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Sippin' Vodka

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  • Harry
    A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, When I am
    Message 1 of 2 , Jan 4, 2007
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      A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

      After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

      The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

      So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

      At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

      He proceeded to talk up a storm.

       

      Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

       

      Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

      There are 10 commandments, not 12.

      There are 12 disciples, not 10.

      Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

      Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

      We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

      The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

      David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

      When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

      We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

      When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body."  He did not say " Eat me" .

      The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry".

      The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

      Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

       

       

      Slainte!

      regards Harry

    • trublu
      Thanks for that one Harry, sounds like the same nervous priest had to take confessions for first time, stuck a list of crimes and respective punishments
      Message 2 of 2 , Jan 6, 2007
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        Thanks for that one Harry, sounds like the same nervous priest had
        to take confessions for first time, stuck a list of crimes and
        respective punishments povided by the monsignor. Was doing well
        handing out stations of the cross and hail Marry's like the Pope
        himself , untill a young lady confessed to performing oral sex. After
        searching desperately for the crime/punishment with no luck, stuck
        his head out of the box and said to a passing Choir boy "Psst, How
        much does the monsignor give for oral sex?" who replied "Usually a
        coke and two Mars bars!!"
        Keep it up Harry, many regards tjin tjin trublu

        In Distillers@yahoogroups.com, "Harry" <gnikomson2000@...> wrote:
        >
        >
        > A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
        >
        > After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
        >
        > The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on
        the
        > pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start
        to
        > get nervous, I take a sip."
        >
        > So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
        >
        > At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
        >
        > He proceeded to talk up a storm.
        >
        >
        >
        > Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
        > note on the door:
        >
        >
        >
        > Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
        >
        > There are 10 commandments, not 12.
        >
        > There are 12 disciples, not 10.
        >
        > Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
        >
        > Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
        >
        > We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
        >
        > The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
        Junior and
        > the spook.
        >
        > David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
        >
        > When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
        say
        > he was stoned off his ass.
        >
        > We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
        >
        > When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this
        and
        > eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .
        >
        > The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry".
        >
        > The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks
        for the
        > grub, Yeah God.
        >
        > Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's,
        not a
        > peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
        >
        >
        >
        >
        >
        > Slainte!
        >
        > regards Harry
        >
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