > Actually, I didn't write my post as a defense at all; rather
            > it was my opinion just as you have expressed yours.
            >


            I don't see the word "defense" or "defend" to be a derogatory
            comment, nor did I intend it to be in my post.

            Frankly, in my view it is perfectly acceptable for a person to defend
            a view they have expressed, so long as they don't take it all too
            seriously, and in fact, people do this constantly on this and every
            other forum I've participated in, whether admitted to or not.

            So, if the word bothered you, please understand I did not anticipate
            that response.



            > BTW, in your post here, you seem to have separated yourself
            > from this comment of yours and I wonder why that is?
            >
            > Leaf said:
            > "One could say nearly everyone posting here is indulging in victim
            > consciousness, and in fact, this is exactly what eckists do say
            about
            > nearly all of you."
            >
            > I guess they never point that same finger at you?



            I was simply pointing out that nearly everyone posting here and on
            the other ex-eckankar groups is considered to be dwelling in "victim
            consciousness" by the eckists who I've communicated with at
            alt.religion.eckankar, such as Rich, Cher, Doug, and the others. I
            used the second person plural form to emphasize that all of YOU
            (meaning everyone posting here) are thought to be such by them. This
            demonstrates the point I was making that anyone on either side of a
            debate can accuse the other side of dwelling in victim consciousness
            if they are complaining about mistreatment.

            The irony is that eckists complain about mistreatment from former
            members all the time, as if pointing out plagiarism is foul play,
            indicating they, too, feel victimized. But of course, since the
            word "victim" is such a dirty word to them, they will never admit
            this, and when I've brought this up to them, they really get steamed
            up.

            So, who is or isn't a victim is always relative to one's perspective.
            Its a matter of semantics. If the word victim is perceived as a
            negative, such people acting like victims (as eckists sometimes do)
            will deny they are acting like victims.

            But anyway, I've been called all sorts of names, including being
            hopelessly caught up in "victim consciousness" by the folks at a.r.e,
            simply for speaking my mind about my experience in eckankar.

            What unmitigated new age psycho babble it all is, in my view. It is
            a gross exageration to think anyone raising an issue is falling into
            victimization.



            >As for Marla
            > sharing her story, I think that is fine, but my concern is that
            > she might become stuck in strong feelings of being a victim
            > when in fact, she found her way out of that unpleasant en-
            > tanglement. To me, she is a survivor and has done very well to
            > speak up and get out of there! : )


            One could be equally concerned about anyone here (besides Marla)
            becoming stuck in victimization, since there is a whole lot of
            complaining going on about eckankar and its various personalities.
            Yet, as I see it, that wouldn't be appropriate for me (speaking for
            myself)to worry about unless asked. Everyone posting here is doing so
            voluntarily and most seem to be capable of taking care of themselves,
            and most don't seem to be terribly in danger of becoming stuck in
            victimhood. This is ridiculous. Marla seems to be quite capable of
            taking care of herself, according to what she has stated, but I'll
            let her speak for herself, as she seems very able to do.

            Frankly, all this worrying about who's falling into victimization is
            way to ecky for my taste, but that just my opinion. Its the kind of
            thing eckists seem to indulge in.

            Leafeater



            >
            > Mish
            >
            >
            > --- In EckankarSurvivorsAnonymous@yahoogroups.com,
            > "tomleafeater" <tianyue@> wrote:
            > >
            > > Hi Mish,
            > >
            > > I actually agree with most of what you've written in your defense
            of
            > > the term "victim consciousness," with some significant
            exceptions,
            > > although I'm not interested in spending time in a point by point
            > > answer to all you've written in your post.
            > >
            > > The problem is that the term is so often misused that I tend to
            steer
            > > away from using that particular phrase. Too many people
            completely
            > > misunderstand its application, and use it as a manipulative tool
            to
            > > invalidate any and all objections and complaints about others'
            > > behavior. It is used to defend destructive behavior.
            > >
            > > Ironically, one could say, using the flawed logic that is often
            > > employed, that ex-eckists are all indulging in victim
            consciousness,
            > > as they flail away at eckankar on a daily basis on internet
            forums,
            > > but that would generally be an incorrect usage of the term,
            although
            > > some former members may indeed wallow in victimhood. Anyone can
            play
            > > the "victim consciousness" card against any person who makes any
            > > complaint they don't agree with. It can work both ways in almost
            any
            > > disagreement.
            > > One could say nearly everyone posting here is indulging in victim
            > > consciousness, and in fact, this is exactly what eckists do say
            about
            > > nearly all of you.
            > >
            > > In other words, there are times in which people do unnecessarily
            > > indulge in their woes and exploit their predicaments, milking it
            for
            > > all its worth, when they would be better off picking themselves
            up
            > > and finding the strength to carry on. And of course, there are
            times
            > > in which raising one's voice, speaking one's mind, taking a stand
            > > against invasive, harmful behavior is not victimization, but an
            > > example of courage and strength. That is what Marla is doing, in
            my
            > > view.
            > >
            > > And also, there is the everyday, completely natural give and take
            > > that any person will experience, and the notion that allowing
            oneself
            > > healthy flexibility and natural breathing room is a flaw is just
            > > downright rigid, dogmatic thinking, which is precisely why the
            phrase
            > > is so often employed by cults, since the term can be used to
            insulate
            > > the cult from criticism. It is yet another method of exerting
            control
            > > over members.
            > >
            > > So I'm in agreement that there are times when people become the
            > > archetypal victim, and there are times in which people are
            completely
            > > justified in speaking up about mistreatment. To not see the
            > > difference is simply unintelligent, and it is senseless to get in
            > > lengthy debates about the difference, since people will either
            > > understand this, or not.
            > >
            > > So I won't beat a dead horse, since to me the difference is
            obvious,
            > > and if it isn't obvious to others, as I see it they are misled,
            > > either by the influence of the ideology of a religion (that they
            > > still follow or once followed) or by their personal disposition
            or
            > > world view that they've come to accept.
            > >
            > > But there is a difference, if one simply gives it a little
            thought.
            > >
            > > Leafeater
            > >
            > >
            > >
            > > --- In EckankarSurvivorsAnonymous@yahoogroups.com, "mishmisha9"
            > > <mishmisha9@> wrote:
            > > >
            > > > Hi, All!
            > > >
            > > > The statements on victim consciousness got me to
            > > > think about it a bit more and how it relates to me, and
            > > > why basically I don't practice it for long or if at all! I
            prefer
            > > > to snap out of it! : )
            > > >
            > > > Leaf pointed out in a recent post how eckists do not
            > > > listen to other people's emotional hurts by blaming
            > > > the injured for taking on a victim consciousness and
            > > > that one should practice detachment. In other words,
            > > > eckists are taught to bury their feelings and emotions
            > > > and not practice empathy and compassion. This certainly
            > > > creates a lot of hurt, mistrust and misunderstandings.
            > > >
            > > > Leaf wrote:
            > > > "They might call your complaints about their behavior or
            > > > your natural expression of personal hurt to be the handy,
            > > > ever-present putdown so often used in eckankar, known as
            > > > "victim consciousness," which is yet another way of
            invalidating
            > > > your comments and validating their own. People love the "victim
            > > > consciousness" mantra until the shoe is on the other foot, in
            > > > which case it then suddenly becomes rephrased as a noble effort
            > > > to expose the truth."
            > > >
            > > > Leaf suggests that it is good to let your feelings be known and
            > > > to cry, and I agree. However, there is still the negative
            impact
            > > that
            > > > one suffers from too long embracing a victim state of
            > > consciousness.
            > > > Operating under a victim state of consciousness usually doesn't
            > > > help a person to thrive and survive whatever life's challenges
            come
            > > > one's way. Also, one needs to measure the severity of these
            crisis
            > > > and hurts. The thing is one has to become aware of one's own
            > > > behaviors and reactions to these upsets and disappointments, and
            > > > how to react and cope.
            > > >
            > > > This is why professional therapy can help one learn to cope and
            > > > handle one's great life problems and become stronger at
            handling
            > > > others that surely will come. The eckankar experiences we each
            > > > have had vary. They might be similar in many ways, but it is
            > > different
            > > > according to the individual. When I refuse to view myself as a
            > > victim
            > > > of an eckist or eckankar, I am not practicing detachment—not at
            > > all!
            > > > Rather, I am embracing and practicing my survivor personality.
            > > Before
            > > > I knew about eckankar, I had become aware of the importance not
            to
            > > > allow "victim consciousness" take over by life, but rather how
            it
            > > is more
            > > > important to develop techniques that are useful in handling all
            > > life's
            > > > situations, including the negative and difficult experiences.
            > > >
            > > > A very interesting and helpful book that directed me in that
            > > direction
            > > > is the one by Al Siebert, PhD, "The Survivor Personality." I
            have
            > > > mentioned it before on this site. Here is an excerpt from the
            first
            > > > chapter:
            > > >
            > > > "When you are hit by adversity or have your life disrupted, how
            do
            > > you
            > > > respond? Some people feel victimized. They blame others for
            their
            > > > plight. Some shut down. They feel helpless and overwhelmed.
            Some
            > > > get angry. They lash out and try to hurt anyone they can. A
            few,
            > > however,
            > > > reach within themselves and find ways to cope with the
            adversity.
            > > They
            > > > eventually make things turn out well. These are life's best
            > > survivors,
            > > > those people with an amazing capacity for surviving crises and
            > > extreme
            > > > difficulties. They are resilient and durable in distressing
            > > situations. They
            > > > regain emotional balance quickly, adapt, and cope well. They
            thrive
            > > by
            > > > gaining strength from adversity and often convert misfortune
            into a
            > > gift.
            > > > Are life's best survivors different from other people? No. They
            > > survive,
            > > > cope, and thrive better because they are better at using the
            inborn
            > > > abilities possessed by all humans."
            > > >
            > > > What Dr. Siebert professes is that we can all learn these
            survivor
            > > skills
            > > > and in addition to his books and workshops, he has a website
            where
            > > one
            > > > can go to find out more about these useful techniques. I have
            it on
            > > the
            > > > links page here, but I'll post the site in my message too:
            > > >
            > > > http://www.thrivenet.com/
            > > >
            > > > It helped me a lot at a time when I had gone through one of
            those
            > > > horrific life experiences—in the days, before I found eckankar—
            and
            > > it
            > > > has continued to help me post eckankar.
            > > >
            > > > So, yes, cry and get your emotions out there, but the caveat is
            to
            > > not
            > > > let it muddle and overwhelm you. One needs to learn from life's
            > > negative
            > > > experiences in order to heal and also to prevent a repeat.
            > > Embracing and
            > > > staying in a "victim state of consciousness" is counter
            productive
            > > for one's
            > > > emotional and spiritual growth.
            > > >
            > > > Mish
            > > >
            > >
            >
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