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4189Re: What now?

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  • prometheus_973
    Dec 6, 2008
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      Hello Ma-li,
      It appears that you have already joined
      our ranks! You sound like an old friend
      where the passage of time and space
      becomes irrelevant to the friendship,
      the journey, and to the connection of Soul.

      I enjoyed reading of your experiences
      and insights too. Yes, I too have mixed
      feelings about flies and rattlesnakes.
      I usually give them fair warning first and
      offer them an out before taking preventative
      (extreme) measures. The thing is it startles
      me, at times, when other (friendly) snakes
      sneak up on me, or I "discover" them. It's
      actually kind of funny, but I scold them
      for scaring me or for me scaring myself!

      Prometheus


      Ma-li wrote:
      Hi Prometheus,

      Thank you for all your wonderful, knowledgeable
      comments. I do appreciate them, and can relate
      to what you said.

      I too wanted to believe all the malarky that was
      being fed to me, and had problems buying into
      what HK was saying. As Eckankar evolved/devolved
      under HK, it seemed to be leaving me with an empty
      feeling. I could get the same stories from any 5th
      grader. I made that comment to another Eckist,
      and was told HK had to make it simpler for those
      just "coming in". If those "coming in" were supposed
      to be already more spiritually advanced than those
      of us who had been there a long time, then why
      dumb it down. Just one more thing that didn't set
      well with me.

      As for the spiritual exercises, apparently I didn't
      do them in an acceptable manner, but that was
      the way that was comfortable to me. I haven't
      done them in quite a while now, and eventually
      will invent my own means of doing spiritual
      contemplation, if need be. I spend a lot of time
      in Nature....gonna go out on a limb here and tell
      you that my entire life has been involved with
      helping animals in need...from the newborn to
      the ancient with special needs that require almost
      constant care. I learned more about love from
      these animals than I ever did from HK, and feel
      blessed to have been given so much unconditional
      love and trust by beings usually untrusting of humans.
      As each one passed over, it broke my heart, but
      I knew they were in a better place. At least they
      had experienced love on this plane, and I'm sure
      it helped their Soul progression too. They were as
      close to me as my own heartbeat, and still are even
      tho' they have gone.

      By giving up this spiritual path, I feel more free
      to be me, and to know and love all life whatever
      the form. Still have to work on the rattlesnakes
      and flies however. lol

      I think I bought into Eckankar for as long as I did
      because it seemed like the right thing to do at the
      time. As the dis-satisfatico grew, I knew I had to
      be true to myself first and foremost. Maybe it was
      the challenge of attaining initiations, I'm not certain.
      I just know that somewhere along the line they ceased
      to matter, and my eyes were opening to see more
      about the spiritual path I was on. Didn't like what
      I saw, but didn't know how to get off the path.
      I have done lots of "outside" reading over the years,
      and that has been instrumental in my eyes being
      opened. Then there was that little sticking point
      that has always galled me........needing a mediator
      to connect with God. If I didn't believe priests,
      ministers etc. could do it, why should the Mahanta
      be any different??? There was no difference, and
      I finally "saw the light".

      My test has been taken, and I've completed it long
      before the others. I have no doubts, and don't need
      to recheck my answers. I won't sit around and wait
      for the others to finish, but will walk out the door
      into a world of fun, love, joy, and totally of my making.
      I am the captain of my own ship now, and feel certain
      I will attain whatever spiritual goals I set for myself.

      I have been feeling guilty about not feeling guilty
      about leaving Eckankar. It was guilt that had me
      wondering what to do next. Now, thanks to all the
      wonderful posts by you, etznab, aftrek, mish, the
      guilt has gone away. You all took the plunge with
      your eyes wide open, went thru the "what now"
      period, and emerged on the other side as full,
      complete human beings in charge of your own
      destinies. May I join your ranks?

      ************************************************
      prometheus wrote:

      Hello Ma-li,
      I thought I'd respond as well. For one
      thing I can't recommend anything to
      read, but I find many of the resources
      listed on this site to be interesting.

      As far as believing these and other sources
      of info I don't! It's too easily to accept anything
      and everything by the so called "experts." I
      definitely don't buy into it or need to. Everyone
      seems to be selling something for one reason
      or another. The Truth is out there, is usually
      subjective, and is found within by each Soul.

      Ma-li wrote:
      [snip]
      "Would anyone like to share with me how you
      handled it when you decided to leave, and
      especially what did you do about the spiritual
      exercises? If Jesus, the Mahanta, and all the
      Eck Masters never really existed, except in
      writers' fertile minds, then who/what is
      left but God?"

      *ME: Well, I'd known for a long time that
      many things in ECKankar just didn't make
      sense and didn't add up even though I wanted
      it to. I really wanted to believe in the Mahanta,
      and in the initiations but it was getting tougher
      every time Klemp or one of his higher H.I.s
      opened his/her mouths. Klemp's nutty and
      one dimensional stories didn't help either.
      I found that I had to put blinders on and hold
      my nose in order to swallow it in order to sound
      believable to others.

      However, I've always known and had proof of
      Soul, the Holy Spirit or Spirit, and of GOD (WhatEver).
      I don't know of the workings or of the Why and How
      of many specifics outside of my realm of experience
      and of those spiritual Beings that I know who walk
      amongst us. I stopped my EK spiritual exercises
      or at least the way I used to do them. BTW-Many
      long-time H.I.s don't do real spiritual exercises
      because they're too busy. Sitting outside and taking
      in Nature is a very pleasant experience and I do still
      HU from time to time. Ever since I left ECKankar I
      can experience a Oneness with All There Is and a
      Contentment that I could never achieve while under
      the Stress of the EK org! It's quite amazing to give
      up what you seek in order to find it! But, this is nothing
      new is it?

      "God has always been the "real" aspect of my
      beliefs. IT is in everything, be it rocks, trees,
      the two-legged beings, the four-legged beings,
      the winged, or the swimming beings. IT is the
      warm Summer breeze that tickles the leaves.
      IT is the rain that gives and sustains life for
      the rooted beings. IT is everywhere in everything.
      IT IS ME, and I AM IT."

      *ME: YES! IT IS! I am finding that being outside
      and walking silently (no I-Pod) or sitting and
      observing Nature is very contemplative and
      peaceful. But, the I-Pod is nice too at times!
      The past tunes take one back to one's youth
      and beyond and into other times as does reading
      about or watching history on TV. It's good to
      know about how we became who we are and
      what we think we are in order to know more
      about Soul and the I AM of Beingness.

      "All this being said, I don't know what to do
      about spiritual exercises, or how to progress
      from here. It's like I'm standing alone once again,
      and need to make a choice about what to do next.
      If someone would care to share their experiences
      and choices from this point, I'd appreciate it. You
      can use my private email if you'd prefer."

      *ME: Don't do anything for now. It will come to you.
      Maybe you could explore the Why? Why did you
      buy into ECKankar for as long as you did? Was it
      because of friends and/or the promise of God-
      Realization via Initiation? Many people have trouble
      giving it up and letting it go because of peer pressure.
      I admit that I thought those Higher Initiations would
      give clarity to it all and it did because I saw the lies
      after reading Confessions of a God Seeker. And, after
      I left the clarity was even greater! It finally came together
      and I saw the con and the realized why there were so
      many flaws and knew that Klemp had neither Powers or
      a Higher Consciousness! The "WHY" is important to
      me because if I didn't learn about the WHY and my
      reasons for joining ECKankar then I could repeat the
      same mistake again. Knowing thyself is important!

      [snip]
      Ma-li (also) wrote:
      "...Then the doubts and mental processes begin
      working until he's got himself almost convinced
      he really screwed up the test, but he doesn't want
      to go back and change answers because he also
      feels he did the best he could.

      What does he do to fill the empty space?"

      *ME: JUST BE! Twitchell even said this at one time
      (before he took it back!). I wonder where he stole
      it from? I think I read it in The Path of the Masters!
      Still, it's true! The thing is.... we don't need no stinkin'
      middleman/Mahanta or Religion! We are our own
      Masters in the making.

      When one follows another they give up their ability
      to choose and to discover their own Truth. They
      give up any hope of Self Mastery. Most people need
      a religion to believe in when they can't believe in
      Self. However, the True Seeker discovers Truth in
      Everything and need Not follow anyone or any dogma.
      No Thing becomes the IS of one's Beingness.

      Prometheus
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