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5897Re: A new start

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  • dianastanley43
    Oct 21 3:39 PM
      Amimee I know how you feel. I have been out of Eck some 30 yrs. I got out when Darwin went crazy. I remember thinking maybe Paul is still the mahanta and rebazar is still around. That kept me going for a while untill I had to admit the trough. Eck never was a spiritual path it was all a figment of Pauls imajination. I tried some other paths and finally after a time I realized I had the ability to contact directly what I had been looking for. It took me a few yrs to finally feel I was finally on the right path,my own.
      It was the most painful experience I had ever had.
      Much love Diana

      --- In EckankarSurvivorsAnonymous@yahoogroups.com, "Sharon" <brighttigress@...> wrote:
      >
      >
      > Hi Aimee -
      >
      > I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply to your post - and where does time go? Good grief, what happened to October? Is everything just going faster, or is it me getting slower? I'm so slow, I'm almost going backwards! <gg>
      >
      > I know how you're feeling - I went through it too, and it was pretty scarey! I left back in 1998 - and the first time I resigned, I was so lost, I rejoined a few days later and even sent them a check! <gg>
      >
      > My final resignation letter is at:
      > http://www.angelfire.com/hi2/eckankarsurvivors/data.html
      > Down at the bottom, and there's a link there to another letter I sent to them.
      >
      > That first resignation - well, it's hard to explain how I felt. Lost, floating. In addition to the "formal" spiritual exercises & nightly "hu", I also sang hu frequently thru the day, and talked to the "mahanta" in my head. I was really lost without it.
      >
      > But, by this time, I'd taken a 2nd hard look at all the crap in the "teachings". Of course, I remembered all those threats but I never felt they applied to me, because there was no way I'd ever leave, so I didn't have to worry about becoming a mental vegetable & spending endless lost wandering incarnations before "the master" forgave me and took me back. After all, I'd read that I'd made the mistake of leaving in past lives. No way would I make that mistake again!!
      >
      > Getting better is a process. It doesn't happen overnight. I still considered myself an eckist "on the inner", in my own way, for a little bit after I left. Along the way, I'd take time to look back every so often, and I could always see how much better I was. And after a few years, I didn't even remember my "anniversary" or think about it very much at all. So, it's been about 13 years now - and it's absolutely meaningless to me now. Silly, even. Like those dumb things we did in high school that we don't even remember, and when we do, we laugh at ourselves!!
      >
      > Except, ekult isn't exactly a laughing matter, because it does harm people, and it's still sucking in new people.
      >
      > I was very fortunate that I had friends in the "real world" who didn't even know about ekult, so my "outer" life basically stayed "normal". I wasn't very involved over the years aside from some bookstudies & satsangs rarely, and then worship services when they started them. My son was young, eckthings were usually on weeknights and way past bedtime by the time we got home. It's sort of funny - I think my son was around 12 when we went to the first "worship service", and afterwards he said he didn't want to go again, because he didn't feel "Spirit" there. And that was true, I didn't feel it, couldn't pinpoint why until now - it was all that typical eckcrap!! I didn't get to any large seminars until the last years - and they only make me feel uncomfy, like something was wrong.
      >
      > Anyway, I often go on & on & on but want to keep this short. Oh - almost forgot, I believe it was December after I left that I was sitting at the computer on a Saturday, an ice storm was on the way, and honest - I heard this voice saying "Get to Mass, NOW!!!" I jumped, and looked behind me. <gg> I said okay, but there's an ice storm on the way and I do NOT want to wreck my car!! Weird, because I'd been Catholic for maybe 2-3 years in elementary school, barely long enough to make my first communion, then my mother joined the Jehovah's Witnesses - that made me hate God and pray for eternal death at Armageddon! <gg> Anyway, I went to Mass, it was a truly beautiful spiritual experience. Around the same time, another former eckist told me he really got a lot from Yogananda's "Self Realization Fellowship" and sent me some books & tapes.
      >
      > I'm remembering - at that first Mass, I got "inner" orders to take Communion. Now, I was pre-Vatican II, so in m my mind that was a big no-no. <gg> But, I did it - and it was, well...a truly beautiful spiritual experience. Later, I talked to the priest, went to Confession (freaked out in that dark confessional!), went to a some Catholic classes, etc. Ha, laughing here, I even volunteered to work one of the game booths at the summer festival!! <gg> So, I did the Catholic thing for about a year. Then other things interfered. But, to this day, sometimes I still feel like going to Mass, except I usually don't know what day it is, I'm always running a day or two behind, so I never remember there's Saturday evening mass. Sundays are out, because even when I wake up early, it takes me a few hours to get moving. <gg>
      >
      > Self-Realization Fellowship - that was great, too!! I took their monthly "lessons" for a year, and ohmigod, what a *big* difference from ekult's crappy worthless discourses!!
      > One thing I especially loved about Yogananda was that he emphasized God over Guru.
      >
      > Oh, I also sort of returned to Wicca, which I gave up when I joined ekult because it was "lower". That was sort of hard to do, because I love the woods & moon & candles & herbs, and all that stuff. I went back to my old "magic" spot and my old beloved oaks, and did a beautiful midnight purification ritual for myself on Samhain.
      >
      > Okay, so it can be argued that Catholicism & SRF, and even some Wiccan groups, are cults. Well, when I was an eckist and went to a.r.e., I remember posting as an eckist that okay, maybe it was a cult for some eckists, but it wasn't a cult for me! I was wrong. I had *no* idea how totally brainwashed and controlled I was!!
      >
      > And, that's how I was about Catholicism & SRF - they weren't at all cultic for me. I was like I'd been before ekult, not good at following strict orders or anything - heck, as a Catholic kid I'd go to Methodist bible school & services and not feel a bit guilty, other than confessing them. <gg> I always sort of took what "felt" right from everywhere, and did things my way. Never could "get" Jesus - the "saviour" and "blood of Christ" stuff/ I liked him and his teachings, though. Still do.
      >
      > Throughout my life, and even moreso after I joined ekult, I always read a lot of spiritual works from other religions, for example I really loved the writings of Catholic saints - actually, there was a lot of ekult in them. For example, ekult's "spiritual exercises" are IMO taken from the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Jesuits. Klemp mentioned Catholic great Thomas Merton in a discourse, so I figured it was okay - I *love* Merton!
      >
      > Anyway, there is absolutely *no* freedom of mind or spirit in ekult - just a bunch of cultic programming and mixed messages. So, now I don't "believe" in anything other than possibilities. What's between me & "God" is personal, I do it however I feel like it at any given moment, and just as often I'm sort of an atheist, and "believe" in aliens, etc. My personal spirituality is just that - personal!! I am who I am, and if that doesn't work for "God" - Him/Her/It/Them/Whatever - well, tough!!
      >
      > Okay, I was just rambling, if you'd like, feel free to write to me and I'll try to help. I think the best way to deal with your sister, etc., is to stay close but just don't discuss ekult, or anything "spiritual" - I do hope that's possible!! It's sad, but over the years I've heard from so many people who were ostracized and shunned by eckist family members, and that's just not right!! Many former members still have eckist friends, true friends - but quite often they find that without ekult, there's just no real basis for true friendship.
      >
      > Anyway, you *will* settle into freedom, and you'll love it!! Just be patient, be good to yourself - try to do things to take your mind off it, see "normal" people and do "normal" things as much as possible. Get fresh air & exercise - trees are very healing!! If you used to spend a lot of time on cultstuff, if you're able, do some volunteer work.
      >
      > Gotta go, be happy!!
      >
      > Hugs,
      >
      > Sharon
      >
      >
      >
      >
      > --- In EckankarSurvivorsAnonymous@yahoogroups.com, "williamsaimee86" <williamsaimee86@> wrote:
      > >
      > > My name is aimee. I was a part of Eckankar since 1999.
      > >
      > > My sister and her husband are eckist and so are her kids. She lives 10 minutes away. They worship Harold and many high initiates.
      > >
      > > I have stopped my membership. I will cancel it by mail this week. My biggest question is how do you feel safe in the world with out feeling like you need the protection of the mahanta.
      > >
      > > it scared me a lot to take that pendant off. What on earth do I do to be strong outside of eckankar. I think am going to go back to christianity.
      > >
      > > I feel lost. If anyone wants to be friends please send me a note.
      > >
      > > I want to get better. How long will it take for me to get my land legs?
      > >
      > > Thanks for reading this.
      > >
      > > Aimee
      > >
      >
      > --- In EckankarSurvivorsAnonymous@yahoogroups.com, "williamsaimee86" <williamsaimee86@> wrote:
      > >
      > > My name is aimee. I was a part of Eckankar since 1999.
      > >
      > > My sister and her husband are eckist and so are her kids. She lives 10 minutes away. They worship Harold and many high initiates.
      > >
      > > I have stopped my membership. I will cancel it by mail this week. My biggest question is how do you feel safe in the world with out feeling like you need the protection of the mahanta.
      > >
      > > it scared me a lot to take that pendant off. What on earth do I do to be strong outside of eckankar. I think am going to go back to christianity.
      > >
      > > I feel lost. If anyone wants to be friends please send me a note.
      > >
      > > I want to get better. How long will it take for me to get my land legs?
      > >
      > > Thanks for reading this.
      > >
      > > Aimee
      > >
      >
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