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Life after Eckankar - Coping - my story

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  • dollyreader
    Hi Guys, This is Dolly here. About 7 - 8 weeks have passed since I last posted. Thankyou for all your helpful comments. BUT - I am not coping too well with
    Message 1 of 4 , Feb 20, 2006
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      Hi Guys, This is Dolly here.
      About 7 - 8 weeks have passed since I last posted. Thankyou for
      all your helpful comments.
      BUT - I am not coping too well with life in general.
      I feel like I am in 'No Man's Land' - I don't seem to know 'ME'
      anymore. I haven't told any other eckists here- so I have no one
      to talk to.
      Have any of you experienced this limbo?
      Back when I first found out about the 'Eckankar Hoax' 23 Dec 05 - I
      still had to go to the Australian Seminar - held this year in
      Brisbane in mid January. I had already paid to go - and
      was part of a group of voluteers and I couldn't let them down. What
      a weekend that was to get thru - with only having just found
      out 'The Truth' a few weeks before. I talked with all the ones I
      knew, but it felt empty - a sort of nothingness!
      When I wasn't needed I just sat around for the 3 days in the coffee
      areas, and didn't attend ANY of the talks or sessions - (Rich Miller
      & Phil Morimitzu and their wives were the guests this year).
      A week after that about 18 January - I woke up one morning - went to
      move and experienced excruciating pain - according to the Dr - a
      trapped sciatic nerve.
      Working each day has been very painful - constant pain for 3 weeks -
      (I refuse to take painkillers) - never had a sore back in my life
      before. - Chiropractor couldn't fix it - anyway with some special
      exercises - in the last week - it has gotton a lot better.
      But what crossed my mind when I was in pain - was maybe this was
      a 'hex' or 'curse' that is mentioned in the Eck teachings, - if
      anyone dares to leave. I am not aware of having read about them
      prior to December though, only what I've read on the Web sites since.
      Also, I was shocked to learn that Eckankar says that 'the kal' is
      the God we were brought up with.
      Each time I go to say something to God - I usually start to say the
      word Mahan....and have to stop myself - and then feel lost coz I
      haven't got a 'face' to associate God with, and don't know what to
      say.
      I know that Eckankar is soooo wrong -
      -I've tried to apologise to the REAL GOD for putting an 'unstable
      fake' between myself and the true God. But I don't seem to know who
      GOD is anymore,.. So lately I've taken to starting off by saying
      "Now -To the God who made the Universe" - ....(hopefully saying this
      rules out Paul The Twit as well)... this is me here.. - but that
      seems to be about as far as I get!!
      Some of you guys agreed with me when I initially said - 'I will fade
      away and just not renew this year - but with not having told anyone
      here - I am starting to feel as tho I want to 'resign' -just to put
      the whole thing behind me - becoz I feel as tho I'm still 'in it'
      AND I DON'T WANT TO BE!!!!
      Part of me reasons, that as soon as I'm released from it (when I
      sign the resignation letter) - I can heave a big sigh and everything
      will get better (Still getting Mystic Worlds etc)
      What do you guys think, - am I in for more problems once they know
      I've resigned? - problems such as - GETTING RUNG BY THE RESA FOR AN
      EXPLANATION AS TO WHY I RESIGNED - etc etc or will they just
      ignore me.
      Thanks guys for taking the time to read this - I hope I haven't
      bored you too much. P.S. what does LOL mean? -
      (Lots of Love or Lots of Luck or something else?) Cheers &
      Thankyou Dolly
    • ctecvie
      Hello Dolly thanks for your post. Life can be difficult after leaving a group we felt at home with, can t it! See below for more remarks. ... *** Not in this
      Message 2 of 4 , Feb 20, 2006
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        Hello Dolly

        thanks for your post. Life can be difficult after leaving a group we
        felt at home with, can't it! See below for more remarks.

        --- In EckankarSurvivorsAnonymous@yahoogroups.com, "dollyreader"
        <dollyreader@...> wrote:
        >
        > Hi Guys, This is Dolly here.
        > About 7 - 8 weeks have passed since I last posted. Thankyou for
        > all your helpful comments.
        > BUT - I am not coping too well with life in general.
        > I feel like I am in 'No Man's Land' - I don't seem to know 'ME'
        > anymore. I haven't told any other eckists here- so I have no one
        > to talk to.
        > Have any of you experienced this limbo?

        *** Not in this way. But I did feel a bit empty even if I wasn't
        involved in eck life so much, and we didn't have so many eckist
        friends. My husband left with me, so that was very good.


        > Back when I first found out about the 'Eckankar Hoax' 23 Dec 05 -
        >I
        > still had to go to the Australian Seminar - held this year in
        > Brisbane in mid January. I had already paid to go - and
        > was part of a group of voluteers and I couldn't let them down.

        *** I have heard similar stories about eckists who wanted to leave
        but still had a commitment to fulfill - and they all said it was
        terrible and they were happy when it was over and they could leave.

        >What
        > a weekend that was to get thru - with only having just found
        > out 'The Truth' a few weeks before. I talked with all the ones I
        > knew, but it felt empty - a sort of nothingness!

        *** This must have been terrible indeed.

        > When I wasn't needed I just sat around for the 3 days in the coffee
        > areas, and didn't attend ANY of the talks or sessions - (Rich
        >Miller
        > & Phil Morimitzu and their wives were the guests this year).
        > A week after that about 18 January - I woke up one morning - went
        >to
        > move and experienced excruciating pain - according to the Dr - a
        > trapped sciatic nerve.
        > Working each day has been very painful - constant pain for 3
        >weeks -
        > (I refuse to take painkillers) - never had a sore back in my life
        > before. - Chiropractor couldn't fix it - anyway with some
        >special
        > exercises - in the last week - it has gotton a lot better.
        > But what crossed my mind when I was in pain - was maybe this was
        > a 'hex' or 'curse' that is mentioned in the Eck teachings, - if
        > anyone dares to leave.

        *** Those curses are very powerful, and they are implanted in our
        minds. So it's extremely important to liberate yourself from them as
        thoroughly as possible. What my husband and I did was taking our
        energy back from Eckankar and sending everything that was not ours
        (all the curses, all the energy) back to them. We call
        it "separating of energies". You just feel inside yourself what it
        is that is yours, and this you take back, and you send back the rest
        of the energies.

        > I am not aware of having read about them
        > prior to December though, only what I've read on the Web sites
        >since.

        They are all over the books and the discourses - look at the
        Shariyat! In my opinion, the most powerful curses are in there. And
        Paul hid them cleverly between paragraphs of saying "other religions
        would say this or that" and mention the curses of others, and then
        going on doing the same thing a few paragraphs later!

        > Also, I was shocked to learn that Eckankar says that 'the kal' is
        > the God we were brought up with.
        > Each time I go to say something to God - I usually start to say
        >the
        > word Mahan....and have to stop myself - and then feel lost coz I
        > haven't got a 'face' to associate God with, and don't know what
        >to
        > say.

        *** I can completely relate to this. I have since learnt to feel my
        higher self - which was replaced by the mahanta during my time in
        eckankar. And don't worry if the mahanta still comes up, this needs
        some (or even a lot of) time before it fades away. The most
        important thing is to stop yourself and to become aware what you are
        saying. You are doing this anyway, so that's a huge step already. I
        started to read "The Impersonal Life" soon after I left, and it
        helped me enormously to understand my own higher self. It's a bit
        Christian but it's very good in my opinion.

        > I know that Eckankar is soooo wrong -
        > -I've tried to apologise to the REAL GOD for putting an 'unstable
        > fake' between myself and the true God. But I don't seem to know
        >who
        > GOD is anymore,.. So lately I've taken to starting off by
        >saying
        > "Now -To the God who made the Universe" - ....(hopefully saying
        >this
        > rules out Paul The Twit as well)... this is me here.. - but that
        > seems to be about as far as I get!!

        *** This is very good. And be assured that the "God who made the
        Universe" understands and appreciates you!

        > Some of you guys agreed with me when I initially said - 'I will
        >fade
        > away and just not renew this year - but with not having told anyone
        > here - I am starting to feel as tho I want to 'resign' -just to
        >put
        > the whole thing behind me - becoz I feel as tho I'm still 'in it'
        > AND I DON'T WANT TO BE!!!!

        *** Exactly. My husband and I resigned immediately and it felt so
        good! Of course it's different for anybody of us, but we felt that a
        complete and thorough cut was the best thing to do for us (and I can
        tell you that for me, it's still difficult to let go!!)

        > Part of me reasons, that as soon as I'm released from it (when I
        > sign the resignation letter) - I can heave a big sigh and
        >everything
        > will get better (Still getting Mystic Worlds etc)

        *** I think it will get better for sure. Healing takes some time and
        you will have made the first step towards it.

        > What do you guys think, - am I in for more problems once they know
        > I've resigned? - problems such as - GETTING RUNG BY THE RESA FOR
        >AN
        > EXPLANATION AS TO WHY I RESIGNED - etc etc or will they just
        > ignore me.

        *** It depends on your area of course. Personally, I think it would
        even be good to be rung by the resa for an explanation! But mostly
        people don't dare to ask because they are afraid of the answers they
        might get - so they will just ignore you. They did so with us!

        > Thanks guys for taking the time to read this - I hope I haven't
        > bored you too much. P.S. what does LOL mean? -

        *** On the contrary!!! Thanks for sharing with us. LOL
        means "Laughing out loud". There's also ROFL (Rolling On the Floor
        Laughing) etc. etc.

        Take care and all the best to you!
        Ingrid
      • mishmisha9
        Hello, Dolly! Nice to hear from you and thank you for letting us know how you are doing. First, I will explain LOL--it means either lots of laughs or laughing
        Message 3 of 4 , Feb 20, 2006
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          Hello, Dolly!

          Nice to hear from you and thank you for letting us know how you are
          doing. First, I will explain LOL--it means either lots of laughs or
          laughing outloud.

          I also experienced that feeling of "No Man's Land" that you
          describe; however, I did leave Eckankar after reading Ford Johnson's
          book "Confessions of a God Seeker" and for a while, I read and
          participated on his message boards The Truth-seeker and The Higher
          Consciousness Society. It was nice for a time, because many former
          eckists were collecting there and somewhat being supportive of one
          another. There were all kinds of stories and emotional sharings. So,
          I would say that filled in some of my time. Both of Johnson's sites
          are on the links page here if you care to check them out. You might
          enjoy reading the archives on both sites which are filled with many
          interesting posts. You will have to join HCS in order to access the
          archives on that site, but there is no fee to join for one year.
          After one year, they do request an unspecified donation to help
          support their site. Truth-seeker requires no membership. You could
          join HCS just to read the old posts and then decide if you want to
          commit later. Also, the other ex-eckankar sites have a lot of
          information--Ex-Eck Chains and Eckankar Truth. These sites are also
          listed on the links page. So again there is a wealth of information
          and sharing on all of these sites with a variety of posters and
          points of view.

          I am sorry to hear about your sciatic nerve problem. I know a lot of
          people who experience this pain, and most are never given a reason
          for its cause other than it is an inflammation that eventually goes
          away. I don't believe that it is a hex or curse--but I don't believe
          in those things, anyway. When I dropped out of eckankar, I was
          scheduled for surgery in just a few weeks. I hadn't told any eckists
          friends that I had quit at that time. One friend told me to remember
          the mahanta would be with me during the surgery. I thought, right,
          just what I need--LOL! So, instead of concentrating as I would have
          in the past on the mahanta prior to the surgery--I told myself that
          I not only did not need him, I didn't want him and blocked the idea
          of the mahanta from my mind. However, I have always felt the
          presence of Divine Spirit (God) which for me has no face--just the
          feeling of warmth and protection that surrounds me, so It is a
          feeling for me that I don't associate with a face or figure in my
          mind. My surgery and recovery was fine.

          For a time, I missed singing HU. There are some affirmations that
          one can create for oneself. There is a new Yahoo group recently
          set up by a former eckist called Spiritual Survivors--again it is on
          the links page here. Pretujari who participates on this site is the
          moderator. The spiritual discussions are very nice, and helps to
          bring balance. Just know that you are really never alone; although,
          it may seem that way at times. Know always you are Soul and that you
          are your own master who you see in your dreams. It is always
          important to have a sense of wonder for life so that one is open to
          the answers to the mysteries that Soul seeks to explore.

          My membership renewal was due in a few weeks of my quitting, so I
          did not bother to resign. It was what felt comfortable for me. I did
          receive some reminder letters about renewing from the ESC, and also
          a mailing or two from the RESA about upcoming events. After that, I
          was no longer bothered. They wanted my money and when it didn't
          come, I was quickly removed from their mailing list. I know others
          sent in resignation letters and enjoyed that way of leaving. I think
          you should do what feels best for you. Since your membership is
          still ongoing, perhaps, the resignation letter will give you the
          peace of mind that you want--and the mailings will then stop. I
          doubt very much if the RESA will bother to call you. But you might
          want to prepare in your mind what you would say if the RESA or any
          other eckist did, in fact, contact you and want to know why you have
          dropped out. What would you be prepared to tell them? I told some of
          my eckist friends that I quit because of what I read in Ford
          Johnson's book. Most of them were already aware of the impact
          Johnson's book was having, so they didn't want to discuss it and let
          it drop. I have kept in touch with a few eckist friends--we don't
          discuss eckankar any more. They don't want to hear about the lies
          and deceptions, so I respect that their ears are not open to hear.
          If they mention eck events, I will ask a little about that--but it
          is just polite conversation.

          I hope this helps you. I'm sure some others will also reply to your
          post.

          Best regards,
          Mish




          --- In EckankarSurvivorsAnonymous@yahoogroups.com, "dollyreader"
          <dollyreader@...> wrote:

          Hi Guys, This is Dolly here.
          About 7 - 8 weeks have passed since I last posted. Thankyou for
          all your helpful comments.
          BUT - I am not coping too well with life in general.
          I feel like I am in 'No Man's Land' - I don't seem to know 'ME'
          anymore. I haven't told any other eckists here- so I have no one
          to talk to.
          Have any of you experienced this limbo?
          Back when I first found out about the 'Eckankar Hoax' 23 Dec 05 - I
          still had to go to the Australian Seminar - held this year in
          Brisbane in mid January. I had already paid to go - and
          was part of a group of voluteers and I couldn't let them down. What
          a weekend that was to get thru - with only having just found
          out 'The Truth' a few weeks before. I talked with all the ones I
          knew, but it felt empty - a sort of nothingness!
          When I wasn't needed I just sat around for the 3 days in the coffee
          areas, and didn't attend ANY of the talks or sessions - (Rich Miller
          & Phil Morimitzu and their wives were the guests this year).
          A week after that about 18 January - I woke up one morning - went to
          move and experienced excruciating pain - according to the Dr - a
          trapped sciatic nerve.
          Working each day has been very painful - constant pain for 3 weeks -
          (I refuse to take painkillers) - never had a sore back in my life
          before. - Chiropractor couldn't fix it - anyway with some special
          exercises - in the last week - it has gotton a lot better.
          But what crossed my mind when I was in pain - was maybe this was
          a 'hex' or 'curse' that is mentioned in the Eck teachings, - if
          anyone dares to leave. I am not aware of having read about them
          prior to December though, only what I've read on the Web sites since.
          Also, I was shocked to learn that Eckankar says that 'the kal' is
          the God we were brought up with.
          Each time I go to say something to God - I usually start to say the
          word Mahan....and have to stop myself - and then feel lost coz I
          haven't got a 'face' to associate God with, and don't know what to
          say.
          I know that Eckankar is soooo wrong -
          -I've tried to apologise to the REAL GOD for putting an 'unstable
          fake' between myself and the true God. But I don't seem to know who
          GOD is anymore,.. So lately I've taken to starting off by saying
          "Now -To the God who made the Universe" - ....(hopefully saying this
          rules out Paul The Twit as well)... this is me here.. - but that
          seems to be about as far as I get!!
          Some of you guys agreed with me when I initially said - 'I will fade
          away and just not renew this year - but with not having told anyone
          here - I am starting to feel as tho I want to 'resign' -just to put
          the whole thing behind me - becoz I feel as tho I'm still 'in it'
          AND I DON'T WANT TO BE!!!!
          Part of me reasons, that as soon as I'm released from it (when I
          sign the resignation letter) - I can heave a big sigh and everything
          will get better (Still getting Mystic Worlds etc)
          What do you guys think, - am I in for more problems once they know
          I've resigned? - problems such as - GETTING RUNG BY THE RESA FOR AN
          EXPLANATION AS TO WHY I RESIGNED - etc etc or will they just
          ignore me.
          Thanks guys for taking the time to read this - I hope I haven't
          bored you too much. P.S. what does LOL mean? -
          (Lots of Love or Lots of Luck or something else?) Cheers &
          Thankyou Dolly
          >
        • Elizabeth
          I m BAAAACKKKK ;-) ... Hi Dolly, I read your post with lots of ahaaas, and can completely relate to your current feelings! ... No man s land can feel very
          Message 4 of 4 , Feb 22, 2006
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            I'm BAAAACKKKK ;-)


            > Hi Guys, This is Dolly here.

            Hi Dolly, I read your post with lots of ahaaas, and can completely
            relate to your current feelings!


            > I feel like I am in 'No Man's Land' - I don't seem to know 'ME'
            > anymore. I haven't told any other eckists here- so I have no one
            > to talk to.

            No man's land can feel very empty when we have been programed to feel
            like we are part of a group! If you look at it differently, it can be
            an *emptied of* an infection that took years to heal. Now the curtain
            has been pushed aside and we are no longer blind... although the sun
            can be a little blinding, we do focus eventually.


            > A week after that about 18 January - I woke up one morning - went
            to
            > move and experienced excruciating pain - according to the Dr - a
            > trapped sciatic nerve.


            Sorry to hear about your physical pain. And NO it's not a hex or
            curse... the godman of the universe can't even control his own pain
            let alone create some for the fallen members. He has no power over
            anyone, and least we assume he has any over himself? But he sure
            knows how to rake in the money...

            >I was shocked to learn that Eckankar says that 'the kal' is
            > the God we were brought up with.
            > Each time I go to say something to God - I usually start to say the
            > word Mahan....and have to stop myself - and then feel lost coz I
            > haven't got a 'face' to associate God with, and don't know what to
            > say.


            It took me about 2 years to stop doing the brainwashed technique of
            speaking or calling out for Harold or the Mahanta. I would stop
            myself in mid word as you. Think about it, we were reprograming /
            brainwashing ourselves everytime we did this technique. Gave
            ourselves false hope that the grand poobaa has our best interest at
            heart. HE DOESN'T HAVE A CLUE!

            As for giving a face to GOD how about looking in the mirror? :-) you
            will find GOD in your own reflection.

            > I am starting to feel as tho I want to 'resign' -just to put
            > the whole thing behind me - becoz I feel as tho I'm still 'in it'
            > AND I DON'T WANT TO BE!!!!
            > Part of me reasons, that as soon as I'm released from it (when I
            > sign the resignation letter) - I can heave a big sigh and
            everything
            > will get better (Still getting Mystic Worlds etc)


            Actually being a member might help others to get out. If you are
            still getting the material, you can help out with this chat group by
            pointing out the BS. In a way it might even be a healing process for
            you? Ever visualized yourself as a super slueth? ;-)



            > What do you guys think, - am I in for more problems once they know
            > I've resigned? - problems such as - GETTING RUNG BY THE RESA FOR AN
            > EXPLANATION AS TO WHY I RESIGNED - etc etc or will they just
            > ignore me.


            LOL They won't want anything to do with you, because my friend you
            will be an agent for the kal! And who isn't afraid of the KAl? Yet
            Harold claims he protects his chela's.... hmmm strange isn't it?




            > Thanks guys for taking the time to read this - I hope I haven't
            > bored you too much. P.S. what does LOL mean? -
            > (Lots of Love or Lots of Luck or something else?)

            It means Laugh Out Loud, but I like your ideas better!
            Hugs
            Liz
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