Rob Brezsny's Weekly Horoscope
- FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning September 27
Copyright 2012 by Rob Brezsny
Grammar key: Asterisks equal *italics*
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The German poet and philosopher Friedrich von
Schiller liked to have rotting apples in his desk drawer as he worked; the
scent inspired him. Agatha Christie testified that many of her best ideas
came to her while she was washing dishes. As for Beethoven, he
sometimes stimulated his creativity by pouring cold water over his head.
What about you, Libra? Are there odd inclinations and idiosyncratic
behaviors that in the past have roused your original thinking? I encourage
you to try them all this week, and then see if you can dream up at least
two new ones. You have officially entered the brainstorming season.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): It's expensive for the U.S. to hold prisoners
at its Guantanamo Bay detention camp in Cuba: $800,000 per year for
each detainee. That's 30 times more than it costs to incarcerate a
convict on the American mainland. According to the *Miami Herald,*
Guantanamo is the most expensive prison on the planet. How much do
you spend on locking stuff up, Scorpio? What does it cost, not just
financially but emotionally and spiritually, for you to keep your secrets
hidden and your fears tamped down and your unruly passions bottled up
and your naughty urges suppressed? The coming weeks would be a good
time to make sure the price you pay for all that is reasonable -- not even
close to being like Guantanamo.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): What time is it, boys and girls? It's
Floods of Fantastic Gratitude Week: a perfect opportunity to express your
passionate appreciation for everything you've been given. So get out
there and tell people how much you've benefited from what they've done
for you. For best results, be playful and have fun as you express your
thanks. By the way, there'll be a fringe benefit to this outpouring: By
celebrating the blessings you already enjoy, you will generate future
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Telling the whole deep truth and nothing
but the whole deep truth isn't necessarily a recipe for being popular. It
may on occasion provoke chaos and be disruptive. In an institutional
setting, displays of candor may even diminish your clout and undermine
your ambitions. But now take everything I just said and disregard it for a
while. This is one of those rare times when being profoundly authentic will
work to your supreme advantage.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): "Show me the money" is a meme that first
appeared in the 1996 movie *Jerry Maguire.* It has been uttered
approximately a hundred trillion times since then. Have you ever said it in
earnest? If so, you were probably demanding to get what you had been
promised. You were telling people you wanted to see tangible proof that
they valued your efforts. In light of your current astrological omens, I
propose that you use a variation on this theme. What you need right now
is less materialistic and more marvelous. Try making this your mantra:
"Show me the magic."
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): My acquaintance Jacob fell for a woman who
also professed her ardor for him. But in the midst of their courtship, as
the mystery was still ripening, she suddenly left the country. "I've got to
go to Indonesia," she texted him one night, and she was gone the next
day. Jacob was confused, forlorn, dazed. He barely ate for days. On the
sixth day, a FedEx package arrived from her. It contained a green silk
scarf and a note: "I wore this as I walked to the top of the volcano and
said a five-hour prayer to elevate our love." Jacob wasn't sure how to
interpret it, although it seemed to be a good omen. What happened next?
I haven't heard yet. I predict that you will soon receive a sign that has
resemblances to this one. Don't jump to conclusions about what it means,
but assume the best.
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Here's the curious message I derived from the
current astrological configurations: It's one of those rare times when a
wall may actually help bring people together. How? Why? The omens
don't reveal that specific information. They only tell me that what seems
like a barrier might end up serving as a connector. An influence that in
other situations would tend to cause separation will in this case be likely
to promote unity. Capitalize on this anomaly, Aries!
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In my first dream last night, I gave you a holy
book that you left out in the rain. In my second dream, I cooked you some
chicken soup that you didn't eat. My third dream was equally disturbing. I
assigned you some homework that would have helped you discover
important clues about tending to your emotional health. Alas, you didn't
do the homework. In the morning, I woke up from my dreams feeling
exasperated and worried. But later I began to theorize that maybe they
weren't prophecies, but rather helpful warnings. Now that you've heard
them, I'm hoping you will become alert to the gifts you've been ignoring
and take advantage of the healing opportunities you've been neglecting.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): There's a good chance that your rhythm in the
coming days will resemble a gentle, continuous orgasm. It won't be
stupendously ecstatic, mind you. I'm not predicting massive eruptions of
honeyed bliss that keep blowing your mind. Rather, the experience will be
more like a persistent flow of warm contentment. You'll be constantly
tuning in to a secret sweetness that thrills you subliminally. Again and
again you will slip into a delicious feeling that everything is unfolding
exactly as it should be. Warning! There are two factors that could possibly
undermine this blessing: 1. if you scare it away with blasts of cynicism; 2.
if you get greedy and try to force it to become bigger and stronger. So
please don't do those things!
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Philosopher Jonathan Zap (zaporacle.com)
provides the seed for this week's meditation: "Conscious reflection on the
past can deepen the soul and provide revelations of great value for the
present and future. On the other hand, returning to the past obsessively
out of emotional addiction can be a massive draining of vitality needed for
full engagement with the present." So which will it be, Cancerian? One
way or another, you are likely to be pulled back toward the old days and
the old ways. I'll prefer it if you re-examine your history and extract useful
lessons from the past instead of wallowing in dark nostalgia and getting
lost in fruitless longing.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Picture a TV satellite dish on the roof of a
peasant's shack in rural Honduras. Imagine a gripping rendition of
Beethoven's *Moonlight Sonata* played on the mandolin. Visualize the
Dalai Lama quoting Chris Rock a bit out of context but with humorous and
dramatic effect. Got all that? Next, imagine that these three scenes are
metaphors for your metaphysical assignment in the coming week. Need
another hint? OK. Think about how you can make sure that nothing gets
lost in the dicey translations you'll be responsible for making.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Here are some ways to get more respect: 1.
Do your best in every single thing you do -- whether it's communicating
precisely or upholding the highest possible standards at your job or taking
excellent care of yourself. 2. Maintain impeccable levels of integrity in
everything you do -- whether it's being scrupulously honest or thoroughly
fair-minded or fiercely kind. 3. On the other hand, don't try so
compulsively hard to do your best and cultivate integrity that you get
self-conscious and obstruct the flow of your natural intelligence. 4. Make
it your goal that no later than four years from now you will be doing what
you love to do at least 51 percent of the time. 5. Give other people as
much respect as you sincerely believe they deserve. 6. Give yourself more
- FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning October 31
Copyright 2013 by Rob Brezsny
Grammar key: Asterisks equal *italics*
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): What if you had the power to enchant and
even bewitch people with your charisma? Would you wield your allure
without mercy? Would you feel wicked delight in their attraction to you,
even if you didn't plan to give them what they want? I suspect these
questions aren't entirely rhetorical right now. You may have more mojo at
your disposal than you realize. Speaking for your conscience, I will ask you
not to desecrate your privilege. If you must manipulate people, do it for
their benefit as well as yours. Use your raw magic responsibly. Halloween
costume suggestion: a mesmerizing guru; an irresistible diva; a stage
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I had a dream that you were in the film
*O Brother, Where Art Thou?* You were like the character played by
George Clooney after he escaped from a prison chain gang. Can you
picture it? You were wearing a striped jailbird suit, and a ball and chain
were still cuffed around your ankle. But you were sort of free, too. You
were on the lam, making your way from adventure to adventure as you
eluded those who would throw you back in the slammer. You were not yet
in the clear, but you seemed to be en route to total emancipation. I think
this dream is an apt metaphorical depiction of your actual life right now.
Could you somehow use it in designing your Halloween costume?
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I invite you to try the following exercise.
Imagine the most powerful role you could realistically attain in the future.
This is a position or niche or job that will authorize you to wield your
influence to the max. It will give you the clout to shape the environments
you share with other people. It will allow you to freely express your
important ideas and have them be treated seriously. Let your imagination
run a little wild as you visualize the possibilities. Incorporate your visions
into your Halloween costume.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In the course of earning a living, I have
worked four different jobs as a janitor and six as a dishwasher. On the
brighter side, I have performed as a songwriter and lead singer for six rock
bands and currently write a syndicated astrology column. According to
my analysis of the astrological omens, you Aquarians are primed to
cultivate a relationship with your work life that is more like my latter
choices than the former. The next eight months will be a favorable time
to ensure that you'll be doing your own personal equivalent of rock singer
or astrology columnist well into the future. Halloween costume
suggestion: your dream job.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Author Robert Louis Stevenson loved the
work of poet Walt Whitman, recommending it with the same enthusiasm
as he did Shakespeare's. Stevenson also regarded Whitman as an unruly
force of nature, and in one famous passage, called him "a large shaggy
dog, just unchained, scouring the beaches of the world and baying at the
moon." Your assignment is to do your best imitation of a primal creature
like Whitman. In fact, consider being him for Halloween. Maybe you could
memorize passages from Whitman's *Leaves of Grass* and recite them at
random moments. Here's one: "I too am not a bit tamed, I too am
untranslatable, / I sound my barbaric YAWP over the roofs of the world."
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Once when I was hiking through Maui's rain
forest, I spied a majestic purple honohono flower sprouting from a rotting
log. As I bent down close, I inhaled the merged aromas of moldering wood
and sweet floral fragrance. Let's make this scene your metaphor of the
week, Aries. Here's why: A part of your life that is in the throes of decay
can serve as host for a magnificent bloom. What has been lost to you
may become the source of fertility. Halloween costume suggestion: a
garbage man or cleaning maid wearing a crown of roses.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): What don't you like? Get clear about that.
What don't you want to do? Make definitive decisions. What kind of
person do you not want to become and what life do you never want to
live? Resolve those questions with as much certainty as possible. Write it
all down, preferably in the form of a contract with yourself. Sign the
contract. This document will be your sacred promise, a declaration of the
boundaries you won't cross and the activities you won't waste your time
on and the desires that aren't worthy of you. It will feed your freedom to
know exactly what you like and what you want to accomplish and who
you want to become. Halloween costume suggestion: the opposite of who
you really are.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Are you up for an experiment? Not just on
Halloween, but for a week afterwards, be scarier than your fears. If an
anxious thought pops into your mind, bare your teeth and growl, "Get out
of here or I will rip you to shreds!" If a demon visits you in a nightly
dream, chase after it with a torch and sword, screaming "Begone, foul
spirit, or I will burn your mangy ass!" Don't tolerate bullying in any form,
whether it comes from a critical little voice in your head or from
supposedly nice people who are trying to guilt-trip you. "I am a brave
conqueror who cannot be intimidated!" is what you could say, or "I am a
monster of love and goodness who will defeat all threats to my integrity!"
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Are you ready to be amazed? Now would be
an excellent time to shed your soul's infantile illusions . . . to play wildly
with the greatest mystery you know . . . to accept gifts that enhance
your freedom and refuse gifts that don't . . . to seek out a supernatural
encounter that heals your chronic sadness . . . to consort and converse
with sexy magical spirits from the future . . . to make love with the lights
on and cry when you come. Halloween costume suggestion: the
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Some people in your vicinity are smoldering and
fuming. The air is heavy with emotional ferment. Conspiracy theories are
ripening and rotting at the same time. Hidden agendas are seeping into
conversations, and gossip is swirling like ghostly dust devils. Yet in the
midst of this mayhem, an eerie calm possesses you. As everyone else
struggles, you're poised and full of grace. To what do we owe this
stability? I suspect it has to do with the fact that life is showing you how
to feel at home in the world no matter what's happening around you.
Keep making yourself receptive to these teachings. Halloween costume
suggestion: King or Queen of Relaxation.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Unification should be a key theme for you in
the coming weeks. Anything you do that promotes splicing and blending
and harmonizing will get extra help, sometimes from mysterious forces
working behind the scenes. The more you work to find common ground
between opposing sides, the stronger you'll feel and the better you'll
look. If you can manage to mend schisms and heal wounds, unexpected
luck will flow into your life. To encourage these developments, consider
these Halloween disguises: a roll of tape, a stick of Krazy Glue, a wound
that's healing, a bridge.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): What do you think you'd be like if you were
among the one-percent-wealthiest people on Earth? Would you demand
that your government raise your taxes so you could contribute more to
our collective well-being? Would you live simply and cheaply so you'd
have more money to donate to charities and other worthy causes? This
Halloween season, I suggest you play around with fantasies like that --
maybe even masquerade as an incredibly rich philanthropist who doles out
cash and gifts everywhere you go. At the very least, imagine what it
would be like if you had everything you needed and felt so grateful you
shared your abundance freely.