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Re: The new rules of cocktails

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  • jamesonbeam1
    Aye, moderation in all things, but diversity tis the spice O Life... A Boozer s Tale I never drink beer on a Monday, Cos Monday s the day fer mi health An
    Message 1 of 5 , Nov 29, 2007
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      Aye, moderation in all things, but diversity tis the spice O' Life...

      A Boozer's Tale

      I never drink beer on a Monday,
      Cos Monday's the day fer mi health
      An' the wife's got me countin' them units,
      I've just got to take care o' miself
      So I merely have wine wi' mi supper,
      An' just the one litre OK?
      Then a rather large rum in mi coffee
      An' I calls that mi sensible day

      I never drink wine on a Tuesday,
      Cos Tuesday's mi weightwatchin' club
      It's the day when I eat nowt but cabbage,
      The day I don't go much fer grub
      Now a diet demands plenty fluid,
      Summat light an' completely fat-free
      So I've chosen that strong German lager
      An' I just have five pints wi' mi tea

      I never drink lager on Wednesday,
      Cos Wednesday's the day fer mi jog
      It's tracksuit an' trainers at mid-day
      Then I'm off up the road wi' the dog
      First stop's at the Globe fer some Guinness,
      Three swift ones'll get me to grips
      Then I carry on round to The Shepherds
      Fer three more an' a burger an' chips
      I make sure that I'm suitably rested,
      Then I sprint back to our garden wall
      In a time of under twelve minutes,
      An' it's four 'undred metres an' all

      I never drink Guinness on Thursday,
      Cos Thursday's mi day to relax
      I likes to sit out in t' back garden
      In mi brown zip-up cardie an slacks
      After lunch I might stroll by the river,
      Breeze in at the Fisherman's Drop
      Where I lounge on the terrace all lordly,
      Sippin' shandy, but beawt any pop
      Then cos I've been good through the day like,
      She'll allow me to waver a smidge
      So mi evenin's spent watchin' the footy
      Wi' a few packs o' Boddies from t' fridge

      I never drink Boddies on Friday,
      Cos Friday's mi night on the razz
      An' we meet in The Firkin at seven,
      Owd Nodger an' me an' Fat Baz
      Oh The Firkin's a beer-drinker's heaven,
      Wi' fifteen real ales from the jug
      An' we start wi' the ones in the tap-room
      An' we works our way round to the snug
      By midnight we're all talkin' gubbins
      An' we're off fer a curry up town
      But there's summat not reyt about curry
      Cos I never seem t' keep the stuff down
      We 'ave a good laugh wi' the waiters,
      An' Baz moons his bum fer a joke
      Then I'm home fer a nightful o' passion,
      Cos I'm known as a passionate bloke

      I never do much on a Sat'day,
      Cos Sat'day's mi time fer a think
      Cos me an' the wife are not speakin' today,
      I'm a drunken, fat pig an' I stink
      So I sit near the lavvie pretendin'
      That really I'm feelin' just great
      But I'm goin' right off that Indian food
      If it leaves me in this bloody state
      It's later I make the decision,
      On my forty-third trip to the bog
      There's only one thing cures an upset like this
      An' they call it the 'air o' the dog
      I ring Nodge an' Baz on mi mobile
      An' both of 'ems likewise in pain
      So we're back in The Firkin at quarter-past-six
      An' we do it all over again

      I never say Firkin on Sunday,
      Cos Sunday's mi day to repent
      I'm ashamed of all o' that boozin' I've done
      An' all o that money I've spent
      I begs the wife fer forgiveness
      An' I promise I'll alter mi ways
      An' she gives me a kiss an' a cuddle,
      Like she did in our newly-wed days
      We watch Songs of Praise on the telly,
      Then a nice pot o' tea an' some cakes
      An' I swear now I've climbed up the ladders,
      I'll never slide down any snakes
      But it's borin' on telly on Sunday,
      An' I can't say I'm ever impressed
      So I 'ave a walk out round the village
      An' stop off at the Collier's Rest
      Now the beer's a bit crap in The Collier's
      So I leave an' pop round to The Swan
      Where I flatten a shed-load o' Tetley's
      An' I'm bloody well back to square one

      So I never drink beer on a Monday,
      Cos Monday's the day fer mi health
      An' the wife's got me countin' them units
      I've just got to take care o' miself

      --- In Distillers@yahoogroups.com, "Peggy" <rpk@...> wrote:
      > A Poem for Tarvus,
      > I have heard that there can be high spirituality with spirits
      > Intellectual or intuitional depending on the bent of the imbiber
      > Oft times places of relaxation let the seeker
      > bend closer to their 'higher' selves
      > than in houses erected to capture stiff expression
      > be they high brow or low brow, be-hatted or head-naked
      > The feeling of atonement--at-one-ment presides
      > May the spirit be with you.
      > Peggy
      > -----Original Message-----
      > From: Distillers@yahoogroups.com
      [mailto:Distillers@yahoogroups.com] On
      > Behalf Of Tarvus
      > Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 7:13 AM
      > To: Distillers@yahoogroups.com
      > Subject: [Distillers] Re: The new rules of cocktails
      > --- In Distillers@yahoogroups.com, waljaco@ wrote:
      > >
      > > This story was sent to you by: wal
      > >
      > > --------------------
      > > The new rules of cocktails
      > > --------------------
      > >
      > > If you want a brilliant drink in a civilized bar, you can't stand
      > drop names or wear a hat.
      > Give me an "uncivilized" racous, loud music, laughter filled honky
      > any day of the week where real people go to drink, converse, dance,
      > tell jokes and (heaven forbid) order vodka, chew gum and wear hats
      > they choose! Let the yuppy class have their "see and be seen"
      > where the bartender tells them what they are allowed to drink and
      > to act while they are there! Sheesh!
      > Thanks for the post Wal! :)
      > Distillers list archives :
      > http://infoarchive.net/sgroup/distillers/
      > FAQ, Howto distil etc. :
      > http://homedistiller.org
      > Yahoo! Groups Links
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