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Review

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  • Thomas Pulk
    First off I really love the whole honeymoon phase and banter between Harry and Bellatrix. The way Harry seems to get the better of most of the verbal sparing
    Message 1 of 2 , May 1, 2012
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      First off I really love the whole honeymoon phase and banter between Harry and Bellatrix. The way Harry seems to get the better of most of the verbal sparing even though Bella initiates is awesome. I can completely see the entitled Black daughter not realizing that Harry finds her antics exasperating, endearing, and humorous while she simply wants to come out ahead in any way.

      It seemed like you picked up the pace in this chapter, I would say that it covered a few weeks to a month since the last bit. I can only hope that means the next part of the story is easier to write and has been planned in advance. I say this because it seems the communication between the different parties was presented to us as fait accompli. [By this I mean the invitation to dinner, the setup of the meeting with Snape and Narcissia, and the mention of additional thwarted attacks.] I approve of the approach when you compare it to the earlier sections of the story it makes for a very telling difference. In fact it is this difference which makes me think the chapter covers a spread of time without anything stating it outright.

      I'm a bit surprised that in the family dinner we didn't see any of the younger Potter's or Black's. Will we ever find out who Cassie (Sirus's wife) is or how she fits into the Order/Marauders/Ministry? I am surprised your Bellatrix would agree to the dueling club at Hogwarts. Shouldn't she be trying to keep a lower profile? After all she had kicked the Dark Lord's hornets nest.

      I was surprised that when Rose, Leo and the rest were talking that they could use Harry's name. I would have thought the oath would prevent that in a public place. I'm also surprised how willing Bella is to involve them, even though they are aware of Harry's existence I was left with the impression that she thought they weren't worth her time. Though once Rose demonstrates her abilities I imagine the Slytherin nature will prevail and try to wring out every advantage.

      This kind of segues into my next point why is Bella cooperating so much with the Order. In this chapter she taught a class, went to dinner, dueled James, answered Dumbledoor's questions, and sat through the interrogation with Moody and Lily. When does she start asking for information and courtesy in balance? Will she start pressuring them when Harry goes out of town? Will the distance mean Voldemort has more trouble figuring out what is going on or will he decide it is a trick and attack?

      I do wonder if Harry will end up killing Lucius he certainly deserves it. I wonder how quickly Harry will be able to begin his search. I also wonder if Peter the consummate survivor fled to Albania for a reason? He is so willing to do whatever it takes to survive that I wouldn't be shocked if he has a game plan.

      I also wonder what Draco will do when confronted with Ashworth and Bella. I mean he has always been told how good Voldemort is for purebloods will the truth of another dark pureblood rock his worldview when they conflict? Also will Harry try to work on him when he has him in the jail or will he enact vengeance from his own prison stay?

      I'm a little concerned that everyone is so quick to dismiss the ghost of Ashworth in the Order. I mean their is obviously a reason Voldemort is so desperate to prove it false and having the opposition concede the result seems dangerous. I think before Harry leaves that they need to do something that will sow a little doubt into everyone's minds.

      The magical jail that I think #2 Privet Drive will become is awesome. I can just see what happens when the magical world suddenly crashes into the Dursley's life again. I can also wonder about when it reveals itself will Bella unmask herself early to torment them with the idea or stay hidden and enact a series of petty vengeance.

      Great chapter can't wait for more.

      gallandro
    • Lord Silvere
      My comments in bold . . . . ... It seemed like you picked up the pace in this chapter, I would say that it ... * Yes, I ve been looking for ways to cover more
      Message 2 of 2 , May 2, 2012
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        My comments in bold . . . .

        On Tue, May 1, 2012 at 5:01 PM, Thomas Pulk <gallandro_83@...> wrote:
         

        First off I really love the whole honeymoon phase and banter between Harry and Bellatrix. The way Harry seems to get the better of most of the verbal sparing even though Bella initiates is awesome. I can completely see the entitled Black daughter not realizing that Harry finds her antics exasperating, endearing, and humorous while she simply wants to come out ahead in any way.

        It seemed like you picked up the pace in this chapter, I would say that it covered a few weeks to a month since the last bit. I can only hope that means the next part of the story is easier to write and has been planned in advance. I say this because it seems the communication between the different parties was presented to us as fait accompli. [By this I mean the invitation to dinner, the setup of the meeting with Snape and Narcissia, and the mention of additional thwarted attacks.] I approve of the approach when you compare it to the earlier sections of the story it makes for a very telling difference. In fact it is this difference which makes me think the chapter covers a spread of time without anything stating it outright.


        Yes, I've been looking for ways to cover more time in fewer words without skipping parts that are important or that I particularly like.


        I'm a bit surprised that in the family dinner we didn't see any of the younger Potter's or Black's. Will we ever find out who Cassie (Sirus's wife) is or how she fits into the Order/Marauders/Ministry? I am surprised your Bellatrix would agree to the dueling club at Hogwarts. Shouldn't she be trying to keep a lower profile? After all she had kicked the Dark Lord's hornets nest.

        It would have been interesting to have the younger generation there, but school is in session. I'm afraid that Cassie is destined for flatness. Sorry. As for Bellatrix being as public as she is, that's just a choice she and Harry have made. It plays into the complicated psychological warfare strategy, adding another component to the riddle of whether Harry is dead or alive and/or what that means. Her presence can signify that Harry is alive and thus lead to other conclusions or questions, or it can lead Voldemort to believe Harry is actually dead and thus cause him to underestimate the situation.
         


        I was surprised that when Rose, Leo and the rest were talking that they could use Harry's name. I would have thought the oath would prevent that in a public place.

        They were pretty sure that they were not overheard.
         

        I'm also surprised how willing Bella is to involve them, even though they are aware of Harry's existence I was left with the impression that she thought they weren't worth her time. Though once Rose demonstrates her abilities I imagine the Slytherin nature will prevail and try to wring out every advantage.


        Bellatrix isn't counting on using them in a major way, but she is keeping open options.


        This kind of segues into my next point why is Bella cooperating so much with the Order. In this chapter she taught a class, went to dinner, dueled James, answered Dumbledoor's questions, and sat through the interrogation with Moody and Lily. When does she start asking for information and courtesy in balance?


        She has everything she needs for the moment, and participating in those things were not necessarily a waste. 

        Will she start pressuring them when Harry goes out of town? Will the distance mean Voldemort has more trouble figuring out what is going on or will he decide it is a trick and attack?


        Hrm.


        I do wonder if Harry will end up killing Lucius he certainly deserves it. I wonder how quickly Harry will be able to begin his search. I also wonder if Peter the consummate survivor fled to Albania for a reason? He is so willing to do whatever it takes to survive that I wouldn't be shocked if he has a game plan.

        Next chapter should cover this, I think.


        I also wonder what Draco will do when confronted with Ashworth and Bella. I mean he has always been told how good Voldemort is for purebloods will the truth of another dark pureblood rock his worldview when they conflict? Also will Harry try to work on him when he has him in the jail or will he enact vengeance from his own prison stay?

        Keep on reading, I guess. :)


        I'm a little concerned that everyone is so quick to dismiss the ghost of Ashworth in the Order. I mean their is obviously a reason Voldemort is so desperate to prove it false and having the opposition concede the result seems dangerous. I think before Harry leaves that they need to do something that will sow a little doubt into everyone's minds.

        Hrm.


        The magical jail that I think #2 Privet Drive will become is awesome. I can just see what happens when the magical world suddenly crashes into the Dursley's life again. I can also wonder about when it reveals itself will Bella unmask herself early to torment them with the idea or stay hidden and enact a series of petty vengeance.

        I should probably warn you that Bellatrix harassing the Dursleys won't be all that overt or center stage, although I'll mention a few things in passing.
         


        Great chapter can't wait for more.

        Thank you much! LS

        gallandro


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