4189Re: What now?
- Dec 6, 2008Hello Ma-li,
It appears that you have already joined
our ranks! You sound like an old friend
where the passage of time and space
becomes irrelevant to the friendship,
the journey, and to the connection of Soul.
I enjoyed reading of your experiences
and insights too. Yes, I too have mixed
feelings about flies and rattlesnakes.
I usually give them fair warning first and
offer them an out before taking preventative
(extreme) measures. The thing is it startles
me, at times, when other (friendly) snakes
sneak up on me, or I "discover" them. It's
actually kind of funny, but I scold them
for scaring me or for me scaring myself!
Thank you for all your wonderful, knowledgeable
comments. I do appreciate them, and can relate
to what you said.
I too wanted to believe all the malarky that was
being fed to me, and had problems buying into
what HK was saying. As Eckankar evolved/devolved
under HK, it seemed to be leaving me with an empty
feeling. I could get the same stories from any 5th
grader. I made that comment to another Eckist,
and was told HK had to make it simpler for those
just "coming in". If those "coming in" were supposed
to be already more spiritually advanced than those
of us who had been there a long time, then why
dumb it down. Just one more thing that didn't set
well with me.
As for the spiritual exercises, apparently I didn't
do them in an acceptable manner, but that was
the way that was comfortable to me. I haven't
done them in quite a while now, and eventually
will invent my own means of doing spiritual
contemplation, if need be. I spend a lot of time
in Nature....gonna go out on a limb here and tell
you that my entire life has been involved with
helping animals in need...from the newborn to
the ancient with special needs that require almost
constant care. I learned more about love from
these animals than I ever did from HK, and feel
blessed to have been given so much unconditional
love and trust by beings usually untrusting of humans.
As each one passed over, it broke my heart, but
I knew they were in a better place. At least they
had experienced love on this plane, and I'm sure
it helped their Soul progression too. They were as
close to me as my own heartbeat, and still are even
tho' they have gone.
By giving up this spiritual path, I feel more free
to be me, and to know and love all life whatever
the form. Still have to work on the rattlesnakes
and flies however. lol
I think I bought into Eckankar for as long as I did
because it seemed like the right thing to do at the
time. As the dis-satisfatico grew, I knew I had to
be true to myself first and foremost. Maybe it was
the challenge of attaining initiations, I'm not certain.
I just know that somewhere along the line they ceased
to matter, and my eyes were opening to see more
about the spiritual path I was on. Didn't like what
I saw, but didn't know how to get off the path.
I have done lots of "outside" reading over the years,
and that has been instrumental in my eyes being
opened. Then there was that little sticking point
that has always galled me........needing a mediator
to connect with God. If I didn't believe priests,
ministers etc. could do it, why should the Mahanta
be any different??? There was no difference, and
I finally "saw the light".
My test has been taken, and I've completed it long
before the others. I have no doubts, and don't need
to recheck my answers. I won't sit around and wait
for the others to finish, but will walk out the door
into a world of fun, love, joy, and totally of my making.
I am the captain of my own ship now, and feel certain
I will attain whatever spiritual goals I set for myself.
I have been feeling guilty about not feeling guilty
about leaving Eckankar. It was guilt that had me
wondering what to do next. Now, thanks to all the
wonderful posts by you, etznab, aftrek, mish, the
guilt has gone away. You all took the plunge with
your eyes wide open, went thru the "what now"
period, and emerged on the other side as full,
complete human beings in charge of your own
destinies. May I join your ranks?
I thought I'd respond as well. For one
thing I can't recommend anything to
read, but I find many of the resources
listed on this site to be interesting.
As far as believing these and other sources
of info I don't! It's too easily to accept anything
and everything by the so called "experts." I
definitely don't buy into it or need to. Everyone
seems to be selling something for one reason
or another. The Truth is out there, is usually
subjective, and is found within by each Soul.
"Would anyone like to share with me how you
handled it when you decided to leave, and
especially what did you do about the spiritual
exercises? If Jesus, the Mahanta, and all the
Eck Masters never really existed, except in
writers' fertile minds, then who/what is
left but God?"
*ME: Well, I'd known for a long time that
many things in ECKankar just didn't make
sense and didn't add up even though I wanted
it to. I really wanted to believe in the Mahanta,
and in the initiations but it was getting tougher
every time Klemp or one of his higher H.I.s
opened his/her mouths. Klemp's nutty and
one dimensional stories didn't help either.
I found that I had to put blinders on and hold
my nose in order to swallow it in order to sound
believable to others.
However, I've always known and had proof of
Soul, the Holy Spirit or Spirit, and of GOD (WhatEver).
I don't know of the workings or of the Why and How
of many specifics outside of my realm of experience
and of those spiritual Beings that I know who walk
amongst us. I stopped my EK spiritual exercises
or at least the way I used to do them. BTW-Many
long-time H.I.s don't do real spiritual exercises
because they're too busy. Sitting outside and taking
in Nature is a very pleasant experience and I do still
HU from time to time. Ever since I left ECKankar I
can experience a Oneness with All There Is and a
Contentment that I could never achieve while under
the Stress of the EK org! It's quite amazing to give
up what you seek in order to find it! But, this is nothing
new is it?
"God has always been the "real" aspect of my
beliefs. IT is in everything, be it rocks, trees,
the two-legged beings, the four-legged beings,
the winged, or the swimming beings. IT is the
warm Summer breeze that tickles the leaves.
IT is the rain that gives and sustains life for
the rooted beings. IT is everywhere in everything.
IT IS ME, and I AM IT."
*ME: YES! IT IS! I am finding that being outside
and walking silently (no I-Pod) or sitting and
observing Nature is very contemplative and
peaceful. But, the I-Pod is nice too at times!
The past tunes take one back to one's youth
and beyond and into other times as does reading
about or watching history on TV. It's good to
know about how we became who we are and
what we think we are in order to know more
about Soul and the I AM of Beingness.
"All this being said, I don't know what to do
about spiritual exercises, or how to progress
from here. It's like I'm standing alone once again,
and need to make a choice about what to do next.
If someone would care to share their experiences
and choices from this point, I'd appreciate it. You
can use my private email if you'd prefer."
*ME: Don't do anything for now. It will come to you.
Maybe you could explore the Why? Why did you
buy into ECKankar for as long as you did? Was it
because of friends and/or the promise of God-
Realization via Initiation? Many people have trouble
giving it up and letting it go because of peer pressure.
I admit that I thought those Higher Initiations would
give clarity to it all and it did because I saw the lies
after reading Confessions of a God Seeker. And, after
I left the clarity was even greater! It finally came together
and I saw the con and the realized why there were so
many flaws and knew that Klemp had neither Powers or
a Higher Consciousness! The "WHY" is important to
me because if I didn't learn about the WHY and my
reasons for joining ECKankar then I could repeat the
same mistake again. Knowing thyself is important!
Ma-li (also) wrote:
"...Then the doubts and mental processes begin
working until he's got himself almost convinced
he really screwed up the test, but he doesn't want
to go back and change answers because he also
feels he did the best he could.
What does he do to fill the empty space?"
*ME: JUST BE! Twitchell even said this at one time
(before he took it back!). I wonder where he stole
it from? I think I read it in The Path of the Masters!
Still, it's true! The thing is.... we don't need no stinkin'
middleman/Mahanta or Religion! We are our own
Masters in the making.
When one follows another they give up their ability
to choose and to discover their own Truth. They
give up any hope of Self Mastery. Most people need
a religion to believe in when they can't believe in
Self. However, the True Seeker discovers Truth in
Everything and need Not follow anyone or any dogma.
No Thing becomes the IS of one's Beingness.
- << Previous post in topic Next post in topic >>