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239Re: Some of My Thoughts on Conspiracy Theories, Etc.

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  • mishmisha9
    Jul 5, 2005
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      Hi, Truthdecider!

      I want to respond to your post, but I can assure you that I can't
      answer your questons--that's a certain! : )

      --- In EckankarSurvivorsAnonymous@yahoogroups.com, "truthdecider"
      <truthdecider@y...> wrote:
      > Hello Prometheus, Ingrid, and Mish,
      > Mish, forgive me, but at this point, my responding to the points
      > you made in your David Icke post would be rather pointless, as my
      > thinking on this whole thing has shifted dramatically, as you will

      This is just as well, because I don't know if I really wanted to go
      into more discussion on Icke--I needed a break! : ) I can see in
      your post here that you have been thinking a lot which is good. It's
      funny how one can see something one way, and then after some new
      thought, see it another. Ever shifting and normal way to look at
      life and what is going on. I'm not certain if or when we ever get it
      all figured out.

      > I was away the past 2 days enjoying some wonderful time with
      > and a huge Fourth of July party. However, in spite of all the fun
      > festivities, it has been occurring to me, much to my dismay, that I
      > still seem to have a tremendous aptitude for extreme self-
      deception. I
      > mean, I know who I am, on some very deep and fundamental levels,
      but I
      > still seem to have an almost amazing knack for getting sucked into
      > "spiritual" kinds of teachings that, temporarily anyway, give me
      > something to hold onto that fills a very large black hole of self
      > that still exists inside of me, which has been there since early
      > childhood.

      You are a truth seeker so of course you are checking out all kinds
      of spiritual teachings. I don't think that is a bad thing--more
      people should be into the spiritual. It is the most important aspect
      of our life.

      > I lived through some pretty heavy emotional and physical abuse
      > very early childhood. This damaged my formative years quite
      > and led to drug abuse and addiction throughout adolescence and my
      > years. What completely pulled me out of this was Eastern religion,
      > martial arts, and, by far, most extensively, Eckankar. Connecting
      > the light and sound, and the Eck masters healed me in ways that I
      > still eternally grateful for.

      I'm glad that Eckankar could help you in this regard. I have heard
      many people express this as well. I feel so sad when I hear about
      people who were abused as children, and I wish there were more
      protection for children in our society.

      > However, after enjoying an all to brief period in my early
      > when, for the first time in my life, I truly felt healed and whole,
      > and full of genuine self love, the whole Darwin thing came crashing
      > down around me. This was, of course, in the early 1980s.
      > I never really was able to find that same center inside myself with
      > the Eck teachings that I had found for that brief time after the
      > Darwin crash happened. I trudged along as best I could, and
      > tried to find that again. Life was still much, much better than it
      > had been before I first found Eckankar, but I had lost that deep
      > of balance and self love that I had so enjoyed for that brief time.

      It was because of the doubt you developed early on in the org., I
      believe. Many people were not troubled by the Darwin/Harold event
      and just kept believing. Your intuitive senses were aware of the red
      flags here, it seems. You still wanted to believe because the belief
      had helped to balance you, and perhaps you feared going back to
      square one if you let go of the belief.

      > Then in the late 80s, I encountered first hand, very direct,
      > experiences with UFOs, and then, subsequently, encounters with very
      > nasty people that wished to silence me from discussing these
      > experiences, or asking too many questions about them. This was in
      > way self-delusional, as these kinds of things were experienced by
      > literally hundreds of people in New York's Hudson Valley area
      > this time. There are 3 books written about all of this that are
      > available on Amazon.com, but all of this is another story for
      > post at some other time.

      I am looking forward to hear about this experience.

      > In any event, it was these experiences that led to reading books by
      > David Icke, and a host of others, to try and understand just what
      > hell was going on with all of this stuff. It really shook to me to
      > core to learn first hand that there really are technologies that go
      > way beyond the laws of physics as we know them, and more
      > that I really didn't have a lot of the freedoms that I had been
      led to
      > believe that I had as an American citizen. That there were really
      > people out there that would threaten to kill me if I would not
      shut up
      > about what I had seen. If you haven't lived through these kinds of
      > experiences, then it is very difficult to understand what I really
      > mean, and what this does to you.

      I majored in history/government in college, and learned how most
      people do not understand what their real right are, or the lack of
      rights! How government works, in other words.

      > So I guess my question for you guys is: What the hell IS out
      there, in
      > your opinion, that you can trust and work with, in addition to your
      > own higher selves, that is of a spiritual nature? I mean, you all
      > to be aware that higher spiritual realities do exist, and that
      > is some truth to the fact that our government is not what it is
      > cracked up to be, which I certainly know first hand. But if
      > David Icke, HCS, Eckankar, Michael Owens, and all the rest are just
      > more lies and traps, than what is out there that is real and
      > trustworthy?

      Truthdecider, the truth, as I see it, is what you perceive to be the
      truth. In other words, it is not other people's spins but what you
      are able to decipher and learn. If you are an honest individual,
      which I think you are, you should be able to trust your own beliefs--
      until they are no longer valid for you, that is. You don't need
      others to tell you what to think. Will you make mistakes or be
      mistaken? Of course, but you will be on the right course in finding
      the spiritual truths you are looking for. So, what is out there for
      you to believe in--it's you!

      Because, very sadly, even though I KNOW I AM SOUL on some
      > very deep level, my mind just doesn't seem to be able to learn to
      > me love myself enough to not need some sort of external support
      > at this point.
      > I know that I am not the mind, and that I should be able to just
      > be affected by it, and just move past it, and trust the real me,
      > However, the self-hate engrams that are still part of the mind seem
      > way too strong at times to let me do this.
      > I have tried going to counseling on three separate occasions
      > the last few years, but that has not worked out at all. The kind of
      > issues that I bring to the table seem to be way outside the scope
      > what these therapists know how to deal with. I have literally blown
      > them all away, in one way or another, and I end up needing to stop

      It is good that you recognize this problem and that you are trying
      to find solution to it. I wish I could help you, beyond telling you
      that you are a very kind, loving and valuable Soul!

      > I am at a loss, and I feel very frustrated and tired at this
      point. I
      > really don't know where to turn anymore. I hope that someone out
      > can say something that will help guide me in the right direction.

      I'm glad that others have commented and offered some suggestions for
      you. I hope your frustration and fatigue are short-lived. I do know
      that laughter and fun is good therapy, especially when one is
      feeling down. Funny movies, joyful times with friends and family.
      And then there are people here open to discussion! : )

      Sorry I can't offer more than this. Your question, even though a
      good one, is difficult! I like your posts!

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