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RE: RE: Where is everyone???

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  • lisbeth
    Dear Friends and Foe alike: I would like to show y all the parts of the letter I wrote to Dixeechickee that seemed invisible to those who wrote back in such
    Message 1 of 1 , Jun 14, 2002
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      Dear Friends and Foe alike:

      I would like to show y'all the parts of the letter I wrote to
      Dixeechickee that seemed invisible to those who wrote back in such
      rage. We often take it personally and don't see the heart in the
      message. I do understand your reaction.

      Here are the parts of my first letter that you may not have seen:

      ************** begin excerpt of last letter to you ***

      DC, I am not on a slam fest here. I AM you. ...

      People will love you enough to walk up to you and give you
      their number to call them any time of the day or night.

      I have a dear friend who went off 30 mg of methodone on her own and
      she
      survived to see another day, babe.

      As sharpshooter will attest, I will be happy to talk to you if you
      send me your phone number to my yahoo address. I also really loved
      what she said something about...

      Yea, I am an NA proponent. (Ask sharpshooter that too :) But I know
      that the only way I could ever get off dope was through the
      continuing support of fellow addicts, It is amazing babe. You CAN do
      it.

      I pray you are not back on the streets with a spike in your arm.
      you GOTTA STAY ALIVE!!

      I don't care who you are, what you are on, who your connections
      were, anything about your past--

      I am lucky to be alive after this last relapse. A friend of mine is
      in jail headed
      for the state penn because he was on a long run, decided to kill
      himself and fixed enough downers to do the job. Luckily he was
      found...

      I LOVE YOU AND AM NOT TRYING TO COME DOWN ON YOU.

      I want to meet you someday, I want to hear from you again, I hope
      desperately that you
      are still around a computer to read these heartfelt loving letters to
      you....

      My prayers and love go out to you. "

      *********

      New Message begins here:

      You mentioned something very interesting. I was also a victim
      advocate for the City and County of Denver and worked at the site of
      hundreds of crime scenes. I was a counselor as well. I spent ten
      years trying to help others who were victims of this disease and the
      violence that can ensue.

      You are not talking to a weekend addict here. I started using when I
      was a child with a serious disease and from the codeine in the cough
      syrup at 7 to the opiates in paragoric, I graduated to mother's pills
      (miltown, desbutol) and was put on dexedrine to lose weight and
      valium to stop anxiety. This before the age of 13. I left home at
      15 and was completely emersed in the drug scene through the 60s, 70s,
      and through the 80's changes. I didn't stop using until 1995 and
      have relapsed since then.

      I am alive today because half way through a suicide load the plunger
      got stuck and the spike broke off in my arm.

      My cousin is a researching M.D. working in the neurophysiology of
      addiction. I am clear about what we go through physically...

      Maybe you can say "How DARE you" to this message, I don't care. I
      love you and want to ensure you that I have never had any kind of
      ulterior motive to piss you off or be "better than you". Look above
      at the excerpts of the letter. I AM YOU. I hope you and others can
      see that I was supportive of you as well, and I had the NERVE to
      care.

      This is my group too. I will not be pushed out because another
      member doesn't agree with my message or the idea of going to NA while
      on Methadone or off it or to help get off it; If you see yourself
      taking methadone the rest of your life, its not for me to say. I am
      taking meds for several serious diseases for the rest of my life too.
      But I am blessed to be away from pain meds today and have lost the
      desire to use. That's who I am.

      It was so good to hear that you are doing well. I waited until I
      thought the rage might have let go before writing again. Life is too
      painful to go through it alone, and I for one will always be here to
      love you and care enough to write to you when you reach out.

      My love to all,
      lisbeth ( ')?








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